《渺小一生》:“他是絕望處境的主保圣人。

　 “I agree,” says Harold, picking up the statue and holding it in his hands. He strokes the figure’s pleated robe, his wreath of fire. “Why’s his head on fire?”

“我也覺得?！惫_德說(shuō)，把那尊木雕握在手里。他撫摸著木雕打褶的長(zhǎng)袍，還有頭上的那圈火，“為什么他的頭發(fā)著火了？”

　 “It’s to symbolize that he was at Pentecost and received the holy spirit,” he hears himself saying, the old knowledge never far, cluttering up his mind’s cellar. “He was one of the apostles.”

“是要象征在五旬節(jié)那天，圣靈降臨在他身上?！彼蛔杂X地說(shuō)了起來(lái)，舊日的知識(shí)從不曾遠(yuǎn)離，塞滿他心中的地窖?！八鞘皇雇街?。”

　 “How’d you know that?” Malcolm asks, and Willem, who’s sitting next to him, touches his arm. “Of course you know,” Willem says, quietly. “I always forget,” and he feels a rush of gratitude for Willem, not for remembering, but for forgetting.

“你怎么會(huì)知道這些？”馬爾科姆問(wèn)，坐在他旁邊的威廉碰了一下他的手臂?！八?dāng)然知道了?！蓖p聲說(shuō)，“不像我總是忘記?！彼鋈粷M心感激威廉，不是因?yàn)樗浀?，而是因?yàn)樗恕?

　 “The patron saint of lost causes,” adds Julia, taking the statue from Harold, and the words come to him at once: Pray for us, Saint Jude, helper and keeper of the hopeless, pray for us—when he was a child, it was his final prayer of the night, and it wasn’t until he was older that he would be ashamed of his name, of how it seemed to announce him to the world, and would wonder if the brothers had intended it as he was certain others saw it: as a mockery; as a diagnosis; as a prediction. And yet it also felt, at times, like it was all that was truly his, and although there had been moments he could have, even should have changed it, he never did. “Willem, thank you,” Julia says. “I love him.”

“他是絕望處境的主保圣人?！敝禧悑I說(shuō)，從哈羅德手中接過(guò)那尊雕像。他腦中忽然浮現(xiàn)出句子：為我們祈禱，圣裘德，絕望的協(xié)助者與守護(hù)者，為我們祈禱。在他小時(shí)候，這是他夜里的最后一段禱詞。后來(lái)大一點(diǎn)，他才會(huì)以自己的名字為恥，以這名字向世界所宣告的意義為恥，他很好奇修士們是否故意給他取這個(gè)名字（他很確定別人都是這么看的）：是一種嘲笑，是一種診斷，是一種預(yù)言。但有時(shí)他又覺得，這個(gè)名字是唯一真正屬于他的名字，盡管他曾有過(guò)一些機(jī)會(huì)可以、甚至應(yīng)該改名，但他從來(lái)沒改過(guò)?！巴?，謝謝你，”裘德說(shuō)，“我很喜歡?！?

　 “Me too,” says Harold. “Guys, this is all really sweet of you.”

“我也是，”哈羅德說(shuō)，“各位，你們真是太好心了。”

　 He, too, has brought a present for Harold and Julia, but as the day has passed, it’s come to seem ever-smaller and more foolish. Years ago, Harold had mentioned that he and Julia had heard a series of Schubert’s early lieder performed in Vienna when they were on their honeymoon. But Harold couldn’t remember which ones they had loved, and so he had made up his own list, and augmented it with a few other songs he liked, mostly Bach and Mozart, and then rented a small sound booth and recorded a disc of himself singing them: every few months or so, Harold asks him to sing for them, but he’s always too shy to do so. Now, though, the gift feels misguided and tinny, as well as shamefully boastful, and he is embarrassed by his own presumption. Yet he can’t bring himself to throw it away. And so, when everyone is standing and stretching and saying their good nights, he slips away and wedges the disc, and the letters he’s written each of them, between two books—a battered copy of Common Sense and a frayed edition of White Noise—on a low shelf, where they might sit, undiscovered, for decades.

他也帶了一個(gè)禮物要給哈羅德和朱麗婭，但隨著時(shí)間越來(lái)越晚，他覺得這個(gè)禮物似乎愈發(fā)渺小、愈發(fā)愚蠢了。幾年前，哈羅德提過(guò)他和朱麗婭去歐洲度蜜月時(shí)，曾在維也納聽過(guò)一系列舒伯特早期獨(dú)唱曲的表演。但哈羅德不記得他們喜歡的是哪幾首，于是他自己列出一份清單，加上他喜歡的幾首歌（大都是巴赫和莫扎特的作品），租了個(gè)小錄音間，錄制了一張自己唱這些歌的光碟；因?yàn)槊扛魩讉€(gè)月，哈羅德就會(huì)要他唱給他們聽，但他總是因?yàn)樘π叨鴽]唱。如今，他感覺自已搞錯(cuò)了，這份禮物不僅沒價(jià)值，還是一種可恥的自我夸耀。他為自己的妄自揣測(cè)感到難堪，但是也無(wú)法鼓起勇氣把禮物丟掉。于是，趁每個(gè)人都站起來(lái)伸懶腰、互道晚安之時(shí)，他溜到一旁，把那張光碟，外加他分別寫給朱麗婭和哈羅德的信，塞進(jìn)下層書架上的兩本書之間（一本破爛的《常識(shí)》和一本翻得很舊的《白噪音》）。這份禮物放在這里，可能幾十年都不會(huì)有人發(fā)現(xiàn)。

　 Normally, Willem stays with JB in the upstairs study, as he’s the only one who can tolerate JB’s snoring, and Malcolm stays with him downstairs. But that evening, as everyone heads off for bed, Malcolm volunteers that he’ll share with JB, so that he and Willem can catch up with each other.

在通常的狀況下，威廉會(huì)跟杰比睡樓上的書房，只有他忍受得了杰比的鼾聲，而馬爾科姆則跟他睡樓下。但那天晚上，大家各自回房休息時(shí)，馬爾科姆自愿跟杰比同房，好讓他和威廉可以多聊聊。

　 “ ’Night, lovers,” JB calls down the staircase at them.

“晚安啦，情人們?！苯鼙仍跇翘萆贤潞啊?

　 As they get ready for bed, Willem tells him more stories from the set: about the lead actress, who perspired so much that her entire face had to be dusted with powder every two takes; about the lead actor, who played the devil, and who was constantly trying to curry favor with the grips by buying them beers and asking them who wanted to play football, but who then had a tantrum when he couldn’t remember his lines; about the nine-year-old British actor playing the actress’s son, who had approached Willem at the craft services table to tell him that he really shouldn’t be eating crackers because they were empty calories, and wasn’t he afraid of getting fat? Willem talks and talks, and he laughs as he brushes his teeth and washes his face.

他們準(zhǔn)備上床睡覺時(shí)，威廉告訴他更多拍片現(xiàn)場(chǎng)的趣事：女主角很會(huì)出汗，每拍兩個(gè)鏡頭整張臉就要補(bǔ)粉；演惡魔的男主角總是想巴結(jié)攝影和燈光設(shè)備等器材組人員，買啤酒請(qǐng)他們喝，還邀他們一起打美式橄欖球，但有回他想不起臺(tái)詞，就亂發(fā)了一頓脾氣；那個(gè)演女主角兒子的9歲英國(guó)童星，有天走到點(diǎn)心桌旁找威廉，跟他說(shuō)他真的不該吃那些蘇打餅干，因?yàn)槎际菦]有營(yíng)養(yǎng)的熱量，難道他不怕發(fā)胖嗎？威廉說(shuō)了一件又一件，他洗臉?biāo)⒀罆r(shí)邊聽邊笑。

　 But when the lights are turned off and they are both lying in the dark, he in the bed, Willem on the sofa (after an argument in which he tried to get Willem to take the bed himself), Willem says, gently, “The apartment’s really fucking clean.”

可是等關(guān)燈以后，他們躺在黑暗里，他睡床上，威廉睡沙發(fā)（他本來(lái)想讓威廉睡床，兩人還爭(zhēng)執(zhí)了一番），威廉輕聲說(shuō)：“公寓里真他媽的干凈得要命?！?

　 “I know,” he winces. “I’m sorry.”

“我知道，”他皺了一下臉，“對(duì)不起?！?

　 “Don’t be,” Willem says. “But Jude—was it really awful?”

“不必對(duì)不起，”威廉說(shuō)，“但裘德——狀況真有那么糟嗎？”

　 He understands then that Andy did tell Willem at least some of what had happened, and so he decides to answer honestly. “It wasn’t great,” he allows, and then, because he doesn’t want Willem to feel guilty, “but it wasn’t horrible.”

此時(shí)他明白，安迪的確把發(fā)生的事情告訴了威廉，至少是一部分。他決定誠(chéng)實(shí)回答。“的確不太好。”他承認(rèn)，然后，他不希望威廉覺得內(nèi)疚，便說(shuō)，“不過(guò)也沒那么恐怖啦?！?

　 They are both quiet. “I wish I could’ve been there,” Willem says.

他們沉默了一會(huì)兒。“我真希望當(dāng)時(shí)陪著你?！蓖f(shuō)。

　 “You were,” he assures him. “But Willem—I missed you.”

“你是陪著我啊，”他跟他保證，“威廉——我想念你。”

　 Very quietly, Willem says, “I missed you, too.”

威廉很小聲地說(shuō)：“我也想念你。”

　 “Thank you for coming,” he says.

“謝謝你趕回來(lái)?！彼f(shuō)。

　 “Of course I was going to come, Judy,” Willem says from across the room. “I would’ve no matter what.”

“我當(dāng)然要趕回來(lái)，小裘?！蓖诜块g那頭說(shuō)，“無(wú)論如何都要想辦法?！?

　 He is silent, savoring this promise and committing it to memory so he can think about it in moments when he needs it most. “Do you think it went all right?” he asks.

他沒說(shuō)話，細(xì)細(xì)體會(huì)這個(gè)保證，決心牢牢記住，這樣日后最需要的時(shí)刻他就可以想起來(lái)?！澳阌X得這事情進(jìn)行得還好吧？”他問(wèn)。

　 “Are you serious?” Willem says, and he can hear him sit up. “Did you see Harold’s face? He looked like the Green Party just elected its first president and the Second Amendment was eliminated and the Red Sox were canonized, all in the same day.”

“那還用問(wèn)？”威廉說(shuō)，他聽得出他坐起身來(lái)，“你沒看到哈羅德的臉嗎？他看起來(lái)像是得知綠黨候選人首次當(dāng)選總統(tǒng)，外加憲法第二修正案被刪除，外加紅襪隊(duì)拿到總冠軍，全都發(fā)生在同一天。”