人生不設(shè)限·自戀不叫作愛自己

精神病學(xué)家兼作家伊麗莎白·庫(kù)伯勒·羅斯(Elisabeth Kubler-Ross)說(shuō)過(guò)，“人好像彩繪玻璃窗，當(dāng)外頭有陽(yáng)光時(shí)，玻璃窗看來(lái)閃閃發(fā)亮;然而一旦黑夜來(lái)臨，只有從里面發(fā)光，它們真正的美才會(huì)顯露出來(lái)”。要活得無(wú)所局限，特別是要戰(zhàn)勝沮喪、藥癮、酒癮或其他重大挑戰(zhàn)，你必須打開內(nèi)在的燈光。你要相信自己的美好與價(jià)值，相信你是個(gè)可以發(fā)揮影響力的人、重要的人。

The psychiatrist and author Elisabeth Kübler-Ross said people are like stained-glass windows: "They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." To live without limits and especially to survive the darkness of depression, drug addiction, alcoholism, or any major challenge, you must switch on that light within. You must believe in your own beauty and value as someone who can make a difference, someone who matters.

找到自己的目的，是活出沒(méi)有限制的人生的第一步。而即使面對(duì)困難，依然對(duì)未來(lái)抱持希望，對(duì)生命的各種可能性懷抱信心，則會(huì)讓你繼續(xù)向目標(biāo)邁進(jìn)。但要實(shí)現(xiàn)夢(mèng)想，你內(nèi)心深處必須相信自己值得擁有成功與幸福：你必須愛自己，就像上帝愛所有對(duì)自己忠實(shí)的人一樣。

Finding your purpose is the first important step to living a life without limits. Maintaining hope for the future and faith in the possibilities even in difficult times will keep you moving toward that goal. But to be fulfilled, you must know in your heart that you are worthy of success and happiness. You must love yourself, just as God loves all who are faithful.

我有個(gè)朋友對(duì)自己很滿意，總是很平和，而且熱情地發(fā)展自己的天賦，所以時(shí)時(shí)散發(fā)出美好的感受。我喜歡跟他在一起，每個(gè)人都喜歡，為什么?因?yàn)樗蓛?nèi)在發(fā)光。他喜歡自己，但不會(huì)讓人覺(jué)得“你真轉(zhuǎn)”的那種喜歡;他相信自己是個(gè)蒙福的人，即使事情不順心，即使他像你我一樣苦苦掙扎時(shí)，依然如此。

I have a friend who is so comfortable with himself, so at peace and enthused about developing his gifts, that he just seems to radiate good feelings. I love being with him. Everyone loves being with him. Why? Because he shines from within. He loves himself, but not in a "you're so vain" way; he accepts himself as blessed, even when events don't go his way, even though he struggles just like you and me.

你一定認(rèn)識(shí)這種會(huì)散發(fā)愉悅氣息的人，就像你可能也會(huì)認(rèn)識(shí)完全相反的人，他的苦毒和自我厭惡讓每個(gè)人都想逃開。假如不接受自己，不但會(huì)導(dǎo)致自我毀滅，還會(huì)被孤立。

I'm sure you know people who give off that same comfortable vibe, just as you probably know the opposite sort of person whose bitterness and self-loathing drive everyone away. If you don't accept yourself, it not only leads to self-destruction, it leads to isolation.

如果你沒(méi)有從內(nèi)在發(fā)光，可能是因?yàn)槟阊鲑噭e人給你肯定、給你信心、讓你覺(jué)得自己被賞識(shí)。但這條路一定會(huì)走向失望，因?yàn)槟惚仨毾冉邮茏约翰判?。衡量你身為人的美好與價(jià)值唯一的基準(zhǔn)，在你的內(nèi)在。

If you don't shine from within, it may be because you rely on others to validate you, to give you confidence, and to make you feel appreciated. But that is a sure road to disappointment because you must accept yourself first. The only important measure of your beauty and value as a person should be the one that comes from within.

我知道說(shuō)的比做的簡(jiǎn)單，我自己也有過(guò)掙扎。由于父母是基督徒，我從小就被教導(dǎo)耶穌愛我，而我是上帝按他計(jì)劃所造的完美創(chuàng)作。不過(guò)，只要某個(gè)流鼻涕的小鬼向我沖過(guò)來(lái)，對(duì)我大叫“你是怪物”，父母以《圣經(jīng)》為內(nèi)容對(duì)我所作的教誨，以及家人為了鼓勵(lì)我所作的一切努力，馬上就垮了。

I know, easy to say, tough to do. I've struggled with this too. As the child of Christian parents, I'd always been taught that Jesus loved me and that I was created perfectly according to His plan. Of course, all my parents' Bible teachings and all my family's efforts to lift me up came crashing down as soon as one snotty little kid ran up to me and screamed, "You're a freak!"

生命可能會(huì)很殘酷。人們也許是不為他人著想，或者單純就是壞，所以你必須向內(nèi)尋求力量。如果內(nèi)在力量不行，你總是可以向上仰望上帝，他是力量與愛的終極源頭。

Life can be cruel. People can be thoughtless or just plain mean. So you must be able to look inside for strength, and when that inner strength fails, you can always look above, to God, the ultimate source of strength and love.

接納自己與愛自己非常重要，不過(guò)，這兩個(gè)概念近來(lái)卻常常被誤解。你應(yīng)該因?yàn)樽约悍从沉松系鄣膼?，因?yàn)樽约簛?lái)到這個(gè)世界是要做出獨(dú)特貢獻(xiàn)而愛自己。有太多青少年和成年人接受了一個(gè)比較膚淺的含義，認(rèn)為接納自己與愛自己就是自戀或自我耽溺，這是因?yàn)閷?shí)境秀、電影、播客和網(wǎng)絡(luò)影片不斷地推銷對(duì)美貌與名流的崇拜。你在看那些節(jié)目時(shí)，很容易就會(huì)忘了人生有比美貌、奢華生活和勾搭上某人更重要的目的。無(wú)怪乎愈來(lái)愈多名流出現(xiàn)在戒毒中心而不是教會(huì)，他們中有太多人崇拜的是錯(cuò)誤的虛榮、驕傲與放縱之神。

Self-acceptance and self-love are important but often misunderstood concepts these days. You should love yourself as a reflection of God's love and as someone put on this earth to make a unique contribution. Too many teens and adults settle for a more superficial meaning when they buy into the extremes of narcissism and self-indulgence. This is due, in no little part, to the cult of beauty and celebrity promoted on reality shows, movies, podcasts, and videos. When you watch those shows, it is easy to forget that life has a greater purpose than looking good, living in luxury, and hooking up. No wonder more celebrities are in rehab than in church. Too many of them worship the false gods of vanity, pride, and lust.

我無(wú)法想象過(guò)去有哪個(gè)時(shí)代像現(xiàn)在一樣，被滿滿的謊言包圍。我們成天被這樣的訊息轟炸：你必須有某種外形、某種車子、某種生活形態(tài)，人生才算圓滿、成功，才會(huì)有人愛你、欣賞你。許多人認(rèn)為拍色情影片是通往名聲、財(cái)富和成就的捷徑，這種現(xiàn)象讓我們的文化岌岌可危。

I can't imagine that any previous generation has been lied to as much as the present ones. We are continually bombarded with messages that we need to have a certain look, a certain car, and a certain lifestyle in order to be fulfilled, loved, appreciated, or considered successful. We've come to a dangerous point in our culture when being in a sexvideo is considered a path to fame, fortune, and fulfillment.

如果狗仔隊(duì)有興趣的對(duì)象是努力求知，獲取更高學(xué)歷的大學(xué)生，或是把藥品和希望帶到貧困地區(qū)的宣教士，而不是去跟蹤那些前科累累、身上布滿針孔、多次進(jìn)出戒毒中心的人，你覺(jué)得這樣是不是好多了?但這個(gè)世界還沒(méi)有徹底迷失，因?yàn)槲铱吹皆S多男女老少去參加宗教儀式和節(jié)慶，通過(guò)學(xué)習(xí)愛鄰舍來(lái)尋求滿足;我看過(guò)青少年和成年人利用假期，到第三世界國(guó)家?guī)腿松w房子，到北美一些貧困地區(qū)服務(wù)有需要的人。所以，并非每個(gè)人都沉迷于整形、抽脂減肥和LV包包。

Don't you think this would be a better world if the paparazzi followed college graduates with advanced degrees, or missionaries bringing medicine and hope to the poor and needy, instead of stalking rehab dropouts with rap sheets and needle scars? But all is not lost. I've seen huge throngs of people, young and old, attend religious ceremonies and festivals of praise, seeking contentment by learning to love their neighbor. I've watched teens and adults spend their vacations building homes in Third World countries and serving the needy in impoverished areas of North America. Not everyone is obsessed with plastic surgery, liposuction, and Louis Vuitton bags.

當(dāng)你被物質(zhì)事物和表相的美麗困住，當(dāng)你讓別人決定你的價(jià)值時(shí)，你就是過(guò)度地自我放棄，也浪費(fèi)了你所領(lǐng)受的福分。有個(gè)叫克莉絲蒂的女孩在看過(guò)我的DVD之后，寫信給我：“你讓我明白，如果不愛自己，別人愛你又有何意義!我大約一年前見過(guò)你，這是第二次，我覺(jué)得應(yīng)該讓你知道你對(duì)我的影響。你教會(huì)我要為自己站起來(lái)、要愛自己本來(lái)的樣子、要照我想要的方式生活……現(xiàn)在，我對(duì)自己的感受已經(jīng)改變了，男友也注意到我的大轉(zhuǎn)變，他非常感謝你。以前他一直很怕我有一天會(huì)做傻事，會(huì)自殺，但現(xiàn)在我已經(jīng)改變，人生快樂(lè)很多了!”

When you get caught up in material goods and surface beauty, and when you let other people determine your value, you give up too much of yourself and risk letting your blessings go to waste. After watching my DVD, Kristy wrote to me: "You made me realize what's the point of having someone love you if you don't love yourself? I saw you over a year ago and again today. I realized I need to tell you what you have done for me. You have taught me to stand up for myself, love myself for who I am, and just live my life the way I want to live it . . . Oh by the way, now that I have changed the way I feel about myself, my boyfriend has noticed a big difference in me, and he is grateful to you. He was always scared for me, afraid I might do something stupid one day and kill myself. But now I have changed, and my life is so much happier!"