雙語·面紗 第五十八章

Two or three days later Waddington fetched Kitty from the convent (for her restlessness had induced her immediately to resume her work) and took her to drink the promised cup of tea with his mistress. Kitty had on more than one occasion dined at Waddington's house. It was a square, white, and pretentious building, such as the Customs build for their officials all over China; and the dining-room in which they ate, the drawing-room in which they sat, were furnished with prim and solid furniture. They had the appearance of being partly offices and partly hotel; there was nothing homelike in them and you understood that these houses were merely places of haphazard sojourn to their successive occupants. It would never have occurred to you that on an upper floor mystery and perhaps romance dwelt shrouded. They ascended a flight of stairs and Waddington opened a door. Kitty went into a large, bare room with whitewashed walls on which hung scrolls in various calligraphies. At a square table, on a stiff arm-chair, both of blackwood and heavily carved, sat the Manchu. She rose as Kitty and Waddington entered, but made no step forward.

“Here she is,” said Waddington, and added something in Chinese.

Kitty shook hands with her. She was slim in her long embroidered gown and somewhat taller than Kitty, used to the Southern people, had expected. She wore a jacket of pale green silk with tight sleeves that came over her wrists and on her black hair, elaborately dressed, was the head-dress of the Manchu women. Her face was coated with powder and her cheeks from the eyes to the mouth heavily rouged; her plucked eyebrows were a thin dark line and her mouth was scarlet. From this mask her black, slightly slanting, large eyes burned like lakes of liquid jet. She seemed more like an idol than a woman. Her movements were slow and assured. Kitty had the impression that she was slightly shy but very curious. She nodded her head two or three times, looking at Kitty, while Waddington spoke of her. Kitty noticed her hands; they were preternaturally long, very slender, of the color of ivory; and the exquisite nails were painted. Kitty thought she had never seen anything so lovely as those languid and elegant hands. They suggested the breeding of uncounted centuries.

She spoke a little, in a high voice, like the twittering of birds in an orchard, and Waddington, translating, told Kitty that she was glad to see her; how old was she and how many children had she got? They sat down on three straight chairs at the square table and a boy brought in bowls of tea, pale and scented with jasmine. The Manchu lady handed Kitty a green tin of Three Castles cigarettes. Beside the table and the chairs the room contained little furniture; there was a wide pallet bed on which was an embroidered head rest and two sandalwood chests.

“What does she do with herself all day long?” asked Kitty.

“She paints a little and sometimes she writes a poem. But she mostly sits. She smokes, but only in moderation, which is fortunate, since one of my duties is to prevent the traffic in opium.”

“Do you smoke?” asked Kitty.

“Seldom. To tell you the truth I much prefer whiskey.”

There was in the room a faintly acrid smell; it was not unpleasant, but peculiar and exotic.

“Tell her that I am sorry I cannot talk to her. I am sure we have many things to say to one another.”

When this was translated to the Manchu she gave Kitty a quick glance in which there was the hint of a smile. She was impressive as she sat, without embarrassment, in her beautiful clothes; and from the painted face the eyes looked out wary, self-possessed and unfathomable. She was unreal, like a picture, and yet had an elegance which made Kitty feel all thumbs. Kitty had never paid anything but passing and somewhat contemptuous attention to the China in which fate had thrown her. It was not done in her set. Now she seemed on a sudden to have an inkling of something remote and mysterious. Here was the East, immemorial, dark and inscrutable. The beliefs and the ideals of the West seemed crude beside ideals and beliefs of which in this exquisite creature she seemed to catch a fugitive glimpse. Here was a different life, lived on a different plane. Kitty felt strangely that the sight of this idol, with her painted face and slanting, wary eyes, made the efforts and the pains of the everyday world she knew slightly absurd. That colored mask seemed to hide the secret of an abundant, profound and significant experience: those long, delicate hands with their tapering fingers held the key of riddles undivined.

“What does she think about all day long?” asked Kitty.

“Nothing,” smiled Waddington.

“She's wonderful. Tell her I've never seen such beautiful hands. I wonder what she sees in you.”

Waddington, smiling, translated the question.

“She says I'm good.”

“As if a woman ever loved a man for his virtue,” Kitty mocked.

The Manchu laughed but once. This was when Kitty, for something to say, expressed admiration of a jade bracelet she wore. She took it off and Kitty, trying to put it on, found, though her hands were small enough, that it would not pass over her knuckles. Then the Manchu burst into childlike laughter. She said something to Waddington and called for an amah. She gave her an instruction and the amah in a moment brought in a pair of very beautiful Manchu shoes.

“She wants to give you these if you can wear them,” said Waddington. “You'll find they make quite good bedroom slippers.”

“They fit me perfectly,” said Kitty, not without satisfaction.

But she noticed a roguish smile on Waddington's face.

“Are they too big for her?” she asked quickly.

“Miles.”

Kitty laughed and when Waddington translated, the Manchu and the amah laughed also.

When Kitty and Waddington, a little later, were walking up the hill together, she turned to him with a friendly smile.

“You did not tell me that you had a great affection for her.”

“What makes you think I have?”

“I saw it in your eyes. It's strange, it must be like loving a phantom or a dream. Men are incalculable; I thought you were like everybody else and now I feel that I don't know the first thing about you.”

As they reached the bungalow he asked her abruptly:

“Why did you want to see her?”

Kitty hesitated for a moment before answering.

“I'm looking for something and I don't quite know what it is. But I know that it's very important for me to know it, and if I did it would make all the difference. Perhaps the nuns know it; when I'm with them I feel that they hold a secret which they will not share with me. I don't know why it came into my head that if I saw this Manchu woman I should have an inkling of what I am looking for. Perhaps she would tell me if she could.”

“What makes you think she knows it?”

Kitty gave him a sidelong glance, but did not answer. Instead she asked him a question.

“Do you know it?”

He smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

“Tao. Some of us look for the Way in opium and some in God, some of us in whiskey and some in love. It is all the same Way and it leads nowhither.”

兩三天以后，威廷頓把凱蒂從修道院接了出來（因?yàn)樗诩依锊惶?shí)，所以馬上又回去工作了），領(lǐng)著她去和他的情婦一起喝茶，因?yàn)檫@事他早就答應(yīng)過她，而凱蒂從未去威廷頓家里吃過飯。那是一座四四方方、顯得矯飾的白色房子，全中國海關(guān)給他們的官員建的房屋大抵都是這個(gè)樣子。在餐廳里吃飯，在客廳里聊天，里面擺設(shè)著整潔和堅(jiān)固的家具。這些房屋的外表看上去又像辦公室，又像旅館，而恰恰沒有家的氣氛，你能理解這些房子只不過是輪換的海關(guān)官員們臨時(shí)的棲身之地。你腦子里絕不會(huì)涌現(xiàn)出這樣的想法，這些屋子能有什么秘密，或許隱藏了某個(gè)愛情故事。他們爬上了一段樓梯，威廷頓打開了門。凱蒂走進(jìn)一個(gè)很大的、空蕩蕩的房間，白灰刷的墻的四面懸掛著不同字體的書法條幅。四方桌的旁邊是一把堅(jiān)硬的扶手椅，桌椅都是紅木的，雕刻著很多圖案，椅子上坐著一位滿族婦女，當(dāng)凱蒂和威廷頓進(jìn)屋的時(shí)候，她站起身來，但沒有向前邁步迎接他們。

“這就是她。”威廷頓說道，又用中文說了幾句話。

凱蒂和她握了手，女主人早已在等著他們了。她穿著南方婦女經(jīng)常穿的刺繡的旗袍，身材苗條，比凱蒂還要高些。她上身還穿著一件淡綠色的真絲夾克衫，袖子在手腕處收緊。一頭烏發(fā)，很精致地梳著，上面還有滿族婦女常戴的頭飾。臉上敷著厚厚的一層粉，從眼睛下面到嘴邊的臉頰上涂著很重的胭脂，她修過的眉毛是一條黑線，而嘴唇抹得鮮紅。在如同面具般的臉上，黑色的眼珠稍微有些斜視，一雙大眼睛水汪汪的好像湖水流淌一般。她看上去更像是一個(gè)被人追逐的偶像，而不是普通人家的主婦。她的動(dòng)作慢條斯理，但信心十足。她給凱蒂留下的印象是有點(diǎn)兒害羞，但她對(duì)凱蒂也很好奇。當(dāng)威廷頓談到她時(shí)，她會(huì)注視著凱蒂，點(diǎn)兩三下頭。凱蒂也注意到了她的手，雙手修長，手指纖細(xì)，顏色如象牙一般，精致的指甲涂著色。凱蒂思忖她從來沒有見過這么可愛、慵懶和優(yōu)雅的手，它們暗示著有上百年貴族血統(tǒng)的教養(yǎng)。

她說話不多，但音調(diào)較高，就像果園中鳥兒嘰嘰喳喳的聲音，而威廷頓在一旁翻譯著，告訴凱蒂她很高興見到她，她還問凱蒂多大了，有幾個(gè)孩子了。他們坐在四方桌邊的三把椅子上，仆人端上來三碗茶，淡淡的，散發(fā)著茉莉花的清香。這位滿族女士又遞給凱蒂一個(gè)綠色錫制煙盒的“三炮臺(tái)”牌香煙。除了桌子、椅子，房間里幾乎沒有什么家具。臥室里有一張寬寬的硬板床，上面有一個(gè)刺繡的枕頭，以及兩個(gè)檀香木的柜子。

“她成天自己一個(gè)人待著都干點(diǎn)兒什么呀？”凱蒂問道。

“她有時(shí)畫畫，有時(shí)寫詩，但大部分時(shí)候都坐著，她抽鴉片煙，但幸虧抽得不多，因?yàn)槲业穆氊?zé)之一就是阻止鴉片走私。”

“你也抽鴉片嗎？”凱蒂問道。

“很少抽，跟你說實(shí)話，我更愛喝威士忌?！?/p>

房間里有著淡淡的刺鼻的味道，并非難聞，只是有點(diǎn)兒特殊和異國的情調(diào)。

“告訴她我很抱歉不能跟她交談，我敢肯定我們有很多事情可以告訴對(duì)方。”

當(dāng)這句話翻譯給滿族女士聽的時(shí)候，她很快地瞥了凱蒂一眼，眼中有一絲笑意。她的坐姿給人印象很深，落落大方，她穿著美麗的衣服，化了妝的臉上目光警覺、沉著和高深莫測。她是不真實(shí)的，就像一幅畫像，然而身上的那種氣定神閑和優(yōu)雅精致讓凱蒂覺得自己笨手笨腳的。命運(yùn)之神把凱蒂帶到了中國，但她從來沒怎么關(guān)注過這里，覺得自己只是個(gè)過客，甚至對(duì)這里的一切有點(diǎn)嗤之以鼻，并沒有完全融入這里的生活?，F(xiàn)在突然之間她好像略微了解了這里的某些遙遠(yuǎn)而神秘的東西，這就是東方，古老、黑暗和神秘莫測。西方的信仰和理念與東方的相比，顯得如此粗俗。這種比較，可以從這位精致的女人身上窺見一斑。這兒有著不同的生活，與西方在不同的層面上。凱蒂覺得很奇怪，從這位如偶像般的女人身上，從她涂脂抹粉的臉上和斜視的、警覺的目光中，凱蒂原來所了解的日常生活中的種種努力和苦痛，都顯出了些許的荒誕。在彩色的面具之下，似乎隱藏著豐富、深刻和更有意義的生活體驗(yàn)的秘密，而那雙細(xì)長的纖纖玉手則握著不解之謎的鑰匙。

“她一整天都會(huì)思考什么？”凱蒂問道。

“什么也不想?！蓖㈩D笑著說。

“她真的很漂亮，告訴她，我從來沒見過一雙這么美麗的手。我很奇怪她看上了你什么?！?/p>

威廷頓笑著把這個(gè)問題翻譯給了她聽。

“她說我很不錯(cuò)的。”

“就像女人永遠(yuǎn)會(huì)因?yàn)槟腥说钠沸卸鴲凵纤粯?。”凱蒂嘲弄地說道。

這個(gè)滿族女人破天荒地笑出聲過一次。凱蒂為了打破沉默，說她非常喜歡這個(gè)女人戴在手上的玉鐲。她把它從手腕上褪下來，而凱蒂想把它戴在手上時(shí)，卻發(fā)現(xiàn)雖然她的手足夠小，但鐲子無法穿過關(guān)節(jié)處。這時(shí)，滿族女人爆發(fā)出了孩子般的笑聲。她對(duì)威廷頓說了些什么，然后叫一個(gè)女仆上來，跟她交代了一句，女仆不一會(huì)兒就拿來了一雙非常漂亮的滿族特有樣式的布鞋。

“如果你能穿下，她想把這雙鞋送給你。”威廷頓說道，“你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)這鞋作為臥室穿的拖鞋非常合適?！?/p>

“肯定會(huì)很合適?！眲P蒂滿意地說道，但是她注意到威廷頓臉上掠過一絲調(diào)皮的微笑。

“這鞋對(duì)她來說太大嗎？”她很快問道。

“可不是一星半點(diǎn)兒的大。”

凱蒂笑出了聲，當(dāng)威廷頓把這話翻譯過去時(shí)，滿族女士和女仆也都笑了起來。

凱蒂和威廷頓一起向山上走去，過了一會(huì)兒，她轉(zhuǎn)過身，向他露出友好的微笑。

“你還沒告訴我，你也特別愛她吧?！?/p>

“什么情況讓你有這種想法？”

“我從你眼中看出來的，很奇怪，它就像喜歡一個(gè)幻影或一個(gè)夢境。男人們是不可估量的。我原來以為你和其他人一樣，但現(xiàn)在我覺得有點(diǎn)兒摸不透你了。”

當(dāng)他們到達(dá)平房時(shí)，他突然向她發(fā)問。

“你為什么想見她？”

凱蒂在張口之前，猶豫了一下。

“我正在尋找某個(gè)東西，但又不十分清楚它是什么。我知道搞清楚它對(duì)我來說很重要，如果我明白了，一切都會(huì)大不同。也許修女們知道它，當(dāng)我和她們在一起時(shí)，我能感覺到她們保守著這個(gè)秘密，又不愿意告訴我。我不知道為什么突然有了種念頭，如果我能見到這個(gè)滿族女士，我應(yīng)該能夠摸索到我苦苦追尋的東西的蹤跡?；蛟S她能告訴我這個(gè)東西是什么?！?/p>

“你怎么就認(rèn)為她能知道這個(gè)東西是什么呢？”

凱蒂從側(cè)面看了他一眼，但沒有回答，反而又問了他一個(gè)問題。

“你知道它是什么嗎？”

他笑了，聳了聳肩膀。

“也許是‘道’吧，有的人從鴉片中尋找，有的人從上帝那兒尋找，有的人從威士忌中尋找，有的人從愛情中尋找。但最終都一樣，它引導(dǎo)我們?nèi)チ藶跤朽l(xiāng)?！?/p>