雙語·面紗 第四十九章

49

Kitty found the work a refreshment to her spirit. She went to the convent every morning soon after sunrise and did not return to the bungalow till the westering sun flooded the narrow river and its crowded junks with gold. The Mother Superior gave into her care the smaller children. Kitty's mother had brought to London from her native Liverpool a practical sense of housewifery and Kitty, notwithstanding her air of frivolity, had always had certain gifts to which she referred only in bantering tones. Thus she could cook quite well and she sewed beautifully. When she disclosed this talent she was set to supervise the stitching and hemming of the younger girls. They knew a little French and every day she picked up a few words of Chinese so that it was not difficult for her to manage. At other times she had to see that the smaller children did not get into mischief; she had to dress and undress them and take care that they rested when rest was needed. There were a good many babies and these were in charge of amahs, but she was bidden to keep an eye on them. None of the work was very important and she would have liked to do something which was more arduous; but the Mother Superior paid no attention to her entreaties and Kitty stood sufficiently in awe of her not to be importunate.

For the first few days she had to make something of an effort to overcome the faint distaste she felt for these little girls, in their ugly uniforms, with their stiff black hair, their round yellow faces, and their staring, sloe-black eyes. But she remembered the soft look which had transfigured so beautifully the countenance of the Mother Superior when on Kitty's first visit to the convent she had stood surrounded by those ugly little things, and she would not allow herself to surrender to her instinct. And presently, taking in her arms one or other of the tiny creatures, crying because of a fall or a cutting tooth, when Kitty found that a few soft words, though in a language the child could not understand, the pressure of her arms and the softness of her cheek against the weeping yellow face, could comfort and console, she began to lose all her feeling of strangeness. The small children, without any fear of her, came to her in their childish troubles and it gave her a peculiar happiness to discern their confidence. It was the same with the older girls, those to whom she taught sewing; their bright, clever smiles, and the pleasure she could give them by a word of praise, touched her. She felt that they liked her and, flattered and proud, she liked them in return.

But there was one child that she could not grow used to. It was a little girl of six, an idiot with a huge hydrocephalic head that swayed top-heavily on a small, squat body, large vacant eyes and a drooling mouth; the creature spoke hoarsely a few mumbled words; it was revolting and horrible; and for some reason it conceived an idiot attachment for Kitty so that it followed her about as she changed her place from one part of the large room to another. It clung to her skirt and rubbed its face against her knees. It sought to fondle her hands. She shivered with disgust. She knew it yearned for caresses and she could not bring herself to touch it.

Once, speaking of it to Sister St. Joseph, she said that it was a pity it lived. Sister St. Joseph smiled and stretched out her hand to the misformed thing. It came and rubbed its bulging forehead against it.

“Poor little mite,” said the nun. “She was brought here positively dying. By the mercy of Providence I was at the door just as she came. I thought there was not a moment to lose so I baptized her at once. You would not believe what trouble we have had to keep her with us. Three or four times we thought that her little soul would escape to heaven.”

Kitty was silent. Sister St. Joseph in her loquacious way began to gossip of other things. And next day when the idiot child came to her and touched her hand Kitty nerved herself to place it in a caress on the great bare skull. She forced her lips into a smile. But suddenly the child, with an idiot perversity, left her; it seemed to lose interest in her, and that day and the following days paid her no attention. Kitty did not know what she had done and tried to lure it to her with smiles and gestures, but it turned away and pretended not to see her.

第四十九章

凱蒂發(fā)現(xiàn)工作像一服清醒劑，讓她的精神煥發(fā)。她每天清晨太陽升起后不久就匆匆趕往修道院，直到西邊的太陽把狹窄的河流和河面上擁擠的小船染成金黃色才回到家中。院長嬤嬤安排她照料一些年齡較小的孩子。凱蒂的母親在她小時候就從家鄉(xiāng)利物浦把她帶到了倫敦，比較早地培養(yǎng)了她具有講求實際的家庭主婦的意識，而凱蒂雖然平日里有些隨隨便便，但她用打趣的口吻說，自己還是具備了作為一名好的家庭主婦的天賦。她做的飯很好吃，針線活也做得漂亮，當她顯露出這方面的本事后，就被派去管理更年輕一些的女孩子們的縫紉工作，這些女孩子懂一點兒法語，而每天她都學(xué)幾句中國話，所以管理起來倒不是太費勁。在其他的時間里，她還得照看年齡更小的孩子，讓她們不要調(diào)皮搗蛋，還得給她們穿脫衣服，到了睡覺的時間，讓她們老實睡覺。孩子人數(shù)很多，也有專門的保姆幫著照看，但是凱蒂需要留意一下她們的工作。所有的工作都不是太重要，她本來更愿意做一些更艱巨的工作，但是院長嬤嬤沒有同意她的請求，加之凱蒂對她很敬畏，也就沒有再三要求。

在開始的幾天里，她不得不努力調(diào)整自己，克服對這些小姑娘多多少少的厭惡之情。小姑娘們穿著難看的制服，梳著黑色的朝天辮，長著黃色的圓臉和烏黑明亮的眼睛。凱蒂還清楚地記得，第一次來修道院時，四周站滿了這些小丑八怪，院長嬤嬤的面孔變得柔和而美麗。可凱蒂本能上對這些孩子還是有些排斥?，F(xiàn)在，她得雙手抱著一兩個小孩，而這些孩子因為跌了一跤，或者磕掉了牙齒正在大哭。凱蒂發(fā)現(xiàn)用一兩句哄小孩的話就能起作用，雖然孩子們聽不懂她在說什么，但能感覺到她緊抱著自己的力量，或者她用溫柔的臉頰緊貼著那些哭泣著的小黃臉，孩子們能夠感受到撫慰，也就不哭了。對凱蒂漸漸熟悉起來以后，小孩子們對她不再感到陌生和害怕，紛紛跑過來和她玩耍，由于她贏得了他們的信任，這也給了凱蒂某種特別的幸福感。年齡更大一些的女孩子對凱蒂也同樣如此，凱蒂教她們縫紉，這些女孩子歡快的笑聲、聰明的表現(xiàn)，以及當凱蒂表揚她們幾句時，她們的興高采烈勁兒，都讓凱蒂深深地感動，她覺出了她們喜歡自己。于是，既為自己得到她們的喜歡而有些沾沾自喜，也為自己的行為感到驕傲，凱蒂也開始喜歡她們了。

然而，有一個孩子卻始終不能讓她適應(yīng)。她是一個六歲的小女孩，但是個癡呆兒。碩大的患有腦積水的頭不堪重負地在她瘦小的身體上晃動，長著一雙大而無神的眼睛，嘴角不斷地流著口水，時不時地還用沙啞的嗓音嘟囔著誰也聽不清的話語。她既讓人惡心，又讓人害怕。不知什么原因，這個智障的孩子對凱蒂有著某種依戀。凱蒂在大房子里走到哪里，她便跟到哪里，還緊緊地貼著凱蒂的裙擺，在凱蒂的膝蓋上蹭她的臉，不斷地要撫摸凱蒂的手。凱蒂因為厭惡而渾身發(fā)抖，她知道這個孩子渴望愛撫，但她打心眼兒里不愿意去觸碰她。

有一次，她和圣約瑟夫修女談到了這個智障女孩，凱蒂感慨地說這孩子真不應(yīng)該活在這個世界上。圣約瑟夫修女面帶笑容，伸出了她的手去撫摸這個畸形兒。這個智障孩子用她凸出的前額反復(fù)地摩挲修女的手。

“可憐的小家伙?！毙夼f道，“她被人帶到這兒時都奄奄一息了。上帝保佑，她來時我正好在大門口，我想她應(yīng)該還有一口氣，所以我馬上給她施了洗禮。你想象不到，為了救活她，我們費了多大的勁兒，有那么三四次我們都以為她那個小靈魂已經(jīng)逃到了天堂?！?/p>

凱蒂不再說話，圣約瑟夫修女又滔滔不絕地開始聊起別的事情了。而第二天，當這名智障孩子接近凱蒂并摸她的手時，凱蒂控制住自己的情緒，用手去撫摸這孩子光禿禿的大腦門，并強擠出笑容。但是，突然這個孩子的行為有些反常，她從凱蒂身邊走開了，好像對她失去了興趣。那一整天，包括接下來的好幾天，她對凱蒂都帶搭不理，凱蒂有點兒不知道自己做錯了什么，想用笑容和手勢哄她過來，但是這個孩子扭過頭去，假裝沒看見她。