漢譯英的簡潔、精煉（四）

　　五、和英語相比，漢語在形式上不太嚴密，這表現(xiàn)在有時字面意義和蘊涵意義的相隔，有時漢語句群中、或句子中意義因素的相對重復(fù)。對此，譯者要有清醒的認識，不可過于依附原文字面結(jié)構(gòu)，而要對其中重復(fù)的語義因素進行剪裁、過濾、消腫。例如：

　　1、當它闔起兩只翅膀的時候，像長在樹枝上的一片干枯的樹葉。誰也不去注意它，誰也不瞧它一眼。

　　When it closes its wings, it resembles a withered tree leaf hanging from a branch – scarcely noticeable to human eyes. (“誰也不去注意它，誰也不瞧它一眼”是語義重復(fù)，翻譯時可省去一個小句。)

　　2、窗口下，會有幾個攤點賣著西瓜什么的，在他們的頭頂方向，是電信塔樓和城市報時鐘。

　　Below the window were several melon stalls, and above them was the Telecom Tower with a big clock on top of it. (如果將“城市報時鐘”按字面譯為topped with the turret clock telling the city time，譯文將是臃腫不堪。)

　　3、赫賽的重溫故鄉(xiāng)之夢結(jié)束了。當我在車廂和他話別時，……

　　When Hersey’s visit to Tianjin was over and I got on board the train to say good-bye, … (“重溫故鄉(xiāng)之夢”不可譯為the dream of visiting Tianjin，否則，不但會使譯文增重，還會使譯文的意義發(fā)生改變。)

　　4、只要這個人看得起我們，我們就會將我們?nèi)艺鎿吹?、充滿敬意和感激的情意奉獻給這個人。

　　As long as that someone would meet us face to face, we would offer our most heartfelt gratitude and affection. (“真摯的、充滿敬意和感激的情意” 不可照字面譯為sincere, respectful and grateful affection。)

　　5、母親停止了切菜，轉(zhuǎn)臉瞧著她說：“……”

　　Mother stopped cutting cabbage and wheeled around. “…”(“瞧著她說”根據(jù)上下文語境可以省去不譯。)

　　6、三月里劉薰宇君來信，說互生病了，而且是沒有希望的病。

　　In March I heard from Mr. Liu Xunyu that Husheng was sick and hopelessly at that. (and hopelessly at that就將“而且是沒有希望的病”的語式簡潔地表達出來，沒有必要譯為and it was a hopeless sickness。)

　　7、他辦立達便飲食坐臥只惦著立達，再不想別的。

　　When he was running Lida School, he had all his thoughts on the school, whatever he did.(“飲食坐臥” 不可照字面譯為when eating, sitting or sleeping。)

　　8、你剛開口說由哪里來的時候，一杯很熱的濃茶，就遞在你的下巴上。

　　Scarcely have you begun to tell where you come from when a cup of hot and strong tea is handed over to you.(“遞在你的下巴上”如果譯為hand over to your chin，不但復(fù)雜，讓英語讀者也覺得唐突。)

　　9、不同支系的青年男女戀愛敘衷腸時，男子往往主動使用女子支系的語言，以示愛慕之心。

　　When a boy is in love with a girl from a different branch, the boy usually speaks in the girl’s language voluntarily to show respect. (請比較：如果譯成when a boy and a girl, who are from different branches, are in love with each other, the boy usually speaks in the girl’s language voluntarily to show his respect.則過分貼附于字面了。)

　　10、憶昔當年，日寇強敵入境，山河破碎，風雨飄搖。日寇軍閥窮兇極惡，遣無數(shù)本國精壯，到海外屠殺無辜，……

　　During the war, the atrocious Japanese militarists sent Japanese armies to China to slaughter the innocent people, bringing the country to the point of disintegration.(本句譯文中“山河破碎，風雨飄搖”譯為bringing the country to the point of disintegration即可，沒有必要分別譯出兩個短語。)