他其實沒那么喜歡你 第67期:不接受分手

The "I Do Not Accept His Breakup" Excuse

“我不接受他的分手”的借口

Dear Greg,

親愛的格雷格，

Okay, so my music video boyfriend dumped mebecause he's an asshole, but now I have some of hisstuff in my apartment and I'm not going to give itback because I know he's going to change his mind,and I keep calling him and calling him to try to gethim to change his mind, which I know he will, because I know he really does love me and hedoesn't mean this, but all he wants is his stupid Palm Pilot back.

好吧，我的音樂電視制作人男友甩了我，因為他是個混蛋，但是現(xiàn)在他還有一些東西在我的公寓里，我打算去還給他，因為我知道他會改變主意的，我一直在打電話給他希望他改變主意，我知道他會的，因為我知道他真的愛我，而且他不是故意的，但是他想的只是把他那氣人的掌上電腦拿回去。

A guy doesn't say all the nice things he said to me and take me to all the cool parties he tookme to and introduce me to all his cool friends and then just suddenly change his mind.

一個男人不會對我說著種種甜言蜜語，帶我去各色派對，把我介紹給他所有的朋友，然后突然間，改變主意了。

People don't just totally, totally like someone one day and then wake up and not want to bewith them the next.

人們不會在某日完全喜歡上一個人，然后第二天醒來之后就想離開對方。

I'm so completely devastated because I really, really loved him.

我完全絕望了，因為我真的真的很愛他。

You might not believe me, Greg, but I really did love him and I loved being with him and now Ican't even get out of bed' cause I've been crying so much.

你也許不相信我，格雷格，但我是真的很愛他，而且喜歡和他在一起，我現(xiàn)在甚至都無法起床，因為我一直在哭。

He's just in a bad mood and I'm not going to believe him.

他只是心情不好，我不會相信他的。

Signed Nikki

尼基

Dear Nikki,

親愛的尼基，

I'm sorry you got dumped.

我很抱歉你被甩了。

Can't say I didn't see it coming, but now's not the time to gloat.

不能說我沒預見到，但是現(xiàn)在不是幸災樂禍的時間。

What you need to do immediately is turn down the psychotic.

你需要立刻停止發(fā)瘋。

Calling him incessantly and holding his stuff ransom is really no way to win a man back.

不斷的給他打電話和拿著他的東西勒索真的不是贏回男人心的辦法。

In fact that's the best way to elicit the "What did I ever see in that psycho bitch?" response.

事實上這是引出“我究竟從那個神經(jīng)病婊子身上看到了什么?”回答的最好辦法。

Whatever happened to that super-confident, strong-willed woman?

那個超級自信，意志堅強的女人發(fā)生了什么?

Has she been reduced to a groveling lunatic?

她已經(jīng)淪為了卑躬屈膝的瘋子了么?

No she hasn't, so cut it out, Nikki.

不，她沒有，所以，夠了，尼基。

Sometimes people change their minds, sometimes they meet someone else, sometimes theyget sober (he was drinking) , and sometimes he was just a jerk who you're lucky to be rid of(not that I was judging) .

有時候人們會改變想法，有時候他們遇見別的人，有時候他們清醒(他過度飲酒)，有時候他是個幸運于擺脫他的混蛋(不是我所評判的)。

It doesn't matter, because you cannot change his mind.

這沒有關系，因為你改變不了他的想法。

Oh, Nikki, please behave, because what will really haunt you later is not losing the excessive-drinker-who-didn't-ever-want -to-get-married-and-was-too-busy-and-self-important-for-you, buthow you behaved during the breakup. I swear.

噢，尼基，請注意行為舉止，因為最近會讓你苦惱的并非失去這個過度飲酒的、不想結婚的、太忙以及妄自尊大的人，而是你在分手時的表現(xiàn)。我發(fā)誓。

With love, Greg

愛你的，格雷格。

One simple rule, ladies: Always be classy. Never be crazy.

這是一個簡單的規(guī)則，女士們：永遠要有氣度。不要抓狂。

Okay, actually it's two simple rules, but trust me, you will never be sad you followed them.

好的，事實上這是兩個簡單規(guī)則，但是相信我，你遵守它們永遠都不會難過。

If for no other reason, it will ensure that you never have that awful memory of cutting hisclothes in half or dumping his dog on the side of the road.

如果沒有別的原因，它會保證你不會有把他衣服剪成兩半和把他的狗丟在路邊的記憶。