暮光之城?暮色 第219期:第十三章 自白(14)
我說不出話來。
"I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that Iwas strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it.
“我做足了準(zhǔn)備，去狩獵，喝得甚至比必要的還要多，然后再去見你。我確信我足夠堅(jiān)強(qiáng)，可以像對(duì)待任何別的人類一樣對(duì)待你。我對(duì)此很是自負(fù)。
"It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts to know whatyour reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listeningto your words in Jessica's mind… her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have tostoop to that. And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremelyirritating." He frowned at the memory.
毫無疑問，情況很復(fù)雜，因?yàn)槲覜]辦法簡(jiǎn)單地通過讀你的想法來知道你對(duì)我的反應(yīng)。我很不習(xí)慣，卻又不得不采取如此迂回的措施，從杰西卡的腦子里聽你說的話……她腦子里的并非原話，將就著去聽實(shí)在是件惱人的事。而且我不知道你說的是否真的是字面上的意思。這一切都格外讓人氣憤。”想起這些，他不由得皺起了眉頭。
"I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like Iwould with any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. Butyou were too interesting, I found myself caught up in your expressions… and every now andthen you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me again…
“我想讓你忘記我第一天時(shí)的舉動(dòng)，如果可能的話，所以我試著和你說話，像我和任何人所做的那樣。我確實(shí)是渴望心切，想要破譯你的一些念頭。但你太有趣了，我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己被你的表情迷住了……而且你時(shí)不時(shí)會(huì)用你的手或者你的頭發(fā)擾動(dòng)空氣，那股香味又一次刺痛了我……
"Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of aperfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment — because if I hadn't saved you, if yourblood had been spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself fromexposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I couldthink was, 'Not her.'"
當(dāng)然，然后你差點(diǎn)就要在我眼前被撞死。事后我想出了一個(gè)極好的借口，解釋那時(shí)候我為什么會(huì)那樣做——因?yàn)槿绻也蝗ゾ饶愕脑?，你的血就?huì)在我面前噴濺出來，我不認(rèn)為我能阻止自己暴露我們的身份。但我只是事后才想到這個(gè)借口的。那一刻，我所能想到的只是，‘不該是她’。”
He closed his eyes, lost in his agonized confession. I listened, more eager than rational.Common sense told me I should be terrified. Instead, I was relieved to finally understand.And I was filled with compassion for his suffering, even now, as he confessed his craving totake my life.
他閉上眼睛，沉浸在自己痛苦的自白中。我聆聽著，渴望得有些不合常理。常識(shí)告訴我，我應(yīng)該感到恐懼。但相反地，我很寬慰，因?yàn)槲易罱K知曉了一切。而且，我對(duì)他所遭受的折磨充滿了憐憫，即使是在現(xiàn)在，即使這時(shí)他正坦白著他渴望奪走我的生命。
