雙語(yǔ) ● Hello, 6-year-old Child　你好，6歲的朋友

Hello, 6-year-old Child　你好，6歲的朋友

◎ Amy Ozols

Seeing as how fate has brought us together here, in the crowded coach section of this expensive airplane, I thought I should introduce myself.

既然命運(yùn)讓我們?cè)谶@架豪華飛機(jī)上擁擠的二等艙里相遇，我想我有必要介紹一下自己。

My name is Amy, and I’m an adult. I suspect that you’re too young to understand what “adult” means, so let me explain. It means that I’m taller than you, and smarter, and that I get to do lots of awesome things, like smoke cigarettes and ovulate It also means that I like to take naps on airplanes and read my newspaper in silence. These things seem to be very different from the things that you like to do.

我叫艾米，是一個(gè)大人。我猜你還小，不明白什么是“大人”，那就讓我解釋一下吧！它的意思就是：我比你高，比你聰明，而且我做了很多可怕的事情，例如抽煙和排卵。當(dāng)然它也意味著我喜歡在飛機(jī)上小憩，或者靜靜地看報(bào)紙?？礃幼?，你喜歡做的事情和以上這些是大不相同的。

I’ve gleaned from its near-constant utterance by the woman sitting next to you—your mother, I suppose, or perhaps a social worker or a federal prisoner who’s being paid to spend time with you—that your name is Timmy. It’s probably Timothy, actually, but people call you Timmy because it’s cuter. Which is appropriate, Timmy, because you’re very cute, you really are.

我從坐在你身邊的那位婦女——我猜是你的母親，或者也許只是別人花錢(qián)雇來(lái)陪你玩的社工或聯(lián)邦囚犯——口中得知，你的名字叫蒂米。我不敢確定，也許你的真名叫蒂莫西，只是人們覺(jué)得蒂米這個(gè)名字更可愛(ài)，于是就這樣叫你了吧！這個(gè)名字的確很適合你，因?yàn)槟阏娴暮芸蓯?ài)。

I’m going to drink this cup of coffee—would you like some? I didn’t think so. You’re more of a juice-box man, from what I gather. The way I gather this is by looking at the stain on my ninety-eight-dollar pants, the one you made when you put your juice box there. If I touched your pants, Timmy, I would probably be sent to jail. There are lots of differences between you and me, but that’s one of the big ones: the quality and the seriousness of what happens when we touch other people’s pants.

我要喝咖啡了，你想來(lái)一杯嗎？我想你不會(huì)喜歡咖啡的。據(jù)我觀察，你最多只喝果汁。那么，我是怎樣得出這個(gè)結(jié)論呢？我注意到我那條價(jià)值98美金的褲子上有一個(gè)污點(diǎn)，那是你把果汁盒放在上面時(shí)留下的痕跡。蒂米，如果我碰到你的褲子，我很可能會(huì)被關(guān)進(jìn)監(jiān)獄。你我之間有太多不同，其中一個(gè)最大的不同就是：當(dāng)我們碰到其他人的褲子時(shí)，我會(huì)受到責(zé)罵，而你不會(huì)。

You’re not much of a sleeper, are you, Timmy? We’ve just met, but it seems to me like maybe you don’t really enjoy sleeping all that much. In fact, it seems to me that one of your greatest joys in life is wakefulness—and not simply passive wakefulness but the kind of vigorous wakefulness that makes a person like me start to question the very possibility of silence as a condition that can exist in the universe. I can see that I’ve confused you, Timmy, and I apologize; I was only trying to point out that you really seem to enjoy being awake. Let me make it up to you by giving you this modest dose of Ambien. It’s a kind of candy for your soul. Your soul is a kind of mouth that’s inside your brain.

蒂米，你不大喜歡睡覺(jué)，是吧？雖然我們剛認(rèn)識(shí)，可在我看來(lái)，你并不把睡覺(jué)當(dāng)作一種享受。事實(shí)上，你人生中的最大樂(lè)趣之一就是醒著。你醒著，不是消極地，而是精力旺盛地。于是，像我這樣的人便開(kāi)始質(zhì)疑——在宇宙中生存的條件真的是沉默嗎？蒂米，我知道我讓你困惑了，我向你道歉。我只是想說(shuō)你真的很享受醒著的每分每秒。讓我為你適當(dāng)?shù)亻_(kāi)一些安眠藥吧！它就像是為你的心靈準(zhǔn)備的糖果，而你的心靈就是大腦的嘴巴。

Here comes the nice stewardess lady with a bag for collecting people’s garbage. Would you like me to give her some of the garbage that’s strewn all over your seat—and, if we’re being perfectly honest here, Timmy, all over my seat as well? And, while we’re at it, maybe I could give her this talking doll—the one that sings songs, very loud songs, songs of terrifying and ungodly volume, from that animated movie about adventurous insects. It’s not that I don’t love the doll; it’s just that I’m pretty sure it’s illegal for children to carry such things on airplanes. Have you heard of terrorism, Timothy? That’s why it’s illegal for you to have this doll.

迎面走來(lái)一位拿著塑料袋的女服務(wù)員，她正在收拾垃圾。你要不要把自己座位上的那些垃圾交給她呢？蒂米，不如我們誠(chéng)實(shí)一點(diǎn)，把我座位上的那些也交給她吧？也許我該把那個(gè)會(huì)說(shuō)話的布娃娃——大聲唱著熱門(mén)電影昆蟲(chóng)歷險(xiǎn)記里的主題曲，聲音還大得驚人的娃娃——交給她。我這么做只是覺(jué)得兒童攜帶這樣的東西上飛機(jī)是不合規(guī)定的，并不是因?yàn)槲也幌矚g那個(gè)布娃娃。蒂莫西，你聽(tīng)說(shuō)過(guò)恐怖主義嗎？這就是為什么不允許你把這個(gè)布娃娃帶上飛機(jī)的原因。

Your whimpering and your dripping facial parts suggest that perhaps this conversation has run its course, so I’ll let you get back to your finger painting, your fidgeting, and your wanton, inexplicable shredding of the in-flight magazine. I’ll be here in my seat, fantasizing about hurtling my childless adult body out of the airplane and into the sky. Enjoy the rest of the flight, Timmy. I’ve really enjoyed sitting next to you. It’s fun to make new friends.

你臉上的淚滴表明，或許這次談話起作用了。所以，我讓你回去繼續(xù)你的手指畫(huà)，你的好動(dòng)，你的任性，你無(wú)理取鬧地將飛機(jī)內(nèi)的雜志撕毀。我則安坐在我的座位上，幻想著那個(gè)幼稚的我能夠在飛機(jī)外的天空中奔跑。蒂米，好好享受接下來(lái)的旅程吧！很高興能夠坐在你旁邊。結(jié)交新朋友真是一件有趣的事情。

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