美國派4：美國重逢 American Reunion 精講之六

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Classmate: Welcome, you guys. Listen, find your nametag, find out what table you're sitting at. Ashley, so good to see you! Oh, my God. Billy! Oh, my God, you're looking so svelte. You used to be morbidly obese. I was concerned.

Kev: Hey.

Jim: Hey, guys.

Kev: Hey, Jim.

Jim: Oz. Where is Mia?

Oz: She flew out this morning.

Jim: Oh. I'm sorry, man.

Kev: What about Michelle?

Jim: I am not sure yet.

All: Finch!

Kev: What happened? I called the police department a thousand times.

Finch: I appreciate that, Kevin. But my mom, actually, bailed me out. Guys, I screwed up. That bike belongs to my boss. And I was promised a raise, and I didn't get it, so I simply borrowed it. The truth is that my life isn't interesting at all. I am an assistant manager at a Staples in Bayonne, New Jersey. I lied to my best friends, and I'm sorry.

Jim: You know, Finch, just because you sold out and got a boring job like most of us, that doesn't mean you should be embarrassed.

Oz: Yeah, come on, man. None of that shit matters.

Finch: That means a lot, gentlemen.

Kev: What about your arm?

Finch: Oh. I spilled coffee on myself while I was driving.

Jim: No.

Finch: It hurt like a bitch, though.

Oz: I'll bet.

Kev: Jesus, Finch.

Jim: Oh, hey, check this out, you guys. Crazy, huh? Look at us. A lot of memories. "Steve Stifler." "Hopes to keep the party going with his boys."

Oz: Any sign of him yet?

Kev: I don't think he's going to show.

Jim: Stifler?

Stifler: How'd you find me?

Kev: We asked your mom.

Finch: Oh, no. I didn't do anything.

Jim: We wanted to apologize for what we said last night. We didn't mean it.

Stifler: Yeah, you did. I get it, you guys think I'm a dick.

Jim: Okay. Well, maybe you are kind of a dick. But, you're a fun dick. And you're our dick.

Kev: Yeah, man. You were one of the biggest reasons that high school was awesome.

Stifler: Yeah, high school was awesome. Then we graduated and everybody started getting jobs and getting married and having kids and all that other stupid shit. Now, look at me. I'm the bitch of this place.

Jim: Look, Stifler, none of our lives are perfect.

Finch: Especially mine.

Jim: But what do you say we keep this party going, and hit up this reunion together?

Boss: What the hell is going on here? Oh, my God. This is the jackass. You're not even close to being finished and you're up here "chilling with your posse"?

Kev: Sorry, we can explain.

Stifler: No, Kevin. Allow me.

Boss: Yeah, Kevin, allow him. This better be good, Stafler.

Stifler: It's Stifler, fucker.

Boss: Oh, wow. Who the hell do you think you are?

Stifler: Are you acting tough in front of your girlfriend? Huh? Because we both know she's only with you for your money. Definitely not for your dick. Because anybody that's peed next to you knows it's the size of a leprechaun's pinkie.

Boss: That's not true.

Stifler: "That's not true." Oh, yeah, it is. Look, just because you got a fancy office and I don't even have a desk doesn't change who we really are. The truth is, you're still a dork, and I can still kick your ass. But I'm not going to. You know why? Because I'm the fucking Stifmeister. And if you even look at me again, I will shit in your briefcase. Dudes? By the way, I had no clue what I was doing with any of this shit, so you got a lot of work to do.