雙語(yǔ)讀劇：Call me by ...（一）08:我立刻認(rèn)出那種凝視

This alternation of running and swimming was simply his “routine” in graduate school. Did he run on the Sabbath? I joked. He always exercised, even when he was sick; he’d exercise in bed if he had to. Even when he’d slept with someone new the night before, he said, he’d still head out for a jog early in the morning. The only time he didn’t exercise was when they operated on him. When I asked him what for, the answer I had promised never to incite in him came at me like the thwack of a jack-in-the-box wearing a baleful smirk. “Later.”
Perhaps he was out of breath and didn’t want to talk too much or just wanted to concentrate on his swimming or his running. Or perhaps it was his way of spurring me to do the same—totally harmless.
But there was something at once chilling and off-putting in the sudden distance that crept between us in the most unexpected moments. It was almost as though he were doing it on purpose; feeding me slack, and more slack, and then yanking away any semblance of fellowship.
 
每天交替著游泳、慢跑只不過是他讀研究生時(shí)的“例行公事”。安息日那天他跑步嗎？我開玩笑問道。他始終保持運(yùn)動(dòng)的習(xí)慣，就算生病了也一樣，必要時(shí)他會(huì)在床上運(yùn)動(dòng)。甚至連前一夜跟新對(duì)象上床，一大早他仍然去慢跑。他說唯一沒運(yùn)動(dòng)那次是因手術(shù)的關(guān)系。我問他為什么動(dòng)手術(shù)，那個(gè)我發(fā)誓決不再誘發(fā)他講的答案如同面露奸笑的彈簧玩偶般“啪”的一聲向我襲來(lái)。“回頭再說。”
或許因?yàn)樗贿^氣來(lái)，不想多話，或者他只是想專心游泳或跑步?；蛘哌@可能是他激勵(lì)我再接再厲的方式，完全沒有惡意。
然而在最意想不到的時(shí)刻，有些令人既寒心又反感的阻礙悄悄出現(xiàn)在我們之間。幾乎像是故意的；他讓我松懈、再松懈，然后使勁抽掉任何類似友誼的東西。
 
The steely gaze always returned. One day, while I was practicing my guitar at what had become “my table” in the back garden by the pool and he was lying nearby on the grass, I recognized the gaze right away. He had been staring at me while I was focusing on the fingerboard, and when I suddenly raised my face to see if he liked what I was playing, there it was: cutting, cruel, like a glistening blade instantly retracted the moment its victim caught sight of it. He gave me a bland smile, as though to say, No point hiding it now.
Stay away from him.
 
鋼鐵般冷酷的眼神總是一再回來(lái)。有一天，我在后花園游泳池畔那張“我的桌子”旁練吉他，他就躺在附近的草地上，我立刻認(rèn)出那種凝視。我專注在指板上的時(shí)候，他一直盯著我看，等我突然抬起頭來(lái)，想看看他是否喜歡我演奏的曲子，那種眼神又出現(xiàn)了：銳利、冷酷，像亮晃晃的刀刃，在被害人瞥見時(shí)旋即收回。他給我一個(gè)平淡的微笑，仿佛說：現(xiàn)在沒必要隱藏。
要與他保持距離。
《請(qǐng)以你的名字呼喚我》