暮光之城?暮色 第107期:第七章 夢魘(16)

That had always been my way, though. Making decisions was the painful part for me, the part I agonized over. But once the decision was made, I simply followed through — usually with relief that the choice was made. Sometimes the relief was taintedby despair, like my decision to come to Forks. But it was still better than wrestling with the alternatives.

不過，這通常是我的風(fēng)格。做決定對我來說是一個(gè)痛苦的過程，一個(gè)讓我飽受煎熬的過程。不過一旦我作出了決定，我就只會(huì)堅(jiān)持到底——通常還會(huì)因?yàn)橐呀?jīng)做出了選擇而倍感寬慰。有時(shí)這種寬慰會(huì)被失望所破壞，正如我來福克斯的決定。但這仍比為作出選擇而苦苦斟酌要好得多。

This decision was ridiculously easy to live with. Dangerously easy.

現(xiàn)在帶著這個(gè)決定住下來要容易多了，荒謬可笑的容易。危機(jī)重重的容易。

And so the day was quiet, productive — I finished my paper before eight. Charlie came home with a large catch, and I made a mental note to pick up a book of recipes for fish while I was in Seattle next week. The chills that flashed up my spine whenever I thought of that trip were no different than the ones I'd felt before I'd taken my walk with Jacob Black. They should be different, I thought. I should be afraid — I knew I should be, but I couldn't feel the right kind of fear.

這一天就這樣平靜地過去了，而且效率很高——我在八點(diǎn)前就把論文寫完了。查理到家的時(shí)候簡直就是大豐收。我做了一個(gè)備忘錄，提醒自己下周到西雅圖去的時(shí)候記得買一本烹魚食譜。無論何時(shí)我一想到這趟旅程，一陣寒意就會(huì)飛快地掠過我的脊柱。但這和我跟雅克布·布萊克散步以前所感到過的寒意沒什么不同。我想，它們本來應(yīng)該有所不同的。我本來應(yīng)該覺得害怕——我知道我應(yīng)該這樣做的，但我確實(shí)感覺不到這種正確的恐懼感。

I slept dreamlessly that night, exhausted from beginning my day so early, and sleeping so poorly the night before. I woke, for the second time since arriving in Forks, to the bright yellow light of a sunny day. I skipped to the window, stunned to see that there was hardly a cloud in the sky, and those there were just fleecy little white puffs that couldn't possibly be carrying any rain. I opened the window — surprised when it opened silently, without sticking, not having opened it in who knows how many years — and sucked in the relatively dry air. It was nearly warm and hardly windy at all. My blood was electric in my veins.

那天夜里我一夜無夢，睡得很好。因?yàn)槟且惶煳移鸬锰?，前一天晚上又睡得太少，耗盡了我的精力。這是我到福克斯以后的第二次，在一個(gè)晴朗的早上，在明黃色的光線中醒來。我跳到窗前，驚奇地發(fā)現(xiàn)天空里甚至沒有半點(diǎn)云影，只有幾片小小的羊毛般純白蓬松的云彩，它們根本不可能帶來任何雨水。我推開窗子，驚訝地發(fā)現(xiàn)當(dāng)它打開的時(shí)候相當(dāng)安靜，完全沒有卡住，一點(diǎn)兒也不像誰知道多少年沒開過的樣子。我深吸了一口相對比較干爽的空氣。外面很暖和，一絲風(fēng)也沒有。我的血液在血管里沸騰著。

Charlie was finishing breakfast when I came downstairs, and he picked up on my mood immediately.

當(dāng)我下樓的時(shí)候，查理已經(jīng)吃完早餐了，他立刻領(lǐng)會(huì)到了我的心情。

"Nice day out," he commented.

“適合外出的好天氣。”他評(píng)價(jià)道。

"Yes," I agreed with a grin.

“是的。”我露齒一笑，贊同道。

He smiled back, his brown eyes crinkling around the edges. When Charlie smiled, it was easier to see why he and my mother had jumped too quickly into an early marriage. Most of the youngromantic he'd been in those days had faded before I'd known him, as the curly brown hair — the same color, if not the same texture, as mine — had dwindled, slowly revealing more and more of the shiny skin of his forehead. But when he smiled I could see a little of the man who had run away with Renée when she was just two years older than I was now.

他沖我一笑，棕色的眼睛彎成了兩道弧線。當(dāng)查理微笑的時(shí)候，很容易就能看出來為什么當(dāng)初他和我媽會(huì)閃電般地早婚。那段日子里他曾有過的年輕人的浪漫，大部分在我記事以前就消失殆盡了。正如他卷曲的棕發(fā)——和我一樣的顏色，即使質(zhì)地有所不同——已經(jīng)開始減少了，漸漸顯露出越來越多的前額上發(fā)亮的肌膚。但當(dāng)他微笑的時(shí)候，我依然可以看到那個(gè)和蕾妮一起私奔的男人的影子，那時(shí)候她只比我現(xiàn)在大兩歲。

I ate breakfast cheerily, watching the dust moats stirring in the sunlight that streamed in the back window. Charlie called out a goodbye, and I heard the cruiser pull away from the house. I hesitated on my way out the door, hand on my rain jacket. It would be tempting fate to leave it home. With a sigh, I folded it over my arm and stepped out into the brightest light I'd seen in months.

我興高采烈地吃著早餐，看著點(diǎn)點(diǎn)纖塵在從后窗射入的陽光里輕舞飛揚(yáng)。查理喊了一聲再見，然后我聽到了巡邏車開走的聲音。出門的時(shí)候我拿著我的防水夾克，猶豫了一下。把它留在家里是個(gè)誘人卻關(guān)乎命運(yùn)的舉措。我嘆了口氣，把它搭在手臂上，走進(jìn)了數(shù)月以來我見過的最明媚的陽光里。