10大社交恐懼癥，看看你中了幾招？

你是不是有時(shí)覺(jué)得自己的存在感為零?給人發(fā)消息遲遲收不到回復(fù)，卻看他忽然發(fā)了條朋友圈，此時(shí)的你內(nèi)心是否還能毫無(wú)波動(dòng)?

Do you get heart palpitations when your phone suddenly goes berserk the instant you step off a plane? What about if all those messages are "@" mentions from every group chat in your phone?

剛下飛機(jī)就收到一堆消息，還被每個(gè)群的人@了遍，你是不是感到頭暈心悸?

Do you feel on tenterhooks when the working day is done, but no one else wants to be the first to leave?

明明到了下班時(shí)間，卻因?yàn)闆](méi)人先走不敢起身，你是否覺(jué)得如坐針氈?
 

invisible /?n'v?z?b(?)l/ adj. 無(wú)形的，看不見(jiàn)的

update /?p'de?t/ v. 更新

palpitation /pælp?'te??(?)n/ n. 心悸;跳動(dòng)

berserk /b?'z?: k/ adv. 狂暴地;狂震

instant /'?nst(?)nt/ n. 瞬間;立即

on tenterhook /'tent?h?k/ 提心吊膽;焦慮不安
 

If you answered "yes" to any of the above, then you just might have a modern social phobia.

如果對(duì)于上述任何問(wèn)題你的回答是肯定的，那么恭喜你，你疑似患有現(xiàn)代社交恐懼癥。

Professional psychiatrists have identified many different kinds of "phobia", from acrophobia, or a fear of heights, to agoraphobia, or a fear of public spaces. These are often linked to genetic and psychological factors.

精神病學(xué)上也有諸多恐懼癥概念，譬如恐高癥、廣場(chǎng)恐懼癥云云;這些恐懼癥一般與遺傳或心理因素相關(guān)。

Now we can't claim to be psychiatrists, but I have drawn up a (veryunscientific) list of 10 phobias that we've identified in everyday modern life.

雖然不敢自詡精神病學(xué)家，CD君假裝專業(yè)地整理了當(dāng)代生活里的10種恐懼癥。
 

social phobia /'f??b??/ 社交恐懼癥

professional /pr?'fe?(?)n(?)l/ adj. 專業(yè)的;職業(yè)的

psychiatrist /sa?'ka??tr?st/ n. 精神病學(xué)家，精神病醫(yī)生

identify /a?'dent?fa?/vt. 確定;鑒定

acrophobia /,ækr?'f??b??/ n. 恐高癥，高處恐怖癥

agoraphobia /,æg(?)r?'f??b??/ n. 廣場(chǎng)恐怖癥

genetic /d??'net?k/ adj. 遺傳的;基因的

psychological /sa?k?'l?d??k(?)l/ adj. 心理的;心理學(xué)的

unscientific /,?n,sa??n't?f?k/ adj. 不科學(xué)的，不符合科學(xué)原理的
 

01. 沒(méi)人搭理恐懼癥

NOBODY-CARES-O-PHOBIA

When your messages to someone have been ignored, but then you find out that he or she "liked" someone else's WeChat Moments — curse your perceptiveness!

對(duì)方不回你的消息，卻在別人朋友圈下點(diǎn)贊。你第一次如此厭惡自己敏銳的觀察力。

Salt in the wound: Even if you send red packets in the group chat, nobody answers.

最扎心時(shí)刻：在群里發(fā)紅包都沒(méi)有人領(lǐng)。

Treatment: Take a screenshot of the "like" you spotted and send it to the one who's ignoring you.

治療方法：截圖他點(diǎn)贊的朋友圈，發(fā)給他并厲聲質(zhì)問(wèn)。

Truth: Deep down, you know you're just not that special to them.

真相時(shí)刻：你根本沒(méi)什么特別的，別告訴我你不知道。
 

perceptiveness /,p?:sep'tivnis/ n. 洞察力;感知力

treatment /'tri: tm(?)nt/ n. 治療，療法

screenshot /,skrin'??t/ n. 屏幕截圖
 

02. 零贊恐懼癥

NO-LIKE-A-PHOBIA

After what seems like an age poring over the words and pictures in your latest social media post, you finally summon up the courage to press "send". The minutes tick by, but it doesn't receive any likes. All the while you feel like you've been punched in the gut or shot through by a thousand arrows at once.

字斟句酌瘦臉磨皮拉腿美白后鼓足勇氣發(fā)了條朋友圈。一分鐘后發(fā)現(xiàn)居然零贊，瞬間感受到了世界“南蠻入侵”“萬(wàn)箭齊發(fā)”“諸葛連弩加八個(gè)黑殺”般的暴力連擊。

Salt in the wound: A similar post by a friend or co-worker received hundreds of likes from your mutual friends, while you get none.

最扎心時(shí)刻：和朋友或同事發(fā)布相同內(nèi)容的朋友圈，自己零贊，別人爆贊。

Treatment: Give yourself a like, you deserve it.

治療方法：給自己點(diǎn)贊，你值得擁有。

Truth: Maybe you're just being a drama queen.

真相時(shí)刻：你以為沒(méi)有人看穿你的戲精本質(zhì)?
 

courage /'k?r?d?/ n. 勇氣;膽量

receive /r?'si: v/ v. 收到;接待

punch /p?n(t)?/ v. 以拳重?fù)?/p>

arrow /'ær??/ n. 箭，箭頭

mutual /'mju: t???l/ adj. 共同的;相互的

deserve /d?'z?: v/ v. 應(yīng)受，應(yīng)得
 

03. 提到你恐懼癥

@-YOU-O-PHOBIA

After a quick shower, you find you've got 18 unread messages on WeChat as well as five "@" mentions in your group chats. You become so anxious that you'd rather call an ambulance than wade through all these posts.

只是沖了個(gè)澡，回來(lái)打開(kāi)微信居然跳出了18條未讀消息，還有5個(gè)群里有人@了你。你開(kāi)始緊張，胸悶，發(fā)抖，遲遲不敢打開(kāi)消息框，只想撥打120。

Salt in the wound: You're mentioned in a group chat even though the message wasn't meant for you.

最扎心時(shí)刻：就算和你沒(méi)關(guān)系也要把你@出來(lái)。

Treatment: Change your group alias eight times and profile picture ten times daily.

治療方法：每天更改8次群昵稱，換10次頭像。

Truth: Aren't you aware of how much work you've left undone?

真相時(shí)刻：你有多少工作沒(méi)做完，自己心里沒(méi)數(shù)么?
 

anxious /'æ?(k)??s/ adj. 焦慮的;擔(dān)憂的

ambulance /'æmbj?l(?)ns/ n. 救護(hù)車

alias /?e?li?s/ n. 別名，化名

profile /'pr??fa?l/ n. 側(cè)面;輪廓;外形;頭像
 

04. 半熟不生恐懼癥

MEDIUM-RARE-A-PHOBIA

A chance encounter with a new co-worker makes your blood freeze. You try to flash a reluctant smile, but it looks more like a grimace because you feel like bursting into tears.

剛來(lái)公司不久，在洗手間偶遇上廁所的新同事，你頭皮發(fā)麻、心頭一緊，結(jié)果只擠出了一個(gè)比哭還難看的笑容，但這的確是你內(nèi)心的真實(shí)寫照。

Salt in the wound: When the co-worker greets you with a warm: "Oh hey! It's, umm... you!"

最扎心時(shí)刻：同事對(duì)你熱情地打招呼：“誒這不是......呃……同事嗎?”

Treatment: Closely study gossip magazines to learn how to imitate celebrities' fake smiles.

治療方法：潛心研究時(shí)尚雜志，認(rèn)真模仿明星假笑。

Truth: Your co-worker is probably as embarrassed as you are, especially if he or she can't remember your name!

真相時(shí)刻：對(duì)方也許根本不記得你，人家也很尷尬的好不好。
 

encounter /?n'ka?nt?/ v. 遭遇，邂逅

freeze /fri: z/ n. 凍結(jié);凝固

reluctant /r?'l?kt(?)nt/ adj. 不情愿的;勉強(qiáng)的

grimace /'gr?m?s/ n. 鬼臉;怪相

imitate /'?m?te?t/ v. 模仿，仿效

celebrity /s?'l?br?ti/ n. 名人;名譽(yù)

embarrassed /?m'bær?st/ adj. 尷尬的;窘迫的
 

05. 微信文章刪除恐懼癥

POST-DELETED-O-PHOBIA

You want to read a popular WeChat article, but it's been deleted before you can. Suddenly, feelings of abandonment, missing out and self-hatred hit you like a ton of bricks.

點(diǎn)進(jìn)一篇被轉(zhuǎn)瘋了的文章，發(fā)現(xiàn)已被刪除，頓生一種“被世界遺棄”+“好像錯(cuò)過(guò)很了不起的東西”+“為什么手慢的總是我”型被迫害妄想癥。

Salt in the wound: Halfway through reading the article, you leave to answer a WeChat message. When you come back, it's been deleted.

最扎心時(shí)刻：讀到一半去回了個(gè)微信，再回來(lái)發(fā)現(xiàn)文章已被刪。

Treatment: Share the article on your WeChat Moments straight away and just pretend that you've read it.

治療方法：直接轉(zhuǎn)發(fā)，裝作已讀。

Truth: You don't care whether the article is interesting or not anyway.

真相時(shí)刻：反正你也不在乎文章寫的有沒(méi)有意思。
 

delete /d?'li: t/ v. 刪除

abandonment /?'bænd?nm(?)nt/ n. 拋棄;放縱

self-hatred /'self'heitrid/ n. 自我憎恨;自我仇恨

straight /stre?t/ adv. 直接地;不斷地
 

06. 聊天終結(jié)者恐懼癥

ENDLESS-TALK-O-PHOBIA

Although the actual conversation ended long ago, you keep exchanging emojis with your co-worker for fear of offending them with your lack of a response. First a smiley face, then a laughing face, then a happy face, which leads to a hilarious GIF…

明明已經(jīng)結(jié)束了對(duì)話，但感覺(jué)晾著同事的微信不回就是道德淪喪禽獸不如，于是你回了個(gè)笑臉，收到回復(fù)后又發(fā)了個(gè)嘻嘻，然后又做了個(gè)嗨森表情，接著又扔了個(gè)鬼畜GIF......

Salt in the wound: You respond one last time, only to find your message has been rejected by the other person.

最扎心時(shí)刻：等你準(zhǔn)備再次回復(fù)時(shí)，發(fā)現(xiàn)對(duì)方已開(kāi)啟朋友驗(yàn)證。

Treatment: Collect as many GIFs as possible.

治療方法：收藏一噸表情包。

Truth: By this point in the back-and-forth, are either of you really having a good time?

真相時(shí)刻：你們真的覺(jué)得這樣打太極很開(kāi)心?
 

conversation /k?nv?'se??(?)n/ n. 交談，會(huì)話;社交

exchange /?ks't?e?nd?/ v. 交換;交易

offend /?'fend/ v. 冒犯;使…不愉快

response /r?'sp?ns/ n. 響應(yīng);反應(yīng)

hilarious /h?'le?r??s/ adj. 歡鬧的;非?；?/p>

back-and-forth 反復(fù)地，來(lái)回地
 

07. 人生導(dǎo)師恐懼癥

MENTOR-O-PHOBIA

Just as straight-A students often hate giving study advice, businessmen don't like talking about how they make money and programmers are reluctant to help repair computers, you are afraid of becoming a mentor. What if you offer the wrong guidance? Or worse, can't answer your pupil's questions? It could completely destroy your reputation!

就像學(xué)霸怕被問(wèn)如何學(xué)習(xí)，商人怕被問(wèn)如何賺錢，程序員怕被請(qǐng)去修電腦，你害怕做人生導(dǎo)師的原因，可能只是怕沒(méi)能給出最好的方法，或者無(wú)法解答對(duì)方的疑惑，從而導(dǎo)致自己人設(shè)崩塌。

Salt in the wound: As the so-called mentor, you don't know how to solve your own problems.

最扎心時(shí)刻：“人生導(dǎo)師”自己的人生出了問(wèn)題卻無(wú)人可問(wèn)。

Treatment: Read self-help literature to learn what it takes to become a great mentor.

治療方法：研讀成功學(xué)書籍，練就過(guò)硬心理素質(zhì)。

Truth: People's impressions of you are never as good as you think. Relax, you're going to be fine!

真相時(shí)刻：你以為人人都覺(jué)得你是個(gè)小可愛(ài)嗎?你想太多了，輕松點(diǎn)。
 

programmer /'pr??græm?/ n. 程序設(shè)計(jì)員

guidance /'ga?d(?)ns/ n. 指導(dǎo)，引導(dǎo);領(lǐng)導(dǎo)

destroy /d??str??/ v. 破壞;消滅;毀壞

reputation /repj?'te??(?)n/ n. 名聲，名譽(yù);聲望

literature /'l?t(?)r?t??/ n. 文學(xué);文獻(xiàn)

impression /?m'pre?(?)n/ n. 印象;效果，影響
 

08. 先走恐懼癥

LEAVE-FIRST-O-PHOBIA

You should never be the first one to leave, right? If you're at the office, it marks you out as a bad worker, while if you're at a party it's just plain rude. So, stuck between a rock and a hard place, you end up playing the game of "you move, I move".

別做最先離開(kāi)辦公室的人，K歌時(shí)永遠(yuǎn)別第一個(gè)喊著要回家。在“先走的就不是好員工，先撤的就不是好朋友”的幼稚心態(tài)的支配下，每個(gè)人都玩起了“你不動(dòng)，我也不敢動(dòng)”的木頭人游戲。

Salt in the wound: You've been in the KTV for hours and by now everyone'sthroat is sore, but no one wants to make a move. There's nothing else for it — it's time to put on Taylor Swift's Look What You Made Me Do.

最扎心時(shí)刻：KTV局已唱到喉嚨沙啞，但因?yàn)闆](méi)人先走，只好又點(diǎn)了一首霉霉的Look What You Made Me Do。

Treatment: Always be the last to leave. Even if it means never actually leaving.

治療方法：永遠(yuǎn)最后一個(gè)離開(kāi)。(這還叫離開(kāi)?)

Truth: The longer you stay, the more it will influence those around you to stay longer. Be the change you want to see in the world.

真相時(shí)刻：你呆的時(shí)間越久，別人撐的時(shí)間更久。要改變世界就先改變自己啊。
 

throat /θr??t/ n. 喉嚨;嗓子

sore /s?: / adj. 疼痛的，痛心的

influence /'?nfl??ns/ v. 影響;改變
 

09. 飛行模式關(guān)閉恐懼癥

FLIGHT-MODE-OFF-A-PHOBIA

You're on a plane. Your phone is switched off. Finally, some peace and quiet! But in the back of your mind, you know that as soon as the wheels touch the ground the messages will come flooding in again like a rapid-fire machine gun.

飛機(jī)上你享受的清凈，必將在飛機(jī)降落、取消飛行模式后，加倍償還給你。蹭蹭往上躥的未讀信息數(shù)，仿佛機(jī)關(guān)槍把你掃射得千瘡百孔。

Salt in the wound: You've just landed at your destination on the first day of your annual leave when your phone suddenly starts buzzing with some work-related query.

最扎心時(shí)刻：剛在目的地降落，準(zhǔn)備休年假的第一天，工作的信息卻沒(méi)消停過(guò)。

Treatment: Demand Wi-Fi on all the flights you take so you can always keep in touch.

治療方法：要求各大航空公司盡快普及空中Wi-Fi。

Truth: A holiday away from work, in this day and age? Good luck!

真相時(shí)刻：斷網(wǎng)式假期?在21世紀(jì)?別天真了寶貝!
 

switch off /sw?t?/ 關(guān)掉;切斷(電源)

destination /,dest?'ne??(?)n/ n. 目的地，終點(diǎn)

suddenly /?s?dnl?/ adv. 突然地;忽然

query /'kw??r?/ n. 疑問(wèn)，質(zhì)問(wèn)
 

10. 出門前恐懼癥

DOUBLE-CHECK-A-PHOBIA

You're getting ready to go out. You check you've got your keys, cellphone, wallet and mobile charger. Then you check again, just to make sure. As you're leaving your apartment, you try the door a couple of times to ensure that it's locked. Then you get in the elevator and descend to the first floor. But did you remember to switch off the TV? Time to get back in the elevator and go back home to check again.

出門第一步：鑰匙、手機(jī)、錢包、證件、充電寶......反復(fù)確認(rèn)一件不落;

第二步：用力推門數(shù)次確認(rèn)門真的鎖好了;

第三步：走進(jìn)電梯下到一樓;

第四部：進(jìn)電梯回家再查一遍電視關(guān)了沒(méi)。

Salt in the wound: The elevator is broken.

最扎心時(shí)刻：電梯壞了。

Treatment: They say that walnuts are good for your brain, you know.

治療方法：多吃核桃能補(bǔ)腦。

Truth: It's all a part of getting older.

真相時(shí)刻：你老了。
 

elevator /'el?ve?t?/ n. 電梯;升降機(jī)

descend /d?'send/ v. 下降;下去

walnut /'w?: ln?t/ n. 胡桃;核桃
 

小伙伴們~以上十大病癥，你中招了嗎?