雙語·《黑暗的心》 第二章

Chapter Two
第二章

One evening as I was lying flat on the deck of my steamboat, I heard voices approaching-and there were the nephew and the uncle strolling along the bank. I laid my head on my arm again, and had nearly lost myself in a doze, when somebody said in my ear, as it were：‘I am as harmless as a little child, but I don’t like to be dictated to.Am I the manager-or am I not?I was ordered to send him there.It‘s incredible.’……I became aware that the two were standing on the shore alongside the forepart of the steamboat, just below my head.I did not move；it did not occur to me to move：I was sleepy.‘It is unpleasant，’grunted the uncle.‘He has asked the Administration to be sent there，’said the other，‘with the idea of showing what he could do；and I was instructed accordingly.Look at the infuence that man must have.Is it not frightful?’They both agreed it was frightful, then made several bizarre remarks：‘Make rain and fne weather-one man-the Council-by the nose’—bits of absurd sentences that got the better of my drowsiness, so that I had pretty near the whole of my wits about me when the uncle said，‘The climate may do away with this diffculty for you.Is he alone there?’‘Yes，’answered the manager；he sent his assistant down the river with a note to me in these terms：Clear this poor devil out of the country, and don‘t bother sending more of that sort.I had rather be alone than have the kind of men you can dispose of with me.It was more than a year ago.Can you imagine such impudence！’‘Anything since then?’asked the other, hoarsely.‘Ivory，’jerked out the nephew；‘lots of it-prime sort-lots-most annoying, from him.’‘And with that?’questioned the heavy rumble.‘Invoice，’was the reply fred out, so to speak.Then silence.They had been talking about Kurtz.
有一晚，我正舒舒服服地平躺在汽船的甲板上，忽然聽到有人在說話，聲音越來越近——那對叔侄正在沿河散步。我重新把頭枕在手臂上，正要昏昏入睡的時候，又突然聽見有人在我耳邊說話，說的大概是：‘我就跟個小孩兒一樣天真無邪，但我不想被人指揮得團團轉。我到底是不是經理？居然命令我把他送去那里。簡直是瘋了。’……我忽然意識到，那兩人正站在船頭邊的河岸上，就在我腦袋下面。我沒動。我壓根沒想過要動：我困得很。‘確實夠可惡的。’叔叔咕噥著說。‘他主動向公司的領導們請求派他去那里，’另一個說，‘還不就是想要顯擺一下自己的才能嗎？然后他們就命令我送他去了。他們偏就這么信任他！太可怕了！’他們一致認定這非?？膳?，又說了些古怪的話：‘要風得風，要雨得雨——就只他一個人——委員會——任他擺布’——這些雜亂無章的只言片語驅散了我的睡意。等我完全清醒過來，聽見叔叔說：‘氣候可以幫助你解決這個困難。那里只有他自己一個人？’‘是的，’經理回答，他派助手到下游來，捎給我一張紙條，上面居然寫著：把這個可憐的魔鬼趕走，并且別再費事派給我這樣的傻瓜了。我寧可孤身一人，也不愿意讓那些聽你指使的人來幫我！那是一年多以前的事情。真想不到他會這么蠻不講理！‘’那之后還有他的消息嗎？‘另一個粗聲地問。’象牙，‘侄子結結巴巴地說，’很多象牙——頭等的——很多——從他那里送來，真可惡。‘’和象牙一起送來的還有什么？‘粗啞的低音問。侄子好像放炮一般回答道：’發(fā)貨清單。之后便是一片寂靜。他們談的，是庫爾茨。

“I was broad awake by this time, but, lying perfectly at ease, remained still, having no inducement to change my position.‘How did that ivory come all this way?’growled the elder man, who seemed very vexed. The other explained that it had come with a feet of canoes in charge of an English half-caste clerk Kurtz had with him；that Kurtz had apparently intended to return himself, the station being by that time bare of goods and stores, but after coming three hundred miles, had suddenly decided to go back, which he started to do alone in a small dug-out with four paddlers, leaving the half-caste to continue down the river with the ivory.The two fellows there seemed astounded at anybody attempting such a thing.They were at a loss for an adequate motive.As to me, I seemed to see Kurtz for the frst time.It was a distinct glimpse：the dug-out, four paddling savages, and the lone white man turning his back suddenly on the headquarters, on relief, on thoughts of home-perhaps；setting his face towards the depths of the wilderness, towards his empty and desolate station.I did not know the motive.Perhaps he was just simply a fne fellow who stuck to his work for its own sake.His name, you understand, had not been pronounced once.He was‘that man.’The half-caste, who, as far as I could see, had conducted a difficult trip with great prudence and pluck, was invariably alluded to as‘that scoundrel.’The‘scoundrel’had reported that the‘man’had been very ill-had recovered imperfectly……The two below me moved away then a few paces, and strolled back and forth at some little distance.I heard：‘Military post-doctor-two hundred miles-quite alone now-unavoidable delays-nine months-no news-strange rumours.’They approached again, just as the manager was saying，‘Noone, as far as I know, unless a species of wandering trader-a pestilential fellow, snapping ivory from the natives.’Who was it they were talking about now?I gathered in snatches that this was some man supposed to be in Kurtz‘s district, and of whom the manager did not approve.’We will not be free from unfair competition till one of these fellows is hanged for an example，‘he said.’Certainly，‘grunted the other；’get him hanged！Why not?Anything-anything can be done in this country.That‘s what I say；nobody here, you understand, here, can endanger your position.And why?You stand the climate-you outlast them all.The danger is in Europe；but there before I left I took care to—’They moved off and whispered, then their voices rose again.‘The extraordinary series of delays is not my fault.I did my possible.’The fat man sighed，‘Very sad.’‘And the pestiferous absurdity of his talk，’continued the other；he bothered me enough when he was here.”Each station should be like a beacon on the road towards better things, a centre for trade of course, but also for humanising, improving, instructing.Conceive you-that ass！And he wants to be manager！No, it‘s—’Here he got choked by excessive indignation, and I lifted my head the least bit.I was surprised to see how near they were-right under me.I could have spat upon their hats.They were looking on the ground, absorbed in thought.The manager was switching his leg with a slender twig：his sagacious relative lifted his head.‘You have been well since you came out this time?’he asked.The other gave a start.‘Who?I?Oh！Like a charm-like a charm.But the rest-oh, my goodness！All sick.They die so quick, too, that I haven’t the time to send them out of the country-it‘s incredible！’‘H’m.Just so，‘grunted the uncle.’Ah！my boy, trust to this-I say, trust to this.I saw him extend his short fipper of an arm for a gesture that took in the forest, the creek, the mud, the river-seemed to beckon with a dishonouring fourish before the sunlit face of the land a treacherous appeal to the lurking death, to the hidden evil, tothe profound darkness of its heart.It was so startling that I leaped to my feet and looked back at the edge of the forest, as though I had expected an answer of some sort to that black display of confdence.You know the foolish notions that come to one sometimes.The high stillness confronted these two fgures with its ominous patience, waiting for the passing away of a fantastic invasion.
那時我已經非常清醒了，但放松躺著實在是太舒服，便一動不動，不想轉換姿勢。‘這么遠的路，那些象牙是怎么送來的？’那個年長一些的人嘶吼著說，似乎非?？鄲?。另一個解釋道，是由庫爾茨的貼身辦事員，一個英國籍的混血兒領著一隊獨木舟運來的。顯然庫爾茨原本打算親自把象牙運回來，貿易站那時已經既沒有商品，也沒有存糧，但走了三百英里后，他突然決定折回去，便自己一人坐上一條小獨木舟，讓四個人幫他劃槳，并吩咐混血兒將象牙繼續(xù)運往下游。竟然有人做出這樣瘋狂的舉動，那兩個家伙似乎大為震驚。他們無法猜測出一個合理的動機。對我而言，則仿佛第一次看見了庫爾茨。那是一個如此鮮明的畫面：獨木舟，四個劃槳的野蠻人，和那個突然之間義無反顧地把公司總部、安逸的生活和——也許——鄉(xiāng)愁都拋在身后的白人，他是如此形單影只，執(zhí)意要走入荒野深處，走向那凄荒的貿易站。我不知道他的動機。也許他不過是一個好人，他一心撲在工作上，純粹是出于對工作本身的熱愛。而他的名字，他們一次也沒說出來。他是‘那個人’。而那個混血兒，據我所聽到的，兢兢業(yè)業(yè)、奮不顧身地指揮了那次困難的旅程，他們卻一直叫他‘那個無賴’。那個‘無賴’報告說那個‘人’有一次病得很嚴重——到現在也沒有完全恢復……我下方的兩個人隨后走了開去，在不遠處來回走動。我聽到：‘軍營——醫(yī)生——兩百英里——現在挺孤獨的——不可避免的延誤——九個月——沒有消息——奇怪的謠言。’他們又走回來，經理一邊說著：‘據我所知，除了那個游商之外——那個社會的害蟲，只有他能從土人那里弄來象牙。’他們現在在談論誰呢？通過這些零碎的話，我猜是庫爾茨的某個手下，而且經理很討厭他。‘如果不吊死一兩個這樣的家伙，以儆效尤，我們就只能一直當不公平競爭的受害者。’他說。‘當然了，’另一個咕噥道，‘吊死他！為什么不？任何事情——在這里你可以肆無忌憚地做任何事情。就是這樣。你要明白，在這里，沒有人可以威脅到你的職位。為什么？你受得了這里的氣候——你活得比他們都要久。危險在歐洲，但在我離開那里之前，我已經盡量——’他們走了開去，交談聲變成一陣模糊的竊竊私語，然后又高起來。‘那意外的一再延誤并不能怪我。我已經盡力了。’那個胖男人嘆了一口氣。‘很慘。’‘還有他那蠱惑人心的胡說八道，’另一個接著說，‘他在這里的時候真是煩死人了。他說，每個貿易站都應該是沿途的指路明燈，把人們引向光明。它們當然是貿易的中心，但也是開化、進步和教育的中心。真是荒唐——那個渾蛋！而且他想要當經理！不，真是——’他憤怒過度，嗓子被噎住了。我稍稍抬起頭來。我驚訝地發(fā)現原來他們離我這么近——就在我下面。我都能向他們的帽子吐口水。他們盯著地面，陷入了沉思。經理用一根纖細的樹枝輕輕鞭打著自己的腿，他那精明的親戚抬起頭來。‘你這次來這兒一直沒生病吧？’他問。另一個嚇了一跳。‘誰？我嗎？哦，上天保佑——上天保佑。但剩下的人——哦，我的天！都生病了。而且他們死得太快，我都來不及把他們運走——太神奇了！’‘哼，就該這樣。’叔叔咕噥道，‘??！我的孩子，相信這個地方——我說，相信這個地方。’我看見他伸出一條粗短得像魚鰭的手臂，揮舞著，劃過眼前的森林、小溪、泥土和河流——夕陽照亮了這片土地的外表，他卻似乎要憑著這樣一個無恥的動作，煞有介事地向它的內心深處發(fā)出號召，想要召喚出那潛伏的死亡、隱藏的邪惡和深邃的黑暗。那情景實在太恐怖，我驚得跳起來，甩過頭去看森林的邊緣，好像想看看，對于他這種信賴的表示，森林會做出什么反應。面對這兩個家伙，高高的森林一動也不動，報以猙獰的耐心，靜待這一場狂亂的侵略自行消失。

They swore aloud together-out of sheer fright, I believe-then pretending not to know anything of my existence, turned back to the station. The sun was low；and leaning forward side by side, they seemed to be tugging painfully uphill their two ridiculous shadows of unequal length, that trailed behind them slowly over the tall grass without bending a single blade.
他們不約而同地大罵起來——全然出于恐懼，我相信——然后假裝不知道我在那里，轉身回貿易站去。在低低的太陽下，他們肩并著肩，身子前傾，仿佛正在吃力地拖著兩條可笑的影子爬坡。那兩條影子，長短不一，被他們拖在身后，緩緩碾壓過深深的草地，卻沒有壓彎一片草葉。

In a few days the Eldorado Expedition went into the patient wilderness, that closed upon it as the sea closes over a diver. Long afterwards the news came that all the donkeys were dead.I know nothing as to the fate of the less valuable animals.They, no doubt, like the rest of us, found what they deserved.I did not inquire.I was then rather excited at the prospect of meeting Kurtz very soon.When I say very soon I mean it comparatively.It was just two months from the day we left the creek when we came to the bank below Kurtzs station.
幾天后，埃爾多拉多探險隊走進了那片耐心的荒野?；囊胺路鸢阉麄兺塘诉M去，就像大海吞掉一個潛水員一樣。很久以后，我聽見消息說所有的驢都死了。至于那些不及驢值錢的動物，我完全不知道他們命運如何。他們，毫無疑問，就像我們這些留下來的人那樣，求得了自己應有的命運。我沒有問。那時我即將要與庫爾茨會面，正相當興奮地憧憬著。我說‘即將’，是相對而言。從我們離開那條河算起，到抵達他那個貿易站下面的河邊，又過了兩個月。

“Going up that river was like travelling back to the earliest beginnings of the world, when vegetation rioted on the earth and the big trees were kings. An empty stream, a great silence, an impenetrable forest.The air was warm, thick, heavy, sluggish.There was no joy in the brilliance of sunshine.The long stretches of the waterway ran on, deserted, into the gloom of overshadowed distances.On silvery sandbanks hippos and alligators sunned themselves side by side.The broadening waters flowed through a mob of wooded islands；you lost your way on that river as you would in a desert, and butted all day long against shoals, trying to fnd the channel, till you thought yourself bewitched and cut off for ever from everything you had known once-somewhere-far away-in another existence perhaps.There were moments when one‘s past came back to one, as it will sometimes when you have not a moment to spare to yourself；but it came in the shape of an unrestful and noisy dream, remembered with wonder amongst the overwhelming realities of this strange world of plants, and water, and silence.And this stillness of life did not in the least resemble a peace.It was the stillness of an implacable force brooding over an inscrutable intention.It looked at you with a vengeful aspect.I got used to it afterwards；I did not see it any more；I had no time.I had to keep guessing at the channel；I had to discern, mostly by inspiration, the signs of hidden banks；I watched for sunken stones；I was learning to clap my teeth smartly before my heart few out, when I shaved by a fuke some infernal sly old snag that would have ripped the life out of the tin-pot steamboat and drowned all the pilgrims；I had to keep a look-out for the signs of dead wood we could cut up in the night for next day’s steaming.When you have to attend to things of that sort, to the mere incidents of the surface, the reality-the reality, I tell you-fades.The inner truth is hidden-luckily, luckily.But I felt it all the same；I felt often its mysterious stillness watching me at my monkey tricks, just as it watches you fellows performing on your respective tight-ropes for-what is it?half-a-crown a tumble—”
“沿河駛往上游，就像駛回原始世界，那個草木席卷地球、大樹稱王的時代?？盏暮?，無邊的寂靜，密不透風的森林。空氣溫暖、濃稠、沉重而遲滯。燦爛的陽光中，了無喜悅。長長的水道奔流向前，一路上杳無人跡，奔入遠處陰慘的濃蔭中。在銀光閃閃的沙岸上，河馬和短吻鱷并肩躺著曬太陽。水面越來越開闊，流過一個又一個綠樹茂密的小島。在那條河上，就像在沙漠里一樣，極易迷路，一心想駛到水深處，卻總是撞上沙洲。直到你覺得自己瘋了，過去認識的一切永遠也回不來了——它們在某個地方——很遠——也許在另一個時空。有那么一些片刻，往事會涌上心頭，就像當人完全沒有時間獨處的時候，會不時地想起過去的片段一樣。但這些回憶像擾攘嘈雜的夢，在這個只有植物、水和寂靜的世界里，在無法掙脫的現實底下，它們是如此不真實。這種生命的沉靜，完全無法使人安寧。那是一股無法抗拒的力量所表現出來的沉靜，籠罩著謎一樣的意圖。它盯著你，仿佛跟你仇深似海。后來我就習慣了，沒有再看見它，因為沒時間。我不得不一直摸索航道；我不得不幾乎全靠直覺地去尋找河岸的蛛絲馬跡；我小心翼翼地提防水底的石頭；我學會了咬緊牙關，不讓心臟跳出來，一個狡猾的老暗樁就能輕易劃開這條破船，所有朝圣者都將掉進水里淹死；我不得不留心注意哪里有枯樹，晚上去砍掉，第二天用來燒鍋爐。當你不得不對付這些事情，用全副精神對付肉眼所能看見的無數瑣事，現實——現實，我是說——就不見了。內在的真相總是看不見的——幸好，幸好。但我仍然能感受到它。我常常覺得它那神秘的沉靜盯著我，看我在耍猴戲，就像它在盯著你們這些家伙，看你們踩在各自的鋼絲上表演——表演什么來著？半克朗翻一個跟頭那種……”

“Try to be civil, Marlow，”growled a voice, and I knew there was at least one listener awake besides myself.
“別說得那么難聽，馬洛！”一個聲音咆哮道，這下我知道身邊至少有一個聽眾還醒著。

I beg your pardon. I forgot the heartache which makes up the rest of the price.And indeed what does the price matter, if the trick be well done?You do your tricks very well.And I didn‘t do badly either, since I managed not to sink that steamboat on my first trip.It’s a wonder to me yet.Imagine a blindfolded man set to drive a van over a bad road.I sweated and shivered over that business considerably, I can tell you.After all, for a seaman, to scrape the bottom of the thing that‘s supposed to foat all the time under his care is the unpardonable sin.No one may know of it, but you never forget the thump-eh?A blow on the very heart.You remember it, you dream of it, you wake up at night and think of it-years after-and go hot and cold all over.I don’t pretend to say that steamboat foated all the time.More than once she had to wade for a bit, with twenty cannibals splashing around and pushing.We had enlisted some of these chaps on the way for a crew.Fine fellows-cannibals-in their place.They were men one could work with, and I am grateful to them.And, after all, they did not eat each other before my face：they had brought along a provision of hippo-meat which went rotten, and made the mystery of the wilderness stink in my nostrils.Phoo！I can sniff it now.I had the manager on board and three or four pilgrims with their staves-all complete.Sometimes we came upon a station close by the bank, clinging to the skirts of the Unknown, and the white men rushing out of a tumble-down hovel, with great gestures of joy and surprise and welcome, seemed very strange-had the appearance of being held there captive by a spell.The word‘ivory’would ring in the air for a while-and on we went again into the silence, along empty reaches, round the still bends, between the high walls of our winding way, reverberating in hollow claps the ponderous beat of the stern-wheel.Trees, trees, millions of trees, massive, immense, running up high；and at their foot, hugging the bank against the stream, crept the little begrimed steamboat, like a sluggish beetle crawling on the foor of a lofty portico.It made you feel very small, very lost, and yet it was not altogether depressing that feeling.After all, if you were small, the grimy beetle crawled on-which was just what you wanted it to do.Where the pilgrims imagined it crawled to I dont know.To some place where they expected to get something, I bet！For me it crawled towards Kurtz-exclusively；but when the steam-pipes started leaking we crawled very slow.The reaches opened before us and closed behind, as if the forest had stepped leisurely across the water to bar the way for our return.We penetrated deeper and deeper into the heart of darkness.It was very quiet there.At night sometimes the roll of drums behind the curtain of trees would run up the river and remain sustained faintly, as if hovering in the air high over our heads, till the first break of day.Whether this meant war, peace, or prayer we could not tell.The dawns were heralded by the descent of a chill stillness；the woodcutters slept, their fres burned low；the snapping of a twig would make you start.We were wanderers on a prehistoric earth, on an earth that wore the aspect of an unknown planet.We could have fancied ourselves the frst of men taking possession of an accursed inheritance, to be subdued at the cost of profound anguish and of excessive toil.But suddenly, as we struggled round a bend, there would be a glimpse of rush walls, of peaked grass-roofs, a burst of yells, a whirl of black limbs, a mass of hands clapping, of feet stamping, of bodies swaying, of eyes rolling, under the droop of heavy and motionless foliage.The steamer toiled along slowly on the edge of a black and incomprehensible frenzy.The prehistoric man was cursing us, praying to us, welcoming us-who could tell?We were cut off from the comprehension of our surroundings；we glided past like phantoms, wondering and secretly appalled, as sane men would be before an enthusiastic outbreak in a madhouse.We could not understand, because we were too far and could not remember, because we were travelling in the night of frst ages, of those ages that are gone, leaving hardly a sign-and no memories.
抱歉。我忘了還要額外付一點錢，給你們拿去治心痛。其實價錢有什么要緊呢，只要把戲耍得好？你們耍得很好。我也沒有耍得很糟糕，那可是我第一次指揮航行，我沒讓那條汽船沉掉。對我而言，這仍然是一個奇跡。試想一下，假如你們要駕駛小貨車走過一條糟糕的路，卻被蒙住眼睛的情景。不怕你們笑話，那趟航行著實讓我大汗淋漓，渾身顫抖。畢竟，對一個海員來說，沒能照顧好一個本應一直浮在水上的東西，把它的底刮穿了，簡直是滔天大罪。可能沒人懷疑到你身上去，但你永遠忘不了那‘砰’的一聲——是不是？簡直就像撞在心上。你記得它，夢見它，半夜驚醒時想起它——很多年以后——渾身冷一陣熱一陣的。我承認那條汽船也并沒有一直浮在水上。她不止一次地蹭進了河底的爛泥里，只好請二十個食人族的生番把她團團圍住，在水里噼里啪啦地往前推。這些家伙是我們沿路捎上的，給我們當水手。真不錯——這些食人族——很稱職。他們是工作上的好搭檔，我對他們感激萬分。況且，他們并沒有在我們眼前你吃我我吃你：他們帶了一批腐爛了的河馬肉上船當食物，使得荒野的神秘氣氛染上了陣陣撲鼻的惡臭。嗚！我仿佛又聞到了。船上還有經理和三四個武裝著棍子的朝圣者——全都安然無恙。有時我們經過岸邊緊挨著未開發(fā)地區(qū)的貿易站，白人們從搖搖欲墜的小屋里狂奔而出，做著夸張的手勢，表示他們是多么喜出望外以及多么盼望我們到來。他們看起來是如此的詭異——仿佛是被某個魔咒禁錮在那個地方。‘象牙’這個單詞會在空中回旋那么一陣子——我們繼續(xù)前進，回到寂靜之中，行駛在荒涼的河道上，繞過死滯的河灣，曲曲折折地在兩岸高聳的峭壁之間穿行，船尾明輪笨重地拍著水，那空洞的聲音惹起陣陣回響。樹，樹，成千棵，成萬棵，粗大的，巨大的，天一般高；在它們腳下，這一艘臟污的小汽船，緊貼著岸，逆流艱難前行，就像在巍峨的門廊下，一只遲緩的甲蟲在地板上緩緩爬過。在那種情境下，人顯得那么渺小和迷茫，然而那種感覺并不怎么壓抑。畢竟，即使你很渺小，那只臟兮兮的小甲蟲也還是向前爬著——這就是你對它的全部要求。在朝圣者的想象中，它會爬去哪里，我不知道。但我敢打賭，一定是一個有利可圖的地方！對我而言，它爬向的是庫爾茨——一心一意地。但后來蒸汽管開始漏水，我們爬得慢極了。一段又一段的河道在我們眼前展開，又漸漸消失于我們身后，仿佛森林不慌不忙地橫穿水面，隔斷了我們的后路。我們越走越深，探進了黑暗的心。那里異常安靜。夜深的時候，帷幕一般的樹林背后，沿河傳來隆隆的鼓聲，隱隱地徹夜作響，仿佛高高地在我們頭頂上空盤桓不絕。這到底是戰(zhàn)爭、和平還是捕獵的鼓聲，我們無從分辨。鼓聲戛然而止，天地驀然陷入一片寒冷的寂靜之中——黎明即將來臨。伐木工們還在沉睡，他們的篝火快要熄滅了，樹枝折斷的噼啪聲也驚心動魄。我們是史前地球上的流浪者，流浪在一個未知的星球上，周圍是全然陌生的風景。我們本可以把這片土地想象成一筆會給繼承者帶來厄運的遺產，而自己是第一批來接收它的人，想要征服它，必須以刻骨的痛苦和殘酷的辛勞作為代價。但當我們艱難地轉了一個彎，又會驀然遇上許多草墻、尖削的茅草屋頂、一陣狂叫、許多亂揮亂甩的黑手臂、嘈雜的拍手聲和跺腳聲、搖搖晃晃的身軀、瘋轉的眼珠，在一大片低垂著，沉重得一動不動的枝葉底下。汽船就這樣沿著那片陰暗而不可理喻的狂亂吃力前進。這些史前人類是在詛咒我們，在向我們祈禱，又還是在歡迎我們——誰能分辨？我們已經完全無法理解周圍的環(huán)境，我們像幽靈一樣飄過，充滿好奇，卻又暗暗恐懼著，就像神志正常的人一頭撞進了瘋人院里的一場暴亂。我們無法理解，因為我們已經走得太遠，我們記不起來，因為我們是在原始時代的黑夜里航行，而那個時代已經一去不復返，不留下一絲痕跡——和記憶。

The earth seemed unearthly. We are accustomed to look upon the shackled form of a conquered monster, but there-there you could look at a thing monstrous and free.It was unearthly, and the men were-No, they were not inhuman.Well, you know, that was the worst of it-this suspicion of their not being inhuman.It would come slowly to one.They howled, and leaped, and spun, and made horrid faces；but what thrilled you was just the thought of their humanity-like yours-the thought of your remote kinship with this wild and passionate uproar.Ugly.Yes, it was ugly enough；but if you were man enough you would admit to yourself that there was in you just the faintest trace of a response to the terrible frankness of that noise, a dim suspicion of there being a meaning in it which you-you so remote from the night of first ages-could comprehend.And why not?The mind of man is capable of anything-because everything is in it, all the past as well as all the future.What was there after all?Joy, fear, sorrow, devotion, valour, rage-who can tell?—but truth-truth stripped of its cloak of time.Let the fool gape and shudder-the man knows, and can look on without a wink.But he must at least be as much of a man as these on the shore.He must meet that truth with his own true stuff-with his own inborn strength.Principles?Principles won‘t do.Acquisitions, clothes, pretty rags-rags that would fy off at the frst good shake.No；you want a deliberate belief.An appeal to me in this fendish row-is there?Very well；I hear；I admit, but I have a voice too, and for good or evil mine is the speech that cannot be silenced.Of course, a fool, what with sheer fright and fine sentiments, is always safe.Who’s that grunting?You wonder I didn‘t go ashore for a howl and a dance?Well, no-I didn’t.Fine sentiments, you say?Fine sentiments, be hanged！I had no time.I had to mess about with white-lead and strips of woollen blanket helping to put bandages on those leaky steam-pipes-I tell you.I had to watch the steering, and circumvent those snags, and get the tin-pot along by hook or by crook.There was surface-truth enough in these things to save a wiser man.And between whiles I had to look after the savage who was fireman.He was an improved specimen；he couldfre up a vertical boiler.He was there below me, and, upon my word, to look at him was as edifying as seeing a dog in a parody of breeches and a feather hat, walking on his hind-legs.A few months of training had done for that really fne chap.He squinted at the steam-gauge and at the water-gauge with an evident effort of intrepidity-and he had fled teeth too, the poor devil, and the wool of his pate shaved into queer patterns, and three ornamental scars on each of his cheeks.He ought to have been clapping his hands and stamping his feet on the bank, instead of which he was hard at work, a thrall to strange witchcraft, full of improving knowledge.He was useful because he had been instructed；and what he knew was this-that should the water in that transparent thing disappear, the evil spirit inside the boiler would get angry through the greatness of his thirst, and take a terrible vengeance.So he sweated and fred up and watched the glass fearfully（with an impromptu charm, made of rags, tied to his arm, and a piece of polished bone, as big as a watch, stuck fatways through his lower lip），while the wooded banks slipped past us slowly, the short noise was left behind, the interminable miles of silence-and we crept on, towards Kurtz.But the snags were thick, the water was treacherous and shallow, the boiler seemed indeed to have a sulky devil in it, and thus neither that freman nor I had any time to peer into our creepy thoughts.
那片土地仿佛不屬于地球。我們所習慣的地球，就像一個被制服了的怪物，被五花大綁，但那里——在那里你可以看到一個自由的怪物。那不屬于地球，那里的人也——不，他們也是人。啊，你們看，那才是最糟糕的——懷疑他們也是人。漸漸地你總會懷疑起來。他們大吼大叫，亂蹦亂跳，瘋狂地轉圈，做出猙獰的表情，但真正令人不寒而栗的，是想到他們也有人性——跟你們一樣的人性——讓你們想到遠古的親屬，和他們一樣，狂野而暴躁，騷動不安。太丑陋。是的，丑陋極了。但如果你畢竟還是一個人，就會向自己承認，這種誠實得可怕的噪聲，喚起了身體深處最隱秘的回響，令你產生模糊的懷疑，懷疑那聲音包含著某種意義，某種你能夠——即使離那些太初的夜晚如此遙遠——能夠理解的意義。為什么不？人的頭腦無所不能——因為它包含了一切，包含了全部的過去以及將來。而那里面究竟有什么？喜悅，恐懼，憂傷，虔誠，勇氣，憤怒——誰又知道？——除了真相——脫去了時間外衣的真相。就讓那些愚蠢的人目瞪口呆、膽戰(zhàn)心驚——真正的人自然會懂得，并一直冷眼旁觀。但起碼，他必須和這些岸上的人一樣，也是人。他必須用真實的自己來擁抱那個真相——用他天生的力量。原則？原則不行。后天得來的一切，像衣服，不過是一塊華麗的布——一扯就掉。不，你需要的是一個飽經風霜的信念。他們鬼哭神嚎，是想喚醒我嗎——是不是？很好，我聽見了，我也承認確實如此，但我也有想說的話，不論是好是壞，沒有人能夠阻止我說出來。當然了，那些戰(zhàn)戰(zhàn)兢兢而玉潔冰清的傻瓜是永遠安全的。誰在那里嘟噥？你想知道我為什么不跳上岸，和他們一起咆哮，一起跳舞？好吧，不——我沒有。你說什么？我玉潔冰清？胡說！我是沒有時間。我不得不手忙腳亂地用白鉛粉和羊毛氈包住漏水的蒸汽管——我忙壞了。我不得不看緊船舵，躲開暗樁，用盡一切辦法讓那條破爛的船往前開下去。這么明顯的事情，不用比我更加聰明也看得出來。我還得時不時去盯一眼那個負責燒鍋爐的野蠻人。他是一個經過改良的樣本，懂得燒立式鍋爐。我低頭就能看見他，而且，一點不假，看著他就仿佛在看著一條狗，學人樣穿著短褲，戴著羽毛帽子，用兩條后腿走路，令人深受啟發(fā)。這個很不錯的伙計沒有白受那幾個月的培訓。他明顯是鼓足了勇氣，才敢蹲在蒸汽計量儀和水位指示器前——他的牙齒被銼得尖尖的，這個可憐的魔鬼，頭頂毛茸茸的鬈發(fā)剃成古怪的圖案，雙頰上各有三個用作裝飾的疤痕。他本應在岸上拍手跺腳，但卻埋頭工作，仿佛被施了奇怪的魔法，滿腦子都是進步的知識。他是個有用的人，因為受過訓練，他只知道，如果那根玻璃管里面的水干了，住在鍋爐里面的魔鬼就會因為口渴而大發(fā)雷霆，實施可怕的報復。所以他誠惶誠恐地盯著玻璃管，汗如雨下，仔細添火（他手臂上系著一個臨時準備的護身符，是一塊破布，另外還有一塊磨得光亮的骨頭，和手表一樣大，打平穿過下嘴唇），而那密密叢叢的河岸慢慢從我們身邊劃過，岸上的吵鬧聲漸漸遠去，又是無數英里的寂靜——我們繼續(xù)向前爬，爬向庫爾茨。但到處都是暗樁，淺淺的河水極其兇險，鍋爐里面好像真的有一個狂怒的魔鬼，所以鍋爐工和我都忙得焦頭爛額，沒有時間仔細咀嚼心中那些恐怖的念頭。

Some fifty miles below the Inner Station we came upon a hut of reeds, an inclined and melancholy pole, with the unrecognisable tatters of what had been a fag of some sort fying from it, and a neatly stacked wood-pile. This was unexpected.We came to the bank, and on the stack of frewood found a fat piece of board with some faded pencil-writing on it.When deciphered it said：‘Wood for you.Hurry up.Approach cautiously.’There was a signature, but it was illegible-not Kurtz-a much longer word.Hurry up.Where?Up the river?‘Approach cautiously.’We had not done so.But the warning could not have been meant for the place whereit could be only found after approach.Something was wrong above.But what-and how much?That was the question.We commented adversely upon the imbecility of that telegraphic style.The bush around said nothing, and would not let us look very far, either.A torn curtain of red twill hung in the doorway of the hut, and fapped sadly in our faces.The dwelling was dismantled；but we could see a white man had lived there not very long ago.There remained a rude table-a plank on two posts；a heap of rubbish reposed in a dark corner, and by the door I picked up a book.It had lost its covers, and the pages had been thumbed into a state of extremely dirty softness；but the back had been lovingly stitched afresh with white cotton thread, which looked clean yet.It was an extraordinary find.Its title was，‘An Inquiry into some Points of Seamanship，’by a man Towzer, Towson-some such name-Master in his Majesty‘s Navy.The matter looked dreary reading enough, with illustrative diagrams and repulsive tables of figures, and the copy was sixty years old.I handled this amazing antiquity with the greatest possible tenderness, lest it should dissolve in my hands.Within, Towson or Towzer was inquiring earnestly into the breaking strain of ships’chains and tackle, and other such matters.Not a very enthralling book；but at the frst glance you could see there a singleness of intention, an honest concern for the right way of going to work, which made these humble pages, thought out so many years ago, luminous with another than a professional light.The simple old sailor, with his talk of chains and purchases, made me forget the jungle and the pilgrims in a delicious sensation of having come upon something unmistakably real.Such a book being there was wonderful enough；but still more astounding were the notes pencilled in the margin, and plainly referring to the text.I couldnt believe my eyes！They were in cipher！Yes, it looked like cipher.Fancy a man lugging with him a book of that description into this nowhere and studying it-and making notes-incipher at that！It was an extravagant mystery.
在離內地貿易站大概五十英里遠的地方，我們路過一座用蘆葦蓋的小屋。屋子前面豎著一根歪歪斜斜的木桿，看得人心里難受，上面飛揚著碎布條，圖案已經辨不清了，但依稀看得出曾經是一面旗。還有一堆碼得整整齊齊的木頭。真意外。我們上了岸，發(fā)現那堆木頭上面有一塊木板，寫著褪了色的鉛筆字。我們仔細反復辨認出寫的是：‘木頭給你們。盡快。小心靠近。’下面有簽名，但看不清楚——不是庫爾茨——比庫爾茨的名字長得多。盡快。盡快去哪里？往上游去嗎？‘小心靠近。’我們靠近時可沒有小心。但這個警告說的不是這里，因為我們只有靠近了這里，才能看得見警告。上游肯定是出事了。但出了什么事——嚴重嗎？這才是我們關心的啊！干嗎寫得像份電報一樣啊，真夠愚蠢的。周圍的灌木叢默默地擋住了我們遠望的視線。小屋門口掛著一張破破爛爛的紅色斜紋布門簾，哀哀地打到我們臉上來。這座小屋已經荒廢了，但看得出來，不久前這里曾經住過一位白人男士。屋里還放著一張簡陋的桌子——用兩條木棍支著一塊木板，一個黑暗的角落里堆著垃圾。我在門的旁邊撿到一本書。封面已經不見了，書頁被翻得極臟極軟，書脊卻被人拿白棉線非常用心地重新裝訂過，那棉線還很干凈。那是一個驚人的發(fā)現。這本書名叫《航海術探究》，作者是陶澤或陶森——大約是這么念的，是一位皇家海軍的船長。我翻了一下，內容枯燥得要命，有許多說明性的圖表和可恨的數字表格，已經出版六十年了。我極盡溫柔地捧著這個神奇的古董，生怕它會在我的手里化成灰。在書中，陶森或者陶澤，熱心地探討了錨鏈和絞轆能承受的最大拉力和其他類似的問題。這本書并不好看，然而它那單純的目的一目了然，是如此真心實意地在探尋工作的正確方法，使得這些卑微的書頁，那么多年前的思想，不僅能給人以專業(yè)上的指導，還帶來了其他啟示。這位簡單直率的老水手，在認認真真談著錨鏈和絞轆，使我忘記了叢林和朝圣者，沉浸于一種美好的感受之中，仿佛終于找到了某些確鑿不移的真實。在那里，光是這本書的存在就已經不可思議，而更令人震驚的是，頁邊竟然還有筆記，用鉛筆做的，明顯與正文相關。難道我在做夢！筆記全是用密碼寫的！確實，看起來跟密碼似的。居然會有人費心把這么一本書帶到這個荒無人煙的地方來，認真研讀——還要做筆記——而且用密碼！簡直是天方夜譚。

I had been dimly aware for some time of a worrying noise, and when I lifted my eyes I saw the wood-pile was gone, and the manager, aided by all the pilgrims, was shouting at me from the river-side. I slipped the book into my pocket.I assure you to leave off reading was like tearing myself away from the shelter of an old and solid friendship.
有那么一陣子，我一直隱約聽到一陣惱人的吵鬧聲。我抬起頭，發(fā)現那堆木頭不見了，經理和所有朝圣者都正在河邊向我大喊大叫。我被迫匆匆把書塞進口袋。我發(fā)誓，當時的感覺，就仿佛被他們生生拽出了一個死黨的家。

I started the lame engine ahead.‘It must be this miserable trader-this intruder，’exclaimed the manager, looking back malevolently at the place we had left.‘He must be English，’I said.‘It will not save him from getting into trouble if he is not careful，’muttered the manager darkly. I observed with assumed innocence that no man was safe from trouble in this world.
我發(fā)動破引擎，繼續(xù)前行。‘肯定是這個倒霉的商人干的——這個小偷。’經理大聲說，充滿仇恨地回頭看著我們剛剛離開的地方。‘他肯定是個英國人。’我說。‘那也不能肆意妄為，否則照樣會遇上麻煩。’經理惡狠狠地說。我假裝天真地評論說，人生在世，遇到些麻煩也是在所難免的。

The current was more rapid now, the steamer seemed at her last gasp, the stern-wheel flopped languidly, and I caught myself listening on tiptoe for the next beat of the foat, for in sober truth I expected the wretched thing to give up every moment. It was like watching the last fickers of a life.But still we crawled.Sometimes I would pick out a tree a little way ahead to measure our progress towards Kurtz by, but I lost it invariably before we got abreast.To keep the eyes so long on one thing was too much for human patience.The manager displayed a beautiful resignation.I fretted and fumed and took to arguing with myself whether or no I would talk openly with Kurtz；but before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility.What did it matter what any one knew or ignored?What did it matter who was manager?One gets sometimes such a flash of insight.The essentials of this affair lay deep under the surface, beyond my reach, and beyond my power of meddling.
水流越來越急，汽船似乎已經奄奄一息，船尾明輪疲倦地拍打著河面。我發(fā)現自己正踮著腳跟，全神貫注地等待下一次拍打聲傳來，因為我清醒地意識到，它會隨時報廢。那種感覺，就像看著最后的生命之光一點點消逝。但我們仍然在往前挪。有時候我會在前頭不遠的岸邊挑出來一棵樹，用來測量我們離庫爾茨又近了多少，但總等不到趕上它，就忘記挑的是哪棵樹了。人是不可能有耐性，做到那么長時間一直盯著同一件東西的。經理已經不失風度地退居幕后。我又苦惱又生氣，開始和自己爭辯，到底要不要坦誠地和庫爾茨談一次，但在我與自己達成共識之前，我就意識到，最終談與不談，實際上不論我做什么，都沒有意義。知不知道內情又有什么關系呢？誰是經理又如何？人有時就是會這樣頓然醒悟。這整件事情的關鍵，深藏于表面之下，我了解不到，也無從干涉。

Towards the evening of the second day we judged ourselves about eight miles from Kurtz‘s station. I wanted to push on；but the managerlooked grave, and told me the navigation up there was so dangerous that it would be advisable, the sun being very low already, to wait where we were till next morning.Moreover, he pointed out that if the warning to approach cautiously were to be followed, we must approach in daylight-not at dusk, or in the dark.This was sensible enough.Eight miles meant nearly three hours’steaming for us, and I could also see suspicious ripples at the upper end of the reach.Nevertheless, I was annoyed beyond expression at the delay, and most unreasonably too, since one night more could not matter much after so many months.As we had plenty of wood, and caution was the word, I brought up in the middle of the stream.The reach was narrow, straight, with high sides like a railway cutting.The dusk came gliding into it long before the sun had set.The current ran smooth and swift, but a dumb immobility sat on the banks.The living trees, lashed together by the creepers and every living bush of the undergrowth, might have been changed into stone, even to the slenderest twig, to the lightest leaf.It was not sleep-it seemed unnatural, like a state of trance.Not the faintest sound of any kind could be heard.You looked on amazed, and began to suspect yourself of being deaf-then the night came suddenly, and struck you blind as well.About three in the morning some large fish leaped, and the loud splash made me jump as though a gun had been fred.When the sun rose there was a white fog, very warm and clammy, and more blinding than the night.It did not shift or drive；it was just there, standing all round you like something solid.At eight or nine, perhaps, it lifted as a shutter lifts.We had a glimpse of the towering multitude of trees, of the immense matted jungle, with the blazing little ball of the sun hanging over it-all perfectly still-and then the white shutter came down again, smoothly, as if sliding in greased grooves.I ordered the chain, which we had begun to heave in, to be paid out again.Before it stopped running with a muffed rattle, a cry, a veryloud cry, as of infinite desolation, soared slowly in the opaque air.It ceased.A complaining clamour, modulated in savage discords, flled our ears.The sheer unexpectedness of it made my hair stir under my cap.I don‘t know how it struck the others：to me it seemed as though the mist itself had screamed, so suddenly, and apparently from all sides at once, did this tumultuous and mournful uproar arise.It culminated in a hurried outbreak of almost intolerably excessive shrieking, which stopped short, leaving us stiffened in a variety of silly attitudes, and obstinately listening to the nearly as appalling and excessive silence.’Good God！What is the meaning—?‘stammered at my elbow one of the pilgrims-a little fat man, with sandy hair and red whiskers, who wore side-spring boots, and pink pyjamas tucked into his socks.Two others remained open-mouthed a whole minute, then dashed into the little cabin, to rush out incontinently and stand darting scared glances, with Winchesters at’readyin their hands.What we could see was just the steamer we were on, her outlines blurred as though she had been on the point of dissolving, and a misty strip of water, perhaps two feet broad, around her-and that was all.The rest of the world was nowhere, as far as our eyes and ears were concerned.Just nowhere.Gone, disappeared；swept off without leaving a whisper or a shadow behind.
到第二天黃昏，我們估計庫爾茨的貿易站大約只在八英里開外。我想繼續(xù)趕路，但經理板起臉來，告訴我繼續(xù)航行太危險，太不明智，太陽快下山了，我們必須留在原地，等到第二天早上再出發(fā)。而且，他指出如果要遵從‘小心靠近’的警告，我們就應該在白天靠近——而不是在黃昏或夜里。他說得合情合理。開著這條破船，八英里要走差不多三個小時，而且前頭河道上的波紋也非常可疑。然而，對于要再等一個夜晚，我莫名地感到生氣。當然這很不理智，因為都等了好幾個月了，再等一晚又算得了什么。既然有那么多木頭，又有人警告我們要小心，我就在河中央把船停好。河道又窄又直，兩岸高高地隆起來，像鐵路的路塹。離太陽下山還早得很，這里就已經迫不及待地陰沉了下來。水流穩(wěn)而急，但兩岸一片死寂。被藤蔓絞在一起的大樹盡管還活著，還有矮樹叢里每一棵活著的灌木，都仿佛化作了石頭，甚至連那最柔軟的新枝，最輕盈的嫩葉，也冰冷僵硬。它們不是睡著了——詭異得仿佛靈魂出了竅。四周是一片全然的寂靜，人害怕地睜大眼睛看著它們，漸漸懷疑自己聾了——然后黑夜突然降臨，又把人砸瞎了。大約凌晨三點，一條大魚縱身躍出水面，噼里啪啦的水聲刺耳得像槍聲，嚇得我跳了起來。日出時，升起一團極暖極濕的白霧，比黑夜更濃稠，凝滯著，死死賴在那里，緊緊包圍住你，牢不可破。等到大約八九點鐘，它就像一扇百葉窗一樣，漸漸上升消散。我們又能夠看上一眼那些參天大樹，纏成一片的亂林，太陽懸在上空，像一個炙熱的小球——全部都紋絲不動——然后那扇白色的百葉窗又迅速地穩(wěn)穩(wěn)落下，好像滑下一個上滿潤滑油的滑槽。我命令把剛剛收上來一點的錨拋回去。錨鏈還在鈍重地嘎嘎響著，突然傳來一聲驚叫，叫得山崩地裂，仿佛從無盡的凄涼里喊出來，在灰暗的空氣中緩緩飛升。它停了，然后是一片哀怨的吵鬧聲，混在野蠻人古怪的喧嘩里。僅僅是因為猝不及防，我帽子里的頭發(fā)就全部倒豎起來。我不知道別人對此有何感想：這場凄慘凌亂的騷動是如此突然，而且明顯從四面八方同時爆發(fā)出來，我覺得就像是那片迷霧本身在驚叫。這場騷動突然進入高潮，爆發(fā)出一聲震耳欲聾的尖叫，戛然而止。我們驚訝得呆若木雞，在原地保持著各種可笑的姿勢，仍然固執(zhí)地想要在可怕得過分的寂靜里聽出點什么聲音來。‘善良的上帝?。∵@是在干什么——’我身邊一個朝圣者結結巴巴地說——他矮胖，黃發(fā)紅須，穿著綁邊靴子和粉紅色的睡衣，褲腿塞進襪子里。另外兩個朝圣者張著嘴巴發(fā)了整整一分鐘的呆，然后沖進小小的船艙，又跌跌撞撞地跑出來，站定了，恐懼地左顧右盼，緊緊攥住‘上好膛’的溫徹斯特步槍。我們能看見的只有汽船，她的輪廓模糊地淡進霧里，仿佛隨時要融掉，還有她周圍那霧茫茫的狹長水道，大約兩英尺寬——就這么多。憑我們的耳目，無法感知到余下的世界。也許耳目之外根本就了無一物。逝去了，消失了；被吹散了，了無聲息，了無蹤影。

I went forward, and ordered the chain to be hauled in short, so as to be ready to trip the anchor and move the steamboat at once if necessary.‘Will they attack?’whispered an awed voice.‘We will be all butchered in this fog，’murmured another. The faces twitched with the strain, the hands trembled slightly, the eyes forgot to wink.It was very curious to see the contrast of expressions of the white men and of the black fellows of our crew, who were as much strangers to that part of the river as we, though their homes were only eight hundred miles away.The whites, of course greatly discomposed, had besides a curious look of beingpainfully shocked by such an outrageous row.The others had an alert, naturally interested expression；but their faces were essentially quiet, even those of the one or two who grinned as they hauled at the chain.Several exchanged short, grunting phrases, which seemed to settle the matter to their satisfaction.Their headman, a young, broad-chested black, severely draped in dark-blue fringed cloths, with fierce nostrils and his hair all done up artfully in oily ringlets, stood near me.‘Aha！’I said nodding, just for good fellowship‘s sake.’Catch‘im，’he snapped, with a bloodshot widening of his eyes and a fash of sharp teeth—‘catch’im.Give‘im to us.’‘To you, eh?’I asked；‘what would you do with them?’‘Eat’im！‘he said curtly, and, leaning his elbow on the rail, looked out into the fog in a dignifed and profoundly pensive attitude.I would no doubt have been properly horrifed, had it not occurred to me that he and his chaps must be very hungry：that they must have been growing increasingly hungry for at least this month past.They had been engaged for six months（I don’t think a single one of them had any clear idea of time, as we at the end of countless ages have.They still belonged to the beginnings of time-had no inherited experience to teach them as it were），and of course, as long as there was a piece of paper written over in accordance with some farcical law or other made down the river, it didn‘t enter anybody’s head to trouble how they would live.Certainly they had brought with them some rotten hippo-meat, which couldn‘t have lasted very long, anyway, even if the pilgrims hadn’t, in the midst of a shocking hullabaloo, thrown a considerable quantity of it overboard.It looked like a high-handed proceeding；but it was really a case of legitimate self-defence.You can‘t breathe dead hippo waking, sleeping, and eating, and at the same time keep your precarious grip on existence.Besides that, they had given them every week three pieces of brass wire, each about nine inches long；and the theory was they were to buy their provisions with that currency inriver-side villages.You can see how that worked.There were either no villages, or the people were hostile, or the director, who like the rest of us fed out of tins, with an occasional old he-goat thrown in, didn’t want to stop the steamer for some more or less recondite reason.So, unless they swallowed the wire itself, or made loops of it to snare the fsh with, I don‘t see what good their extravagant salary could be to them.I must say it was paid with a regularity worthy of a large and honourable trading company.For the rest, the only thing to eat-though it didn’t look eatable in the least-I saw in their possession was a few lumps of some stuff like half-cooked cold dough, of a dirty lavender colour, they kept wrapped in leaves, and now and then swallowed a piece of, but so small that it seemed done more for the looks of the thing than for any serious purpose of sustenance.Why in the name of all the gnawing devils of hunger they didn‘t go for us-they were thirty to fve-and have a good tuck in for once, amazes me now when I think of it.They were big powerful men, with not much capacity to weigh the consequences, with courage, with strength, even yet, though their skins were no longer glossy and their muscles no longer hard.And I saw that something restraining, one of those human secrets that baffe probability, had come into play there.I looked at them with a swift quickening of interest-not because it occurred to me I might be eaten by them before very long, though I own to you that just then I perceived-in a new light, as it were-how unwholesome the pilgrims looked, and I hoped, yes, I positively hoped, that my aspect was not so-what shall I say?—so-unappetising：a touch of fantastic vanity which ftted well with the dream-sensation that pervaded all my days at that time.Perhaps I had a little fever too.One can’t live with one‘s fnger everlastingly on one’s pulse.I had often a‘little fever，’or a little touch of other things-the playful pawstrokes of the wilderness, the preliminary trifing before the more serious onslaught which came in due course.Yes；Ilooked at them as you would on any human being, with a curiosity of their impulses, motives, capacities, weaknesses, when brought to the test of an inexorable physical necessity.Restraint！What possible restraint?Was it superstition, disgust, patience, fear-or some kind of primitive honour?No fear can stand up to hunger, no patience can wear it out, disgust simply does not exist where hunger is；and as to superstition, beliefs, and what you may call principles, they are less than chaff in a breeze.Don‘t you know the devilry of lingering starvation, its exasperating torment, its black thoughts, its sombre and brooding ferocity?Well, I do.It takes a man all his inborn strength to fight hunger properly.It’s really easier to face bereavement, dishonour, and the perdition of ones soul-than this kind of prolonged hunger.Sad, but true.And these chaps too had no earthly reason for any kind of scruple.Restraint！I would just as soon have expected restraint from a hyena prowling amongst the corpses of a battlefeld.But there was the fact facing me-the fact dazzling, to be seen, like the foam on the depths of the sea, like a ripple on an unfathomable enigma, a mystery greater-when I thought of it-than the curious, inexplicable note of desperate grief in this savage clamour that had swept by us on the river-bank, behind the blind whiteness of a fog.
我跑向船頭，命令立刻拉緊錨鏈，以便隨時起錨開船。‘他們會襲擊我們嗎？’一個恐懼的聲音輕輕地說。‘我們逃不出這片霧，他們會把我們全部殺掉。’另一個含糊不清地說。朝圣者們的臉因為緊張而抽搐，手微微戰(zhàn)抖，眼睛一眨不眨。我饒有興味地拿這些白人的表情和黑人水手做比較。對于這段河流，黑人水手和我們一樣陌生，盡管它距離他們的家只有八百英里。這些白人當然是心亂如麻，還因為被一陣如此野蠻的吵鬧聲驚嚇到而倍感痛苦，露出古怪的表情。黑人則帶著警惕，自然流露出對事情表示關注的神情，但他們幾乎都是一臉平靜，甚至有那么一兩個人在收錨鏈的時候竟然在笑。其中幾個相互簡短地嘟噥了幾個詞語，似乎這陣吵鬧聲就得到了妥善的解釋。他們的頭領是一個年輕健壯的黑人，鄭重其事地披著用流蘇鑲邊的深藍色衣服，鼻孔大得嚇人，頭發(fā)全被熟練地編成油汪汪的發(fā)卷。他正好站在我身邊。‘啊哈！’我點點頭說，只是為了表示友好。‘抓住他！’他厲聲說，睜圓發(fā)紅的眼睛，鋒利的牙齒寒光閃閃——‘抓住他。把他交給我們。’‘給你們干什么？’我問，‘你們要對他做什么？’‘吃了他！’他粗暴地說，把一只手肘抵在欄桿上，望進濃霧中，表情凝重，仿佛陷入了莊嚴而深邃的沉思。要不是突然想到他和同伴們肯定已經饑腸轆轆，我肯定會被嚇個半死：至少在過去一個月里，他們的饑餓感一定與日俱增。他們的聘期是六個月（我想在他們這些人里，沒有一個對時間有明確概念，正如無數個世紀前的我們一樣。他們還生活在混沌的原始時代——可以說，沒有繼承到任何可供學習的經驗。），當然了，在河的下游，有人制定了某項荒唐的法律，只要根據它簽好合同，沒人會費心過問這些黑人在這段時間里吃的是什么。他們確實是帶了一些腐爛的河馬肉，但就算那些朝圣者沒有為此大吵大鬧，把它們扔進河里，那么點肉也吃不了多久。朝圣者們這么做當然有點專橫跋扈，但確實也可算作合法自衛(wèi)。試問如果你不論是睡是醒，還是在吃飯，都要聞著死河馬的氣味，又怎么能夠分出神來，在險境里保全性命？況且他們每周付給這些黑人三根銅絲，每根大概長九英寸。從理論上講，黑人們可以用這些貨幣在河邊的村莊購買食物。結果很明顯。要不就沒有村莊，要不就是村民極不友善，又或者是那個跟我們一樣天天吃罐頭，偶爾還能吃到公羊肉的經理，舉出某個難以解釋的理由拒絕停船。所以，除非他們直接把銅絲吃掉，或者做成環(huán)來捉魚，我看不出這筆高得離譜的薪水有什么用。我不得不說，薪水按時支付，倒是大貿易公司的做派，極守信譽。剩下唯一能吃的東西——盡管看起來完全無法下咽——我只看見他們有幾團紫色的臟東西，像半熟的面團，包在樹葉里保存，不時拿出來吞一塊。但每一次都吃得那么少，好像只是在做樣子，根本達不到維持生命的目的。他們?yōu)槭裁礇]有借口說受不了饑餓魔鬼的折磨而襲擊我們——他們是三十對五——并馬上吃個痛快呢？我到現在也想不明白。他們高大強壯，不懂瞻前顧后，勇武有力，盡管那時他們的皮膚不再像原先那么光潔，肌肉也松弛了。我看出了某種東西在約束著他們，阻止了這個完全有可能發(fā)生的行為，那是人性的奧秘之一。我看著他們，興趣暴增——不是因為我醒悟到隨時會被他們吃掉，盡管我承認，在那一刻我忽然發(fā)現——可以說是以全新的目光——那些朝圣者看起來是多么倒胃口，而我希望，是的，我確實希望，自己看起來不是——怎么說才好呢？——那么——令人難以下咽：這小小的虛榮心，實在是異想天開，不過我當時整日都處在半夢半醒的狀態(tài)，有這種想法也不奇怪。也許我還有點發(fā)燒。人不可能一直對自己的生活狀態(tài)明察秋毫。我經常‘有點發(fā)燒’，或其他什么小毛病——荒野調皮地伸出爪子抓了人一下，雖然無關痛癢，卻是空前浩劫的前奏。是的，我盯著他們，和盯著任何其他人類時一樣，帶著好奇心，想知道在遇到肉體無法承受的考驗時，他們的沖動、動機、能力和軟弱將如何表現。約束！有什么能約束得住他們？是迷信、厭惡、忍耐、恐懼——還是某種原始的道義？恐懼敵不過饑餓，忍耐拖不垮饑餓，厭惡在饑餓面前總是蕩然無存，至于迷信、信仰，或是你們所說的原則，也不過是風里的浮塵。你們知道嗎？無休無止的饑餓有多么殘忍，把人折磨得怒火中燒，產生陰暗的念頭，而它只是黑壓壓地盤旋不去，簡直是喪心病狂。啊，我可是知道。它使人窮盡天生的力量去抗爭。喪親之痛、身敗名裂之恥和靈魂之毀滅真的算不了什么——與這種沒有盡頭的饑餓相比。多么可悲，但事實就是如此。這些家伙也完全沒有必要像俗世里的人一樣感到良心不安。約束！我還不如在一條奔向戰(zhàn)場撕吃尸體的鬣狗身上找自我約束。但我面前明擺著一個事實，看得人眼花繚亂，像深海上浮泛的泡沫，像謎團表面的蛛絲馬跡——海一樣深的謎團。那片野蠻的號叫聲，從河邊傳來，隔著看不穿的白霧，叫得如此悲哀絕望、離奇古怪和不知所云，在我們身邊席卷而過，其中含義已經足夠神秘，但每當我想起這個事實，還是覺得它要比這種含義神秘得多。

Two pilgrims were quarrelling in hurried whispers as to which bank.‘Left.’‘No, no；how can you?Right, right, of course.’‘It is very serious, very serious’said the manager‘s voice behind me；’I would be desolated if anything should happen to Mr. Kurtz before we came up.‘I looked at him, and had not the slightest doubt he was sincere.He was just the kind of man who would wish to preserve appearances.That was his restraint.But when he muttered something about going on at once, I did not even take the trouble to answer him.I knew, and he knew, that it was impossible.Were we to let go our hold of the bottom, we would be absolutely in the air-in space.We wouldn’t be able to tell where we weregoing to-whether up or down stream, or across-till we fetched against one bank or the other-and then we wouldn‘t know at frst which it was.Of course I made no move.I had no mind for a smash-up.You couldn’t imagine a more deadly place for a shipwreck.Whether drowned at once or not, we were sure to perish speedily in one way or another.‘I authorise you to take all the risks，’he said, after a short silence.‘I refuse to take any，’I said shortly；which was just the answer he expected, though its tone might have surprised him.‘Well, I must defer to your judgment.You are captain，’he said, with marked civility.I turned my shoulder to him in sign of my appreciation, and looked into the fog.How long would it last?It was the most hopeless look-out.The approach to this Kurtz grubbing for ivory in the wretched bush was beset by as many dangers as though he had been an enchanted princess sleeping in a fabulous castle.‘Will they attack, do you think?’asked the manager, in a confdential tone.
有兩個朝圣者著急地低聲爭辯著應該往哪邊靠岸。‘左邊。’‘不，不，你別亂來。右邊，右邊，毫無疑問！’‘情況嚴重，非常嚴重，’經理的聲音從我身后傳來，‘要是庫爾茨先生在我們到達之前有什么閃失，剩我一個人孤零零的可怎么辦？’我盯著他，對他的真心實意毫不懷疑。他就是那種力求保全大局的人。那是他自我約束的表現。但當他嘟嘟囔囔說什么必須馬上開船的時候，我簡直懶得理他。我知道，他也知道，那是不可能的。要是我們拉起錨，絕對會飄起來——飄上天，我們就不知道會飄去哪里——去上游還是下游，或是橫著飄——直到我們在這邊或者那邊靠岸——并且一下子不知道是在左邊還是右邊靠的岸。我當然沒有起錨。我不想撞船。沒有比那里更不適合發(fā)生沉船事故的地方了。就算不馬上淹死，也會眨眼間以某種方式死掉。‘我準許您冒一切風險開船。’他在片刻沉默之后說道。‘我拒絕冒任何風險。’我粗魯地說。他早料到我會這么說，但可能我的語氣還是嚇到了他。‘既然如此，我必須尊重您的決定。您才是船長。’他客客氣氣地說。我轉過身去背向他，以表感謝。我看著濃霧。它會持續(xù)多久？越看越絕望。庫爾茨在這片凄涼的叢林里搜掠象牙，要找到他真是危險重重，就好像他是中了魔咒的公主，沉睡在一個童話的城堡里。‘他們會攻擊我們嗎，您覺得？’經理用信賴的語氣問。

I did not think they would attack, for several obvious reasons. The thick fog was one.If they left the bank in their canoes they would get lost in it, as we would be if we attempted to move.Still, I had also judged the jungle of both banks quite impenetrable-and yet eyes were in it, eyes that had seen us.The river-side bushes were certainly very thick；but the undergrowth behind was evidently penetrable.However, during the short lift I had seen no canoes anywhere in the reach-certainly not abreast of the steamer.But what made the idea of attack inconceivable to me was the nature of the noise-of the cries we had heard.They had not the ferce character boding of immediate hostile intention.Unexpected, wild, and violent as they had been, they had given me an irresistible impression of sorrow.The glimpse of the steamboat had for some reason filled those savages with unrestrained grief.The danger, if any, I expounded, was from our proximity to a great human passion let loose.Even extreme grief may ultimately vent itself in violence-but more generally takes the formof apathy……
我覺得不會。有幾個明顯的原因。濃霧是一個。如果他們坐獨木舟離岸，在霧里肯定找不著北，就像我們現在輕舉妄動的結果一樣。而且，據我判斷，兩岸的森林密不透風，他們走不出來——可樹林里有許多雙眼睛，早已看見了我們。河邊的叢林一定異常稠密，但那些土人顯然能夠穿過叢林后面的灌木叢。然而，霧散那片刻，在這整條河道上都看不見獨木舟——更別說在汽船兩側。但真正使我深信他們不會攻擊的，是那片聲音的本質——我們剛才聽到的那片喊叫聲。它不夠兇猛，并沒有傳達出馬上要發(fā)動進攻的意圖。盡管它是如此突然、粗野和殘暴，我卻不得不承認，它給我的印象是哀傷的。那些土人一瞥見汽船，不知怎的，內心就充滿了無法抑制的哀傷。危險，如果有的話，我解釋說，那是由于我們接近了噴薄而出的人類激情。甚至極端的悲傷，最終也可能通過暴力發(fā)泄出來——但多數時候，它只是表現為死一般的冷漠……

You should have seen the pilgrims stare！They had no heart to grin, or even to revile me；but I believe they thought me gone mad-with fright, maybe. I delivered a regular lecture.My dear boys, it was no good bothering.Keep a look-out?Well, you may guess I watched the fog for the signs of lifting as a cat watches a mouse；but for anything else our eyes were of no more use to us than if we had been buried miles deep in a heap of cotton-wool.It felt like it too-choking, warm, stifing.Besides, all I said, though it sounded extravagant, was absolutely true to fact.What we afterwards alluded to as an attack was really an attempt at repulse.The action was very far from being aggressive-it was not even defensive, in the usual sense：it was undertaken under the stress of desperation, and in its essence was purely protective.
真想讓你們看看那些朝圣者瞠目結舌的表情！他們笑不出來，甚至也懶得罵我胡說，但我相信他們認為我瘋了——也許是認為我被嚇傻了吧。我煞有介事地對他們發(fā)表演講。我親愛的伙計們，擔憂沒有用。保持密切注意？好吧，你們能想象我當時有多么全神貫注地在尋找霧散的跡象，就像貓在伏擊老鼠那樣。但我們仿佛被深深埋在幾英里厚的羊毛里一樣，要眼睛來又有什么用！而且我也感覺像被埋在羊毛里一樣——窒息，悶熱，喘不過氣來。再說了，我說的每一句話，盡管聽起來有點荒誕不經，卻絲毫不假。后來被我們稱作攻擊的那次行動，其實也只是想把我們趕走。那次行動遠算不上攻擊——甚至從一般意義上說，也不是防御性的：僅僅是絕望中本能的掙扎，本質上純屬自衛(wèi)。

It developed itself, I should say, two hours after the fog lifted, and its commencement was at a spot, roughly speaking, about a mile and a half below Kurtz‘s station. We had just floundered and flopped round a bend, when I saw an islet, a mere grassy hummock of bright green, in the middle of the stream.It was the only thing of the kind；but as we opened the reach more, I perceived it was the head of a long sandbank, or rather of a chain of shallow patches stretching down the middle of the river.They were discoloured, just awash, and the whole lot was seen just under the water, exactly as a man’s backbone is seen running down the middle of his back under the skin.Now, as far as I did see, I could go to the right or to the left of this.I didnt know either channel, of course.The banks looked pretty well alike, the depth appeared the same；but as I had been informed the station was on the west side, I naturally headed for the western passage.
我想，霧散了之后，大約過了兩三個小時，事態(tài)才有所進展。轉機出現在距離庫爾茨的貿易站大約一英里半的地方。我們剛剛費盡九牛二虎之力轉過一個河灣，看見河流中央有一個小島，或者說不過是一個小土丘，覆滿了鮮亮的綠草。似乎是一個小孤島，但當我們沿河深入，我發(fā)現原來有一條很長的沙洲，這個小島是沙洲的起點。又或者說，它是一長串小淺灘的起點。這些小淺灘顏色暗淡，剛好被水沒過，正像人的脊梁骨，在后背的皮膚底下隱約可見，直直地排下去。那時，根據我看見的情況，我可以選擇在沙洲的左邊或者右邊行駛。兩邊的河道對我而言當然都是陌生的。河岸看起來根本沒有區(qū)別，深度看起來也一樣，但既然有人告訴過我貿易站在西邊，我自然選擇了西邊的河道。

No sooner had we fairly entered it than I became aware it was much narrower than I had supposed. To the left of us there was the longuninterrupted shoal, and to the right a high, steep bank heavily overgrown with bushes.Above the bush the trees stood in serried ranks.The twigs overhung the current thickly, and from distance to distance a large limb of some tree projected rigidly over the stream.It was then well on in the afternoon, the face of the forest was gloomy, and a broad strip of shadow had already fallen on the water.In this shadow we steamed up-very slowly, as you may imagine.I sheered her well inshore-the water being deepest near the bank, as the sounding-pole informed me.
我們剛開進去，就發(fā)現這邊的河道比預想中狹窄得多。我們左邊是那條連綿不絕的沙洲，右邊是又高又陡的河岸，灌木叢生。灌木叢上方是密密地排成一列列的大樹。河道上空垂下厚密的枝葉，不時地，某棵樹的大樹枝橫伸出來，冷冷地擋住前進的路。正午已經過去了好幾小時，森林面目幽沉，向水面投下了一大片長長的陰影。我們在這片陰影里前行——你們也想象得到有多么舉步維艱。我把她轉向岸邊，貼岸行駛——探測桿測出岸邊的水最深。

One of my hungry and forbearing friends was sounding in the bows just below me. This steamboat was exactly like a decked scow.On the deck there were two little teak-wood houses, with doors and windows.The boiler was in the fore-end, and the machinery right astern.Over the whole there was a light roof, supported on stanchions.The funnel projected through that roof, and just in front of the funnel a small cabin built of light planks served for a pilot-house.It contained a couch, two camp-stools, a loaded Martini-Henry leaning in one corner, a tiny table, and the steering-wheel.It had a wide door in front and a broad shutter at each side.All these were always thrown open, of course.I spent my days perched up there on the extreme fore-end of that roof, before the door.At night I slept, or tried to, on the couch.An athletic black belonging to some coast tribe, and educated by my poor predecessor, was the helmsman.He sported a pair of brass earrings, wore a blue cloth wrapper from the waist to the ankles, and thought all the world of himself.He was the most unstable kind of fool I had ever seen.He steered with no end of a swagger while you were by；but if he lost sight of you, he became instantly the prey of an abject funk, and would let that cripple of a steamboat get the upper hand of him in a minute.
我的一位朋友就在我腳下的船頭處測量著水深，他雖然饑餓難耐，卻也不急不怨。這條汽船恰像一艘安上了甲板的平底船。甲板上有兩間帶門窗的小柚木房子。鍋爐在船頭，引擎在船尾，幾根柱子撐起一個輕而薄的頂棚，罩住整個甲板。煙囪伸出頂棚，煙囪跟前是用薄木板搭成的一個小船艙，用來做駕駛室。駕駛室里有一張沙發(fā)，兩張輕便折凳，一桿裝了彈藥的馬蒂尼-亨利步槍斜靠在角落里，此外還有一張極小的桌子，以及舵輪。正前方開了一扇大大的門，兩側各有一扇寬闊的百葉窗。當然了，門窗平時總是大開著。白天我高高地坐在駕駛室門前的頂棚邊緣，晚上我睡在沙發(fā)上，或者說在沙發(fā)上努力入睡。一個黑人，體格健壯，行動敏捷，來自某個岸邊的部落，由我那位可憐的前任培訓過，現在當舵手。他戴著一副扎眼的黃銅耳環(huán)，一幅藍布從腰一直裹到腳踝，總是擺出一副不可一世的樣子。在我見過的傻瓜中，他最為反復無常。你在他身邊的時候，他掌起舵來總是信心十足，昂首挺胸，但如果他看不見你，立刻變得手忙腳亂、無所適從，被那瘸子一樣的汽船欺負得失魂落魄。

I was looking down at the sounding-pole, and feeling much annoyed to see at each try a little more of it stick out of that river, when I saw mypoleman give up the business suddenly, and stretch himself flat on the deck, without even taking the trouble to haul his pole in. He kept hold on it though, and it trailed in the water.At the same time the fireman, whom I could also see below me, sat down abruptly before his furnace and ducked his head.I was amazed.Then I had to look at the river mighty quick, because there was a snag in the fairway.Sticks, little sticks, were fying about-thick：they were whizzing before my nose, dropping below me, striking behind me against my pilot-house.All this time the river, the shore, the woods, were very quiet-perfectly quiet.I could only hear the heavy splashy thump of the stern-wheel and the patter of these things.We cleared the snag clumsily.Arrows, by Jove！We were being shot at！I stepped in quickly to close the shutter on the land-side.That fool-helmsman, his hands on the spokes, was lifting his knees high, stamping his feet, champing his mouth, like a reined-in horse.Confound him！And we were staggering within ten feet of the bank.I had to lean right out to swing the heavy shutter, and I saw a face amongst the leaves on the level with my own, looking at me very ferce and steady；and then suddenly, as though a veil had been removed from my eyes, I made out, deep in the tangled gloom, naked breasts, arms, legs, glaring eyes-the bush was swarming with human limbs in movement, glistening, of bronze colour.The twigs shook, swayed, and rustled, the arrows few out of them, and then the shutter came to.‘Steer her straight，’I said to the helmsman.He held his head rigid, face forward；but his eyes rolled, he kept on lifting and setting down his feet gently, his mouth foamed a little.‘Keep quiet！’I said in a fury.I might just as well have ordered a tree not to sway in the wind.I darted out.Below me there was a great scuffe of feet on the iron deck；confused exclamations；a voice screamed，‘Can you turn back?’I caught sight of a V-shaped ripple on the water ahead.What?Another snag！A fusillade burst out under my feet.The pilgrims had opened frewith their Winchesters, and were simply squirting lead into that bush.A deuce of a lot of smoke came up and drove slowly forward.I swore at it.Now I couldn‘t see the ripple or the snag either.I stood in the doorway, peering, and the arrows came in swarms.They might have been poisoned, but they looked as though they wouldn’t kill a cat.The bush began to howl.Our wood-cutters raised a warlike whoop；the report of a rife just at my back deafened me.I glanced over my shoulder, and the pilot-house was yet full of noise and smoke when I made a dash at the wheel.The fool-nigger had dropped everything, to throw the shutter open and let off that Martini-Henry.He stood before the wide opening, glaring, and I yelled at him to come back, while I straightened the sudden twist out of that steamboat.There was no room to turn even if I had wanted to, the snag was somewhere very near ahead in that confounded smoke, there was no time to lose, so I just crowded her into the bank-right into the bank, where I knew the water was deep.
我低頭盯著測深桿。每測一次，桿子便往上露出一些，讓人心焦火燎。這時我看見我的測水工突然擅離職守，伸直了身子躺在甲板上，甚至連桿子都來不及拉上來。但他并沒撒手，桿子垂在河水里，隨波搖蕩。與此同時，那位鍋爐工，在我視線所及的下方，在他的鍋爐前面猛然抱頭坐下。我悚然一驚。接著我不得不火急萬分地把目光轉到河面上，因為前頭有一個暗樁。棍子，小棍子，密密地飛來——鋪天蓋地：颼颼地飛過眼底，掉在我腳下，扎進我身后駕駛室的墻。而在這期間，這條河，河岸，森林，都一直非常安靜——死一般的安靜。我只聽得見船尾明輪鈍重的拍水聲和這些棍子的噼啪聲。我們狼狽地繞開了暗樁。箭，??！有人在向我們放箭！我沖進去把朝岸的百葉窗關上。那個笨舵手，緊握輪輻，高抬雙膝，狂暴地踏著腳，嘴里咯咯作響，仿佛一匹被勒疼的馬。真可惡！船已經離岸不到十英尺，而且笨拙難行。我被迫馬上探身出去拉上那扇笨重的百葉窗，驀地看見在濃密的樹葉里有一張臉，正好與我的臉一樣高，在定定地盯著我，目露兇光。然后，突然間，好像垂在我眼前的薄紗猛然被掀開，我看到，在亂枝纏結的暗林里，涌動著赤裸的胸膛、手臂、腿和熊熊燃燒著的眼睛——叢林里密密麻麻地擠挨著亂扭亂動的人體，那青銅色的皮膚上，油光亂閃。樹枝在搖，在晃，在沙沙作響，亂箭從里面疾飛而出，然后百葉窗合上了。‘直著往前開。’我對舵手說。他定定地昂著頭，臉朝前，但不斷轉動眼睛。他一邊繼續(xù)掌舵，一邊重復著抬起雙腳又輕輕放下，嘴里微微冒著白泡。‘不許動來動去！’我怒火中燒地向他說。我還不如去命令風里的樹不要搖來搖去。我沖出駕駛室。下方的鐵甲板上傳來人心惶惶的腳步聲和驚慌失措的喊叫聲。一個聲音尖叫道：‘求你把船往回開！’我看見一個V字形的水紋，就在前頭水面上。什么？又是暗樁！下層甲板上傳來一陣槍聲。朝圣者們用溫徹斯特步槍開火了，但他們這樣做毫無殺傷力，完全是浪費鉛彈。霎時間一陣濃煙滾滾，緩緩前移。我對著煙罵了幾聲?，F在水紋和暗樁都消失了。我在門邊窺視著，箭蜂擁而至。它們可能淬了毒，但看起來連貓也殺不死。叢林開始咆哮，伐木工們仿佛上了戰(zhàn)場一般大喊大叫起來。有人就在我身后開槍，把我的耳朵都要震聾了。我回過頭去，發(fā)現駕駛室里仍然翻滾著濃煙和吵鬧聲，連忙向船舵沖過去。那個愚蠢的黑人什么都不管了，甩開百葉窗，舉起馬蒂尼-亨利步槍向窗外亂射。窗口就那么大開著，他站在那里雙眼發(fā)紅，我狂喊他回來，一邊匆忙扭轉船舵，讓走歪了的船駛回來。即使我想掉轉船頭，空間也不夠了，障礙物近在眼前，隱沒在那陣迷亂的煙里?？滩蝗菥彛晕野汛活^扎向岸邊，我知道那里水深。

We tore slowly along the overhanging bushes in a whirl of broken twigs and flying leaves. The fusillade below stopped short, as I had foreseen it would when the squirts got empty.I threw my head back to a glinting whizz that traversed the pilot-house, in at one shutter-hole and out at the other.Looking past that mad helmsman, who was shaking the empty rife and yelling at the shore, I saw vague forms of men running bent double, leaping, gliding, distinct, incomplete, evanescent.Something big appeared in the air before the shutter, the rifle went overboard, and the man stepped back swiftly, looked at me over his shoulder in an extraordinary, profound, familiar manner, and fell upon my feet.The side of his head hit the wheel twice, and the end of what appeared a long cane clattered round and knocked over a little camp-stool.It looked as though after wrenching that thing from somebody ashore he had lost his balance in the effort.The thin smoke had blown away, we were clear of the snag, and looking ahead I could see that in another hundred yards or so I would be free to sheer off, away from the bank；but my feet felt so very warm and wet that I had to look down.The man had rolled on his back and stared straight up at me；both his hands clutched that cane.It was the shaft of a spear that, either thrown or lounged through the opening, had caught him in the side just below the ribs；the blade had gone in out of sight, after making a frightful gash；my shoes were full；a pool of blood lay very still, gleaming dark-red under the wheel；his eyes shone with an amazing lustre.The fusillade burst out again.He looked at me anxiously, gripping the spear like something precious, with an air of being afraid I would try to take it away from him.I had to make an effort to free my eyes from his gaze and attend to the steering.With one hand I felt above my head for the line of the steam-whistle, and jerked out screech after screech hurriedly.The tumult of angry and warlike yells was checked instantly, and then from the depths of the woods went out such a tremulous and prolonged wail of mournful fear and utter despair as may be imagined to follow the flight of the last hope from the earth.There was a great commotion in the bush；the shower of arrows stopped, a few dropping shots rang out sharply-then silence, in which the languid beat of the stern-wheel came plainly to my ears.I put the helm hard a-starboard at the moment when the pilgrim in pink pyjamas, very hot and agitated, appeared in the doorway.‘The manager sends me—’he began in an offcial tone, and stopped short.‘Good God！’he said, glaring at the wounded man.
我們慌慌張張地緊貼著岸邊的灌木叢走，把伸到河上的枝葉撞得四散紛飛。下方的槍聲突然停了，就像我之前預計的一樣，因為子彈很快就會射光。我猛然把頭向后一甩，躲過一支嗖的一聲閃過駕駛室的箭，看著它從一邊窗口飛進來，又從另一邊飛出去。那個舵手好像瘋了，揮舞著空膛的來復槍，向岸邊狂喊亂叫。越過他往窗外看，有許多模糊的人影，弓著身子奔跑著，跳躍著，滑行著，若隱若現。突然，百葉窗前飛來一個巨物，來復槍掉進了水里，舵手猝然后撤幾步，扭過頭來，用一種怪異、深邃又熟悉的表情看了我一眼，倒在我的腳上。他頭的同一側兩次撞上舵輪，我看見一根不知道什么東西，仿佛是長棍的尾段，四處噼啪亂撞，還撞翻了一張小凳子?？雌饋砭拖袼麖陌渡夏橙耸掷锇堰@根棍子搶了過來，卻因用力過猛失去了平衡。已變薄的煙散開了，我們躲開了暗樁。往前望，我預計再前進一百碼左右就可以自由地駛離河岸。我忽然發(fā)覺雙腳又濕又熱，連忙低頭看。這個男人翻過身來，臉朝上直直地盯著我，雙手緊緊握住那根棍子。那是長矛的柄，那長矛也許是被扔進窗口，也許是直戳進來，正好插穿了他肋下的腰部。矛頭撕開了一個駭人的裂口，深深插了進去，已經看不見了。我的鞋子里滿是血，船舵下面也死寂地漫著一攤黑紅色的血，隱隱閃著光。他的眼睛泛著奇異的光澤。新一輪的槍聲又爆發(fā)了。他焦灼地望著我，緊緊抓住長矛，仿佛它價值連城，我要把它奪走似的。我花了很大力氣才掙脫了他的目光，把注意力重新放到駕駛上來。我騰出一只手來，在頭頂上摸到汽笛的繩子，匆忙地一次又一次拉響汽笛。那片憤怒的喧鬧聲和喊殺聲驟然停止，緊接著從樹林深處傳來一陣哀號，如此悲慟震顫，如此幽怨不絕，透著凄切的恐懼和徹骨的絕望，仿佛要跟隨大地上最后一絲希望杳然逝去。灌木叢里一片騷動。箭雨停了，幾支余箭的聲音尖銳刺耳——然后又是一片死寂。在寂靜中，船尾明輪那無精打采的拍水聲清晰可聞。我重重地把舵向右轉過去，那個朝圣者，穿著粉紅色睡衣，滿臉通紅，狂躁不安，來到駕駛室門前。‘經理讓我來——’他拖著官腔，才開口便停住，‘老天爺！’他說，直直地注視著那個傷者。

We two whites stood over him, and his lustrous and inquiring glance enveloped us both. I declare it looked as though he would presently put to us some question in an understandable language；but he died without uttering a sound, without moving a limb, without twitching a muscle.Only in the very last moment, as though in response to some sign we could not see, to some whisper we could not hear, he frowned heavily, and that frown gave to his black death-mask an inconceivably somber, brooding, and menacing expression.The lustre of inquiring glance faded swiftly into vacant glassiness.‘Can you steer?’I asked the agent eagerly.He looked very dubious；but I made a grab at his arm, and he understood at once I meant him to steer whether or no.To tell you the truth, I was morbidly anxious to change my shoes and socks.‘He is dead，’murmured the fellow, immensely impressed.‘No doubt about it，’said I, tugging like mad at the shoe-laces.‘And, by the way, I suppose Mr.Kurtz is dead as well by this time.’
我們兩個白人在旁邊俯視著他，他的眼睛閃閃發(fā)光，那探求的眼神緊緊包裹著我們。我敢肯定，那眼神看起來就像他立刻要用一種聽不懂的語言向我們發(fā)問，但他一言不發(fā)地去世了，一動不動地，連肌肉的抽搐也沒有。只有在最后一刻，好像要回應某個我們看不見的信號，或是某聲我們聽不見的低語，他深深地皺了一下眉頭，使他那張死去的黑臉帶著一種奇異的表情，憂郁，幽深，險惡。那雙眼里隱含探求之意的光輝轉瞬即逝，只留下荒涼的虛空。‘你會開船嗎？’我急切地問這個傳話人。他一臉遲疑不決，但我緊緊抓住他的手臂，他馬上明白我是在命令他去開船，不管他會不會。實話告訴你們，我急得發(fā)瘋，一定要馬上換掉鞋襪。‘他死了。’那個家伙深感震驚，喃喃地說。‘用不著你說，’我說，狂亂地扯開鞋帶，‘而且，我猜庫爾茨先生現在也已經死了。’

For the moment that was the dominant thought. There was a sense of extreme disappointment, as though I had found out I had been striving after something altogether without a substance.I couldn‘t have been more disgusted if I had travelled all this way for the sole purpose of talking with Mr.Kurtz.Talking with……I flung one shoe overboard, and became aware that that was exactly what I had been looking forward to-a talk with Kurtz.I made the strange discovery that I had never imagined him as doing, you know, but as discoursing.I didn’t say to myself，‘Now I will never see him，’or‘Now I will never shake him by the hand，’but，‘Now I will never hear him.’The man presented himself as a voice.Not of course that I did not connect him with some sort of action.Hadnt I been told in all the tones of jealousy and admiration that he had collected, bartered, swindled, or stolen more ivory than all the other agents together.That was not the point.The point was in his being a gifted creature, and that of all his gifts the one that stood out pre-eminently, that carried with it a sense of real presence, was his ability to talk, his words-the gift of expression, the bewildering, the illuminating, the most exalted and the most contemptible, the pulsating stream of light, or the deceitful flow from the heart of an impenetrable darkness.
一時間我滿腦子只想著這件事。我感到絕望透頂，好像發(fā)現了自己一直為之奮斗的東西根本只是海市蜃樓。要是我走這么遠的路，只是為了和庫爾茨先生談談，此時此刻我自然應該氣惱得無以復加。和他談談……我把一只鞋從甲板上扔下去，開始意識到那正是我想要的——和庫爾茨先生談一次話。很奇怪，我發(fā)現自己從沒想象過他在做什么，我一直只是在想象他在說什么。我沒有對自己說‘現在我永遠見不到他了’，或者‘現在我永遠無法和他握手了’，而是‘現在我永遠聽不見他說話了’。他只是作為一個聲音而存在。當然，在我的腦海里，他并非無所作為。難道人們不是帶著各種嫉妒或溢美的口吻對我說，他搜刮、拿貨物換來、詐騙或是偷了很多象牙，比所有其他代理人找到的象牙加起來還要多嗎？但這不是重點。重點是，在他各種過人的天分之中，尤其鶴立雞群，讓人無法視而不見的，是他說話的能力，他的如珠妙語——那天賦極高的字句，既蠱惑人心，又燭照人心，既極為冠冕堂皇，又極為下流可恥，宛若躍動的光流，又宛若一連串的謊言，從那片密不可破的黑暗的心中流淌而出。

“The other shoe went flying unto the devil-god of that river. Ithought，‘By Jove！it’s all over.We are too late；he has vanished-the gift has vanished, by means of some spear, arrow, or club.I will never hear that chap speak after all-and my sorrow had a startling extravagance of emotion, even such as I had noticed in the howling sorrow of these savages in the bush.I couldn‘t have felt more of lonely desolation somehow, had I been robbed of a belief or had missed my destiny in life……Why do you sigh in this beastly way, somebody?Absurd?Well, absurd.Good Lord！mustn’t a man ever-Here, give me some tobacco……”
“我死命地把另一只鞋子也扔進河里。我想，天啊！全完了。我們走得太慢，他已經消失了——連帶著他的天賦，因為某根長矛、某支箭或某根大木棍。我到底還是永遠聽不到那個家伙說話了——我感到悲傷，悲傷得毫無節(jié)制，歇斯底里，跟這些在灌木叢里哀號的土人一樣地情感失控。就算我的信仰崩潰，就算我忽然生無可戀，也不可能感到更加悲涼，更加孤寂……為什么這么粗魯地嘆氣，是誰？覺得這很荒唐嗎？荒唐就荒唐吧。我親愛的上帝！難道人就不能——來，來點煙絲。”……

There was a pause of profound stillness, then a match flared, and Marlows lean face appeared-worn, hollow, with downward folds and dropped eyelids, with an aspect of concentrated attention；and as he took vigorous draws at his pipe, it seemed to retreat and advance out of the night in the regular ficker of the tiny fame. The match went out.
他沉默了，黑夜陷入深不見底的寂靜之中。然后他劃著一根火柴，火光映出他的臉，瘦削，蒼老，凹陷，皺紋向下墜，眼瞼也向下墜，帶著一副凝神冥思的表情。他貪婪地吮吸著煙斗，那張臉在忽明忽滅的焰光里，在夜色中反復地出現、消失?；鸩駵缌?。

“Absurd！”he cried.“This is the worst of trying to tell……Here you all are, each moored with two good addresses, like a hulk with two anchors, a butcher round one corner, a policeman round another, excellent appetites, and temperature normal-you hear-normal from year‘s end to year’s end. And you say, Absurd！Absurd be-exploded！Absurd！My dear boys, what can you expect from a man who out of sheer nervousness had just flung overboard a pair of new shoes.Now I think of it, it is amazing I did not shed tears.I am, upon the whole, proud of my fortitude.I was cut to the quick at the idea of having lost the inestimable privilege of listening to the gifted Kurtz.Of course I was wrong.The privilege was waiting for me.Oh yes, I heard more than enough.And I was right, too.A voice.He was very little more than a voice.And I heard-him-it-this voice-other voices-all of them were so little more than voices-and the memory of that time itself lingers around me, impalpable, like a dying vibration of one immense jabber, silly, atrocious, sordid, savage, or simply mean, without any kind of sense.Voices, voices-even the girl herself-now—”
“荒唐！”他喊道，“這種事，怎么講你們都不會理解……你們，這里的每一個人，都有兩個安穩(wěn)的歸宿，就像一艘有兩個錨的船，街頭有肉鋪，巷尾有警察，你們食欲旺盛，體溫正常——聽好了——從年頭正常到年尾。而你們說，荒唐！說我荒唐——簡直是胡說八道！荒唐！我親愛的孩子們，對于一個剛剛因為緊張過度而扔掉了一雙新鞋的人，你們能指望他有什么樣的表現？現在想起來，我真驚訝自己當時竟然沒有哭出來。我，總的來說，為我的堅強倍感自豪。想到已經永遠無法聽到天賦過人的庫爾茨向我侃侃而談，錯失了千載難逢的好機會，我感到痛徹心扉。我當然是傷心錯了。那個機會仍然靜候著我。是的，而且我后來都聽厭了。我也知道了自己是對的，一個聲音，他僅僅是一個聲音而已。我也聽到了——他——它——這個聲音——其他的聲音——所有的都只不過是聲音——那段時間的記憶在我身邊纏繞不去，難以捉摸，就像一片龐大的閑談聲漸漸低了下去，只剩死滯的余音，愚蠢，惡劣，卑鄙，野蠻，或者說是赤裸裸的下流，毫無任何意義可言。只是聲音，聲音——甚至連那個姑娘本身——啊——”

He was silent for a long time.
他沉默良久。

“I laid the ghost of his gifts at last with a lie，”he began suddenly.Girl！What?Did I mention a girl?Oh, she is out of it-completely. They-the women, I mean-are out of it-should be out of it.We must help them to stay in that beautiful world of their own, lest ours gets worse.Oh, she had to be out of it.You should have heard the disinterred body of Mr.Kurtz saying，‘My Intended.’You would have perceived directly then how completely she was out of it.And the lofty frontal bone of Mr.Kurtz！They say the hair goes on growing sometimes, but this-ah-specimen, was impressively bald.The wilderness had patted him on the head, and, behold, it was like a ball-an ivory ball；it had caressed him, and-lo！—he had withered；it had taken him, loved him, embraced him, got into his veins, consumed his flesh, and sealed his soul to its own by the inconceivable ceremonies of some devilish initiation.He was its spoiled and pampered favourite.Ivory?I should think so.Heaps of it, stacks of it.The old mud shanty was bursting with it.You would think there was not a single tusk left either above or below ground in the whole country.‘Mostly fossil，’the manager had remarked disparagingly.It was no more fossil than I am；but they call it fossil when it is dug up.It appears these niggers do bury the tusks sometimes-but evidently they couldn‘t bury this parcel deep enough to save the gifted Mr.Kurtz from his fate.We filled the steamboat with it, and had to pile a lot on the deck.Thus he could see and enjoy as long as he could see, because the appreciation of this favour had remained with him to the last.You should have heard him say，’My ivory.‘Oh yes, I heard him.’My Intended, my ivory, my station, my river, my—‘Everything belonged to him.It made me hold my breath in expectation of hearing the wilderness burst into a prodigious peal of laughter that would shake the fixed stars in their places.Everythingbelonged to him-but that was a trife.The thing was to know what he belonged to, how many powers of darkness claimed him for their own.That was the refection that made you creepy all over.It was impossible-it was not good for one either-trying to imagine.He had taken a high seat amongst the devils of the land-I mean literally.You can’t understand.How could you?—with solid pavement under your feet, surrounded by kind neighbours ready to cheer you or to fall on you, stepping delicately between the butcher and the policeman, in the holy terror of scandal and gallows and lunatic asylums-how can you imagine what particular region of the frst ages a man‘s untrammeled feet may take him into by the way of solitude-utter solitude without a policeman-by the way of silence, utter silence, where no warning voice of a kind neighbour can be heard whispering of public opinion?These little things make all the great difference.When they are gone you must fall back upon your own innate strength, upon your own capacity for faithfulness.Of course you may be too much of a fool to go wrong-too dull even to know you are being assaulted by the powers of darkness.I take it, no fool ever made a bargain for his soul with the devil：the fool is too much of a fool, or the devil too much of a devil-I don’t know which.Or you may be such a thunderingly exalted creature as to be altogether deaf and blind to anything but heavenly sights and sounds.Then the earth for you is only a standing place-and whether to be like this is your loss or your gain I won‘t pretend to say.But most of us are neither one nor the other.The earth for us is a place to live in, where we must put up with sights, with sounds, with smells too, by Jove！—breathe dead hippo, so to speak, and not be contaminated.And there, don’t you see?your strength comes in, the faith in your ability for the digging of unostentatious holes to bury the stuff in-your power of devotion, not to yourself, but to an obscure, back-breaking business.And that‘s diffcult enough.Mind, I am not trying toexcuse or even explain-I am trying to account to myself for-for-Mr.Kurtz-for the shade of Mr.Kurtz.This initiated wraith from the back of Nowhere honoured me with its amazing confidence before it vanished altogether.This was because it could speak English to me.The original Kurtz had been educated partly in England, and-as he was good enough to say himself-his sympathies were in the right place.His mother was half-English, his father was half-French.All Europe contributed to the making of Kurtz；and by and bye I learned that, most appropriately, the International Society for the Suppression of Savage Customs had intrusted him with the making of a report, for its future guidance.And he had written it too.I’ve seen it.I‘ve read it.It was eloquent, vibrating with eloquence, but too high-strung, I think.Seventeen pages of close writing he had found time for！But this must have been before his-let us say-nerves, went wrong, and caused him to preside at certain midnight dances ending with unspeakable rites, which-as far as I reluctantly gathered from what I heard at various times-were offered up to him-do you understand?—to Mr.Kurtz himself.But it was a beautiful piece of writing.The opening paragraph, however, in the light of later information, strikes me now as ominous.He began with the argument that we whites, from the point of development we had arrived at，’must necessarily appear to them[savages]in the nature of supernatural beings-we approach them with the might as of a deity，‘and so on, and so on.’By the simple exercise of our will we can exert a power for good practically unbounded，‘etc.，etc.From that point he soared and took me with him.The peroration was magnificent, though difficult to remember, you know.It gave me the notion of an exotic Immensity ruled by an august Benevolence.It made me tingle with enthusiasm.This was the unbounded power of eloquence-of words-of burning noble words.There were no practical hints to interrupt the magic current of phrases, unless a kind of note at the foot ofthe last page, scrawled evidently much later, in an unsteady hand, may be regarded as the exposition of a method.It was very simple, and at the end of that moving appeal to every altruistic sentiment it blazed at you, luminous and terrifying, like a flash of lightning in a serene sky：’Exterminate all the brutes！‘The curious part was that he had apparently forgotten all about that valuable postscriptum, because, later on, when he in a sense came to himself, he repeatedly entreated me to take good care of’my pamphlet‘（he called it），as it was sure to have in the future a good influence upon his career.I had full information about all these things, and, besides, as it turned out, I was to have the care of his memory.I’ve done enough for it to give me the indisputable right to lay it, if I choose, for an everlasting rest in the dust-bin of progress, amongst all the sweepings and, fguratively speaking, all the dead cats of civilisation.But then, you see, I can‘t choose.He won’t be forgotten.Whatever he was, he was not common.He had the power to charm or frighten rudimentary souls into an aggravated witch-dance in his honour；he could also fll the small souls of the pilgrims with bitter misgivings：he had one devoted friend at least, and he had conquered one soul in the world that was neither rudimentary nor tainted with self-seeking.No；I can‘t forget him, though I am not prepared to affrm the fellow was exactly worth the life we lost in getting to him.I missed my late helmsman awfully-I missed him even while his body was still lying in the pilot-house.Perhaps you will think it passing strange this regret for a savage who was no more account than a grain of sand in a black Sahara.Well, don’t you see, he had done something, he had steered；for months I had him at my back-a help-an instrument.It was a kind of partnership.He steered for me-I had to look after him, I worried about his defciencies, and thus a subtle bond had been created, of which I only became aware when it was suddenly broken.And the intimate profundity of that look he gave mewhen he received his hurt remains to this day in my memory-like a claim of distant kinship affrmed in a supreme moment.
“最后，我撒了一個謊，超度了他那陰魂不散的天賦。”他突然又開始說起來，“姑娘！什么？我提到一個姑娘了嗎？哦，她是局外人——完全是。她們——我是指女人們——是局外的——而且也不應該牽涉進來。我們必須幫助她們安心留在自己那個美好的世界里，以防她們把我們的世界變得更糟糕。哦，她不應該被牽涉進來。我們把庫爾茨從地獄里拉上來的時候，他還在念念不忘著‘我的未婚妻’。這樣你們就該知道她有多么清白。還有庫爾茨那高聳的額頭！他們說有時候頭發(fā)會重新長出來，但這個——啊——樣本，卻禿得干凈徹底?；囊拜p拍過他的頭，然后，瞧，它就變得像個球一樣——一個象牙球；荒野輕撫過他，然后——看！——他就此凋謝。它攫住他，愛他，擁他入懷，潛入他的血管，吃凈他的肉，通過某種邪惡得不可思議的入會儀式，把他的靈魂牢牢地據為己有。他被它寵壞了，成了它最嬌縱的寵兒。象牙？我想確實如此，有成堆的象牙，堆成山的象牙，多得把那間老舊的泥棚屋都要擠爆，多得讓人不禁覺得，不論是在那片土地的上面還是下面，都再也找不出一根象牙來了。‘都差不多要變成化石了。’經理曾經輕蔑地說過。那些象牙并不比我更枯朽，但只要是從地里挖出來的象牙，他們就稱作化石。看來這些黑人的確會偶爾把象牙埋進地里——但明顯他們埋得不夠深，未能阻止天資過人的庫爾茨先生身受此厄運。船艙裝不下這么多象牙，我們只好把剩下的堆在甲板上。這樣一來，只要他還能睜開眼睛，就可以繼續(xù)含情脈脈地欣賞它們，他對這些珍寶的愛惜贊賞之情至死不休。你們真該聽聽他說的‘我的象牙’。哦，是的，我聽見了。‘我的未婚妻，我的象牙，我的貿易站，我的河流，我的——’什么都屬于他。聽得我屏息靜氣，等著聽到荒野爆發(fā)出天崩地裂的狂笑聲，響亮得可以震落滿天的星星。什么都是他的——但那是不要緊的，要緊的是他是誰的，又有多少股黑暗的力量宣稱自己享有他的所有權。思考這個問題簡直令人不寒而栗。答案是無法想象的，嘗試去想象它也對人毫無好處。他在那片大地的眾多魔鬼之中竊據高位——我并無夸張。你們理解不了。你們怎么能理解？——腳下踩著堅固的人行道，四周圍著一群友好的鄰居，時刻準備著給你們鼓勁兒，或是在背后議論你們，你們優(yōu)雅地往返于肉鋪和警察之間，對閑言碎語、絞刑架和精神病院心懷圣潔的恐懼——你們又怎么能夠想象，一雙沒有枷鎖的腳能把一個人帶到屬于太初時代的什么鬼地方去？這雙腳走的是一條凄荒的路——徹底的凄荒，連警察的影子都看不到——這雙腳走的是一條死寂的路——徹底的死寂，聽不到任何一個善意的鄰居低聲地警告你們人言可畏。這些細節(jié)毫不起眼，卻造成了天壤之別。當它們消失，人就必須求助于自身天生的力量，求助于自己堅持某種信念的能力。當然你們可能已經愚蠢到失去了犯錯誤的能力——甚至遲鈍到意識不到自己正在被那些黑暗的力量攻擊。我想，沒有哪個傻瓜曾經拿自己的靈魂去和魔鬼討價還價：是因為傻瓜太傻，還是魔鬼太壞——我不知道，又或者是因為，你們是圣潔得如此驚天地泣鬼神，以至于除了天國的景象和聲音，你們都充耳不聞，熟視無睹，而地球對你們來說只是個立腳之處——做這樣的人，對你們而言是得是失，我不想妄加評論。但絕大部分的人，既不屬于前者，也不能歸為后者。地球，是我們的家，我們不得不忍受這里的各種景象、聲音，還有氣味，天??！——比如說，忍受死河馬的氣味——而又竭盡全力地獨善其身。這時，難道你們還沒有發(fā)現嗎？你們的力量起作用了，你們堅信自己有能力挖出毫不起眼的洞穴，把這些不得不忍受的東西全都埋進去。那是一種驅使你們獻身的力量——不是獻給你們自己，而是獻給某個說不清道不明，卻又令人心力交瘁的事業(yè)。這已經夠難了。注意，我不是在找借口，更不是在申辯——我只是在嘗試讓自己理解——理解——庫爾茨先生——庫爾茨先生的幽靈。這個幽靈，從虛空的深處浮現出來，接受過文明的熏陶，在它徹底消失前，竟對我產生了驚人的信賴，使我受寵若驚。這都是因為它能用英文跟我交流。未變質前的庫爾茨，有一部分教育是在英國接受的，而且——他本人直白地說過——他從不曾濫用他的同情。他的母親有一半英國血統(tǒng)，父親則有一半法國血統(tǒng)。整個歐洲都為庫爾茨的橫空出世貢獻了力量。我后來還慢慢了解到，破除野蠻傳統(tǒng)國際協會還曾經委托他撰寫一個報告，用作日后的工作指南，真是知人善任。而他也已經寫好了。我看見過。我讀過。這個報告雄辯滔滔，激動人心，但我覺得它未免有點杯弓蛇影。他竟然擠得出時間來寫完一份十七頁的報告，而且每頁都密密麻麻地寫滿了字！但這肯定是在他——這么說吧——發(fā)瘋之前寫的，為此他還跑去主持一些午夜舞會，這些舞會的落幕儀式惡劣得令人不齒，它們——把我在不同時間聽到的只言片語拼湊起來，我發(fā)現——是在祭祀他——明白嗎？——祭祀庫爾茨先生本人。但那個報告寫得確實漂亮。然而，開篇第一段，鑒于我已然知悉后事如何，現在想起來，竟是讖語。他劈頭就拋出一個論斷，說我們白人，依照目前的發(fā)展水平，‘在其（野蠻人）眼前，須作為超自然之生物而存在——吾等身附神力，翩然下凡’，等等，等等。僅憑簡單訓練，吾等即可向其行使實無約束之有益特權”，等等，等等。以此為起點，他天馬行空地寫下去，把我也蠱惑住了。整篇報告寫得雄壯艷麗，只是很難讓人記住具體寫的是什么。我覺得它散發(fā)著由神圣的慈悲生出的廣博氣度，看得我心潮澎湃。這就是滔滔雄辯那股脫韁野馬一般的力量——華辭麗藻的力量——那些灼灼欲燃的辭藻，如此高尚，如此力量無窮！全篇報告一氣呵成，其間并無任何務實的文字冒出來，截斷行云流水一般的佳詞妙句，除卻寫在末頁頁腳的一條注釋。這條注釋明顯是在報告寫成多時之后，由一只顫抖不已的手寫上去的，不妨將它看作是對某個方法的說明。它異常簡短，卻在這篇感人得足以喚起人們利他主義情懷的報告末尾閃著強光，炫目，駭人，就像劃破寧靜天空的一道閃電：“斬絕土人！”令人不解的是，他顯然把這條寶貴的附注忘得一干二凈。因為，過后，當他略微恢復意識，便三番四次地懇求我要小心保管好‘我的小冊子’（他這么叫它），好像未來它絕對能為他的事業(yè)增光添彩。我對所有這些事情了如指掌，并且，事實證明，后來我也不得不盡心盡力地捍衛(wèi)他的身后美名。在這一點上，我已經仁至義盡，完全有權利決定它的命運。只要我愿意，我就可以把它扔進人類發(fā)展進程的垃圾桶，讓它永遠安息在所有的犧牲品，以及人類文明中諸多湮沒無聞的著作之間。但那時，唉，我身不由己。他已經被刻進了人們的記憶里。無論如何，他不是一個凡夫俗子。他有力量誘惑或恐嚇蠻荒之民為了向他表示崇敬而發(fā)狂似的大跳巫舞，他也能夠讓朝圣者們?yōu)榱怂K日深鎖愁眉。他至少擁有一個忠實的朋友，征服了這個人的靈魂，那既非原始野蠻，亦非見利忘義的靈魂。不，我忘不了他，盡管我并沒有足夠的證據來斷言，為了把他找回來，我們犧牲了一條生命到底值不值得。我發(fā)瘋一般地想念我那剛去世的舵手——甚至當他的尸體還躺在駕駛室里，我就已經在想念他了。也許你們會認為這不可理喻，我竟然會想念一個土人，他比撒哈拉沙漠里的沙子更不值一提?？墒牵埬銈兿胂?，他也做了點事情，他有掌舵。幾個月來他一直陪在我身后——一個幫手——一件工具。他是我的伙伴！他幫我掌舵——我不得不時刻盯住他，我擔心他因為能力不足而犯錯，于是在我和他之間，生出了一種微妙的聯系，而當它驀然斷裂，我才恍然大悟。在他受傷時投向我的目光里，有一種親密的深邃，至今仍歷歷在目——仿佛在最重要的時刻，宣布了我們在久遠的時代里，確曾血脈相連。

Poor fool！If he had only left that shutter alone. He had no restraint, no restraint-just like Kurtz-a tree swayed by the wind.As soon as I had put on a dry pair of slippers, I dragged him out, after frst jerking the spear out of his side, which operation I confess I performed with my eyes shut tight.His heels leaped together over the little door-step；his shoulders were pressed to my breast；I hugged him from behind desperately.Oh！he was heavy, heavy；heavier than any man on earth, I should imagine.Then without more ado I tipped him overboard.The current snatched him as though he had been a wisp of grass, and I saw the body roll over twice before I lost sight of it for ever.All the pilgrims and the manager were then congregated on the awning-deck about the pilot-house, chattering at each other like a fock of excited magpies, and there was a scandalised murmur at my heartless promptitude.What they wanted to keep that body hanging about for I cant guess.Embalm it, maybe.But I had also heard another, and a very ominous, murmur on the deck below.My friends the wood-cutters were likewise scandalised, and with a better show of reason-though I admit that the reason itself was quite inadmissible.Oh, quite！I had made up my mind that if my late helmsman was to be eaten, the fshes alone should have him.He had been a very second-rate helmsman while alive, but now he was dead he might have become a frst-class temptation, and possibly cause some startling trouble.Besides, I was anxious to take the wheel, the man in pink pyjamas showing himself a hopeless duffer at the business.
可憐的傻瓜！他為什么不離開那個百葉窗呢！他控制不住自己，控制不住——就像庫爾茨一樣——只是一棵任風擺布的樹。我一換上一雙干的拖鞋，就把他拖了出去。我當然是先把矛從他身側拔了出來——我承認我在這么做的時候，緊緊閉著眼睛。過門檻時，他的兩只腳后跟一起跳了一下，他的雙肩死死壓著我的前胸，我從背后拼命抱住他。天??！他很沉，很沉，我覺得他比地球上任何一個人都要沉。然后我毫不遲疑地把他扔進河里。水流馬上攫住他，就好像他是一縷水草。我看見尸體翻了兩圈，便永遠地消失了。那時所有朝圣者以及經理都團團圍在駕駛室四周，像一群興奮的喜鵲一般說個不停。我聽見一陣竊竊私語，說我冷血，竟然毫不遲疑地把尸體扔掉。他們把尸體留下來有何用，我猜不著，也許是要對它做防腐處理吧。然而，我也聽見從下面甲板傳來的另一陣竊竊私語聲，令我毛骨悚然。我的朋友，那些伐木工，對我的行為同樣不滿，而他們的理由更加充分——盡管我承認那個理由本身實在是超乎尋常。唉，實在是太過分！我橫了心，如果我那剛去世的舵手一定要被吃掉，能吃他的也只有魚。他生前是一個二流的舵手，現在他死了，卻可能變成眾人趨之若鶩的寶貝，說不定會引起一場軒然大波。而且，我正急于回去自己掌舵，因為那個穿著粉紅睡衣的男人看起來笨拙得令人絕望。

This I did directly the simple funeral was over. We were going half-speed, keeping right in the middle of the stream, and I listened to the talk about me.They had given up Kurtz, they had given up the station；Kurtz was dead, and the station had been burnt-and so on-and so on.The red-haired pilgrim was beside himself with the thought that at least this poor Kurtz had been properly revenged.‘Say！We must have made a glorious slaughter of them in the bush.Eh?What do you think?Say?’He positively danced, the bloodthirsty little gingery beggar.And he had nearly fainted when he saw the wounded man！I could not help saying，‘You made a glorious lot of smoke, anyhow.’I had seen, from the way the tops of the bushes rustled and few, that almost all the shots had gone too high.You cant hit anything unless you take aim and fire from the shoulder；but these chaps fired from the hip with their eyes shut.The retreat, I maintained-and I was right-was caused by the screeching of the steam-whistle.Upon this they forgot Kurtz, and began to howl at me with indignant protests.
那場簡單的葬禮一完，我就馬上回去掌舵。汽船穩(wěn)穩(wěn)地在河流的正中央半速前進，我可以分神去聽他們在怎么說我。他們拋棄了庫爾茨，他們拋棄了貿易站，庫爾茨死了，貿易站被燒成灰燼——等等——等等。那個紅毛的朝圣者，大概以為我們至少為庫爾茨報了奪命之仇，竟發(fā)了瘋一般狂喜不已。‘喂！我們肯定把叢林里的敵人殺了個落花流水，是不是？多么了不起！你們說是不是？是不是？’他竟真的跳起舞來，這個嗜血成性的小丑！這時候他倒活蹦亂跳的，剛才看見那個受傷的男人時，他卻差點昏過去！我忍不住說：‘說真的，你們制造出來的那一大團煙霧還真夠了不起的。’從灌木叢頂部的沙沙聲和搖晃程度來看，我當時就知道幾乎所有的子彈都打高了。要想擊中目標，必須瞄得夠準，并把槍架在肩上開火，這些家伙卻把槍頂在了盆骨上，開槍的時候還要閉著眼！土人們之所以撤退，我堅持說——而且我是對的——是因為汽笛的尖叫聲。一聽見我這么說，他們馬上把庫爾茨拋開了，憤憤不平地沖著我大喊大叫以示抗議。

The manager stood by the wheel murmuring confidentially about the necessity of getting well away down the river before dark at all events, when I saw in the distance a clearing on the river-side and the outlines of some sort of building.‘What’s this?‘I asked. He clapped his hands in wonder.’The station！he cried.I edged in at once, still going half-speed.
經理站在船舵旁，鬼鬼祟祟地在我耳邊低聲說，天黑前無論如何要遠遠地離開這里，逃到河流下游去。此時我看見遠處河邊有一小塊空地，上面隱約有幾座建筑物的輪廓。‘這是什么？’我問。他驚訝地拍拍手。‘就是那個貿易站！’他喊道。我保持半速，馬上把船向岸邊駛去。

Through my glasses I saw the slope of a hill interspersed with rare trees and perfectly free from undergrowth. A long decaying building on the summit was half buried in the high grass；the large holes in the peaked roof gaped black from afar；the jungle and the woods made a background.There was no enclosure or fence of any kind；but there had been one apparently, for near the house half-a-dozen slim posts remained in a row, roughly trimmed, and with their upper ends ornamented with round carved balls.The rails, or whatever there had been between, had disappeared.Of course the forest surrounded all that.The river-bank was clear, and on the water-side I saw a white man under a hat like a cart-wheel beckoning persistently with his whole arm.Examining the edge of the forest above and below, I was almost certain I could see movements-human formsgliding here and there.I steamed past prudently, then stopped the engines and let her drift down.The man on the shore began to shout, urging us to land.‘We have been attacked，’screamed the manager.‘I know-I know.It’s all right，‘yelled back the other, as cheerful as you please.’Come along.It‘s all right.I am glad.’
我從望遠鏡里看到一個小山坡，坡上一株灌木也沒有，只有零零落落的幾棵樹。坡頂有一座長條形的房子，破敗暗淡，深埋在高高的亂草中。尖尖的屋頂上大洞滿布，遠遠看去像是大張著一個個黑色的嘴巴。房子背后，是一片凌亂的叢林。四周沒有圍欄，也沒有籬笆。但顯然曾經有過類似的東西，因為在房子旁邊，仍然立著一排細長的木柱，大約有一打左右，粗粗修剪過，頂端還裝飾著雕花圓球。欄桿，或是木柱之間任何別的什么東西，已經杳然無蹤了。當然，那一切都被森林簇擁著。河岸空曠開闊，我看見一個白人站在水邊，戴著一頂車輪一般的帽子，使勁兒向我們揮胳膊。細察森林邊緣的上下方，我?guī)缀蹩梢钥隙ɡ锩嬗袆屿o——有人在走來走去。我萬分謹慎地駛過森林，熄滅引擎，讓船自行順水而下。水邊的人開始朝我們大喊大叫，催我們上岸。‘剛才有人襲擊我們！’經理向他喊道。‘我知道——我知道，不要緊的！’那個人回喊，歡樂得無與倫比。‘過來吧，沒關系的！我太高興了！’

His aspect reminded me of something I had seen-something funny I had seen somewhere. As I manoeuvred to get alongside, I was asking myself，‘What does this fellow look like?’Suddenly I got it.He looked like a harlequin.His clothes had been made of some stuff that was brown holland probably, but it was covered with patches all over, with bright patches, blue, red, and yellow-patches on the back, patches on front, patches on elbows, on knees；coloured binding round his jacket, scarlet edging at the bottom of his trousers；and the sunshine made him look extremely gay and wonderfully neat withal, because you could see how beautifully all this patching had been done.A beardless, boyish face, very fair, no features to speak of, nose peeling, little blue eyes, smiles and frowns chasing each other over that open countenance like sunshine and shadow on a wind-swept plain.‘Look out, captain！’he cried；‘there’s a snag lodged in here last night.‘What！Another snag?I confess I swore shamefully.I had nearly holed my cripple, to finish off that charming trip.The harlequin on the bank turned his little pug nose up to me.’You English?‘he asked, all smiles.’Are you?‘I shouted from the wheel.The smiles vanished, and he shook his head as if sorry for my disappointment.Then he brightened up.’Never mind！‘he cried encouragingly.’Are we in time?‘I asked.’He is up there，he replied, with a toss of the head up the hill, and becoming gloomy all of a sudden.His face was like the autumn sky, overcast one moment and bright the next.
看見他，我想起之前見過的某樣東西——我在某處看見過，很滑稽的。我一邊駕船靠岸，一邊喃喃自語：‘這個家伙到底像什么呢？’我猛然記起來了。他像個戲劇里的丑角。他的衣服原來很可能是棕色的，用荷蘭亞麻布制成，但現在滿是補丁，奪目的補丁，藍色的，紅色的，黃色的——背后有，前面有，肘上有，連膝蓋上也有，外套的鑲邊色彩斑斕，褲腿的流蘇猩紅鮮艷。沐浴在陽光下的他，看上去如此歡欣若狂，又如此驚人的光鮮整潔，因為你能清清楚楚地看見，這些補丁無一例外地縫得巧奪天工。一張白皙稚氣的臉，胡子刮得干干凈凈，五官都很平淡，鼻子正在掉皮，一雙藍眼睛小小的。在這張率真的臉上，顰笑交相追逐，就像風吹過的平原上交替出現的陰影和陽光。‘小心，船長！’他喊道，‘這里昨晚打進去了一個暗樁。’什么？又有暗樁？我承認我罵了很難聽的話。我差點就捅穿了這艘破船，立刻了結這趟令人走火入魔的旅程。岸上的丑角把他那個像哈巴狗一樣的小鼻子抬起來沖著我。‘您是英國人嗎？’他滿面春風地問。‘那你是嗎？’我站在船舵邊向他喊道。他馬上沉下臉，搖搖頭，好像在對我的失望表示歉意。接著他重新快活起來。‘管他呢！’他歡欣鼓舞地喊道。‘我們沒來晚吧？’我問。‘他在那上邊。’他回答，頭朝山上一甩，臉上瞬間堆滿愁容。他的臉就像秋日的天空，陰晴不定。

When the manager, escorted by the pilgrims, all of them armed to the teeth, had gone to the house, this chap came on board.‘I say, I don’t likethis. These natives are in the bush，‘I said.He assured me earnestly it was all right.’They are simple people，‘he added；’well, I am glad you came.It took me all my time to keep them off.‘’But you said it was all right，‘I cried.’Oh, they meant no harm，‘he said；and as I stared he corrected himself，’Not exactly.‘Then vivaciously，’My faith, your pilot-house wants a clean up！‘In the next breath he advised me to keep enough steam on the boiler to blow the whistle in case of any trouble.’One good screech will do more for you than all your rifes.They are simple people，‘he repeated.He rattled away at such a rate he quite overwhelmed me.He seemed to be trying to make up for lots of silence, and actually hinted, laughing, that such was the case.’Don‘t you talk with Mr.Kurtz?’I said.‘You don’t talk with that man-you listen to him，‘he exclaimed with severe exaltation.’But now—‘He waved his arm, and in the twinkling of an eye was in the uttermost depths of despondency.In a moment he came up again with a jump, possessed himself of both my hands, shook them continuously, while he gabbled：’Brother sailor……honour……pleasure……delight……introduce myself……Russian……son of an arch-priest……Government of Tambov……What?Tobacco！English tobacco；the excellent English tobacco！Now, that‘s brotherly.Smoke?Where’s a sailor that does not smoke?
那些全副武裝的朝圣者前呼后擁著經理朝那座房子走去的時候，這個家伙跑到甲板上面來。‘聽我說，我現在感到很不自在。叢林里藏著那么多土人！’我說。他熱切地向我保證絕對不會出亂子。‘他們都很笨。’他又說，‘你們來了我真高興，我一天到晚都要提防著，不讓他們跑出來。’‘但你剛才說沒關系！’我叫起來。‘是的，他們不會傷害人。’他說。我直直地盯著他，他改口說：‘也不完全是這樣。’接著又快活地說，‘說真的，你們的駕駛室真該好好打掃打掃了！’緊接著，他建議我在鍋爐里保存足夠的蒸汽，萬一遇到任何麻煩，可以馬上拉響汽笛。‘汽笛尖叫一聲，比你們所有的來復槍都見效。他們都很笨。’他重復道。他就這樣喋喋不休地說個不停，簡直不給我開口說話的機會。他似乎是太久不曾和別人說話了，現在要好好補償一番。事實上，他也笑著暗示道，實際情況就是如此。‘你怎么不跟庫爾茨先生說話？’我說。‘你不跟他說話——你只聽他說，’他喊道，口吻帶著莊重的贊嘆，‘但現在——’他擺擺手，轉眼間陷入了深不見底的沮喪中。過了一會兒，他忽然跳到我面前，抓住我雙手使勁兒地晃，一邊急促含混地說：‘水手兄弟……榮譽……愉悅……歡樂……自我介紹……俄國……大司祭的兒子……坦波夫政府……什么？煙絲！英國煙絲！上好的英國煙絲！真是好兄弟！抽不抽煙？哪有不抽煙的水手？’

The pipe soothed him, and gradually I made out he had run away from school, had gone to sea in a Russian ship；ran away again；served some time in English ships；was now reconciled with the arch-priest. He made a point of that.‘But when one is young one must see things, gather experience, ideas；enlarge the mind.’‘Here！’I interrupted.‘You can never tell！Here I have met Mr.Kurtz，’he said, youthfully solemn and reproachful.I held my tongue after that.It appears he had persuaded a Dutch trading-house on the coast to ft him out with stores and goods, and had started for the interior with a light heart, and no more idea of what would happen to him than a baby.He had been wandering about thatriver for nearly two years alone, cut off from everybody and everything.‘I am not so young as I look.I am twenty-five，’he said.‘At first old Van Shuyten would tell me to go to the devil，’he narrated with keen enjoyment；‘but I stuck to him, and talked and talked, till at last he got afraid I would talk the hind-leg off his favorite dog, so he gave me some cheap things and a few guns, and told me he hoped he would never see my face again.Good old Dutchman, Van Shuyten.I’ve sent him one small lot of ivory a year ago, so that he can‘t call me a little thief when I get back.I hope he got it.And for the rest I don’t care.I had some wood stacked for you.That was my old house.Did you see?
他抽了煙，平靜下來。我漸漸了解到，他逃學出來，上一艘俄國船出了海，后來又逃走了，在英國船上工作過一段時間，現在已經跟他的大司祭父親和好如初。他特別強調了這件事。‘但人年輕的時候，就是要去開開眼界，累積經驗和想法，使自己更加見多識廣嘛！’‘來這里開眼界？’我打斷他。‘您是不知道！在這里，我遇到了庫爾茨先生。’他鄭重其事地責備我說，真是年少輕狂。此后我便閉口不言。似乎他在成功說服一個陸上的荷蘭貿易公司為他提供補給品和貨物之后，便毫無顧忌地深入荒野。他像個嬰兒一樣，根本不去想自己可能遭遇什么。他獨自一人在那條河上流浪了差不多兩年，與一切人和事斷絕了聯系。‘我并不像看上去那么年輕，我二十五歲了。’他說。‘開始的時候，老范·修登總是讓我滾開，’他興高采烈地敘述道，‘但我一直沒放棄，纏著他談啊談啊，談到后來，他害怕我真的能把死人說活了，就給我一些便宜貨和幾桿槍，讓我永遠不要再來見他。他是個老好人，那個荷蘭人，范·修登。一年前，我托人給他送了一小批象牙，這樣等我回去的時候，他就不好意思再叫我小偷了。希望他已經收到了吧。其他的事情我一點兒也不在乎。我給你們準備了一堆木頭。那座是我從前住的房子，你們看到了嗎？’

“I gave him Towson‘s book. He made as though he would kiss me, but restrained himself.’The only book I had left, and I thought I had lost it，‘he said, looking at it ecstatically.’So many accidents happen to a man going about alone, you know.Canoes get upset sometimes-and sometimes you‘ve got to clear out so quick when the people get angry.’He thumbed the pages.‘You made notes in Russian?’I asked.He nodded.‘I thought they were written in cipher，’I said.He laughed, then became serious.‘I had lots of trouble to keep these people off，’he said.‘Did they want to kill you?’I asked.‘Oh no！’he cried, and checked himself.‘Why did they attack us?’I pursued.He hesitated, then said shamefacedly，‘They don’t want him to go.‘’Don‘t they?’I said, curiously.He nodded a nod full of mystery and wisdom.‘I tell you，’he cried，‘this man has enlarged my mind.’He opened his arms wide, staring at me with his little blue eyes that were perfectly round.”
“我把陶森的書還給他?？此臉幼?，簡直是要吻我，但他克制住了。‘我就剩下這么一本書了，還以為丟了呢。’他說，喜不自勝地盯著它，‘獨自流浪的人總有旦夕禍福。有時候小船會翻掉——有時候惹怒了那些土人，就只好落荒而逃。’他翻開書。‘你用俄文做筆記？’我問。他點點頭。‘我還以為是密碼呢。’我說。他笑了，接著突然嚴肅起來。‘我費了很大勁兒才把這些人擋在外面。’他說。‘他們想要殺死你嗎？’我問。‘不！’他喊道，然后緊閉雙唇。‘他們?yōu)槭裁垂粑覀儯?rsquo;我繼續(xù)問。他遲疑片刻，然后羞怯地說：‘他們不想他走。’‘他們不想嗎？’我驚詫地說。他諱莫如深地點點頭。‘請您聽好了，’他喊道，‘這個人讓我豁然開朗！’他張開雙臂，那雙小小的藍眼睛盯著我，睜得又大又圓。”