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雙語·月亮與六便士 第三十五章

所屬教程:譯林版·月亮與六便士

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2022年04月24日

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I scarcely know how we got through that day. Stroeve could not bear to be alone, and I exhausted myself in efforts to distract him.I took him to the Louvre, and he pretended to look at pictures, but I saw that his thoughts were constantly with his wife.I forced him to eat, and after luncheon I induced him to lie down, but he could not sleep.He accepted willingly my invitation to remain for a few days in my apartment.I gave him books to read, but after a page or two he would put the book down and stare miserably into space.During the evening we played innumerable games of piquet, and bravely, not to disappoint my efforts, he tried to appear interested.Finally I gave him a draught, and he sank into uneasy slumber.

When we went again to the hospital we saw a nursing sister. She told us that Blanche seemed a little better, and she went in to ask if she would see her husband.We heard voices in the room in which she lay, and presently the nurse returned to say that the patient refused to see anyone.We had told her that if she refused to see Dirk the nurse was to ask if she would see me, but this she refused also.Dirk's lips trembled.

“I dare not insist,”said the nurse.“She is too ill. Perhaps in a day or two she may change her mind.”

“Is there anyone else she wants to see?”asked Dirk, in a voice so low it was almost a whisper.

“She says she only wants to be left in peace.”

Dirk's hands moved strangely, as though they had nothing to do with his body, with a movement of their own.

“Will you tell her that if there is anyone else she wishes to see I will bring him?I only want her to be happy.”

The nurse looked at him with her calm, kind eyes, which had seen all the horror and pain of the world, and yet, flled with the vision of a world without sin, remained serene.

“I will tell her when she is a little calmer.”

Dirk, filled with compassion, begged her to take the message at once.

“It may cure her. I beseech you to ask her now.”

With a faint smile of pity, the nurse went back into the room. We heard her low voice, and then, in a voice I did not recognize, the answer:

“No. No.No.”

The nurse came out again and shook her head.

“Was that she who spoke then?”I asked.“Her voice sounded so strange.”

“It appears that her vocal cords have been burnt by the acid.”

Dirk gave a low cry of distress. I asked him to go on and wait for me at the entrance, for I wanted to say something to the nurse.He did not ask what it was, but went silently.He seemed to have lost all power of will;he was like an obedient child.

“Has she told you why she did it?”I asked.

“No. She won't speak.She lies on her back quite quietly.She doesn't move for hours at a time.But she cries always.Her pillow is all wet.She's too weak to use a handkerchief, and the tears just run down her face.”

It gave me a sudden wrench of the heart-strings. I could have killed Strickland then, and I knew that my voice was trembling when I bade the nurse good-bye.

I found Dirk waiting for me on the steps. He seemed to see nothing, and did not notice that I had joined him till I touched him on the arm.We walked along in silence.I tried to imagine what had happened to drive the poor creature to that dreadful step.I presumed that Strickland knew what had happened, for someone must have been to see him from the police, and he must have made his statement.I did not know where he was.I supposed he had gone back to the shabby attic which served him as a studio.It was curious that she should not wish to see him.Perhaps she refused to have him sent for because she knew he would refuse to come.I wondered what an abyss of cruelty she must have looked into that in horror she refused to live.

我都幾乎不知道我們?cè)趺窗み^的那一天。斯特羅伊夫不能忍受一個(gè)人落單,我自己在想方設(shè)法分散他注意力的努力中也搞得筋疲力盡。我?guī)搅_浮宮,他假裝在看畫,但我看得出他的思想一刻也沒離開他的妻子。我強(qiáng)迫他吃點(diǎn)東西,午飯之后,我又勸他躺下休息,但他根本沒睡著。他樂意接受我的邀請(qǐng)來我的公寓住幾天,我給了他一些書讓他讀,可讀不了一兩頁,他就會(huì)把書放下,滿眼愁苦地盯著空中愣神。在晚上,我們玩了無數(shù)局的皮克牌。為了不讓我的努力白費(fèi)而使我產(chǎn)生失望之感,他強(qiáng)打起精神,好像玩得津津有味的樣子。最后我給他喝了口安眠藥水,盡管睡得不踏實(shí),但他總算進(jìn)入了夢(mèng)鄉(xiāng)。

當(dāng)我們?cè)俅稳メt(yī)院的時(shí)候,我們找到了一位護(hù)士,她告訴我們布蘭奇似乎有了一點(diǎn)好轉(zhuǎn)。隨后她走進(jìn)病房問病人是否愿意見她丈夫,我們聽見在她住的房間傳出了聲音,一會(huì)兒護(hù)士出來告訴我們,病人不想見任何人。我們事先已經(jīng)告訴護(hù)士,如果她拒絕見迪爾柯的話,再問問她是否愿意見我,但是她也拒絕見我。迪爾柯的嘴唇顫抖著。

“我不敢太強(qiáng)求了,”護(hù)士說,“她太虛弱了,也許過個(gè)一兩天她會(huì)改變主意的。”

“有她想見的別的什么人嗎?”迪爾柯問道,他的聲音低得幾乎成了耳語。

“她說她只想一個(gè)人靜靜地待著。”

迪爾柯的雙手奇怪地動(dòng)著,好像兩只手跟身體沒什么關(guān)系,只是自己不自覺地晃動(dòng)著。

“你能去告訴她,如果她想見別的什么人的話,我會(huì)把他帶來嗎?我只希望她能幸福?!?/p>

護(hù)士用她那寧靜、善良的眼睛看著他,這雙眼睛已經(jīng)見慣了世間的所有恐懼和痛苦,但是眸中也充滿了沒有罪惡世界的幻景,所以保持著寧靜和安詳。

“她稍微冷靜下來以后,我會(huì)告訴她的?!?/p>

迪爾柯心里充滿了悲憫和憐愛,懇求護(hù)士馬上把這個(gè)口信帶給布蘭奇。

“這可能會(huì)治好她的,我乞求您現(xiàn)在就去問吧?!?/p>

帶著一絲同情的微笑,護(hù)士又轉(zhuǎn)身走進(jìn)了病房。我們聽到了她壓低的聲音,隨后,我聽到了一個(gè)辨認(rèn)不出的聲音回答道:

“不,不,不?!?/p>

護(hù)士再次出來,搖了搖頭。

“剛才說話的是她嗎?”我問道,“她的聲音聽上去怎么那么奇怪?”

“好像她的聲帶被草酸燒壞了?!?/p>

迪爾柯發(fā)出了一聲壓抑的哀號(hào)。我讓他先走,在醫(yī)院入口處等著我,因?yàn)槲疫€想跟護(hù)士說幾句話。他什么也沒問,一聲不吭地走了。他似乎完全失去了意志力,就像一個(gè)聽話的孩子。

“她告訴過你她為什么要這么做嗎?”我問道。

“沒有,她不想說話,靜靜地仰面躺著,好幾個(gè)小時(shí)都一動(dòng)不動(dòng)。但她一直在流淚,枕頭都濕透了。她太虛弱了,用不了手絹,任淚水在臉龐滑落?!?/p>

這番話讓我的心弦突然一緊,當(dāng)時(shí)我恨不得立馬殺了斯特里克蘭,當(dāng)我和護(hù)士說再見的時(shí)候,我知道自己的聲音也在顫抖。

我發(fā)現(xiàn)迪爾柯正在臺(tái)階上等我,他的眼神很茫然,好像什么也沒看見,直到我碰了碰他的胳膊,才注意到我已經(jīng)來到他身旁。我們默默地并肩走著,我在努力想象究竟發(fā)生了什么,逼得布蘭奇這個(gè)可憐的人走了這么可怕的一步。我料想斯特里克蘭已經(jīng)知道布蘭奇出了事,因?yàn)榫炀挚隙ㄒ呀?jīng)派人找過他了,他也一定做了陳述。我不知道他現(xiàn)在在哪兒,我猜他已經(jīng)回到了那間做他畫室的破敗的閣樓。很奇怪她并不希望見到他,也許她拒絕讓人叫他來,是因?yàn)樗宄粫?huì)來的。我想知道,她看到了什么樣的一個(gè)殘酷的無底深淵,在恐懼和絕望之中,她才不想再活下去了。

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