奧巴馬白宮晚宴十大吐槽

又是一年記者協(xié)會(huì)晚宴，“相聲表演藝術(shù)家”奧巴馬進(jìn)行了他在白宮小劇場(chǎng)的“封箱演出”。他都講了什么段子、抖了哪些包袱?一起來(lái)看。

1. 吐槽總統(tǒng)卸任后的賺錢(qián)方式

"If this material works well, I'm gonna use it at Goldman Sachs next year. Earn me some serious Tubmans."

如果我今天的演講很出彩，我計(jì)劃明年到高盛再講一遍，賺點(diǎn)零花兒。

2. 評(píng)論自己遲到

"I do apologize, I know I was a little late tonight. I was running on CPT -- which stands for jokes that white people should not make."

抱歉我今晚遲到了一會(huì)兒，我是按照CPT時(shí)間來(lái)的。這是白人不能講的笑話(huà)。

(Colored People Time，即有色人種時(shí)間，指“黑人總遲到”的刻板思維)

3. 預(yù)測(cè)下一任總統(tǒng)

"Next year at this time, someone else will be standing here in this very spot. And it's anyone's guess who she will be."

明年這個(gè)時(shí)候，會(huì)有另一個(gè)人站在這個(gè)地方。有誰(shuí)知道她會(huì)是誰(shuí)么。

(用she暗指希拉里·克林頓可能當(dāng)選)

4. 評(píng)論民主黨總統(tǒng)參選人伯尼·桑德斯

"We've got the bright new face of the Democratic Party here tonight, Mr. Bernie Sanders! Bernie, you look like a million bucks. Or to put it in terms you'll understand, you look like 37,000 donations of $27 each."

民主黨的全新面孔今晚也來(lái)到了現(xiàn)場(chǎng)——伯尼·桑德斯先生!伯尼，你氣色真不錯(cuò)(英文直譯：看起來(lái)像百萬(wàn)美元)。或者用你更易于理解的話(huà)說(shuō)，你看起來(lái)像3.7萬(wàn)份27美元的捐款。

(伯尼·桑德斯的競(jìng)選基金主要來(lái)自普通捐款人，人均捐款數(shù)是27美元)

5. 提到伯尼·桑德斯與自己的差異

"I am a little hurt that you're distancing yourself from me, Bernie. That's not something you do to your comrade."

伯尼，你一直在跟我保持距離，這讓我有點(diǎn)傷心啊。你不該這樣對(duì)待你的革命戰(zhàn)友。

(雖然同為民主黨，但伯尼·桑德斯是一個(gè)社會(huì)主義者)

6. 評(píng)論自己的支持率上升

"In my final year, my approval ratings keep going up. The last time I was this high, I was trying to decide on my major."

任內(nèi)最后一年，我的支持率一直在上升。我上次這么飄飄然，還是在我大學(xué)選專(zhuān)業(yè)的時(shí)候。

(曾有報(bào)道稱(chēng)奧巴馬上學(xué)時(shí)吸毒成癮)

7. 吐槽唐納德·特朗普的經(jīng)營(yíng)策略

"There's one area where Donald's experience could be invaluable, and that's closing Guantanamo. Because Trump knows a thing or two about running waterfront properties into the ground."

有一個(gè)領(lǐng)域，唐納德的經(jīng)驗(yàn)會(huì)非常有用，那就是關(guān)閉關(guān)塔那摩監(jiān)獄——因?yàn)樵诎阉暗禺a(chǎn)搞砸這方面，特朗普還是挺在行的。

8. 評(píng)論特朗普未到現(xiàn)場(chǎng)

"I am a little hurt he's not here tonight. We had so much fun the last time. And it is surprising -- you have a room full of reporters, celebrities, cameras. And he says no. Is this dinner too tacky for The Donald? What could he be possibly doing instead? Eating a Trump Steak? Tweeting out insults to Angela Merkel? What's he doing?"

唐納德今晚沒(méi)來(lái)我有點(diǎn)小傷心，上次我們玩得那么開(kāi)心。奇怪啊，今晚這么多記者、名人在場(chǎng)，這么多攝像機(jī)，他竟然不來(lái)。唐納德是嫌棄我們的晚宴太土嗎?那他現(xiàn)在在干嘛?在吃特朗普牛排?在推特上黑默克爾?還是干嘛呢?

9. 調(diào)侃特朗普不懂外交的梗

"They say Donald lacks the foreign policy experience to be president, but in fairness, he has spent years meeting with leaders from around the world -- Miss Sweden, Miss Argentina, Miss Azerbaijan."

大家都說(shuō)唐納德缺乏當(dāng)總統(tǒng)所需的外交經(jīng)驗(yàn)，不過(guò)公平來(lái)講，這些年他一直在跟各國(guó)領(lǐng)袖們(這里指“領(lǐng)先者、第一名們”)接觸——什么瑞典小姐啊，阿根廷小姐啊，阿塞拜疆小姐啊。

10. 拿前紐約市長(zhǎng)跟特朗普比較

"I see Mike Bloomberg. Mike, a combative, controversial New York billionaire is leading the GOP primary and it's not you. That has to sting a little bit. Although it's not an entirely fair comparison between you and the Donald. After all, Mike was a big city mayor, he knows policy in-depth. And he's actually worth the amount of money that he says he is."

我看到邁克·布隆伯格也在現(xiàn)場(chǎng)。邁克，一個(gè)斗志昂揚(yáng)、充滿(mǎn)爭(zhēng)議的紐約億萬(wàn)富豪(這里指特朗普)正在領(lǐng)跑共和黨初選，而這人竟然不是你。你肯定會(huì)感覺(jué)不太舒服吧。當(dāng)然，拿你跟特朗普相提并論不太妥當(dāng)。畢竟邁克當(dāng)過(guò)大城市的市長(zhǎng)，對(duì)政策有深入了解，而且他的身家沒(méi)有注過(guò)水。

(暗諷特朗普不懂政策，吹噓自己的身家達(dá)上百億)