別說老外笑點(diǎn)低，是因?yàn)槟銢]get到內(nèi)涵！

開始我直接求上帝賜輛自行車。 后來我琢磨上帝辦事兒不是這個(gè)路數(shù)。 于是老子偷了一輛然后求上帝寬恕。

2. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

我希望能像爺爺那樣，安靜地在睡夢(mèng)中死去…… 而不是要像他開的車上那些慘叫滴乘客一樣死法啊!

3. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

你永遠(yuǎn)不能戰(zhàn)勝一個(gè)純SB,因?yàn)樗麜?huì)把你的智商拉到跟他個(gè)水平,然后用豐富的經(jīng)驗(yàn)打敗你。

4. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

直譯：在這個(gè)世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是傷害你,但是這件事仍在我的考慮之列。

意譯a：我真不想傷害你，但你也別逼我。

意譯b：吾雖不殺伯仁，伯仁由我而死。

5. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

a. 早起滴小鳥有蟲蟲!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!

b. 早起的鳥兒有蟲吃，早起的蟲兒被鳥吃。

6. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

在咱們這噶噠送外賣的都比警察來的快。

7. Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

有些人就像 Slinkies (彈簧玩具)，沒什么實(shí)在用處，但看他們?cè)跇翘萆系跪v來搗騰去還是很有喜感。

8. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

政客和紙尿布有一個(gè)共同點(diǎn)就是：他們都很有規(guī)律地被替換，而且因?yàn)橥粋€(gè)理由——臟了!!

9. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)不能決出正義，但能判出哪方出局。

10. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

我們永遠(yuǎn)不可能真正的成熟，我們只是學(xué)會(huì)在眾人面前裝逼。

11. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

光總是比聲音跑的快點(diǎn)….這就是為嘛有些SB只有在開口說話之后你才發(fā)現(xiàn)他是在裝B…

12. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

我媽每次對(duì)著我罵草泥馬的時(shí)候都沒看出其中笑點(diǎn)。

13. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

曾以為我想要的是職業(yè)，結(jié)果發(fā)現(xiàn)我只是想要工資。

14. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

晚間新聞總是以“晚上好”開頭，再告訴你你為什么好不了。

15. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

一根火柴能點(diǎn)著整片森林，一盒火柴也生不起個(gè)營火，這咋回事!