如何幫助兄弟姐妹更好地相處

如何幫助兄弟姐妹更好地相處

Sibling relationships allow children to try out new social and emotional behavior, particularly when it comes to conflict.

兄弟姐妹關(guān)系允許孩子們嘗試新的社會(huì)和情感行為，尤其是在發(fā)生沖突時(shí)。

Sibling rivalry is often taken as an unexamined fact of family life -- as much a part of parenting as potty training or bedtime stories.

兄弟姐妹之間的競(jìng)爭(zhēng)常常被視為家庭生活中一個(gè)未經(jīng)檢驗(yàn)的事實(shí)——就像上廁所訓(xùn)練或睡前故事一樣，是養(yǎng)育子女的一部分。

But experts say parents don't have to put up with the bickering: There are strategies and techniques to help brothers and sisters get along better, strengthening a relationship that will support them for life and make for a more harmonious home.

但專家表示，父母不必忍受爭(zhēng)吵：有一些策略和技巧可以幫助兄弟姐妹更好地相處，加強(qiáng)一種能支撐他們一生的關(guān)系，使家庭更加和諧。

Given the enforced proximity that is still a reality for many as a Covid-19 winter approaches, a game plan to improve sibling relationships could be a lifesaver for struggling parents.

隨著Covid-19冬季的臨近，許多人仍面臨被迫近距離接觸的現(xiàn)實(shí)?？紤]到這一點(diǎn)，一項(xiàng)改善兄弟姐妹關(guān)系的游戲計(jì)劃可能會(huì)成為疲憊不堪的父母?jìng)兊木让静荨?/p>

"It's been part of our culture, at least in the US, to think that siblings fight. That there's going to be lots of times they don't get along. " said Laurie Kramer, a professor of applied psychology at Northeastern University in Boston.

“兄弟姐妹吵架已經(jīng)成為我們文化的一部分，至少在美國(guó)是這樣。他們會(huì)有很多次相處不融洽。”波士頓東北大學(xué)應(yīng)用心理學(xué)教授勞里·克萊默說。

"When social lives are so restricted, families really see the value of encouraging their kids to be friends, in some respects, to be companions and playmates."

“在社交生活受到如此限制的情況下，家長(zhǎng)們真的看到了鼓勵(lì)孩子成為朋友的價(jià)值，在某些方面，成為伙伴和玩伴的價(jià)值。”

Unlike many of our relationships, we don't choose our siblings. Brothers and sisters can withstand far more negativity and behavior that simply wouldn't fly among friends, Kramer said.

與我們的許多關(guān)系不同，我們不會(huì)選擇我們的兄弟姐妹?？巳R默說，兄弟姐妹可以承受更多的消極情緒和行為，而這些在朋友之間是無法忍受的。

That's one reason why sibling interactions are developmentally so important. These relationships allow children to try out new social and emotional behavior, particularly when it comes to conflict, helping them learn ways to manage emotions and develop awareness of other people's thoughts and feelings.

這就是為什么兄弟姐妹之間的互動(dòng)對(duì)發(fā)展如此重要的原因之一。這些關(guān)系讓孩子們嘗試新的社交和情感行為，尤其是在發(fā)生沖突的時(shí)候，幫助他們學(xué)習(xí)管理情緒的方法，培養(yǎng)對(duì)他人想法和感受的意識(shí)。

"It's helpful for children to have experiences in a very safe relationship with a brother or sister where they can work through (conflict) and learn conflict management skills that they will be able to use in other relationships in their life," Kramer said.

克萊默說:“與兄弟姐妹建立一種非常安全的關(guān)系對(duì)孩子很有幫助，他們可以在這種關(guān)系中解決(沖突)，并學(xué)習(xí)處理沖突的技巧，這些技巧他們將能夠在生活中的其他關(guān)系中使用。”

So what steps should you take to help feuding siblings get along? Here are some ideas.

那么，你應(yīng)該采取什么措施來幫助不和的兄弟姐妹相處呢?這里有一些建議。

Intervene or ignore?

干預(yù)或忽略?

As a rule, Caspi said, it's better to ignore simple bickering.

卡斯皮說，作為一個(gè)規(guī)則，最好忽略簡(jiǎn)單的爭(zhēng)吵。

However, he stressed that physical violence and the name calling that often precedes it should be policed.

然而，他強(qiáng)調(diào)，身體暴力和在暴力發(fā)生之前的謾罵都應(yīng)該制止。

"Since violence escalates incrementally in its severity, it is important that parents stop verbal violence before it becomes physical. Name calling is violence and opens the door for escalation into more severe violence."

“由于暴力的嚴(yán)重程度會(huì)逐步升級(jí)，父母在暴力變成身體暴力之前停止語言暴力是很重要的。謾罵是暴力行為，并為升級(jí)為更嚴(yán)重的暴力行為打開了大門。”

What not to do

不要做什么

The danger with intervening or involving yourself in children's disagreements is that it can backfire and fuel the fighting.

干預(yù)或介入孩子們的分歧的危險(xiǎn)在于，它可能會(huì)適得其反，加劇爭(zhēng)吵。

Parents tend to intervene on behalf of the younger child, which builds more resentment in the older and empowers the younger to challenge the older more frequently, Caspi said. Avoid phrases like "You're bigger, be nice!" "Be a good role model," or "She's little, let her have the toy."

卡斯皮說，父母傾向于代表年幼的孩子進(jìn)行干預(yù)，這在年長(zhǎng)的孩子身上積累了更多的怨恨，使得年幼的孩子能夠更頻繁地挑戰(zhàn)年長(zhǎng)的孩子。避免說“你這么大了，友善點(diǎn)!”“做個(gè)好榜樣，”或者“她還小，把玩具給她吧。”

"Another reason for bickering is parents who make lots of comparisons. Parents should avoid comparing their children. Children hear the comparisons and it creates more competition and fighting," he said.

“爭(zhēng)吵的另一個(gè)原因是父母經(jīng)常攀比。父母應(yīng)該避免比較自己的孩子。孩子們聽到這種比較，就會(huì)產(chǎn)生更多的競(jìng)爭(zhēng)和爭(zhēng)斗。”他說。

It's also important to take complaints seriously. For example, if a child consistently complains, "It's not fair" -- something I find particularly challenging in dealing with my own daughters.

認(rèn)真對(duì)待投訴也很重要。例如，如果一個(gè)孩子一直抱怨“這不公平”——我發(fā)現(xiàn)這在我和自己的女兒相處時(shí)特別具有挑戰(zhàn)性。

"When children complain about fairness, parents often dismiss it ... which only confirms the sense that they are on the outside in the parent-children relationship. Acknowledge the feelings and openly discuss it," Caspi said.

“當(dāng)孩子們抱怨公平的時(shí)候，父母往往會(huì)置之不理……這只能證明他們?cè)谟H子關(guān)系中處于局外人的感覺。承認(rèn)這種感受并公開討論。”卡斯皮說。

Lastly, and perhaps most crucially, both Caspi and Kramer said that it's important for parents to cut themselves some slack and take care of their own mental health. Kids can pick up on stress and tension, and this may lead to more fights.

最后，或許也是最重要的一點(diǎn)，卡斯皮和克萊默都說，父母應(yīng)該放松自己，照顧好自己的心理健康。孩子們會(huì)受到壓力和緊張的影響，這可能會(huì)導(dǎo)致更多的爭(zhēng)吵。