別了 那些讓我焦頭爛額的工作

Last April, just after dinner, Brian sat me down on the couch and said something that was the equivalent of the heart-stopping phrase, "We have to talk."

去年四月，剛剛吃過晚飯，Brian 讓我坐在沙發(fā)上，用一種嚴(yán)肅而又緊張的語氣說道：“我們得談一談”。

I remember this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, followed by the thought, Oh no, what have I done?

我依舊記得這種不是很好的感覺就像是有東西在胃里翻滾。緊隨其后的是想，哦，不，我做了什么?

With the passing of my sister, Debbie, in February, we had both been through several brutal months, trying our best to survive as she slipped away from us. Neither one of us were getting much sleep, both of us deep in our grief, and I was finally back at work trying to tackle not one, but three, gigantic projects.

在過去的兩個(gè)月，對(duì)我們來說是十分殘酷的，我們盡最大的努力走出失去姐姐Debbie的陰影里。因?yàn)槌两诒粗?，我們整夜的失眠，難以入睡。我也終于回到我的工作崗位，解決三個(gè)大項(xiàng)目。

In the sweetest, most gentle voice, Brian began to share with me his massive concern for my health and well-being. With tears in his eyes, he told me he really felt that if I didn't stop the long, intense hours and stressing out so much, he was afraid I would get very sick and possibly even "work myself to death."

在Brian 最甜美，最溫柔的聲音，他開始與我分享他的一些情緒，他表示很關(guān)心我的健康和內(nèi)心的幸福感。淚水在他的眼中打轉(zhuǎn)，他告訴我，他真的覺得，如果我不停止長(zhǎng)期而又高強(qiáng)度的工作，他很怕我會(huì)生病難受，甚至“過勞死。”

As someone who has always been able to accomplish major things, juggle lots of simultaneous projects and withstand huge amounts of pressure, I normally would have just assured him that I could "power" through this period and deal with it all.

正如有些人可以很好的完成一些重要的事情，忙里忙外大量同時(shí)進(jìn)行的項(xiàng)目，并承受大量的壓力，我向他保證，我也是其中一員，有足夠的力量應(yīng)付這一切。

But there was something in the way he was approaching the conversation that made me stop and listen. With his sincere, openhearted vulnerability, I really, really heard him.And, I got that he was right.I was no longer the person who could do it all. My nervous system was shredded. I was out of "reserves" and running on fumes.

但是他采取了另一種方式靠近我，讓我安靜下來聽他說話，和他交談。隨著他的真誠(chéng)，坦難以掩飾的關(guān)心，我真的，真的聽到了他內(nèi)心的聲音。他是對(duì)的!我不再是那個(gè)可以頂著壓力完成一堆一堆項(xiàng)目的人了?，F(xiàn)在我的神經(jīng)系統(tǒng)處于半撕裂狀態(tài)，處于儲(chǔ)存能量的階段，整個(gè)狀態(tài)感覺在云端漫步。

As I sat there, trying to take it all in, trying to figure out what to "do" about my situation, I remembered something Debbie whispered to me in the middle of the night:"Take more vacations."I spent the next several days looking the calendar, trying to see when I could take a vacation and for how long.

我坐在那兒，試圖想清楚我的一些情況，試圖知道應(yīng)該怎么做才能很好的解決這一情況。我突然想起Debbie夜半時(shí)曾在我耳邊說：“給自己個(gè)假期吧”。接下來的幾天，我一直在看日歷，試圖找出我可以休假多長(zhǎng)時(shí)間。

And then it dawned on me: I didn't just need a week or two on a tropical island. I need a big, long, extended break. I needed to rest, rejuvenate, re-boot and re-think the rest of my life.

然后，我突然明白了，我需要的不是一個(gè)或者兩個(gè)星期在熱帶島嶼上度假，而是一個(gè)長(zhǎng)長(zhǎng)的休息時(shí)間，我需要休息，恢復(fù)，重新整理和思考我的余生。

On August 1, I stopped working. Completely!I turned off my cell phone and put it in a drawer.I turned on the auto-responder to my email and then recorded a new voicemail on my phones to announce that, for the next six weeks, I would be completely, totally unavailable, and I began my sabbatical.

在八月一日，我完全的停止了工作。我關(guān)掉手機(jī)，把它放在一個(gè)抽屜里。我打開了電子郵件的自動(dòng)回復(fù)，然后在我的手機(jī)上錄下一種新的語音郵件，宣布在接下來的六周，我就完全，完全的休息下來不工作了，就這樣，我開始了我的休假。

One of my ongoing thoughts was: What if I get bored? How would I fill my days? Could I really do this? Completely unplug?I am happy to report, yes!

我有一個(gè)想法一直占據(jù)我的大腦：如果我感到厭煩?我將如何豐富我的生活呢?難道我真的要這樣做嗎?真的可以徹底離開我個(gè)工作?現(xiàn)在，我可以很高興回答大家，是的!我可以!

For the past 83 days, I have been sleeping in, taking naps (for the first time ever), reading lots of books (some of my favorites have been The Dalai Lama's Cat and Elizabeth Gilbert's new novel The Signature of All Things plus several James Patterson mysteries). Brian and I are playing tennis and taking tons of beach walks; we've traveled to Bora Bora, Italy and Romania; I'm cooking more and resting a lot.

在過去的83天里，我每日睡午覺(這真是有史以來第一次如此)，閱讀大量的書籍(比如所，我一直很喜歡的Dalai Lama's的《貓》、Elizabeth Gilbert的新小說、萬物的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)、James Patterson的《秘密》)Brian 和我打網(wǎng)球，在海灘上漫步，我們來去Bora Bora, Italy and Romania游玩了一圈。我做飯次數(shù)越來越多，安靜了不少。

Every time I'd get an idea for a new project, I'd sit down and close my eyes, breathe deeply and wait for it to pass. If the idea persisted, I wrote it down and then forgot about it (for now). I've worked with my doctors to restore my energy levels, had many visits with the acupuncturist and chiropractor and my amazing partners at Evolving Wisdom gave me a huge gift of many massages.

每當(dāng)我對(duì)新項(xiàng)目有了一個(gè)新想法，我就會(huì)坐下來閉上眼睛，深呼吸，等待他慢慢的離開我的思想。如果這個(gè)想法能夠一直留在我的想法里，我會(huì)把它下來，然后忘記他。我和我的醫(yī)生正在努力恢復(fù)我的能量水平。找了很多針灸師和按摩師以及一個(gè)小伙伴給我了一個(gè)大大的驚喜。

During this healing time, I decided to reinvent how I "do" life.One of my biggest 'aha' moments is that "I am now experiencing a new kind of aliveness that is not fueled by adrenalin."

在這段休閑的時(shí)間里，我決定重塑我的生活。一個(gè)讓我覺著可以驚嘆的瞬間是：“我正在體驗(yàn)一種新的生活方式，而不是使我的腎上腺素進(jìn)行生長(zhǎng)。”

Without the tyranny of a to-do list eating up every minute of my day, I have made time to have some deep, meaningful、conversations with several girlfriends who I've discovered are also "hitting the wall" and ready to make major changes. We have all admitted to being "busyness addicts," and we may even start a support group!

如今沒有待辦事項(xiàng)來占用我所有的時(shí)間，我可以有更多的時(shí)間和我的一些好友一起做一些深層次的有意義的對(duì)話。和一些在平時(shí)常常因?yàn)槊β翟诤魡九笥殉鲇螘r(shí)屢屢“碰壁”而又有決心做出重大改變的朋友。我們都覺著自己是“忙碌成癮者”我們甚至可能會(huì)啟動(dòng)一個(gè)互相支持小組!

In the past, I often defined myself by my work, and I hate to admit this, but my ego took a lot of pride in "just how much I can accomplish" in an hour or a day or a week.

在過去，我的工作常常被認(rèn)為是我這個(gè)人的全部表現(xiàn)，雖然我很討厭承認(rèn)這一點(diǎn)，但是我花了很多時(shí)間比如一個(gè)小時(shí)，一天或者是一個(gè)星期，在為“到底有多少事情，我可以做到”而驕傲。

Years ago, when I worked as Deepak Chopra's publicist, he used to call me "speedy," and I thought that was a good thing! Too bad I wasn't listening more closely when Deepak was telling me how stressing out was not good for my health.

幾年前，當(dāng)我擔(dān)任Deepak Chopra的公關(guān)，他習(xí)慣叫我“迅速，”我認(rèn)為這是一件好事!現(xiàn)在想想真是太糟糕了，我沒有聽的更加仔細(xì)，其實(shí)這樣高壓力是不利于我的健康的。

Today, I am done working for a living.I am eliminating the word "work" from my vocabulary, and I plan to spend half my time diving into projects that provide me creativity, fun, freedom and offer some level of contribution and prosperity.

今天，我為了生活而工作。我把“工作”這個(gè)詞從我的字典里移除了，我計(jì)劃花費(fèi)半天的時(shí)間，深入的了解我的創(chuàng)意、自由、樂趣，并把它們運(yùn)用在我的項(xiàng)目中。

My biggest fear is that as I begin to return to the real world and begin some projects, my old habits will emerge. I expect that there will be days when I slip. Days when I begin to spin out of control or get caught up in the delusion that anything that I am doing is more important than taking care of myself.

我最大的擔(dān)心是，當(dāng)我開始回到現(xiàn)實(shí)世界，開始了一些項(xiàng)目，我的老習(xí)慣會(huì)出現(xiàn)。我預(yù)計(jì)將有天當(dāng)我滑倒，或者當(dāng)我開始失控或陷入妄想什么的時(shí)候，我能清楚的知道我過的是比照顧自己更重要的日子。

These will be the days when I need to remember my commitment to being a Wabi Sabi Love artisan -- someone who finds beauty and perfection in her own imperfection. Just as I am now re-writing and shifting the story of how I "do life," so must I find compassion for the part of me who still thinks she can do it all.

這將會(huì)是我需要要記住的日子，我需要記住我的承諾做一個(gè)具有Wabi-sabi Love精神的工匠，就是一個(gè)懂得發(fā)現(xiàn)美和完善自己不完美的人。就拿我現(xiàn)在重新書寫這個(gè)關(guān)于我應(yīng)該如何過人生的故事來說，我必須找到其他人同樣認(rèn)為值得思考而他們也會(huì)做的事情。