考研英語(yǔ)作文考場(chǎng)范文批改及點(diǎn)評(píng)(9)

As is depicted in the picture,a poor old man,rolling like a football,is kicked between(改為among，注意between和among的區(qū)別，between表示在兩者之間，among則表示在三者或三者以上之間) his three sons and daughter(改為a daughter).Unwilling to be responsible for their father ,the daughter and sons spare no effort to kick the old man as far as possible.We are irritated to see in the picture(建議放到句首或句末) the pathetic fact that these people go to any length to avoid surporting(拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤，改為supporting) their parents. Unfortunately, what we have seen in the picture isn't a rare phenomenon. However,what factor it is that results in this situation? (漢語(yǔ)式英語(yǔ)，改為what is the cause of this situation?) For one thing, in my opinion, the decreased importance attached to the moral education contributes to the lack of ethnic conception,leadiing (建議改為定語(yǔ)從句，which leads)to the consequence that paople(拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤，改為people) don 't esteem and(改為or，肯定句中用and，否定句中用or) value their parents . For another ,faced with the pressure of work and house installment ,young people can hardly make ends meet let alone taking good care of their old parents who is(改為are，定語(yǔ)從句的先行詞為parents,從句中的謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞應(yīng)用are) fragile to a sudden disease such as heart attack.There is no denying that further attention must be paid to the problem by the government .To handle this worsening situation,more money should be involed(拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤，改為involved) in the pension to guarantee the daily life of old people. In addition, instead of merely focusing on the scores,schools ought to put more stress on moral education.(結(jié)尾較為倉(cāng)促，可適當(dāng)添加總結(jié)性的話(huà)語(yǔ))

編輯點(diǎn)評(píng)

考研作文的整體思路你已經(jīng)基本掌握;但還存在個(gè)別簡(jiǎn)單的語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤、單詞拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤及漢語(yǔ)式英語(yǔ)的問(wèn)題。建議作者多讀、多積累好的詞匯及句子;之后可按照佳句進(jìn)行模仿，以達(dá)到用地道的英語(yǔ)表達(dá)方式描述自己想法的目的;再者，寫(xiě)完之后一定要認(rèn)真檢查，減少失分點(diǎn)。

參考分?jǐn)?shù)：12分(滿(mǎn)分20分)