過年回答“霸道親戚”必殺題 單身狗沒娃黨如何接招

眼瞅著要過年，除了錢包變癟，還有一件更讓人擔(dān)心的事—答七大姑八大姨問：有對象了沒?啥時候結(jié)婚?升職加薪了嗎?啥時候要娃?總有一款適合你!小伙伴們你們準(zhǔn)備好對付身邊那些咄咄逼人的“霸道親戚”了嗎?

那些年讓人憋到內(nèi)傷的親戚問題：

上聯(lián)：考了幾分什么工作能賺多少錢?

下聯(lián)：談戀愛沒買房了吧準(zhǔn)備結(jié)婚嗎?

橫批：可不小了。

【催婚篇】

Those of marriageable age who return home for the Chinese New Year reunion tend to hear the giant sucking sound of the institution of marriage, reminding them that to be single is shameful.

適婚年齡的人們回家過春節(jié)，總要聽到催婚的各種嘮叨，讓他們覺得單身很沒面子。

Young men are not immune from overbearing relatives, and many have resorted to paying young women to pretend they are their girlfriends just to get these meddlers off their backs.

年輕男性也躲不開這些“霸道親戚”，甚至很多人花錢租個“女朋友”，堵住這些親戚的嘴巴。

***“霸道親戚”經(jīng)常這樣催婚，提前溫習(xí)***

Isn't it time to consider settling down with someone?

男/女朋友也該考慮定下來啦!

I know someone who knows someone in your city who can fix you up with someone of your choice.

我有熟人認識你那里的人，應(yīng)該可以給你介紹個符合條件的對象。

Why are you so picky?

怎么這么挑剔啊?

Once you are over a certain age, your value will plummet in the eyes of those looking for a spouse.

年紀(jì)一大，在對方眼里就更不值錢了。

Be realistic! Find someone, even if he does not meet all your requirements.

現(xiàn)實點兒!趕緊找個對象，降低降低要求。

***【惱火的父母】要“斷交”***

While the advice may sound well meaning, some exasperated parents may issue an ultimatum:

除了“霸道親戚”的“善意教誨”，一些“惱火的父母”還會給孩子發(fā)“最后通牒”：

Bring back a regular date or a fiance(e), or I'll disown you!

把對象帶回家，不然跟你斷絕關(guān)系!

【真相總是殘酷的】

While most parents will discourage their children from dating while in college, they expect the youngsters to find an ideal partner a year or two after graduation. And many find it unsettling for them if you show up for the all-important Lunar New Year without even a date when you are approaching 30.

大多數(shù)家長不鼓勵孩子在大學(xué)談戀愛，但卻希望他們畢業(yè)一兩年就帶回家個理想的兒媳婦或者女婿。如果孩子快30歲了，過年回家連個對象都沒有，那這年都沒法好好過了。

【幫父母走出“同輩壓力”】

父母逼婚，其實很多來自“同輩壓力”(peer pressure)，然后再用逼婚來傳遞給你。所以辦法之一，就是把父母接來過年(move them in with you)。這樣他們就會看到，你單身但是你快樂(you are happy with your status)，而且這里的朋友和鄰居也不會對你的私事指指點點(do not stick their noses into your business)。

也可以和他們“坐下來談?wù)?rdquo;(sit-down talk)，講講你的切身感受。告訴他們，晚婚或者單身(late marriage or singlehood)也是不錯的選擇，周圍的例子說來聽聽。向他們展示你的圈子和生活方式(expose them to your circle and lifestyle)。

【催娃篇】

So will getting married shut the busybodies up? Not quite.

那你以為結(jié)了婚就能讓這些愛管閑事的人不再嘮叨了嗎?你想太多了。

"My mother keeps on asking me to have a baby," says a lady who married three months ago. "I'm sure it will be the subject of much discussion over the Spring Festival."

剛新婚三個月的一位女士告訴我，“我媽媽一直讓我趕緊生娃。春節(jié)肯定繞不開這個話題了。”

(小編吐槽：有娃黨你以為你就逃得過嗎?對不起你又想多了。今年還要加一句：準(zhǔn)備要二胎嗎?)

***【委婉的爺奶們】用親情***

You know I'm getting old. Can you satisfy my wish of seeing a great-grandchild before I breathe my last?

我老了……能在我老去前，滿足我最后一個愿望，讓我抱上重孫嗎?

***【躲不開的春節(jié)親友團】***

Your high-school buddy may visit you with a toddler in tow.

高中死黨拖家?guī)Э趤砜茨恪?/p>

Your neighbors may greet you with a friendly "Are you home by yourself?"

鄰居見你就問，“自己回來的啊?”

And someone with the virtue of frankness could simply blurt out: "You're not getting younger. You should consider marriage."

不懂得啥叫“人艱不拆”的豬隊友：“你也老大不小了，該考慮結(jié)婚了。”

【應(yīng)對“霸道親戚”錦囊妙計】

***先發(fā)制人***

Call it "Do to others what they will do to you".

對付“霸道親戚”，就要以其人之道還治其人之身。

Before your relative opens her mouth, you fire off a volley of questions:

親戚張嘴前，先給他一串兒連珠炮：

Auntie, how are you? Has your daughter started dating?

伯母，過年好哇。閨女有對象了嗎?

Have you bought a wedding apartment for your son?

給兒子買婚房了沒?

Do they own a car now?

孩子有車了吧?

Did you make money from the stock market last year?

去年股市賺翻了沒?

How much is your pension?

退休金又漲了吧?

How does your kid perform in school?

孫子學(xué)習(xí)成績怎么樣?

Hey, have you stopped going to the square dance?

咋，現(xiàn)在不去跳廣場舞了?

You seem to be gaining weight.

看起來您更富態(tài)了呢。

Bye now, auntie.

再見啊伯母。

***拖延法***

Oh, I'm dating someone, but (s)he cannot be here because (s)he has to visit his or her parents.

哦，有對象了，但他/她要回自己家過年，所以過不來這邊。

(Then will come the coercion to produce a photo as evidence.)

(然后親戚們就要求看對象照片了)

***碰見帶娃來的，花式夸娃轉(zhuǎn)移視線***

1、Mike is very brainy，he always finishes top of the class.

Mike特別聰明，他總是全班第一。

2、He is a really fast learner.

他學(xué)東西特別快。

(有一種聰明叫做學(xué)習(xí)能力強，別人練上千百遍，但人家一學(xué)就會。(別人家的孩子ㄒoㄒ)

3、You don't have to worry about her，she's got a good head on her shoulders. 你不必為她擔(dān)心，她很聰明的。

(肩膀上有個好腦袋瓜，意思是人很明智會思考，遇事能做出正確的判斷。)

4、She is bright beyond her years.

這個女孩年齡不大卻很聰明。

5、You are out of sight!

你真優(yōu)秀!(除了表示不在視線范圍之內(nèi)，out of sight也可以用來形容特別棒，實在是牛得沒邊了。)

6、What a genius!/What an Einstein!

真是一個天才!

7、What a brain child!

真是一個神童!

8、You are really something.

你真了不起。

(something可不是在說別的神馬東西，而是表示某個人或某件事太棒了，不一般)

9、You are enormously talented.

你真的才華橫溢。

10、Both of them have a lot on the ball.

他們兩個都很有才干。

【A weeklong bombast of questions and advice】

【“霸道親戚”整個假期的各種提問和建議，總有一款適合你!】

1. Have you got married? 你結(jié)婚了嗎?

Yes, I have. 結(jié)婚了。

Have you had your baby? 生孩子了嗎

Yes, I have. 生了。

Call him/her here. 叫來看看。

The conversation ends with the performance of the child. 孩子表演。

2. Have you got married? 你結(jié)婚了嗎?

Yes, I have. 結(jié)婚了。

Have you had your baby? 生孩子了嗎?

No, I haven't. 沒生。

Why haven't you had your baby?怎么還不生啊?

The conversation ends with admonition to have children. 教育告終。

3. Have you got married? 你結(jié)婚了嗎

No, I have not. 沒結(jié)婚。

Do you have boyfriend/girlfriend? 有對象嗎?

Yes, I have. 有。

When will you get married? 什么時候結(jié)婚啊

The conversation ends with admonition to get married. 催婚告終。

4. Have you got married? 你結(jié)婚了嗎?

No, I have not. 沒結(jié)婚。

Do you have boyfriend/girlfriend? 有對象嗎?

No, I haven't. 沒有。

How about I introduce one to you? 我給你介紹一個啊。

The conversation ends with admonition to go for blind dating. 以要相親告終。