Fourteen Steps
They say a cat has nine lives, and I am inclined1) to think that possible since I am now living my third life and I’m not even a cat. My first life began on a clear, cold day in November 1904, when I arrived as the sixth of eight children of a farming family. My father died when I was15, and we had a hard struggle to make a living. As the children grew up, they married, leaving only one sister and myself to support and care for Mother, who became paralyzed2) in her last years and died while still in her 60s. My sister married soon after, and I followed her example within the year.
This was when I began to enjoy my first life. I was very happy, in excellent health, and quite a good athlete. My wife and I became the parents of two lovely girls. I had a good job in San Jose and a beautiful home up the peninsula3) in San Carlos. Life was a pleasant dream. Then the dream ended. I became afflicted with a slowly progressive disease of the motor nerves, affecting first my right arm and leg, and then my other side. Thus began my second life. . .
In spite of my disease I still drove to and from work each day, with the aid of special equipment installed in my car. And I managed to keep my health and optimism, to a degree, because of 14 steps.
Crazy?Not at all. Our home was a split-level affair with 14steps leading up from the garage4) to the kitchen door. Those steps were a gauge5) of life. They were my yardstick, my challenge to continue living. I felt that if the day arrived when I was unable to lift one foot up one step and then drag the other painfully after it――repeating the process 14times until, utterly spent, I would be through――I could then admit defeat and lie down and die. So I kept on working, kept on climbing those steps. And time passed. The girls went to college and were happily married, and my wife and I were alone in our beautiful home with the 14 steps.
You might think that here walked a man of courage and strength. Not so. Here hobbled a bitterly disillusioned cripple, a man who held on to his sanity and his wife and his home and his job because of 14miserable steps leading up to the back door from his garage. As I became older, I became more disillusioned6) and frustrated.
Then on a dark night in August, 1971, I began my third life. It was raining when I started home that night;gusty winds and slashing rain beat down on the car as I drove slowly down one of the less-traveled roads. Suddenly the steering wheel jerked in my hands and the car swerved violently to the right. In the same instant I heard the dreaded bang of a blowout. I fought the car to stop on the rain-slick shoulder of the road and sat there as the enormity of the situation swept over me. It was impossible for me to change that tire.Utterly impossible.A thought that a passing motorist might stop was dismissed at once. Why should anyone?I knew I wouldn’t. Then I remembered that a short distance up a little side road was a house. I started the engine and thumped slowly along, keeping well over on the shoulder until I came to the dirt road, where I turned in--thankfully. Lighted windows welcomed me to the house and I pulled into the driveway and honked7) the horn.
The door opened and a little girl stood there, peering at me. I rolled down the window and called out that I had a flat and needed someone to change it for me because I had a crutch and couldn’t do it myself. She went into the house and a moment later came out bundled in raincoat and hat, followed by a man who called a cheerful greeting. I sat there comfortable and dry, and felt a bit sorry for the man and the little girl working so hard in the storm. Well, I would pay them for it. The rain seemed to be slackening a bit now, and I rolled down the window all the way to watch. It seemed to me that they were awfully slow and I was beginning to become impatient. I heard the clank of metal from the back of the car and the little girl’s voice came clearly to me. “Here’s the jack-handle, Grandpa. ”She was answered by the murmur of the man’s lower voice and the slow tilting of the car as it was jacked up. There followed a long interval of noises, jolts and low conversation from t he back of the car, but finally it was done. I felt the car bump as the jack was removed, and I heard the slam of the truck lid, and then they were standing at my car window.
He was an old man, stooped and frail-looking under his slicker. The little girl was about eight or ten, I judged, with a merry face and a wide smile as she looked up at me. He said, “This a bad night for car trouble, but you’re all set now. ”“Thanks, ”I said. “How much do I owe you?”He shook his head. “Nothing. Cynthia told me you were a cripple--on crutches8). Glad to be of help. I know you’d do the same for me. There’s no charge, friend. ”I held out a five-dollar bill. “No.I like to pay my way. ”He made no effort to take it and the little girl stepped closer to the window and said quietly, “Grandpa can’t see it. ”
In the next few frozen seconds the shame and horror of that moment penetrated and I was sick with an intensity I had never felt before. A blind man and a child.Fumbling, feeling with cold, wet fingers for bolts and tools in the dark--a darkness that for him would probably never end until death. I don’t remember how long I sat there after they said good night and left me, but it was long enough for me to search deep with in myself and find some disturbing traits9). I realized t hat I was filled to over-flowing with self-pity, selfishness, indifference to the needs of others and thoughtlessness. I sat there and said a prayer.
“Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them:for this is the law and the prophets. ”To me now, months later, this scriptural10) admonition is more than just a passage in the Bible. It is a way of life, one that I am trying to follow. It isn’t always easy. Sometimes it is frustrating, sometimes expensive in both time and money, but the value is there. I am trying now not only to climb 14steps each day, but in my small way to help others. Someday, perhaps, I will change a tire for a blind man in a car――someone as blind as I had been.
by Hal Manwaring
14級臺階
人們說貓有9條命, 我傾向于認(rèn)為這是可能的, 因為我現(xiàn)在活的是第三次生命, 而我不是貓。1904年11月的一個晴朗、寒冷的日子, 我開始了我的第一次生命。我成了一個務(wù)農(nóng)家庭8個孩子中的第6個。我15歲時父親去世, 我們?nèi)叶嫉脼樯嬈D辛奔忙。孩子們長大后, 一個個結(jié)婚出嫁, 只剩下我和一個姐姐撫養(yǎng)和照顧媽媽。她晚年時癱瘓, 60多歲就去世了。我姐姐不久就嫁了人, 我也在當(dāng)年結(jié)了婚。
這時我開始享受我的第一次生命。我非常幸福, 非常健康, 而且是一名相當(dāng)出色的運(yùn)動員。我們有兩個可愛的女兒。我在圣何塞有份滿意的工作, 在半島北部的圣卡洛斯有幢漂亮的房子。生活是稱心如意的夢想。好景不長, 美夢中斷了。我得了緩慢發(fā)展的運(yùn)動神經(jīng)病, 先是我的右臂和右腿活動受阻, 而后是左側(cè)。我的第二次生命就此開始……
盡管我有病, 但是借著安裝在車?yán)锏奶厥庠O(shè)備, 我仍然每天開車上下班。我設(shè)法保持健康和樂觀, 從某種程度來說, 是緣于14級臺階。
在說瘋話吧?完全不是。我們的房子是個錯層式建筑, 從車庫到廚房門有14級臺階。這些臺階是生活的標(biāo)尺, 是衡量我的標(biāo)準(zhǔn), 也是我繼續(xù)生存的挑戰(zhàn)。我認(rèn)為哪一天要是我不能提起一只腳登上一級臺階, 再費(fèi)勁地拖上另一只腳--如此重復(fù)14次直到精疲力竭, 那我就完了--那時我只能承認(rèn)我失敗了, 可以躺下來等死了。因此, 我堅持工作, 堅持爬那14級臺階。時光荏苒, 兩個女兒上了大學(xué), 相繼幸福地結(jié)婚成家, 只剩下我們夫妻倆相濡以沫, 守居在有14級臺階的漂亮家中。
你們或許會想, 在這里行走的是個有勇氣和力量的人, 事實并非如此。這里行走的是一個痛苦地失去理想的一瘸一拐的殘疾人, 一個因為那從車庫通向后門折磨人的14級臺階才保持精神正常、沒有失去他的妻子、房子和工作的人。隨著年齡增長, 我變得更失望和沮喪。
后來, 1971年8月的一個黑夜, 我開始了我的第三次生命。那天晚上我起程回家時在下雨;我緩慢地沿著一條不經(jīng)常走的路開著車, 天刮起陣陣勁風(fēng), 急劇的雨點(diǎn)直落在車上。突然間, 手中的方向盤跳動起來, 車子猛烈地朝右側(cè)轉(zhuǎn)去。同時, 我聽到可怕的輪胎爆裂的砰聲。我費(fèi)勁地把車停在因雨水而滑溜的路肩上, 在這突如其來的嚴(yán)峻情況下, 我呆坐在車?yán)?。我不可能更換輪胎!根本不可能!可能有個過路的車會停下來, 這個念頭一閃即逝。人家為什么就該停車呢?我知道我也不會。我想起離開支路不太遠(yuǎn)有幢房子。我起動了發(fā)動機(jī), 車子慢慢搖晃著順著路肩朝前蠕動到土路上, 謝天謝地, 在那兒我拐了上去。透著燈光的窗戶把我迎向房子, 我開上車道, 按了喇叭。
門開了, 一個小女孩站在那兒, 費(fèi)力地看著我。我搖下車窗, 大聲說我的輪胎爆了, 需要有人幫我換掉它, 因為我是個用拐杖的殘疾人, 沒法自己動手。女孩進(jìn)了屋, 一會兒又出來, 裹著雨衣, 戴著帽子, 后面跟著一個男人, 他高興地向我問候。我舒舒服服地坐在車?yán)?/span>, 一點(diǎn)沒淋濕, 而那男人和小女孩在風(fēng)雨交加的夜晚這么辛苦地干, 我感到有點(diǎn)兒歉意。反正, 我會給他們錢的。雨像是小點(diǎn)兒了, 我把車窗一直搖下看著車外。我覺得他們干得特別慢, 我開始不耐煩起來。車后傳來金屬碰撞聲和小女孩清晰的說話聲。“爺爺, 這是千斤頂把手。”那男人低沉的喃喃聲回答了她。千斤頂頂起車子時, 車身慢慢傾斜。隨后是好一會兒聲響、晃動和從車后傳來的低聲話語, 但是輪胎終于換完了。移開千斤頂時, 我感覺到車子落地時的顛動;我聽到關(guān)行李箱蓋的聲音;而后他們倆站在車窗旁。
那男人年邁, 彎腰曲背, 身穿油布雨衣, 顯得身體虛弱。我猜那小女孩大約8歲或10歲, 有一張喜氣的臉, 看我時笑容滿面。他說, “這種糟糕的晚上車子有麻煩真夠嗆, 不過現(xiàn)在你沒事了。”“謝謝, ”我說。“我該付你多少錢?”他搖搖頭。“不要錢。辛西婭告訴我說你是個殘疾人--用拐杖的。能幫上忙我很高興。我知道你也會為我這么做。不要錢, 朋友。”我伸手遞出一張5美元的鈔票。“不要!我不喜歡欠人家的。”他沒有收下錢的意思, 小女孩走近車窗, 輕聲說道:“我爺爺看不見。”
在隨后的幾秒鐘里, 我呆若木雞, 那一片刻的羞恥和恐懼深深刺痛著我, 我有生以來第一次對自己感到那么強(qiáng)烈的厭惡。一個盲人和一個孩子!他們在黑夜里用濕冷的手指在黑暗中摸找和觸摸螺栓和工具---對那老人來說, 這種黑暗可能將延續(xù)到他的生命結(jié)束。我不記得他們說了晚安離去后我在車?yán)锎袅硕嗑?/span>, 但是足夠我深刻反省, 挖找一些令我不安的品性。我意識到我極端自憐、自私、漠視他人的需要和不為別人著想。我呆在車上, 做了個禱告。
“所以無論何事, 你們要別人怎樣待你們, 你們就得怎樣待別人:這是摩西法律和先知教訓(xùn)的真義。”數(shù)個月過后, 如今對我來說, 這來自《圣經(jīng)》的告誡不僅僅是《圣經(jīng)》中的一段話, 而且是一種生活方式, 一種我現(xiàn)在要努力遵循的生活方式。這不總是容易的。有時令人沮喪, 有時在時間和金錢上要付出昂貴的代價, 但是有它的價值。我現(xiàn)在不僅每天爬14級臺階, 還盡量給人一些小小的幫助?;蛟S有一天, 我會給一個坐在車?yán)锵裎乙粯釉谛撵`上有盲點(diǎn)的人換輪胎。
NOTE 注釋:
inclined [in5klaind] 傾向...的
paralyze [5pArElaIz] vt. 使癱瘓, 使麻痹
peninsula [pi5ninsjulE] n. 半島
garage [5^ArB:(d)V] n. 車庫
gauge [^edV] n. 標(biāo)準(zhǔn)尺
disillusioned [7disi5lu:VEnd] adj. 清醒的,醒悟的
honk [hCNk] n. 雁叫聲
crutch [krQtF] n. (跛子用的)拐杖
trait [treit] n. 品性,特點(diǎn)
scriptural [5skrIptFEr(E)l] adj. 圣經(jīng)的