(中英)現(xiàn)代散文:我的童年 My Childhood

My Childhood

我的童年

◎ Bing Xin

◎　冰　心

People are generally inclined to cherish the memory of their childhood.Be it happy or sad, it is always regarded as the most significant part of one's life. Many early impressions and habits are so deeply etched in one's character and temperament that they will affect him all through his life.

提到童年，總使人有些向往，不論童年生活是快樂，是悲哀，人們總覺得都是生命中最深刻的一段①；有許多印象，許多習(xí)慣②，深固的刻畫在③他的人格及氣質(zhì)上，而影響他的一生。

I have often inadvertently touched upon my childhood life here and there in my previous writings. Now that Man Gui suggested that I write exclusively on the topic of my childhood, I thought it worth a try and hence set pen to paper without reluctance.

我的童年生活，在許多零碎的文字里，不自覺的已經(jīng)描寫了許多，當(dāng)曼瑰對我提出這個題目的時候，我還覺得有興味，而欣然執(zhí)筆。

As a middle-aged woman, I try to keep from being sentimental again in writing about the old days. Though I often smile with tears in my eyes while reminiscing, I choose only to sketch out my childhood environment and upbringing as well as the hobbies and habits that have since remained with me — things which may perhaps serve as reference for some parents of today.

中年的人，不愿意再說些情感的話④，雖然在回憶中充滿了含淚的微笑，我只約略的畫出我童年的環(huán)境和訓(xùn)練，以及遺留在我的嗜好或習(xí)慣上的一切，也許有些父母們愿意用來作參考。

Let me begin with my family background. My father was a high-ranking naval officer. He was very healthy and strong and I do not remember ever to have found him confined to bed by sickness. My grandfather, also very healthy and strong, died without illness at the age of 86. My mother, however, was very thin and weak, often suffering from headaches and blood-spitting — an illness I was once also liable to. It was caused not by pulmonary tuberculosis, but by the enlarged bronchial tubes or overwork and care. In short, as I remember, my mother was a very gentle and quiet woman. She spent her time either working or reading. She lived a very calm life.

先說到我的遺傳⑤：我的父親是個海軍將領(lǐng)，身體很好，我從不記得他在病榻上躺著過⑥。我的祖父身體也很好，八十六歲無疾而終。我的母親卻很瘦弱；常常頭痛，吐血——這吐血的癥候，我也得到，不是肺結(jié)核，而是肺氣枝漲大，過勞或操心，都會發(fā)作——因此我童年時代記憶所及的母親，是個極溫柔，極安靜的女人，不是作活計，就是看書，她的生活是非常恬淡的。

According to my mother, I used to spit blood when I was a suckling baby, but this trouble never recurred in my childhood. Nor do I remember ever to have suffered from any serious illness during those days. On the contrary, I was in perfect condition both mentally and physically. Therefore, during those seven or eight years when moving about with my folks far away from our home town Fuzhou, I was, in terms of physical health, more than 50 per cent like my father and less than 50 per cent like my mother.

雖然母親說過，我在會吐奶的時候，就吐過血，而在我的童年時代，并不曾發(fā)作過，我也不記得我那時生過什么大病，身體也好，精神也活潑，于是那七八年山陬海隅的生活，我多半是父親的孩子，而少半是母親的女兒⑦！

I had two elder brothers who died soon after they were born. I had a younger sister who died young. My eldest younger brother is six years my junior. Therefore, before he was born, I was the only child of the family.

在我以先，母親生過兩個哥哥，都是一生下就夭折了，我的底下，還死去一個妹妹。我的大弟弟，比我小六歲。在大弟弟未生之前，我在家里是個獨子。

Under the circumstances, I became much more like a "naughty little boy" than a young girl. My home was always situated near a naval barracks or naval academy. I found in the neighborhood no female companions of my age group. I never played with a doll, never learned how to do needlework, never used cosmetics, never wore colours or flowers.

環(huán)境把童年的我，造成一個“野孩子”，絲毫沒有少女的氣息。我們的家，總是住近海軍兵營，或海軍學(xué)校。四圍沒有和我同年齡的女伴，我沒有玩過“娃娃”，沒有學(xué)過針線，沒有搽過脂粉，沒有穿過鮮艷的衣服，沒有戴過花⑧。

What with my mother's ailing health and what with the loneliness I felt at home, I was compelled to seek the company of my father all day long. I was with him while he was going about his work and various other activities, thus acquiring experience beyond the reach of even an average male adult. I was often dressed, for convenience' sake, boy-fashion or in military uniform. So my parents would call me "Ah Ge"? and my younger brothers would call me "Elder Brother" until I almost forgot what I really was.

反過來說，因著母親的病弱，和家里的冷靜，使得我整天跟在父親的身邊，參加了他的種種工作與活動，得到了連一般男子都得不到的經(jīng)驗。為一切方便起見，我總是男裝，常著軍服。父母叫我“阿哥”，弟弟們稱呼我“哥哥”，弄得后來我自己也忘其所以了。

Often, while my father was attending to his official duties, somebody would take me out on visits to such places as naval ship bridges, batteries, naval wharves, powder magazines and Temple of the Dragon King. I would chat with workers repairing guns, disabled servicemen looking after powder magazines, sailors and naval officers. Being mostly from Shandong Province, they were very amiable and unsophisticated. From them I heard many a strange story about tragic and stirring incidents at sea. Sometimes farmers and fishermen whom I met would talk about their daily life in the mountains and at sea respectively. In those days, apart from my mother and wives of my father's colleagues, I seldom met with any womenfolks.

父親辦公的時候，也常常有人帶我出去，我的游蹤所及，是旗臺，炮臺，海軍碼頭，火藥庫，龍王廟。我的談伴是修理槍炮的工人、看守火藥庫的殘廢兵士、水手、軍官，他們多半是山東人，和藹而質(zhì)樸，他們告訴我以許多海上新奇悲壯的故事。有時也遇見農(nóng)夫和漁人，談些山中海上的家常。那時除了我的母親和父親同事的太太們外，幾乎輕易見不到一個女性。

I began to learn to read after I was four years of age. At about seven I took private lessons at home together with some male cousins of mine. Being four or five years older than I, they never became my playmates. So I often went alone to enjoy myself in the mountains or by the seaside. I was very familiar with the surrounding country, and over there I loved every blade of grass, every pebble, every grain of sand and every drop of water. I would stroll along the seashore by myself. When the tide was coming in, I felt as if the whole universe were afloat in the air. When the tide was ebbing, I felt as if I were being carried away by the receding waves along with the seashore. Faced with the endearing grandeur of nature, I often felt my young heart palpitating with awe. At dusk, when the bugle announced the end of the day's duty, its long-drawn-out sound, at once melancholy and stirring, reverberated throughout the surrounding mountains. And its familiar tunes would inexplicably call forth tears in my eyes. At the moment, instead of ennui, I had the feeling of being so small myself.

四歲以后，開始認(rèn)字。六七歲就和我的堂兄表兄們同在家里讀書。他們比我大了四五歲，仍舊是玩不到一處，我常常一個人走到山上海邊去。那是極其熟識的環(huán)境，一草一石，一沙一沫，我都有無限的親切。我常常獨步在沙岸上，看潮來的時候，仿佛天地都飄浮了起來！潮退的時候，仿佛海岸和我都被吸卷了去！童稚的心，對著這親切的“偉大”，常常感到怔忡⑨。黃昏時，休息的軍號吹起，四山回響，聲音凄壯而悠長，那熟識的調(diào)子，也使我莫名其妙的要下淚，我不覺得自己的“悶”，只覺得自己的“小”。

For lack of playmates, I often spent my time in learning to read and in time formed the habit of reading avidly without bothering to understand everything thoroughly. My tutor, who was very affectionate towards me, wanted me to learn by heart some poems. I appreciated some of them very much though they were beyond my full comprehension. One of them is as follows:

因著沒有游伴，我很小就學(xué)習(xí)看書，得了個“好讀書，不求甚解”的習(xí)慣。我的老師很愛我，常常教我背些詩句，我似懂似不懂的有時很能欣賞。比如：

I fail to see the ancients before my time,

前不見古人，

Or after me the generations to come.

后不見來者，

Thinking of the eternity of Heaven and Earth,

念天地之悠悠，

All alone, sadly I shed tears.

獨愴然而涕下

I often recited it silently while standing on top of a mountain.

我獨立山頭的時候，就常常默誦它。

The town nearest to our home was Yantai. My father sometimes took me there to attend a banquet, visit Tian Hou Palace or see an opera. He was not fond of Beijing opera, but since he knew I was then reading the classical novel The Romance of the Three Kingdoms, he took me to a playhouse where he selected for performing some pieces based upon the episodes of the novel, such as "Arrows and the Straw-laden Boat", "A Meeting of Heroes", "Hua Rong Path", etc. Although I couldn't understand a line of them, I was nevertheless very much amused to see actors on the stage impersonating different characters of the novel. That's why even to this day I have no aversion at all to Beijing opera.

離我們最近的城市，就是煙臺，父親有時帶我下去，赴宴會，逛天后宮，或是聽?wèi)?。父親并不喜聽?wèi)颍灰蚰菚r我正看《三國》，父親就到戲園里點戲給我聽，如《草船借箭》，《群英會》，《華容道》等?？匆姇系娜宋?，走上舞臺，雖然不懂得戲詞，我也覺得很高興。所以我至今還不討厭京戲。

As I grew older, I upgraded my juvenile pursuits. Crickets and kites took the place of shovels and sand pails as more advanced toys. I collected colourful pebbles and kept them in a porcelain bowl. I tried my hand at writing poems and novels, but always left them unfinished because I was more interested in outdoor activities than sedentary work at home.

再大一點，學(xué)會了些精致的淘氣⑩，我的玩具已從鏟子和沙桶，進(jìn)步到蟋蟀罐同風(fēng)箏，我收集美麗的小石子，在磁缸里養(yǎng)著，我學(xué)作詩，寫章回小說，但都不能終篇，因為我的興趣，仍在戶外，低頭伏案的時候很少。

My father was fond of planting flowers and keeping a dog, which was his only pastime in his after-office hours. Because of that, I've never been afraid of animals and always loved flowers and trees. My mother also loved flowers, but she didn't like dogs. In summer we often sat under the bean or flower trellises to enjoy the evening cool and drink beer or soda water. My mother kept early hours, so, after she went indoors, my father would take me to the naval ship bridge to watch the stars. He would point out various constellations and tell me their names and positions. He often said, "Look, the numerous stars are far away from us, but we sailors can't for a single moment go without them. When we get lost a sea, we'll look to them like they were our dear folks." Hence my lifelong preference of the stars over the moon.

父親喜歡種花養(yǎng)狗，公余之暇，這是他唯一的消遣。因此我從小不怕動物，對于花木，更有普遍的愛好。母親不喜歡狗，卻也愛花，夏夜我們常常在豆棚花架下，飲啤酒，汽水，乘涼。母親很早就進(jìn)去休息，父親便帶我到旗臺上去看星，他指點給我各個星座的名稱和位置。他常常說：“你看星星不是很多很小，而且離我們很遠(yuǎn)么？但是我們海上的人一時都離不了它。在海上迷路的時候看見星星就如同看見家人一樣。”因此我至今愛星甚于愛月。

My father often took me to a naval ship and showed me around. It aroused in me an inexpressible feeling of admiration to see everything on board so spick-and-span, and so glossy and spotlessly white. I also often had the opportunity of meeting many good friends of my father's, among them Mr. Sa Zhenbing? and Mr. Huang Zanhou?. They were as grave as kind, self-disciplined, and calm and modest. Sometimes, they also wrote poems, often in response to those by my father, on the same theme and using the same rhyme pattern. They were among those described as "scholar-generals" by the literati of those days. It was my ardent dream then to make a "scholar-general" of myself by following in the footsteps of my father and his friends, unaware that being a female, I was disqualified from becoming their disciple.

父親又常常帶我去參觀軍艦，指點給我軍艦上的一切，我只覺得處處都是整齊，清潔，光亮，雪白；心里總有說不出的贊嘆同羨慕。我也常得親近父親的許多好友，如薩鎮(zhèn)冰先生，黃贊侯先生。他們都是極嚴(yán)肅，同時又極慈藹，生活是那樣紀(jì)律，那樣恬淡，他們也作詩，同父親常常唱和，他們這一班人是當(dāng)時文人所稱為的“裘帶歌壺，翩翩儒將”。我當(dāng)時的理想，是想學(xué)父親，學(xué)父親的這些好友，并不曾想到我的“性”阻止了我作他們的追隨者?。

All that lasted until I returned with my folks to my home town Fuzhou at the age of eleven. I cannot help feeling grateful now for the drastic change it brought to my life. Had I continued the training I had been undergoing before I was eleven, I might have become very masculine and mentally unhealthy. Thanks to this change, I gradually moved away from my father's side and back to my mother's embrace, thus living the life of a young girl.

這種生活一直連續(xù)到了十一歲，此后我們回到故鄉(xiāng)——福州——去，生活起了很大的轉(zhuǎn)變。我也不能不感謝這個轉(zhuǎn)變！十歲以前的訓(xùn)練，若再繼續(xù)下去，我就很容易變成一個男性的女人，心理也許就不會健全。因著這個轉(zhuǎn)變，我才漸漸的從父親身邊走到母親的懷里，而開始我的少女時期了。

The experience I gained in childhood has impressed the following on my character:

童年的印象和事實，遺留在我的性格上的：

First, I keep an earnest attitude towards life. I love orderliness, discipline and cleanliness. I hate to see or hear of things absurd, undisciplined or slack.

第一是我對于人生態(tài)度的嚴(yán)肅，我喜歡整齊，紀(jì)律，清潔的生活，我怕看怕聽放誕，散漫，松懈的一切。

Secondly, I love an open and high environment. I'm not afraid of loneliness and seclusion. I'm willing often to get myself lost in wide open spaces. Therefore, the moment I'm in an open country, I'll immediately feel like being back in my old home. I don't like to live in a city. I'm afraid of socializing. I don't crave for things urban.

第二是我喜歡空闊高遠(yuǎn)的環(huán)境，我不怕寂寞，不怕靜獨，我愿意常將自己消失在空曠遼闊之中。因此一到了野外，就如同回到了故鄉(xiāng)，我不喜城居，怕應(yīng)酬，我沒有城市的嗜好。

Thirdly, I always prefer to be dressed in black, blue, grey and white rather than gay colours. On a couple of occasions, I did wear bright-coloured dresses at my mother's insistence, which made me feel so awkward and uncomfortable that I had soon to take them off. However, I think all that is just a matter of habit. In fact, it's quite all right for young girls to be "decked out" to follow their natural inclination for beauty so long as it is in good taste.

第三是我不喜歡穿鮮艷顏色的衣服，我喜歡的是黑色，藍(lán)色，灰色，白色。有時母親也勉強(qiáng)我穿過一兩次稍為鮮艷的衣服，我總覺得很忸怩，很不自然，穿上立刻就要脫去，關(guān)于這一點，我覺得完全是習(xí)慣的關(guān)系，其實在美好的品味之下，少女愛好天然，是應(yīng)該“打扮”的！

Fourthly, I like to be straightforward, frank and unaffected in associating with other people. I never force myself to do what I'm unwilling to do, meet people I don't want to meet or eat meals I dislike. Hence my mother said I was sort of a wilful child destined to get nowhere.

第四是我喜歡爽快，坦白，自然的交往。我很難勉強(qiáng)我自己做些不愿意做的事，見些不愿意見的人，吃些不愿意吃的飯！母親常說這是“任性”之一種，不能成為“偉大”的人格?。

Fifthly, I respect soldiers all my life. To me, they are the embodiment of nobility, courage and discipline. I am interested in everything associated with the armed forces.

第五是我一生對于軍人普遍的尊敬，軍人在我心中是高尚，勇敢，紀(jì)律的結(jié)晶。關(guān)系軍隊的一切，我也都感到興趣。

Talking of my childhood, I'm forever grateful to my good parents. To them I owe my habit of living a quiet and simple life and my "back to nature" propensity. They gave me a happy and clean environment so that I am now able to feel content under any circumstances. I have a deep respect and love for life. I have no grievances against humanity. I think many human failings can be remedied so long as people strive with firm determination.

說到童年，我常常感謝我的好父母，他們養(yǎng)成我一種恬淡，“返乎自然”的習(xí)慣，他們給我一個快樂清潔的環(huán)境，因此，在任何環(huán)境里都能自足，知足。我尊敬生命，寶愛生命，我對于人類沒有怨恨，我覺得許多缺憾是可以改進(jìn)的，只要人們有決心，肯努力。

Not only do I always remember my parents with gratitude, I also always bear in mind how we should behave ourselves as parents.

我不但常常感念我的父母，我也常常警惕我們應(yīng)當(dāng)怎樣做父母。

《我的童年》是著名女作家冰心（1900—1999）1942年3月寫于重慶歌樂山的一篇散文。作者出生于福州一個溫馨慈愛之家，父親是海軍軍官，母親知書達(dá)理。她童年時期曾隨父母多年居住在渤海之濱的煙臺，直到11歲才回福州。文章就是對這一段海邊生活的深情回憶，筆調(diào)率真坦誠，語言清新典雅。