Quora精選：如何看到一個(gè)人的真面目？

Q: What is the single most revealing thing about any person?

問(wèn)：有什么事情最能揭示一個(gè)人的本質(zhì)？

Not something they can tell you, something you can observe.

不是別人告訴你的東西，而是自己能觀察到的。

Answered by Jill Uchiyama

Jill Uchiyama的回復(fù)：

I had a teacher who said it best.

我的一個(gè)老師說(shuō)得很好。

You don't know who someone is until you see them under pressure.

只有在一個(gè)人處于壓力之下的時(shí)候，你才能真正了解他。

It is when we are under pressure that our true colors come out, when the ego's ass is put to the fire and we become the gateway between our survival self and doing what is humane and expressing integrity.

在壓力之下，我們的本性會(huì)暴露無(wú)遺?；馃ü傻臅r(shí)候，我們便到了抉擇當(dāng)口，是選擇保全自己，還是表現(xiàn)自我和品質(zhì)。

If you think about it, it is really easy to be a nice person when there is no pressure in your life. It is easy to give money to those in need when you have it in your wallet. It is easy to smile when you're already laughing. It is easy to dance when you are in love with someone or with life itself. You don't mind donating money or doing extra favors when you have the time. Even arguing is ok when you are feeling fine otherwise.

如果仔細(xì)想想，當(dāng)生活毫無(wú)壓力時(shí)，做個(gè)好人其實(shí)很容易。當(dāng)你有錢的時(shí)候，接濟(jì)他人不是難事。當(dāng)你已經(jīng)開(kāi)懷大笑時(shí)，微笑就會(huì)變得輕而易舉。當(dāng)你正和某人熱戀，或很熱愛(ài)生活時(shí)，你很容易就能手舞足蹈。你不會(huì)介意捐些錢，或是在閑暇時(shí)給他人一些額外的幫助。當(dāng)你在其他方面感覺(jué)還不錯(cuò)時(shí)，甚至連吵架都沒(méi)什么關(guān)系。

But, put some pressure on the same person and you may be face to face with a demon.

但是，如果給同一個(gè)人施加一些壓力，你可能就得跟魔鬼面對(duì)面了。

It happens to all of us. And it's humbling to see where we really are in relation to life.

我們每個(gè)人都碰到過(guò)這種情況。看到我們?cè)谏钪械恼鎸?shí)面貌，讓人感到十分慚愧。

Answered by Ishavasyam Dash

Ishavasyam Dash的回復(fù)：

By what they choose to do in their free time.

看他們閑下來(lái)的時(shí)候都會(huì)干什么。

There is popular belief that ‘true colours’ of a person are revealed under situations of stress and pressure and how they behave therein. However I am inclined to disagree. Look at nature itself – a rabbit is overall a harmless, furry little animal that minds its own business and nibbles on carrots. But if provoked, or attacked rabbits have been known to lunge, bite and scratch. If you had to write a behavioural report on the species would you highlight their nature basis their day-to-day patterns or outright judge on instances when they are cornered?

大家普遍認(rèn)為，壓力之下的舉止會(huì)暴露一個(gè)人的本性。然而我并不贊同。從天性本身來(lái)看，兔子在絕大多數(shù)時(shí)候都是一種無(wú)害的、毛茸茸的小動(dòng)物，它只顧著它自個(gè)兒那點(diǎn)事，啃啃胡蘿卜。但是如果它們被激怒或者被攻擊了，它們會(huì)沖過(guò)來(lái)咬你、抓你。如果你要寫一篇兔子的行為研究報(bào)告，你會(huì)著重寫它們發(fā)自天性的日常行為，還是根據(jù)它們被逼得狗急跳墻時(shí)的表現(xiàn)直接判斷？

Stress and pressure make base survival instincts kick in – and the result is not pretty. Different people have different coping mechanisms; and though some people may deal with bad situations more gracefully than others I don't think that should be the yardstick of measuring anyone. People might sulk, withdraw, scream, cry or maintain nonchalance – but I believe all that is momentary and in the situational context. It does not mean that those people are not nice.

壓力會(huì)激發(fā)基本的生存本能——這結(jié)果可不太好。人們各有各的應(yīng)對(duì)機(jī)制，縱使某些人應(yīng)對(duì)困境時(shí)比其他人更得體，我也不認(rèn)為那應(yīng)該成為普適的衡量標(biāo)準(zhǔn)。人可能會(huì)生悶氣，畏縮，尖叫，哭泣，或者無(wú)動(dòng)于衷，但我相信這一切都只是當(dāng)時(shí)那個(gè)情況下暫時(shí)的表現(xiàn)。這并不意味著這些人不好。

On the other hand, the people who are able to deal with pressure situations too well, are either very experienced in this regard or maybe apathetic or unemotional in general. I am sure all great leaders show this trait. They consciously learn it because they can't be losing their heads as this would demoralize their teams. People who lead armies into war are especially trained in maintaining calm in tough situations. Does this tell anything about how they are as people? Probably not.

另一方面，那些能游刃有余地應(yīng)對(duì)壓力的人，要么在這方面經(jīng)驗(yàn)豐富，要么總的來(lái)說(shuō)就是個(gè)冷漠或者不動(dòng)聲色的人。我相信，所有偉大的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人都彰顯了這種特質(zhì)。他們會(huì)有意識(shí)地去學(xué)習(xí)這點(diǎn)，因?yàn)樗麄儾荒荏@慌失措，否則整個(gè)團(tuán)隊(duì)都會(huì)喪失信心。帶領(lǐng)軍隊(duì)上戰(zhàn)場(chǎng)的將領(lǐng)要經(jīng)過(guò)特別培訓(xùn)，學(xué)習(xí)在身處困境的時(shí)候保持冷靜。這能說(shuō)明他們是什么樣的人嗎？恐怕不能。

Similarly, on the other end of the spectrum, one cannot tell much about the nature when a person is very happy. The true nature would be masked behind glowing smiles and exceptionally good conduct. This too is momentary and needs to be viewed in the situational context.

類似的，從另一個(gè)方面來(lái)看，當(dāng)一個(gè)人非常幸?？鞓?lè)時(shí)，也很難看出他的本性。熱情洋溢的笑容和格外良好的舉止會(huì)掩飾一個(gè)人的本來(lái)面貌。這一樣是暫時(shí)的，需要放在當(dāng)時(shí)的情景下去看。

I think the true nature of a person is revealed in life-as-usual circumstances when a person is not on an atypical emotional curve. These times make up for statistical majority in an average human’s life, and hence should be taken as the background when assessing the personality. How do you behave at the dinner table every evening? How do you spend your Sunday afternoons? How often do you meet and talk to friends and family? What do you usually talk about? How do you feel on your commute to work and back? Do you make way for someone who is in a rush? Are you a natural critique or someone who compliments easily?

我認(rèn)為，當(dāng)一個(gè)人的情緒波動(dòng)不大時(shí)，他的本性會(huì)在日常生活中顯現(xiàn)出來(lái)。從統(tǒng)計(jì)學(xué)意義上來(lái)說(shuō)，這占據(jù)了一個(gè)普通人生命里的絕大多數(shù)時(shí)光，因此在評(píng)價(jià)一個(gè)人時(shí)應(yīng)該以此為背景。你每天晚上在餐桌上的表現(xiàn)如何？你周日午后都在做什么？你多久會(huì)與親友小聚暢談？通常在聊什么？你對(duì)每天趕著上下班的感覺(jué)如何？你會(huì)給一個(gè)行色匆匆的人讓道嗎？你天性愛(ài)批評(píng)還是熱衷于贊美他人？

Out of all these, I feel a good insight to a person can be had by knowing what they do with their free time. It’s very telling what a person chooses to do with time that is truly theirs.

出于以上幾點(diǎn)，我覺(jué)得，想深入了解一個(gè)人就得了解他在閑暇時(shí)會(huì)做些什么。在真正屬于他的時(shí)間里，他選擇去做什么往往很能說(shuō)明問(wèn)題。