A day or two later Mrs. Strickland sent me round a note asking if I could go and see her that evening after dinner.I found her alone.Her black dress, simple to austerity, suggested her bereaved condition, and I was innocently astonished that notwithstanding a real emotion she was able to dress the part she had to play according to her notions of seemliness.
“You said that if I wanted you to do anything you wouldn't mind doing it,”she remarked.
“It was quite true.”
“Will you go over to Paris and see Charlie?”
“I?”
I was taken aback. I refected that I had only seen him once.I did not know what she wanted me to do.
“Fred is set on going.”Fred was Colonel MacAndrew.“But I'm sure he's not the man to go. He'll only make things worse.I don't know who else to ask.”
Her voice trembled a little, and I felt a brute even to hesitate.
“But I've not spoken ten words to your husband. He doesn't know me.He'll probably just tell me to go to the devil.”
“That wouldn't hurt you,”said Mrs. Strickland, smiling.
“What is it exactly you want me to do?”
She did not answer directly.
“I think it's rather an advantage that he doesn't know you. You see, he never really liked Fred;he thought him a fool;he didn't understand soldiers.Fred would fly into a passion, and there'd be a quarrel, and things would be worse instead of better.If you said you came on my behalf, he couldn't refuse to listen to you.”
“I haven't known you very long,”I answered.“I don't see how anyone can be expected to tackle a case like this unless he knows all the details. I don't want to pry into what doesn't concern me.Why don't you go and see him yourself?”
“You forget he isn't alone.”
I held my tongue. I saw myself calling on Charles Strickland and sending in my card;I saw him come into the room, holding it between fnger and thumb:
“To what do I owe this honour?”
“I've come to see you about your wife.”
“Really. When you are a little older you will doubtless learn the advantage of minding your own business.If you will be so good as to turn your head slightly to the left, you will see the door.I wish you good afternoon.”
I foresaw that it would be diffcult to make my exit with dignity, and I wished to goodness that I had not returned to London till Mrs. Strickland had composed her diffculties.I stole a glance at her.She was immersed in thought.Presently she looked up at me, sighed deeply, and smiled.
“It was all so unexpected,”she said.“We'd been married seventeen years. I never dreamed that Charlie was the sort of man to get infatuated with anyone.We always got on very well together.Of course, I had a great many interests that he didn't share.”
“Have you found out who”-I did not quite know how to express myself-“who the person, who it is he's gone away with?”
“No. No one seems to have an idea.It's so strange.Generally when a man falls in love with someone people see them about together, lunching or something, and her friends always come and tell the wife.I had no warning-nothing.His letter came like a thunderbolt.I thought he was perfectly happy.”
She began to cry, poor thing, and I felt very sorry for her. But in a little while she grew calmer.
“It's no good making a fool of myself,”she said, drying her eyes.“The only thing is to decide what is the best thing to do.”
She went on, talking somewhat at random, now of the recent past, then of their frst meeting and their marriage;but presently I began to form a fairly coherent picture of their lives;and it seemed to me that my surmises had not been incorrect. Mrs.Strickland was the daughter of an Indian civilian, who on his retirement had settled in the depths of the country, but it was his habit every August to take his family to Eastbourne for change of air;and it was here, when she was twenty, that she met Charles Strickland.He was twenty-three.They played tennis together, walked on the front together, listened together to the nigger minstrels;and she made up her mind to accept him a week before he proposed to her.They lived in London, frst in Hampstead, and then, as he grew more prosperous, in town.Two children were born to them.
“He always seemed very fond of them. Even if he was tired of me, I wonder that he had the heart to leave them.It's all so incredible.Even now I can hardly believe it's true.”
At last she showed me the letter he had written. I was curious to see it, but had not ventured to ask for it.
My Dear Amy,
I think you will find everything all right in the flat. I have given Anne your instructions, and dinner will be ready for you and the children when you come.I shall not be there to meet you.I have made up my mind to live apart from you, and I am going to Paris in the morning.I shall post this letter on my arrival.I shall not come back.My decision is irrevocable.
Yours always,
Charles Strickland.
“Not a word of explanation or regret. Don't you think it's inhuman?”
“It's a very strange letter under the circumstances,”I replied.
“There's only one explanation, and that is that he's not himself. I don't know who this woman is who's got hold of him, but she's made him into another man.It’s evidently been going on a long time.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Fred found that out. My husband said he went to the club three or four nights a week to play bridge.Fred knows one of the members, and said something about Charles being a great bridge-player.The man was surprised.He said he'd never even seen Charles in the card-room.It's quite clear now that when I thought Charles was at his club he was with her.”
I was silent for a moment. Then I thought of the children.
“It must have been very diffcult to explain to Robert,”I said.
“Oh, I never said a word to either of them. You see, we only came up to town the day before they had to go back to school.I had the presence of mind to say that their father had been called away on business.”
It could not have been very easy to be bright and careless with that sudden secret in her heart, nor to give her attention to all the things that needed doing to get her children comfortably packed off. Mrs.Strickland's voice broke again.
“And what is to happen to them, poor darlings?How are we going to live?”
She struggled for self-control, and I saw her hands clench and unclench spasmodically. It was dreadfully painful.
“Of course I'll go over to Paris if you think I can do any good, but you must tell me exactly what you want me to do.”
“I want him to come back.”
“I understood from Colonel MacAndrew that you'd made up your mind to divorce him.”
“I'll never divorce him,”she answered with a sudden violence.“Tell him that from me. He'll never be able to marry that woman.I'm as obstinate as he is, and I'll never divorce him.I have to think of my children.”
I think she added this to explain her attitude to me, but I thought it was due to a very natural jealousy rather than to maternal solicitude.
“Are you in love with him still?”
“I don't know. I want him to come back.If he'll do that we'll let bygones be bygones.After all, we've been married for seventeen years.I'm a broad-minded woman.I wouldn’t have minded what he did as long as I knew nothing about it.He must know that his infatuation won’t last.If he’ll come back now everything can be smoothed over,and no one will know anything about it.”
It chilled me a little that Mrs. Strickland should be concerned with gossip, for I did not know then how great a part is played in women's life by the opinion of others.It throws a shadow of insincerity over their most deeply felt emotions.
It was known where Strickland was staying. His partner, in a violent letter, sent to his bank, had taunted him with hiding his whereabouts;and Strickland, in a cynical and humorous reply, had told his partner exactly where to fnd him.He was apparently living in an hotel.
“I've never heard of it,”said Mrs. Strickland.“But Fred knows it well.He says it's very expensive.”
She fushed darkly. I imagined that she saw her husband installed in a luxurious suite of rooms, dining at one smart restaurant after another, and she pictured his days spent at race-meetings and his evenings at the play.
“It can't go on at his age,”she said.“After all, he's forty. I could understand it in a young man, but I think it's horrible in a man of his years, with children who are nearly grown up.His health will never stand it.”
Anger struggled in her breast with misery.
“Tell him that our home cries out for him. Everything is just the same, and yet everything is different.I can't live without him.I'd sooner kill myself.Talk to him about the past, and all we've gone through together.What am I to say to the children when they ask for him?His room is exactly as it was when he left it.It's waiting for him.We're all waiting for him.”
Now she told me exactly what I should say. She gave me elaborate answers to every possible observation of his.
“You will do everything you can for me?”she said pitifully.“Tell him what a state I'm in.”
I saw that she wished me to appeal to his sympathies by every means in my power. She was weeping freely.I was extraordinarily touched.I felt indignant at Strickland's cold cruelty, and I promised to do all I could to bring him back.I agreed to go over on the next day but one, and to stay in Paris till I had achieved something.Then, as it was growing late and we were both exhausted by so much emotion, I left her.
一兩天以后,斯特里克蘭太太派人給我送來(lái)一張紙條,問我是否能在晚飯后去看看她。我到了她家,只有她一個(gè)人,她身著黑色的衣服,樸素得近于苦行,讓人想起她目前遭遇變故后的孤寂。我因?yàn)椴恢O世故,所以很吃驚,盡管她悲痛的感情是真實(shí)的,但就在這種情況下,她也能夠按照得體觀念,使自己的衣著符合她所扮演的角色。
“你說(shuō)過(guò)如果我想讓你做任何事,你都不會(huì)介意的,是不是?”她問道。
“千真萬(wàn)確?!?/p>
“你愿意去趟巴黎,去見見查理[21]嗎?”
“我嗎?”
我吃了一驚。我想我和他只見過(guò)一次,我不知道她想讓我干什么。
“弗雷德本打算要去,”弗雷德就是麥克安德魯上校,“但我確信他去不合適,他只會(huì)把事情弄得更糟,我不知道還有誰(shuí)能幫我。”
她的聲音有點(diǎn)顫抖,我覺得我要是有片刻的猶豫也是一種殘忍。
“但是我和你丈夫說(shuō)過(guò)的話不超過(guò)十句,他不認(rèn)識(shí)我。他可能只會(huì)讓我滾開的?!?/p>
“那對(duì)你也沒有傷害呀。”斯特里克蘭太太笑著說(shuō)。
“那你究竟想讓我去干什么呢?”
她沒有直接回答。
“我覺得他不認(rèn)識(shí)你反而是個(gè)優(yōu)勢(shì),你知道,他對(duì)弗雷德從來(lái)沒有好感,他覺得他是個(gè)傻瓜;他不理解軍人。弗雷德愛意氣用事,如果他們大吵一通,事情反而不好辦了。如果你說(shuō)你是代表我去的,他是不會(huì)拒絕同你談?wù)劦??!?/p>
“我同你們認(rèn)識(shí)的時(shí)間不長(zhǎng),”我答道,“我不想刺探與我不相關(guān)的事,但我看不出能指望誰(shuí)來(lái)處理這樣一件事,除非他能了解所有的細(xì)節(jié)。再者說(shuō)了,你為什么不親自去一趟呢?”
“你忘了他可不是一個(gè)人。”
我沒再說(shuō)什么。我好像看見我正在拜訪查爾斯·斯特里克蘭,遞上我的名片,看見他走進(jìn)房間,用食指和拇指夾著我的名片。
“請(qǐng)問您有何貴干?”
“我來(lái)是為了您太太的事兒?!?/p>
“真的,當(dāng)你年齡再大一點(diǎn),你無(wú)疑就會(huì)學(xué)到事不關(guān)己高高掛起的好處了。如果你識(shí)趣,把頭稍微向左邊轉(zhuǎn)一下,你就會(huì)看到那扇門。再會(huì)?!?/p>
我可以預(yù)見,當(dāng)我出門的時(shí)候,很難再保持體面尊嚴(yán)了。我真希望我還沒有回倫敦,等斯特里克蘭太太解決了她的難題后我再回來(lái)。我偷偷地瞄了她一眼,她正陷于沉思中,但是她馬上抬頭看著我,深深地嘆了口氣,微微笑了一下。
“真是太出乎意料了,”她說(shuō),“我們結(jié)婚有十七年了,我做夢(mèng)也沒想到查理會(huì)是這樣一種人,會(huì)迷戀上某個(gè)女人。我們一直相處得很好。當(dāng)然,我有很多的興趣愛好,而他不能分享?!?/p>
“你發(fā)現(xiàn)了誰(shuí)?”——我不太清楚自己怎么能說(shuō)得更明白些——“那個(gè)人是誰(shuí)?就是他和誰(shuí)一起私奔了?”
“沒有,好像沒人知道。這點(diǎn)挺奇怪。一般來(lái)說(shuō),如果一個(gè)男人愛上了某個(gè)女人,人們一定會(huì)看到他們出雙入對(duì)的,一起吃個(gè)午飯或者別的什么事情。妻子的朋友們總是會(huì)來(lái)告訴她一聲的。我沒有得到任何警示——什么都沒有。他的那封來(lái)信好像一個(gè)晴天霹靂,我原以為他一直特別幸福哩?!?/p>
她開始哭了,可憐的女人,我也為她感到非常難過(guò)。但是,一會(huì)兒以后,她變得更加鎮(zhèn)靜了。
“讓別人看笑話,對(duì)自己沒好處?!彼粮闪藴I水說(shuō)道,“唯一要做的事是決定什么是萬(wàn)全之策?!?/p>
她繼續(xù)說(shuō)著,有點(diǎn)語(yǔ)無(wú)倫次,一會(huì)兒說(shuō)剛剛過(guò)去的事,一會(huì)兒又說(shuō)他們初次的相遇和結(jié)婚后的事,但是現(xiàn)在我才開始在腦海中形成他們生活連貫的畫面。這些畫面也似乎證明了我以前的猜測(cè)是正確的。斯特里克蘭太太是一位駐印度文官的女兒,她的父親退休之后,一家人定居在偏遠(yuǎn)的鄉(xiāng)下。但每年的八月,她父親都會(huì)帶著家人來(lái)到伊斯特本[22]換換空氣;就是在那兒,她正當(dāng)二十歲的芳齡時(shí)遇見了查爾斯·斯特里克蘭,當(dāng)年他二十三歲。他們?cè)谝黄鹜婢W(wǎng)球,一起在海濱大道上散步,一起聽黑人流浪歌手唱歌;在他正式求婚前的一個(gè)星期她就下決心和他在一起了。他們定居在倫敦,先是住在漢普斯特德區(qū),后來(lái),當(dāng)他的經(jīng)濟(jì)狀況好轉(zhuǎn)后,他們就搬到城里來(lái)了,兩個(gè)孩子隨后陸續(xù)降生。
“他似乎非常喜歡兩個(gè)孩子,即使他厭倦了我,我也奇怪他怎么會(huì)舍得離開孩子,一切都是那么不可思議,直到現(xiàn)在我也無(wú)法相信這是真的?!?/p>
最后,她給我看了那封他寫給她的信,我本來(lái)對(duì)這封信就很好奇,只是不敢貿(mào)然提出來(lái)想看這封信。
我親愛的艾米:
我想你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)房子里的一切我都安排好了。我已經(jīng)轉(zhuǎn)告了安妮你的指示。當(dāng)你們到家的時(shí)候,晚飯已經(jīng)為你和孩子們準(zhǔn)備好了。我不會(huì)在家里迎接你們了。我已經(jīng)下定決心跟你分開過(guò)了,我將在今天上午去巴黎。我到的時(shí)候會(huì)把這封信寄出去。我不會(huì)回去了,我的決定是不可改變的。
你永遠(yuǎn)的
查爾斯·斯特里克蘭
“沒有一句話的解釋或者歉疚的表示,你難道不認(rèn)為這個(gè)人太沒人情味了嗎?”
“在這種情況下,這封信是挺奇怪的?!蔽一卮鹫f(shuō)。
“只有一個(gè)解釋,那就是他已經(jīng)不再是他自己了。我不知道這個(gè)女人是誰(shuí),她已經(jīng)把他牢牢掌控了,但是她已經(jīng)把他變成了另外一個(gè)人,顯然這不是一朝一夕了?!?/p>
“你這么想,有什么證據(jù)嗎?”
“弗雷德已經(jīng)發(fā)現(xiàn)了。我丈夫每周總有三四個(gè)晚上說(shuō)去俱樂部打橋牌,弗雷德認(rèn)識(shí)這家俱樂部的一個(gè)成員,跟那人說(shuō)起查爾斯是個(gè)打橋牌的好手時(shí),那人很吃驚。他說(shuō)他從沒見查爾斯去過(guò)棋牌室,現(xiàn)在再清楚不過(guò)了,當(dāng)我以為查爾斯在俱樂部打橋牌時(shí),他正跟那個(gè)女人在一起?!?/p>
我沉默了一會(huì)兒,然后我想到了孩子們。
“一定很難跟羅伯特解釋這件事吧?!蔽艺f(shuō)道。
“哦,我還沒跟他倆提一個(gè)字呢,你知道,我們是在他倆不得不返校的頭一天回到城里的。我穩(wěn)住了情緒,告訴他們父親因?yàn)樯馍系氖峦獬隽??!?/p>
斯特里克蘭太太遭受突然的打擊,心里藏著這個(gè)秘密,還能舉止得體,裝作若無(wú)其事的樣子,這真是難為她了。而且,她還要把注意力放在把一切事情安排妥當(dāng),把兩個(gè)孩子安心打發(fā)走,對(duì)她來(lái)說(shuō),也真不容易。斯特里克蘭太太的話音又哽咽了。
“我可憐的寶貝們,他們以后該怎么辦呀?這讓我們可怎么活呀?”
她掙扎著想控制著自己的情緒,我看見她的手抽搐般地一會(huì)兒攥著,一會(huì)兒又松開,這種痛苦真是萬(wàn)箭穿心呀。
“如果你認(rèn)為我去巴黎有好處,我當(dāng)然會(huì)去,但是你必須確切地告訴我,你想讓我做什么?!?/p>
“我想讓他回家?!?/p>
“我聽麥克安德魯上校的意思,你已經(jīng)決定和他離婚了?!?/p>
“我絕不會(huì)和他離婚?!彼а狼旋X地回答,“把我的話告訴他,他永遠(yuǎn)別想和那個(gè)女人結(jié)婚,我和他一樣執(zhí)拗,我永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)和他離婚,我要為我的孩子著想?!?/p>
我想她補(bǔ)充的這番話是為了向我解釋她的態(tài)度,但是我認(rèn)為這種態(tài)度與其說(shuō)是母愛,還不如說(shuō)是很自然的嫉妒心。
“那你還愛他嗎?”
“我不知道,我就想讓他回來(lái)。如果他回來(lái)了,我會(huì)既往不咎。畢竟我們結(jié)婚十七年了,我是個(gè)心胸寬闊的女人,只要我不知道他干了什么,我不會(huì)介意他的行為的。他一定也知道他對(duì)那個(gè)女人的迷戀不會(huì)持續(xù)多久的。如果他現(xiàn)在回來(lái)了,一切都會(huì)風(fēng)平浪靜的,沒人知道究竟是怎么回事。”
斯特里克蘭太太這樣介意流言蜚語(yǔ),多少讓我心底有點(diǎn)發(fā)涼。因?yàn)槲也恢绖e人的看法在一個(gè)女人的生活中竟然起到這么大的作用,這種在乎給她們那種最深沉的感情投下了一抹不真誠(chéng)的陰影。
斯特里克蘭現(xiàn)在住在哪兒大家是知道的。他的合伙人寫了一封言辭激烈的信,派人送到了他有存款的銀行,在信中合伙人奚落他像老鼠一樣躲了起來(lái)。而斯特里克蘭也寫了一封冷嘲熱諷的回信,告訴他的合伙人在哪兒可以準(zhǔn)確無(wú)誤地找到他,目前他好像住在旅館里。
“我從來(lái)沒聽說(shuō)過(guò)這家旅館,”斯特里克蘭太太說(shuō),“不過(guò)弗雷德很清楚,他說(shuō)這家旅館很貴?!?/p>
她的臉漲得通紅。我猜測(cè)她似乎看到她丈夫正安頓在一間豪華套房里,在一家又一家講究的飯店里吃飯,她的腦海中浮現(xiàn)她丈夫正在花天酒地,白天去馬場(chǎng),晚上去劇場(chǎng)。
“他這個(gè)歲數(shù),不能這么折騰下去了,”她說(shuō),“說(shuō)到底,他也四十歲了,一個(gè)小伙子這樣做,我還能理解,但他這個(gè)歲數(shù)的男人,孩子都快成人了,還這樣做,豈不是很可怕!再說(shuō)身體也受不了哇。”
憤怒和悲憫在她的心中斗爭(zhēng)著。
“告訴他,我們的家在呼喚他回來(lái)。家里一切照舊,可一切又完全不同了。沒有他我活不下去。我遲早會(huì)自殺的。跟他談?wù)勥^(guò)去,談?wù)勎覀児餐慕?jīng)歷。當(dāng)孩子們問起他來(lái),我可怎么說(shuō)呀?他的房間和他離開時(shí)一模一樣,正等著他回來(lái)。我們大家也正等著他回來(lái)?!?/p>
現(xiàn)在她明白無(wú)誤地告訴了我,見到斯特里克蘭我應(yīng)該怎么說(shuō)。她甚至想到了斯特里克蘭會(huì)怎么說(shuō),告訴了我如何周全地回答。
“你一定會(huì)盡力幫我的,是吧?”她可憐巴巴地說(shuō),“把我現(xiàn)在的處境告訴他?!?/p>
我明白她希望我竭盡所能地喚起他的同情心,她的眼淚一個(gè)勁兒地往下落,我被深深地打動(dòng)了,我對(duì)斯特里克蘭的冷酷無(wú)情義憤填膺,我答應(yīng)她會(huì)盡我的全力把他帶回來(lái)。我同意第二天就動(dòng)身,在巴黎一直待到事情多少有些進(jìn)展再說(shuō)。這時(shí),天色漸漸暗了下來(lái),在經(jīng)過(guò)了感情大起大落后,我們兩人都有點(diǎn)精疲力竭,于是我向她告辭了。
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