考研英語(yǔ)作文考場(chǎng)范文批改及點(diǎn)評(píng)(7)

AS Is(注意大小寫(xiě)) shown above,a funny hen claimed that her eggs with(that后面應(yīng)該跟的是從句，從句中應(yīng)包含謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞，建議將with改為have) no edge and the like which is the most fundamntional(拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤，改為fundamental).(作者這句話是要表達(dá)什么內(nèi)容?)Simple as the drawing is ,the symbolic meaning behind ti(改為it) is as deep as ocean(注意句末標(biāo)點(diǎn))The honest is not only necessary,but also indepensible(拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤，改為indispensable).As the old Chinese proverb says."Honest is gold."However,in no country other than China,it has been said that,the problum(拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤，改為problem) of opposite the pormise(拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤，改為promise) more serious(句子邏輯關(guān)系不明確，改為the opposite of the original promise is more serious) ,and people fail to attach attention to the "gold".Individuals and organizations can make money,take porfits(拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤，改為profits) and even obtain wealth by attend promise.To be honest can also have added (改為add) benefit of increasing one's knowledge,giving us a new perspective of outside world.According to a survey conducted by China Acadmy(拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤，改為Academy)of Science(CAS),honest can relieve not only pressure but also anxiety and such problums(拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤，改為problems)as depression,stress,isolation and solitude(注意句末標(biāo)點(diǎn))All in all,obtain(改為obtaining，一句話中只能有一個(gè)謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞)the promise plays a key role in our daily life.The unhonest(改為dishonest，表示“不誠(chéng)實(shí)的”，沒(méi)有unhonest一詞), in view of the complexity of such issue,we must treat it socially,economically and culturally.with(首字母大寫(xiě)) a proper law,an up-to-date solution,a right perspective and alert public,it will be a matter of time before the problum(拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤，改為problem) becomes things of the past.(最后一段缺乏邏輯關(guān)系，建議重寫(xiě))

編輯點(diǎn)評(píng)

作文能夠按照寫(xiě)作要求來(lái)寫(xiě)，寫(xiě)作格式基本符合要求。但是文中的問(wèn)題較多，比如：?jiǎn)卧~的拼寫(xiě)問(wèn)題、語(yǔ)法問(wèn)題、句子的邏輯關(guān)系問(wèn)題等。希望作者在后面的復(fù)習(xí)中，先不要急于寫(xiě)文章，從基本的入手，先積累詞匯、學(xué)習(xí)基本語(yǔ)法、積累并模仿高分語(yǔ)言佳句;將重點(diǎn)放在語(yǔ)句模仿上，有空多讀外文期刊，了解英語(yǔ)的地道表達(dá)，從而不斷提高自己的寫(xiě)作水平。建議作者將每周的時(shí)間做一個(gè)合理的規(guī)劃，一周練習(xí)一篇作文即可，在練習(xí)這篇作文時(shí)，可先積累此方面的詞匯，之后兩天可查找有關(guān)方面的經(jīng)典表達(dá)及例文，然后再模仿佳句，等這些都做到位時(shí)，再組織文章。

參考分?jǐn)?shù)：11分(滿分20分)