用心靈去讀書(shū):如何在失敗中找到快樂(lè)

The introduction to a self-help book is almost always a spoiler: In the chapters that follow, you, the reader, will learn how to get a promotion, make a better first impression, save your marriage, or lower your cholesterol. This will lead to happiness.

一本自助類(lèi)圖書(shū)的序言幾乎總會(huì)吐露出書(shū)中的訊息：在接下來(lái)的章節(jié)中，作為讀者的你將學(xué)習(xí)如何獲得晉升，給人留下更好的第一印象，挽救婚姻或降低膽固醇的技巧，本書(shū)將為你鋪就一條通往幸福的康莊大道云云。

The Antidote diverges from this theme. In the first chapter, author Oliver Burkeman explains that after years of reporting on the field of psychology, he has concluded that "the effort to try to feel happy is often precisely the thing that makes us miserable." Armed with this thesis, Burkeman sets out to explore various alternatives to this effort, which he calls the negativepaths to happiness.

但《解毒劑：無(wú)法忍受積極思維的人如何獲得幸福》( The Antidote: Happiness For People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking)一書(shū)與這類(lèi)主題背道而馳。在第一章中，作者奧利弗•伯克曼解釋稱(chēng)，在從事了多年心理學(xué)領(lǐng)域的報(bào)道之后，他得出了一項(xiàng)結(jié)論：“很多情況下，為獲得幸福感而付出的努力恰恰使我們陷入痛苦之中。”秉持這個(gè)觀點(diǎn)，伯克曼著手探索各種不同于這種努力的替代方案，他將其稱(chēng)為通往幸福的消極路徑。

He asks questions. Are these negative paths too extreme for the average person toimplement? Can a successful reorientation to a negative path be achieved gradually (I will try to accept humiliation as inevitable), or does it have to be sudden and drastic (I will actively humiliate myself, over and over, in order to diminish my ego)?

他問(wèn)了一些問(wèn)題。于普通人而言，這些消極路徑是否太過(guò)極端，以至于難以付諸行動(dòng)?成功地重新定位至一條消極路徑能否逐步實(shí)施(被人羞辱估計(jì)是不可避免的，我已準(zhǔn)備好了)?它是否肯定會(huì)是突然而劇烈的(我將積極且反復(fù)地羞辱我自己，以減少我的自我意識(shí))?

The Antidote has been reviewed several times over the course of the past few months. In an effort to separate my review from the others, I'm tempted to talk about myself. Like many recent college graduates working as underpaid interns, I sometimes feel out-of-sorts. Reading this book on my morning commute convinced me that failure is both inevitable andbeneficial. But to dwell on my personal circumstances would be to fall into a trap that this book manages, effortlessly, to avoid.

過(guò)去幾個(gè)月以來(lái)，媒體上已經(jīng)出現(xiàn)了多篇與《解毒劑》一書(shū)有關(guān)的書(shū)評(píng)。為了使我的這篇書(shū)評(píng)展現(xiàn)出不一樣的特色，我想先談?wù)勎易约?。一如許多剛剛走出校門(mén)，從事待遇微薄的實(shí)習(xí)生工作的大學(xué)生，我有時(shí)心情很差，總想發(fā)脾氣。在早上上班途中讀完這本書(shū)后，我確信，失敗不僅是難以避免的，也是有益的。但過(guò)分沉溺于自身處境，將落入本書(shū)試圖以毫不費(fèi)力的方式設(shè)法避免的陷阱之中。

In a chapter titled "The Hidden Benefits of Insecurity, " Burkeman describes the humantendency to avoid insecurity and uncertainty at all costs. "But in chasing all that, " he adds, "we close down the very faculties that permit the happiness we crave." Here you might expect Burkeman to discuss the time he took an unfulfilling job that promised economic security, or the time he turned down a trip to Spain because he didn't speak Spanish. Instead he quotes the 20th century Catholic monk and mystic Thomas Merton, author of The Seven Story Mountain: "The truth that many people never understand, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer, because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you." Burkeman speaks to his audience in a way that establishes trust. He is a dutiful researcher and a listener. He quotes experts.

在“不安全的潛在好處”(The Hidden Benefits of Insecurity)這個(gè)章節(jié)中，伯克曼描述了人類(lèi)不惜一切代價(jià)，竭力避免不安全感和不確定性的傾向。“但在追逐所有這些目標(biāo)的過(guò)程中，”他補(bǔ)充說(shuō)。“我們恰恰關(guān)閉了那種使我們渴望的幸福成為可能的官能。”讀到此處，你或許預(yù)期伯克曼將討論他的過(guò)往經(jīng)歷：他從事過(guò)一份不稱(chēng)心、但應(yīng)該會(huì)帶來(lái)經(jīng)濟(jì)安全感的工作，也曾由于不會(huì)說(shuō)西班牙語(yǔ)而放棄一個(gè)去西班牙旅行的機(jī)會(huì)。但他沒(méi)有。他引用了20世紀(jì)天主教僧侶、《七層山》(The Seven Story Mountain)一書(shū)作者、神秘的托馬斯•默頓的一段話：“一個(gè)許多人怎么也搞不明白的事實(shí)是，越竭力避免受苦，就會(huì)遭受越多的苦難，因?yàn)橐恍└蝇嵥榍椅⒉蛔愕赖氖虑闀?huì)開(kāi)始折磨你。”伯克曼以一種能夠建立信任感的方式與他的聽(tīng)眾溝通。他是一位盡職的研究者，一位傾聽(tīng)者。他所引述的，是專(zhuān)家的意見(jiàn)。

This is how we get to know Burkeman -- as a curious journalist rooting around for an argument, not as a born-again guru who uses his own story of suffering and healing to prove the validity of his personal brand of self-improvement. In each chapter he sits down with someone who has dedicated his or her professional life to exploring a particular negativepath to happiness. He punctuates each interview with clear prose about human traits that make a negative path to happiness difficult to adopt. For example, in a chapter on methods for embracing failure, he writes bluntly that "perfectionism, at bottom, is fear-driven striving … [at] its extremes, it is an exhausting and permanently stressful way to live."

這正是我們了解伯克曼的方式：他是一位好奇心重、四處翻找論據(jù)的記者，而不是一位重生的大師——他講述了自己陷入和擺脫痛苦的經(jīng)歷，以此證明他所宣揚(yáng)的自我改善方式的確有效。他在每個(gè)章節(jié)中都講述了一個(gè)人的故事，這些人畢其職業(yè)生涯，探求一條通往幸福的消極路徑。每次訪談中，他總是以清晰的文筆凸顯那些使得通往幸福的消極路徑難以付諸行動(dòng)的人性特點(diǎn)。比如，在一個(gè)論述如何坦然接受失敗的章節(jié)中，他直言不諱地寫(xiě)道：“完美主義，究其根本而言，是一種受恐懼感驅(qū)動(dòng)的抗?fàn)?。往極端里說(shuō)，它是一種使人筋疲力盡，時(shí)刻讓人承受重壓的生活方式。”

In the chapter on the danger of setting too many goals, Burkeman recounts meeting a man named Steve Shapiro in a bar in the West Village. Shapiro is a consultant who travels around the country hosting self-help seminars for business audiences. Unlike most consultants, Shapiro preaches against goal setting. He found this calling at a time when his obsession with career advancement had ruined his marriage. He argues that once you abandon the five-year-plan approach to life and business, you immediately have more focus and energy for the present moment. Pretty soon you are spending more time with your family and performing better at work.

在論述設(shè)定太多目標(biāo)所導(dǎo)致的危險(xiǎn)性的章節(jié)中，伯克曼講述了一位咨詢師的故事。這位名叫史蒂夫•夏皮羅的咨詢師是他在西村(West Village，西村是具有反叛精神的各類(lèi)先鋒藝術(shù)家的匯聚之地——譯注)一家酒吧中遇到的。夏皮羅經(jīng)常在美國(guó)各地主持各類(lèi)以商界人士為受眾、探討如何自助的研討會(huì)。不同于大多數(shù)咨詢師，夏皮羅建議職場(chǎng)人士不要為自己設(shè)定太多的目標(biāo)。夏皮羅因?yàn)檫^(guò)于迷戀職務(wù)晉升、最終導(dǎo)致破裂之后悟出了這個(gè)道理。他聲稱(chēng)，一旦放棄你為自己的人生和事業(yè)設(shè)定的5年規(guī)劃，你就會(huì)馬上把更多的注意力和精力放在當(dāng)下的事務(wù)上。很快，你就可以花更多的時(shí)間與家人在一起，你的工作表現(xiàn)也將大有改觀。

Like more typical self-help gurus, Shapiro's method is designed to make your life happier and more productive. Which is why Shapiro is a perfect metaphor for this book. The Antidoteargues that pursuing happiness leads to exhaustion and disappointment. Still, just as Shapiro is at home in a success-hungry business environment with his boardroom seminars and PowerPoint presentations, The Antidote is at home in the self-help section at Barnes and Noble. After all, Burkeman is not above making suggestions. In his Epilogue he offers, "You can treat these ideas [presented in the previous chapters] as a toolkit."

與那些更典型的自助大師一樣，夏皮羅的方式旨在讓人們的生活更幸福，更充實(shí)。這也是夏皮羅之所以堪稱(chēng)本書(shū)一個(gè)完美隱喻的原因所在?！督舛緞芬粫?shū)聲稱(chēng)，追尋幸福將使人筋疲力盡，失望連連。然而，正如夏皮羅可以在渴望成功的商界氛圍中，游刃有余地使用PowerPoint幻燈片向公司高管們展示其理論一樣，《解毒劑》一書(shū)完全可以毫不唐突地?cái)[放在巴諾連鎖書(shū)店(Barnes and Noble)的自助類(lèi)書(shū)架上。畢竟，伯克曼也并非不屑于為讀者提出他的建議。正如他在本書(shū)后記中所言，“讀者可以把(之前章節(jié)中提出的)這些建議視為一個(gè)可身體力行的工具包。”

Unlike many self-help authors, however, Burkeman doesn't offer neat, 12-step prescriptions for health, wealth, or happiness. After painstakingly establishing the various negative paths to happiness -- Buddhist meditation, rejection of goals, acceptance of death's inevitability -- he winds up discouraged by his inability to wrap things up neatly. His language becomes clunky: "The negative path to happiness … [is] a path to a different kind of destination. Or maybe it makes more sense to say that the path is the destination? These things are excruciatingly hard to put into words, and the spirit of … [negative thinking] surely dictates that we do not struggle too hard to do so."

然而，與許多撰寫(xiě)自助類(lèi)書(shū)籍的作者不同的是，伯克曼并沒(méi)有就如何獲得健康、財(cái)富和幸福提供一套簡(jiǎn)明扼要，可分為12步完成的處方。煞費(fèi)苦心地鋪設(shè)了各類(lèi)通往幸福的替代路徑(猶如佛教徒般的冥思，拒絕設(shè)定目標(biāo)，接受死亡的必然性 )之后，他最終為自己無(wú)力整理出一套簡(jiǎn)單明了的操作指南而沮喪。他的語(yǔ)言開(kāi)始變得有些笨拙：“通往幸福的消極路徑，是一條通往一個(gè)不一樣的目的地的路徑。說(shuō)這條路徑就是目的地，或許更有道理吧?這些事情是非常難以用言語(yǔ)來(lái)表達(dá)的，(消極思維)的精神勢(shì)必決定了我們不要太過(guò)努力地做這些事情。”

If it were up to me, the parting message of this exploration of negativity would be more positive. Specifically, "keep struggling." After all, in an earlier chapter, Burkeman convinced me that all failures are invigorating. Failure, he writes, "is happening only because you are pushing at the limits of your capabilities." This is a thrilling statement, because it suggests that in failing, you are being productive.

要是換做我，這趟探尋消極性之旅的臨別贈(zèng)言或許會(huì)更積極一些。我尤其會(huì)忠告讀者，“繼續(xù)努力吧。”畢竟，在早前一個(gè)章節(jié)中，伯克曼讓我相信，所有的失敗都令人鼓舞。失敗，他寫(xiě)道，“只會(huì)發(fā)生在你沖擊自身能力邊界的時(shí)候。”這是一個(gè)令人激動(dòng)的聲明，因?yàn)檫@句話表明，在遭遇失敗時(shí)，你的能力邊界正在不斷向外拓展。

And that's what makes The Antidote so refreshing. Rather than offering pat answers up front, Burkeman conducts a serious investigation into the various negative paths to happiness. In admitting that these paths don't lead to one logical, conclusive method, Burkeman invites us to choose our own.

這正是《解毒劑》一書(shū)給人耳目一新之感的原因所在。伯克曼并沒(méi)有直截了當(dāng)?shù)靥峁┝艘惶赚F(xiàn)成的解決方案，而是對(duì)各種通往幸福的替代路徑進(jìn)行了一番嚴(yán)肅的調(diào)研。當(dāng)伯克曼承認(rèn)這些路徑無(wú)法引導(dǎo)出一個(gè)合乎邏輯的終極方法時(shí)，他其實(shí)是在邀請(qǐng)我們選擇一條屬于我們自己的幸福之路。