雙語·面紗 第二十二章

Next day when she was lying down after luncheon, dozing, she was aroused by a knock at her door.

“Who is it?” she cried irritably.

At that hour she was unaccustomed to be disturbed.

“I.”

She recognized her husband's voice and she sat up quickly.

“Come in.”

“Did I wake you?” he asked as he entered.

“In point of fact you did,” she answered in the natural tone she had adopted with him for the last two days.

“Will you come into the next room. I want to have a little talk with you.”

Her heart gave a sudden beat against her ribs.

“I'll put on a dressing-gown.”

He left her. She slipped her bare feet into mules and wrapped herself in a kimono. She looked in the glass; she was very pale and she put on some rouge. She stood at the door for a moment, nerving herself for the interview, and then with a bold face joined him.

“How did you manage to get away from the Laboratory at this hour?” she said. “I don't often see you at this sort of time.”

“Won't you sit down?”

He did not look at her. He spoke gravely. She was glad to do as he asked: her knees were a little shaky, and unable to continue in that jocular tone she kept silent. He sat also and lit a cigarette. His eyes wandered restlessly about the room. He seemed to have some difficulty in starting.

Suddenly he looked full at her; and because he had held his eyes so long averted, his direct gaze gave her such a fright that she smothered a cry.

“Have you ever heard of Mei-tan-fu?” he asked. “There's been a good deal about it in the papers lately.”

She stared at him in astonishment. She hesitated.

“Is that the place where there's cholera? Mr. Arbuthnot was talking about it last night.”

“There's an epidemic. I believe it's the worst they've had for years. There was a medical missionary there. He died of cholera three days ago. There's a French convent there and of course there's the Customs man. everyone else has got out.”

His eyes were still fixed on her and she could not lower hers. She tried to read his expression, but she was nervous, and she could only discern a strange watchfulness. How could he look so steadily? He did not even blink.

“The French nuns are doing what they can. They've turned the orphanage into a hospital. But the people are dying like flies. I've offered to go and take charge.”

“You?”

She started violently. Her first thought was that if he went she would be free and without let or hindrance could see Charlie. But the thought shocked her. She felt herself go scarlet. Why did he watch her like that? She looked away in embarrassment.

“Is that necessary?” she faltered.

“There's not a foreign doctor in the place.”

“But you're not a doctor, you're a bacteriologist.”

“I am an M.D., you know, and before I specialised I did a good deal of general work in a hospital. The fact that I'm first and foremost a bacteriologist is all to the good. It will be an admirable chance for research work.”

He spoke almost flippantly and when she glanced at him she was surprised to see in his eyes a gleam of mockery. She could not understand.

“But won't it be awfully dangerous?”

“Awfully.”

He smiled. It was a derisive grimace. She leaned her forehead on her hand. Suicide. It was nothing short of that. Dreadful! She had not thought he would take it like that. She couldn't let him do that. It was cruel. It was not her fault if she did not love him. She couldn't bear the thought that he should kill himself for her sake. Tears flowed softly down her cheeks.

“What are you crying for?”

His voice was cold.

“You're not obliged to go, are you?”

“No, I go of my own free will.”

“Please don't, Walter. It would be too awful if something happened. Supposing you died?”

Though his face remained impassive the shadow of a smile once more crossed his eyes. He did not answer.

“Where is this place?” she asked after a pause.

“Mei-tan-fu? It's on a tributary of the Western River. We should go up the Western River and then by chair.”

“Who is we?”

“You and I.”

She looked at him quickly. She thought she had heard amiss. But now the smile in his eyes had travelled to his lips. His dark eyes were fixed on her.

“Are you expecting me to come too?”

“I thought you'd like to.”

Her breath began to come very fast. A shudder passed through her.

“But surely it's no place for a woman. The missionary sent his wife and children down weeks ago and the A.P.C. man and his wife came down. I met her at a tea-party. I've just remembered that she said they left some place on account of cholera.”

“There are five French nuns there.”

Panic seized her.

“I don't know what you mean. It would be madness for me to go. You know how delicate I am. Dr. Hayward said I must get out of Hong Kong on account of the heat. I could never stand the heat up there. And cholera: I should be frightened out of my wits. It's just asking for trouble. There's no reason for me to go. I should die.”

He did not answer. She looked at him in her desperation and she could hardly restrain a cry. His face had a sort of black pallor which suddenly terrified her. She saw in it a look of hatred. Was it possible that he wanted her to die? She answered her own outrageous thought.

“It's absurd. If you think you ought to go it's your own lookout. But really you can't expect me to. I hate illness. A cholera epidemic. I don't pretend to be very brave and I don't mind telling you that I haven't pluck for that. I shall stay here until it's time for me to go to Japan.”

“I should have thought that you would want to accompany me when I am about to set out on a dangerous expedition.”

He was openly mocking her now. She was confused. She did not quite know whether he meant what he said or was merely trying to frighten her.

“I don't think any one could reasonably blame me for refusing to go to a dangerous place where I had no business or where I could be of no use.”

“You could be of the greatest use; you could cheer and comfort me.”

She grew even a little paler.

“I don't understand what you're talking about.”

“I shouldn't have thought it needed more than average intelligence.”

“I'm not going, Walter. It's monstrous to ask me.”

“Then I shall not go either. I shall immediately file my petition.”

第二天，午飯后她正躺著小憩的時候，突然被一陣敲門聲驚醒，她趕忙坐起身來。

“是誰呀？”她有點兒生氣地喊道。

在每天的這個時間，她不習(xí)慣被人打擾。

“是我?！?/p>

她聽出是丈夫的聲音，趕緊坐了起來。

“進來。”

“我把你吵醒了嗎？”他邊進門邊問道。

“事實上，你的確把我吵醒了?！彼靡环N看上去很自然的口吻回答道，在過去的兩天里，她就是用這種口吻跟他講話的。

“你能來一下隔壁的房間嗎？我有話跟你說?！?/p>

她的心一下子又跳到了嗓子眼。

“我披上睡袍就來。”

他走開了，她把光著的腳伸到拖鞋里，把自己裹到了長袍里，抽空沖鏡子看了一下自己，看到自己臉色蒼白，于是往臉上擦了點兒胭脂。她在隔壁的門前站了一會兒，平息了一下要和沃爾特攤牌的緊張心情，然后帶著一種義無反顧的神情走進了房間。

“你今天怎么能在這個時候從實驗室里抽開身？”她說道，“我平時在這個點兒看不到你回來。”

“你為什么不坐下來？”

他沒有看她，說話的語氣很嚴(yán)肅。她很高興他提出了這個要求，因為她發(fā)覺自己的雙腿有點兒抖，無法再用開玩笑的口吻繼續(xù)說下去了，所以只能保持沉默。他也坐了下來，點著了一支香煙，眼睛不安地向房間里四下望著，似乎很難開口。

突然他的目光落到了她的身上，因為他的眼睛原本一直在努力回避她，所以這樣緊盯著她著實嚇了她一跳。她使勁忍住了才沒喊叫。

“你聽說過湄潭府這個地方嗎？”他問道，“最近報紙上登了很多關(guān)于這個地方的事兒。”

她驚訝地望著他，猶猶豫豫地說道：

“是發(fā)生霍亂的那個地方嗎？阿布斯諾特先生昨天晚上談起過它?！?/p>

“這種病正在快速傳播，我認為這種已經(jīng)流行多年的疾病現(xiàn)在達到爆發(fā)的高峰期了。那兒原來有一名醫(yī)療傳教士，但他三天前死于霍亂，那兒還有幾個法國修女，當(dāng)然還有一個海關(guān)的人，其他的人都被疏散出去了。”

他的眼睛仍然盯著她，她也不能回避，只好試圖解讀出他話中的含義。但是她還是緊張，只能辨別出他的話語里有一種奇怪的專注與認真。他怎么能如此目光堅定，眼睛甚至眨都不眨？

“法國的修女們在竭盡所能地幫助病人，她們把失去父母的孤兒轉(zhuǎn)到醫(yī)院里，但是人們還是成片地死去。我自己要求去疫區(qū)并作為負責(zé)人承擔(dān)起責(zé)任。”

“你？”

她被嚇了一跳。她的第一反應(yīng)是如果他去了，她就自由了，可以沒有任何束縛和障礙地與查理約會了。但是這個想法讓她吃了一驚，她覺得自己的臉紅了。他為什么用那樣的目光看著她？她尷尬地扭過頭去。

“有必要那樣做嗎？”她支支吾吾地說道。

“那個地方現(xiàn)在沒有一個外國醫(yī)生?！?/p>

“但你不是醫(yī)生，你是個細菌學(xué)家?！?/p>

“我是個醫(yī)學(xué)博士，你知道，在我從事細菌研究之前，我在一家醫(yī)院里做了很多全科醫(yī)生的工作。而事實上，我首先還是一位細菌學(xué)家，這個身份對于應(yīng)對這場瘟疫大有好處，而且這對于我的研究工作也是一個難得的機會?！?/p>

他幾乎是用一種漫不經(jīng)心的方式說出這番話的，但她偷偷地瞥了他一眼，吃驚地發(fā)現(xiàn)他的眼中有一種嘲弄的神色，讓她無法理解。

“但是這會不會真的很危險？”

“確實很危險。”

他微笑著，那是嘲弄的而又痛苦的表情。她把前額靠在手臂上。那簡直就是自殺，可怕的自尋死路，她從沒想到他會使出這樣一招。她不能讓他這樣做，這太殘酷了。如果她不愛他，也不是她的錯啊。她無法忍受他因為她而去自殺，淚水無聲地滑下了面頰。

“你哭什么？”

他的聲音冷冰冰的。

“你沒有義務(wù)一定要去，是吧？”

“沒有，但我心甘情愿去?！?/p>

“請不要去，沃爾特。如果你出了什么事，那真是太可怕了。你要是死了怎么辦？”

雖然他依舊面無表情，但是眼睛里再次透出一絲笑意。他沒有作答。

“這個地方在哪兒？”一陣沉默之后，她開口問道。

“湄潭府？它在西江的一條支流旁邊，我們到那兒得沿江坐船到上游，然后再坐轎過去。”

“我們是誰？”

“你和我?！?/p>

她快速地看了他一眼，以為自己聽錯了。但是他眼中的微笑現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)轉(zhuǎn)移到了嘴角，他的黑眼珠一動不動地盯著她。

“你希望我也跟你一起去嗎？”

“我覺得你會愿意跟我一道去的?！?/p>

她的呼吸變得急促起來，一股寒意傳遍了全身。

“但是那兒肯定是不適合女人去的。那個傳教士把他的妻子和孩子幾周前都送了回來，還有去送阿司匹林的人和他的妻子也剛回到香港。我在一個茶會上遇見了她，我剛想起來她說他們因為霍亂離開了某個地方?！?/p>

“還有五個法國修女在那兒呢?！?/p>

恐慌占據(jù)了她的心。

“我不明白你的意思，我要去可是個瘋狂的舉動。你知道我是多么的柔弱。赫華德醫(yī)生說我必須離開香港，因為我受不了這里的炎熱，我更受不了那兒的潮熱呀，何況還有霍亂，聽一耳朵我都會嚇得魂飛魄散。去那地方就是自討苦吃，我沒有理由去那個地方，我會死的?！?/p>

他沒有回答，她絕望地望著他，幾乎控制不住要大聲喊叫了。他的臉色死灰中掛著蒼白，突然讓她覺得驚恐萬分，從他的臉上她看出了憎惡的表情。有沒有可能他就是想讓她去死？她不顧一切地喊出了自己的想法。

“這太荒唐了，如果你認為你應(yīng)該去，那是你自己的決定，但你絕不要指望我也去。我討厭疾病，更別說傳染很快的霍亂了，我不會假裝自己有多勇敢，我也不介意告訴你我沒有勇氣到那種地方去，我要待在這兒直到我該去日本的時候?！?/p>

“我原以為當(dāng)我馬上出發(fā)要奔赴一個危險的地方的時候，你會想著要陪伴在我身邊呢。”

他現(xiàn)在正在公開地嘲笑她，她也有點兒困惑，不知道他真的要像他說的那樣去做，還是僅僅嚇唬她一下。

“我覺得任何人都會理解我拒絕身赴險境的決定，本來我去那個地方也——也起不到什么作用。”

“你能起的作用可大了，你能讓我開心和舒服?！?/p>

她的臉色變得更白了。

“我不明白你在說些什么?！?/p>

“我看要搞明白我的話不需要什么特別的智力吧?！?/p>

“我不會去的，沃爾特，你這樣強求我也太過分了。”

“那么我也不去了，我馬上收回我的申請?！?/p>