牛津書蟲系列 遠(yuǎn)大前程 Chapter 14

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14 Pip visits Estella and Miss Havisham again

14 匹普再一次拜訪艾絲黛拉和郝薇香小姐

Before taking Magwitch abroad，I felt I must see both Estella and Miss Havisham.When I visited Estella’s London home，I found she had gone to stay with Miss Hav-isham，and so，leaving Magwitch in Herbert’s care，I went by coach to the town I knew so well.

把馬格韋契帶到國(guó)外之前，我覺得必需見見艾絲黛拉和郝薇香小姐。當(dāng)我到了艾絲黛拉的倫敦住處，我發(fā)現(xiàn)她已經(jīng)走了，住在郝薇香小姐那里。因此，我離開馬格韋契，赫伯特將關(guān)照他，我乘馬車去了我了如指掌的鎮(zhèn)上。

Before walking to Miss Havisham’s，I went to the hotel for breakfast.It was an unpleasant shock to discover Bentley Drummle there，but I could imagine his reason for visiting the area.When he noticed me，he immediately called to the waiter，making sure I could hear，‘Listen，you!The lady isn’t going riding today.And remember，I’m not having dinner here tonight，I’ll be at the lady’s.’And Drummle smiled wickedly at me，knowing that what he said cut me to the heart.He went out，shouting for his horse.

走到郝薇香小姐家之前，我到餐館吃早飯，在餐館，發(fā)現(xiàn)了本特利·朱穆爾，真是掃興。但是，我能想像出他來(lái)這個(gè)地方的原因。當(dāng)他發(fā)現(xiàn)了我，他立即喊仆人，這很清楚，是說給我聽的。“聽著，你!小姐今天不騎馬了，記住，今天晚上我不在這兒吃晚飯了，我將在小姐家吃。”朱穆爾向我發(fā)出惡意的一笑，知道他說這些會(huì)傷我的心。他走出餐館，吼著要他的馬。

If he had spoken Estella’s name，I would have hit him.I was so angry with him，and so depressed about my future，that I could not eat the breakfast.Instead I went straight to the old house.

如果他說出艾絲黛拉的名字，我會(huì)揍他的。我對(duì)他十分氣憤，如此沮喪的未來(lái)。我早飯沒吃，直接去了那座舊住宅。

I found Miss Havisham and Estella sitting in the same room，with candles burning as usual.

我發(fā)現(xiàn)郝薇香小姐和艾絲黛拉坐在那間和平常一樣點(diǎn)著蠟燭的屋子里。

‘Miss Havisham，’I said，‘I must tell you that I’m as unhappy as you ever wanted me to be.I’ve discovered who has been paying for my education.Now I know I shall never be rich，or important.I cannot tell you any more.It isn’t my secret，but another person’s.’I stopped，considering what to say next.

“郝薇香小姐，”我說，“我必須告訴你，我沒有像以前你讓我那樣高興，我已經(jīng)發(fā)現(xiàn)了是誰(shuí)在資助我的學(xué)習(xí)。我現(xiàn)在明白了，我不會(huì)成為富翁或大人物，我不能告訴你更多，那不是我的秘密，而是別人的秘密。”我閉上了嘴，考慮下一步說什么。

‘Go on，’said Miss Havisham，looking interested.

“繼續(xù)說，”郝薇香小姐感興趣地看著我說。

‘I thought it was you，Miss Havisham!And you encouraged me in my mistake!’

“我想那是你，郝薇香小姐!你促使我犯了錯(cuò)誤!”

‘Why should I be kind to anybody after all I’ve suffered!’cried Miss Havisham angrily.

“為什么我必須仁慈地對(duì)待每個(gè)人蒙受傷害!”郝薇香小姐生氣地叫喊著。

‘Yes，you’re right，’I said quickly，to calm her.‘But you also encouraged your relations to think I would inherit some of your fortune.’

“是的，你說得很對(duì)，”我對(duì)她心平氣和地接著說，“你也促使了你的親戚認(rèn)為我會(huì)繼承你的財(cái)產(chǎn)。”

‘Why shouldn’t I?’she cried wildly.

“我為什么會(huì)這樣?”她瘋了似地叫喊。

‘But Matthew Pocket and his son are different.They aren’t selfish or greedy，they’re generous and honest.I want you to know that.’

“不過，馬修·樸凱特和他的兒子不同，他們不是自私自利貪心的，他們是慷慨誠(chéng)實(shí)的，我讓您知道這一點(diǎn)。”

She looked carefully at me.‘What do you want for them?’

她仔細(xì)地看著我，“你為他們要什么呢?”

‘I’m asking for money，’I replied，my cheeks red.‘I would like you to help my friend Herbert become a partner in his company.I started paying for this myself two years ago-and I want to keep it a secret from him-but now I find I can’t continue the payments.I can’t explain why.It’s part of the other person’s secret.

“我要錢，”我回答說，臉紅了起來(lái)，“我想讓你去幫助我的朋友赫伯特在他的公司成為股東。兩年前，我開始為這項(xiàng)工作自己投資，我要為此事對(duì)他保密——但是，我現(xiàn)在發(fā)現(xiàn)我不能繼續(xù)投資了，我不能解釋為什么，那是別人的一部分秘密。”

Miss Havisham looked at the fire，and then at me again.

郝薇香小姐看著火爐，然后又看著我。

‘What else?’she asked.

“還有什么?”她問道。

Turning to Estella，I tried to control my trembling voice.‘You know I love you，Estella，’I said.‘I have loved you long and dearly.’She shook her head.

我轉(zhuǎn)向艾絲黛拉，極力地控制我震顫的聲音，“你知道我愛你，艾絲黛拉，”我說“我已經(jīng)長(zhǎng)時(shí)間地深深地愛著你。”她搖了搖頭。

‘I know，I know I have no hope of ever marrying you，Estella.But I have loved you ever since I first saw you in this house.It was cruel of Miss Havisham to encourage me to hope，but I don’t think she meant to be unkind.’

“我知道，我知道和你結(jié)婚已經(jīng)化為泡影，艾絲黛拉。但是，自從我在這座房子里見到你，就愛上了你。助長(zhǎng)這個(gè)希望的是郝薇香小姐的殘酷性，不過，我認(rèn)為她不是惡意的。”

‘What you say，’said Estella very calmly，‘doesn’t touch my heart.I can’t feel love as you do. And I’ve warned you of this.Haven’t I?’

“你說什么”，艾絲黛拉十分平靜地說，“不要傷我的心，我感覺不到像你說的愛，這一點(diǎn)，我已經(jīng)警告過你，對(duì)嗎?”

‘Yes，’I answered miserably，‘but I couldn’t believe it.’

“是的，”我悲慘地回答，“可是，我不相信你說的。”

‘It’s the way I’ve been brought up.’

“那就是我成長(zhǎng)的路。”

‘Estella，Bentley Drummle is in town here.You go riding with him，don’t you?Is he having dinner with you tonight?’

“艾絲黛拉，本特利·朱穆爾在鎮(zhèn)上，你和他一起騎馬，是嗎?他今天晚上和你一起吃晚飯?”

‘It is all true，’she answered，a little surprised.

“一點(diǎn)沒錯(cuò)，”她帶點(diǎn)吃驚的樣子回答。

‘You cannot love him，Estella!’I cried.

“你不愛他，艾絲黛拉!”我喊著。

‘Didn’t you listen?I can never love anyone!’And then she added，‘But why not tell you the truth? I’m going to marry him.’

“你沒聽說嗎?我從來(lái)不愛任何人!”然后，她補(bǔ)充說，“為什么不告訴你真相呢?我打算和他結(jié)婚。”

I covered my face with my hands.After a moment I lifted my head and cried，‘Dont’t throw yourself away on an animal like him!Even if you won’t marry me，there must be others who love you.Any of them would be a thousand times better than Drummle!’

我用雙手捂著臉，過了一會(huì)兒，我抬起頭，說，“你不要自投虎口去喜歡他!即使你不會(huì)和我結(jié)婚，那也應(yīng)該找愛你的人，他們當(dāng)中任何一個(gè)都會(huì)比朱穆爾好上千萬(wàn)倍!”

‘I can’t marry a man who expects me to love him.So Drummle will do well enough as my husband.You will soon forget me.’

“我不能和盼望我去愛他的男人結(jié)婚，因此，朱穆爾作為我的丈夫再好不過了，你會(huì)很快忘掉我的。”

‘Never，Estella!You are part of myself.You are in every line I’ve read，in every view I’ve seen，in every dream I’ve dreamt.To the last hour of my life，you will remain part of me. God bless you and God forgive you!’I held her hand to my lips for a moment.As I left，Estella’s lovely face looked at me in wonder，but Miss Havisham was staring at me with a mixture of pity and guilt.

“永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)，艾絲黛拉!你是我生命的一部分，你是我讀到的每一行，是我看到的每一景，是我夢(mèng)到的每一夢(mèng)。到了我生命的最后一刻，你也將留在我心中。上帝保佑你，上帝寬恕你!”我把她的手放在我的嘴唇上呆了一會(huì)兒。這時(shí)我感到，艾絲黛拉用那可愛的面容驚奇地看著我。但是，郝薇香小姐用那憐憫和內(nèi)疚交織的眼神瞅著我。

It was all over.To calm my feelings I walked all the way back to London.At night the Temple gates were always closed，but the night-porter let me in when I told him my name.He gave me an envelope addressed to Mr Pip.Inside，in Wemmick’s writing，it said：‘DON’T GO HOME.’

一切都結(jié)束了。平靜一下心情，我踏上回倫敦的路途。晚上，寺廟的大門總是關(guān)閉的。但是，當(dāng)告訴守夜人我的名字時(shí)，他讓我進(jìn)去，他給了我一封寫有匹普收的信件。信內(nèi)是文米克的筆跡，內(nèi)容是：“萬(wàn)勿回家”。