英語(yǔ)視頻暢談歐美人文風(fēng)情22：美國(guó)女詩(shī)人Katie Makkai 漂亮

　　When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother, "What will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be pretty? Will I be pretty?" What comes next? Oh right, "Will I be rich?" Which is almost pretty depending on where you shop. And the pretty question infects from conception, passing blood and breath into cells.

　　當(dāng)我還只是個(gè)小女孩，我問(wèn)過(guò)我母親：“我會(huì)變得怎樣?我會(huì)變漂亮嗎?我會(huì)變美嗎?我會(huì)變漂亮嗎?”下一句是什么?喔對(duì)了：“我會(huì)變富有嗎?”那也幾乎是漂亮的問(wèn)題，取決于你在哪里購(gòu)物的。那個(gè)漂亮的問(wèn)題從觀念開(kāi)始感染，傳遍血液和呼吸并帶進(jìn)細(xì)胞里。

　　The word hangs from our mothers' hearts in a shrill fluorescent floodlight of worry. "Will I be wanted? Worthy? Pretty?"

　　在憂心忡忡的刺眼熒光燈下，那個(gè)字掛在我們母親的內(nèi)心。“我會(huì)被渴望嗎?會(huì)有價(jià)值嗎?會(huì)漂亮嗎?”

　　But puberty left me this funhouse mirror dryad: teeth set at science fiction angles, crooked nose, face donkey-long and pox-marked where the hormones went finger-painting.

　　但青春期留給我這個(gè)哈哈鏡精靈：依照科幻小說(shuō)角度排列的牙齒、歪鼻子、臉有如驢子般長(zhǎng)、還布滿(mǎn)荷爾蒙大玩指印畫(huà)時(shí)留下的濃皰疤痕。

　　My poor mother. How could this happen? "You'll have porcelain skin as soon as we can see a dermatologist. You sucked your thumb. That's why your teeth look like that! You were hit in the face with a Frisbee when you were six. Otherwise your nose would have been just fine! Don't worry. We'll get it all fixed!" She would say, grasping my face, twisting it this way then that, as though it were a cabbage she might buy.

　　我可憐的母親。這怎么會(huì)發(fā)生呢?“當(dāng)我們可以去看皮膚科醫(yī)生時(shí)，你就會(huì)有陶瓷般的肌膚。你吸吮大拇指。那就是為什么你的牙齒看起來(lái)像那副德性!你在六歲時(shí)被飛盤(pán)打中臉。不然你的鼻子會(huì)就好好的!別擔(dān)心。我們會(huì)讓它全部修整好。”她會(huì)這么說(shuō)，抓著我的臉，扭向這邊然后那邊，好似那是一顆她會(huì)購(gòu)買(mǎi)的高麗菜。

　　But this is not about her. Not her fault. She, too, was raised to believe the greatest asset she could bestow upon her awkward little girl was a marketable facade.

　　但這不關(guān)她的事。不是她的錯(cuò)。她同樣也是被養(yǎng)大去相信她可以送給她笨拙小女兒的最大資產(chǎn)是一面可以販?zhǔn)鄣谋硐蟆?/p>

　　By 16, I was pickled with ointments, medications, peroxides. Teeth corralled into steel prongs. Laying in a hospital bed, face packed with gauze, cushioning the brand new nose the surgeon had carved. Belly gorged on two pints of my own blood I had swallowed under anesthesia, and every convulsive twist of my gut like my body screaming at me from the inside out, "What did you let them do to you?"

　　在十六歲時(shí)，我被軟膏、藥物、過(guò)氧化氫所醃漬。牙齒被鋼刺圍起。躺在病床上，臉上包滿(mǎn)紗布，蓋住那外科醫(yī)生雕刻出來(lái)的全新鼻子。肚子塞滿(mǎn)兩品脫我在麻醉時(shí)吞下的自己的血，還有我內(nèi)臟每次的抽筋扭痛都像我的身體從里頭向外對(duì)我大叫：“你讓他們對(duì)你做了什么事?”

　　All the while this never-ending chorus droning on and on, like the IV needle dripping liquid beauty into my blood. "Will I be pretty? Will I be pretty?" Like my mother, unwinding the gift wrap to reveal the bouquet of daughter her 10,000 dollars bought her. Pretty? Pretty.

　　這段永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)結(jié)束的合唱曲一直不斷地嗡嗡響起，就像靜脈點(diǎn)滴將美麗之液滴進(jìn)我的血。“我會(huì)美麗嗎?我會(huì)美麗嗎?”就像我的母親，拆開(kāi)禮物包裝，露出她一萬(wàn)美金買(mǎi)來(lái)的女兒花束。美麗嗎?美麗。

　　And now, I have not seen my own face in 10 years. I have not seen my own face in 10 years, but this is not about me. This is about the self-mutilating circus we have painted ourselves clowns in. About women who will prowl 30 stores in 6 malls to find the right cocktail dress, but who haven't a clue where to find fulfillment or how to wear joy, wandering through life shackled to a shopping bag, beneath the tyranny of those two pretty syllables. About men wallowing on bar stools, drearily practicing attraction and everyone who will drift home tonight, crestfallen because not enough strangers found you suitably fuckable.

　　現(xiàn)在，我已經(jīng)十年沒(méi)看過(guò)我自己的臉了。我已經(jīng)十年沒(méi)看過(guò)我自己的臉了，但這不關(guān)我的事。這是關(guān)于我們將自己繪上小丑妝去參加的這個(gè)自殘馬戲團(tuán)。關(guān)于會(huì)在六間商場(chǎng)中的三十家商店里四處找尋合適小禮服的女人，但不曉得要去哪兒找到成就感、或如何帶著歡樂(lè)，漫步于遭購(gòu)物袋束縛的人生中的女人，就在那兩個(gè)美麗音節(jié)的暴政之下。關(guān)于打滾在酒吧高腳椅間，沉悶地練習(xí)勾引他人，而所有今晚會(huì)游蕩回家的人，都意志消沉，因?yàn)闆](méi)有足夠的陌生人覺(jué)得你適合帶去開(kāi)房間。

　　This, this is about my own someday daughter. When you approach me, already stung-stayed with insecurity, begging, "Mom, will I be pretty? Will I be pretty?" I will wipe that question from your mouth like cheap lipstick and answer, "No! The word pretty is unworthy of everything you will be, and no child of mine will be contained in five letters. You will be pretty intelligent, pretty creative, pretty amazing. But you, will never be merely 'pretty.' "

　　這個(gè)，這是關(guān)于我自己未來(lái)有朝一日的女兒。當(dāng)你走近我，已經(jīng)讓不安全感扎滿(mǎn)全身，乞求著：“媽?zhuān)視?huì)漂亮嗎?我會(huì)漂亮嗎?”我會(huì)將那問(wèn)題如廉價(jià)口紅般從你嘴上抹去，并回答：“不!漂亮這個(gè)字不值得形容你將會(huì)成為的一切，我的孩子不會(huì)被限制在五個(gè)字里。你會(huì)變得很聰明、很有創(chuàng)意、很迷人。但你，絕不會(huì)只是單單的‘漂亮’。”