特朗普團隊的著裝密碼

Donald Trump is trying to implement some sartorial rigour within his administration. According to intelligence from the White House, the president believes his staff should “have a certain look” and aspire to “be sharply dressed”. Men should wear a tie. Female colleagues have been told to “dress like a woman”, whatever that means. Perhaps he wants them to swing through the White House on tree vines, wearing jungle pelts in the manner of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ Jane?

唐納德•特朗普(Donald Trump)試圖在其政府內(nèi)推行某種嚴格的著裝規(guī)定。根據(jù)來自白宮的消息，這位總統(tǒng)認為他的員工應(yīng)該“有一種儀表”，注重“筆挺的著裝”。男士應(yīng)該戴領(lǐng)帶。女性工作人員則被告知應(yīng)“穿得像個女人”——誰知道這是什么意思?；蛟S，他希望她們像埃德加•賴斯•巴勒斯(Edgar Rice Burroughs，《人猿泰山》作者)筆下的珍妮一樣，身著叢林皮毛，在樹藤上蕩過白宮?

As with so many of his executive orders so far, it’s predictably disappointing. And possibly misguided. One of the few joys to find in this new world order is in observing just how uniformly shambolic and ill-matched it is. I assumed the administration’s chaotic deportment was in fact a marvellously choreographed campaign to deflect “the opposition party” from the fine details of the day.

和特朗普到目前為止的諸多行政命令一樣，這一條也毫無意外地令人失望。而且它還可能不明智。在這個新的世界秩序中，少數(shù)樂趣之一是觀察它如何始終如一地混亂和錯配。我曾以為，特朗普政府五花八門的穿著實際上是一種謀劃絕妙的行動，目的是將“反對黨”的注意力從當(dāng)天的細節(jié)上轉(zhuǎn)移開來。

What better way to disguise your flailing incompetence at a press briefing, for example, than by wearing a tie of such exceptional ugliness that no one will really hear what you’re trying to say? Sean Spicer knows how to make headlines. The White House press secretary’s clumsy attempts to explain the botched military operations that led to the death of civilians and a Navy seal following a raid on Yemen last week were overlooked as focus fell instead on the diagonally striped monstrosity in poison yellow and navy tied around his neck.

比如，要想在一次新聞發(fā)布會上掩飾手足無措的無能樣子，還有什么方法比戴上一條丑得出奇的領(lǐng)帶、以至于沒人會聽你想說什么更好?肖恩•斯派塞(Sean Spicer)對如何上頭條可是了如指掌。在上上周美國對也門發(fā)動一次突襲后，這位白宮新聞秘書試圖為這次導(dǎo)致多位平民和一名海豹突擊隊員喪生的糟糕軍事行動作出解釋。然而，他這一笨拙努力卻被無視了，原因是人們的注意力都集中到了他脖子上系著的毒黃色與海軍藍斜條紋相間的怪物上。

I just assumed the tie was sartorial spin. Call it Project Blind: dull the people to the ineptitude of your policymaking and practice by wearing an eye-wateringly unattractive wardrobe. Donald Trump’s ill-fitting suit, Fanta complexion and feathery comb-over are already well documented: but he looks almost suave compared to the unshaven Steve Bannon, with his livid red proboscis, stained T-shirts and straining shirt buttons. So slovenly is he, and so swollen with choler, he seems to ooze with an especially Chaucerian brand of humour. Watching him slumped in his flannel shirts in the Oval Office, I am reminded of The Nun’s Priest Tale: “For God’s love, as tak som laxatyf.”

我認為，這條領(lǐng)帶是一件服裝殺器?？梢园阉Q為“致盲項目”：通過丑到讓人淚流滿面的著裝，讓人們注意不到你在政策制定和執(zhí)政上的無能。對于唐納德•特朗普那身不合身的西裝、芬達(Fanta)般的面色以及翻飛的“地方支援中央”發(fā)型，已有太多描繪。不過，與胡子拉碴、鼻子青里透紅、T恤褪色、襯衣扣子緊繃的史蒂夫•班農(nóng)(Steve Bannon)相比，他看起來幾乎可以算體面了。班農(nóng)是如此邋遢而又一副氣鼓鼓的模樣，看上去似乎散發(fā)著一種特別的喬叟(Chaucer)式幽默感?？粗碇ㄌm絨襯衣一屁股坐到橢圓辦公室中，我想起了《女尼的教士的故事》(The Nun’s Priest Tale)：“看在天的面上，請你吃一服瀉藥就好了。”

Then there’s Mike Pence, who wears smarter white button-down shirts, electric-coloured ties and navy suits, with all the self-possession of a Weeble. Or secretary of defence James Mattis, cadaverous in camo. Attorney-general Jeff Sessions wears pocket-sized suits and ties in reflux yellow and spotted vermilion: he carries them both with the skittery, overly keen mien of a warm-up host.

接下來還有邁克•彭斯(Mike Pence)，他一身較時髦的領(lǐng)尖有紐扣的襯衣、電藍色領(lǐng)帶和海軍藍西裝，一副威寶娃娃(Weeble)般泰然自若的模樣。還有國防部長詹姆斯•馬蒂斯(James Mattis)，身著迷彩服的他形容枯槁。司法部長杰夫•塞申斯(Jeff Sessions)則穿著袖珍號的西裝，領(lǐng)帶要么是反酸嘔吐物一般的黃色，要么是起圓點的朱紅色：如此裝扮的他，又露出準(zhǔn)備待客的主人一般的一驚一乍、過度熱情的儀態(tài)。

For comic opportunities alone, I hope Trump has directed his female staffers to follow the lead of Kellyanne Conway in their efforts to look “like a woman”. The counsellor to the president is the undisputed star of this fashion circus: a feisty, former cheerleader who, to judge by the state of her inauguration ensemble, takes her style inspiration from the Peruvian refugee Paddington Bear.

僅僅為了搞笑，我希望特朗普已向其女性員工發(fā)出指示，在努力看起來“像個女人”方面，要追隨凱莉安妮•康韋(Kellyanne Conway)的引領(lǐng)。這位特朗普的顧問是這一時尚馬戲團中無可爭議的明星：從特朗普就職儀式上她的著裝判斷，這位爭強好勝的前啦啦隊長的穿搭靈感，來源于秘魯難民“巴丁頓熊” (Paddington Bear)。

Conway’s taste is mesmerisingly brutal; a muddle of lurid jackets and look-at-me ensembles in primary brights — citrine, vermilion, blood — that are every bit as jarring as her coarse rhetoric. She embraces the type of womanly power glamour observed by weather girls and newscasters: her sleeveless dresses testify to a woman’s right to bare arms or, in the case of the ruffled gold jacket she wore to canvass at Trump Tower last November, the right to resemble a gilded valance sheet. But time has been cruel to Conway. Where once she might have been described as perky, the first weeks in office have lent her sleep-starved, kohl-rimmed looks the ravaged expression of a raptor. I can’t wait to see what she’ll wear next.

康韋的品味之粗俗令人過目難忘;花里胡哨的外套混搭聚焦全場目光的檸檬黃、朱紅、血紅色等各種艷色套裝，就和她粗魯?shù)拇朕o一樣刺目。她奉行女天氣預(yù)報員和新聞播音員的那套女性魅力規(guī)則：她的無袖連衣裙宣示著女性裸露手臂的權(quán)利，去年11月她在特朗普大廈(Trump Tower)游說拉票時穿的那件褶邊金色外套則代表女性有權(quán)穿的像裝飾金邊的床幔一樣。但是時間對康韋很殘酷。一度人們或許還可以用“活潑”這樣的詞來形容她，特朗普上任頭幾個星期后，她那張嚴重缺覺、頂著黑眼圈的臉看起來像迅猛龍一樣兇。我迫不及待地想看看她接下來會穿什么。

Whatever about “dressing sharp”. It must take a concerted effort, a willingness even, to look so collectively dreadful. It’s also in keeping with the evolution (or should that be devolution?) of world-leader style. After years of slick homogeny on the political stage — slim, dark-suited, smug — we’re now seeing a return of the fashion maverick: think Yanis Varoufakis and his football manager leathers, or Nigel Farage in his Toad-of-Toad-Hall Crombie and tulip-pink ties.

不管“衣著筆挺”意味著什么，白宮員工必定需要一起努力、甚至抱著強大決心，才能集體穿得如此可怕。這還與世界領(lǐng)袖衣著風(fēng)格的進化(或者我們該說退化?)保持了一致。在政治舞臺上，圓滑的著裝——神氣活現(xiàn)的修身黑西裝——曾多年占據(jù)霸主地位，現(xiàn)在我們看到了一種特立獨行的時尚的回歸：想想穿著足球教練款皮衣的亞尼斯•瓦魯法基斯(Yanis Varoufakis)，或者奈杰爾•法拉奇(Nigel Farage)的那身《蟾宮之蟾》(Toad of Toad Hall)同款羊毛大衣和郁金香粉領(lǐng)帶。

Similarly, British prime minister Theresa May’s affection for a voluminous tartan suit by Vivienne Westwood has been much discussed in recent weeks. As with the fabled leopard-print shoes in which she strode to power, May has worn the suits in moments of political — and personal — vulnerability, to announce her determination to lead the Conservative party, for example, or lay down a challenging Brexit strategy. Like Spicer’s tie, the tartan suit has proven a nifty decoy: capable of sucking up headlines and loud enough to distract from the political business of the day.

類似的，英國首相特里薩•梅(Theresa May)鐘愛的一套Vivienne Westwood寬松款格子呢西裝最近也受到了熱議。就像在大步邁向權(quán)力時穿著已經(jīng)成為傳說的豹紋鞋一樣，梅總是在容易遭受政治攻擊或者人身攻擊的時候穿上這套西裝，比如在她宣布決定領(lǐng)導(dǎo)保守黨時，或者在制定引起爭議的英國退歐策略時。就像斯派塞的領(lǐng)帶一樣，事實證明梅的這套格子呢西裝是一個絕佳的誘餌：不僅能夠吸引報紙頭條，還因為足夠引入注目，能夠分散人們對當(dāng)日的政治事務(wù)的注意力。

It may look daft, but the wacky wardrobe is a formidable weapon: bad clothes stimulate alternative conversations, they’re diverting and normalising. Conway’s flowerpot hats are awful, Bannon’s flak jacket is filthy and Spicer’s ties are plain obnoxious, but they all throw light on the individual that wears them. They give the wearer personality. Even more significantly, the clothes are humanising: one could almost feel sorry for Spicer; while Bannon’s gorilla-like bearing has become as morbidly fascinating as his guerrilla-style of governance. It’s all quite stupefying to behold — which, presumably, is the point.

古怪的著裝可能看起來很傻，但這是一種強大的武器：糟糕的著裝會制造另類的話題，不僅轉(zhuǎn)移注意力，還變得正常化?？淀f的花盆形帽子很難看，班農(nóng)的飛行員夾克看起來很臟，斯派塞的領(lǐng)帶簡直令人作嘔，但這些著裝都是穿著它們的人的注解，都賦予了穿著者個性。更重要的是，這些著裝帶來了人情味：人們幾乎要為斯派塞感到難過了;而班農(nóng)大猩猩一樣的舉止變得和他游擊隊式的治理風(fēng)格一樣，有了一種詭異的迷人感。這些衣裝看起來令人目瞪口呆——這大概就是重點所在。

So rather than insist his aides smarten up, if I were Trump I’d order everyone to keep on clowning around: brighter ties, Hawaiian print shirts, lots of gold lamé. Dressing like a fool never seemed so wise.

因此，如果我是特朗普，與其堅持讓助手們穿著“筆挺”，我會命令每個人繼續(xù)招搖過市：系上顏色更亮的領(lǐng)帶，穿夏威夷印花襯衫，盡情采用亮金色。穿得像個傻瓜從來沒有像今天這樣顯得如此睿智。

@jellison; [email protected] 譯者/簡易、徐行