一只沒人愿意領(lǐng)養(yǎng)的狗

The Wrong Dog

一只沒人愿意領(lǐng)養(yǎng)的狗

The woman walked up and down Main Street carrying a beautiful 5-month-old black Labrador mix in her arms. The dog was resting on the woman’s shoulder like a baby, gazing helplessly at the pedestrians, cars and shop windows. I was sitting at an outdoor table at the local coffee house with my husband, Alex, and we watched the comical, but endearing, scenario with curiosity.

一名女子在緬街(Main Street)來來回回地走著，懷里抱著一只五個(gè)月大的漂亮的黑色拉布拉多混血狗。這只狗像嬰兒一樣把頭靠在女子的肩上，無助地盯著行人、車輛和店鋪的櫥窗。我和丈夫亞歷克斯(Alex)坐在咖啡館的戶外桌子旁，好奇地注視著這滑稽有愛的一幕。

On her third pass by our table the woman asked, “Can she say hello?” The woman, we soon found, was acting as a “foster mother” for a local rescue organization, and had the puppy out to desensitize her to street noise.

在第三次經(jīng)過我們的桌子時(shí)，這名女子問道，“讓它和你們打個(gè)招呼好嗎?”我們很快得知，這名女子是當(dāng)?shù)匾患揖仍畽C(jī)構(gòu)的“寄養(yǎng)媽媽”，帶這只小狗出來是為了讓它對馬路上的噪音脫敏。

We were animal lovers — pet people with three cats and a dog at home along with our two children — so yes, of course, we obliged. The puppy — her name was Nina — immediately curled at my feet, under the protection of my long summer skirt. Alex and I asked, Is she good with other dogs? With cats? With children? She was, the woman said.

我們都很喜歡動物——家里有三只貓和一條狗陪伴著我們的兩個(gè)孩子——所以，我們當(dāng)然答應(yīng)了這個(gè)請求。這只名叫妮娜(Nina)的小狗立刻蜷在我的腳邊，把我的夏裝長裙當(dāng)成了保護(hù)傘。亞歷克斯和我問，它和其他狗狗合得來嗎?和貓合得來嗎?和小孩子呢?這名女子說，合得來。

We lived in the country, our house butting up against a 30-acre preserve. Many of our neighbors and friends had similar homes brimming with kids and pets. Our pets were always adopted, and were loving and trustworthy companions. I grew up with several cats, and as a college student I worked at the Bennington County Humane Society, in Vermont. Our Rhodesian Ridgeback, Gemma, adored other dogs, and enjoyed a special relationship with our cat Addie, a docile tortoiseshell. They often slept next to each other, and Addie would stand on hind legs to kiss Gemma’s muzzle.

我們住在鄉(xiāng)下，我們的家毗鄰一個(gè)30英畝(約合12公頃)的保護(hù)區(qū)。許多鄰居和朋友的家庭和我們相似，都有許多孩子和寵物。我們的寵物都是領(lǐng)養(yǎng)的，是溫順可愛、值得信賴的伙伴。我童年時(shí)，家里就養(yǎng)了好幾只貓，大學(xué)時(shí)，我曾在佛蒙特州的本寧頓縣慈善協(xié)會(Bennington County Humane Society)打工。我們的羅德西亞背脊犬杰瑪(Gemma)對其他的狗狗很好，與我們溫順的三色貓阿迪(Addie)有著很特殊的感情。他們常常睡在彼此身邊，有時(shí)，阿迪會用后腿站立，親吻杰瑪?shù)哪槨?/p>

Before adopting Nina, we spoke at length to her foster mother, and also to the woman who ran the small-scale rescue operation.

在領(lǐng)養(yǎng)妮娜之前，我們和它的寄養(yǎng)媽媽，以及經(jīng)營著這家小型救援機(jī)構(gòu)的女士進(jìn)行了詳細(xì)的交談。

Our children met Nina, walking her on a leash and playing with her, and she seemed sweet and smart, though shy. She was intensely fearful of loud noises, but with love and training she appeared poised to blossom into a lovely family dog.

我們的孩子見到了妮娜，用鏈子牽著它遛彎，跟它玩耍，它似乎很溫順聰明，但有些害羞。它特別害怕巨大的聲響，但經(jīng)過照料和訓(xùn)練，它似乎很快就能成為一只可愛的家犬了。

But things became complicated when we brought Nina home. She panicked in her new environment, tearing up the stairs to our bedroom. Like an alpha-male guard dog, she leaped onto the middle of the bed and growled with bared teeth. Clearly, she was terrified.

但當(dāng)我們把妮娜帶回家之后，情況卻變得復(fù)雜起來。它面對新環(huán)境煩躁不安，飛一樣跑上樓梯，進(jìn)到了我們的臥室。就像一只兇悍的護(hù)衛(wèi)狗一樣，它跳到了床中央，咆哮著露出牙齒。顯然，它十分驚恐。

As she growled at me from my bed, I thought, This is bad. I felt a rush of regret and a terrible intuition that this dog was something different than she first seemed. But by bedtime we had calmed her down and she snuggled in bed next to us. A call in the morning to the rescue group assured us that Nina just needed time to adjust to her new home.

當(dāng)它在我的床上沖我咆哮時(shí)，我想，這太糟糕了。我感到一陣后悔，并且有一種可怕的直覺：這條狗和它最初給人的印象并不相同。但到了睡覺的時(shí)候，我們讓它平靜了下來，它依偎在我們身旁睡著了。第二天早上，我們給這家救援機(jī)構(gòu)打了個(gè)電話，對方說服了我們，妮娜只是需要時(shí)間來適應(yīng)它的新家。

Nina bonded quickly with Gemma, and was loving with our kids. She barked at everyone who came to the house, and chewed everything in sight. She gave kisses and was easy to train, listening attentively. She was our “googly, mixed-up puppy.” As fans of the dog trainer Cesar Millan, the “Dog Whisperer,” we believed in giving her a loving but disciplined environment.

妮娜很快和杰瑪熟悉起來，對我們的孩子也很溫順。但它也會沖著每一個(gè)走進(jìn)家門的人狂吠，而且看見什么都咬。它親吻我們，很容易接受訓(xùn)練，很認(rèn)真地聽我們講話。它是我們“大眼睛糊涂狗”。作為狗狗訓(xùn)練者、“狗語者”西澤·米蘭(Cesar Millan)的粉絲，我們認(rèn)為應(yīng)該給予她一個(gè)充滿關(guān)愛但紀(jì)律嚴(yán)明的環(huán)境。

Then, one night while I was cooking with a friend and my daughter, Nina suddenly — with a flash of teeth and a high-pitched screech — jumped up and snapped at Addie as she leaped up, terrified. I quickly blocked Nina from attacking Addie, and Nina bit me, pinching the skin on my hand into a red streak, without drawing blood. My friend and I were shaken, my daughter in tears. I put Nina in a bedroom, and shut the door. I cradled Addie, relieved she was fine.

隨后，一天晚上，當(dāng)我和一個(gè)朋友還有女兒一起做飯時(shí)，妮娜突然跳了起來，露出牙齒，高聲尖叫，對著阿迪猛咬了一口，阿迪此時(shí)也驚慌失措地跳了起來。我迅速擋住妮娜，不讓它繼續(xù)攻擊阿迪，結(jié)果妮娜咬了我，在我手上弄出了一道紅檁子，沒有出血。朋友和我都受到了驚嚇，我女兒哭了。我把妮娜放進(jìn)一間臥室，關(guān)上了門。我抱著阿迪，看到她沒事之后松了一口氣。

Next, I did something I never thought I would do. I called the woman who ran the rescue group and told her, “I don’t think Nina is the right dog for us. We have two children, and their friends visit. We love our cats.”

接下來，我做了一件從沒想過自己會做的事。我打電話給經(jīng)營救援組織的那個(gè)女士，告訴她，“我不認(rèn)為妮娜適合我們。我們有兩個(gè)孩子，他們的朋友會來家里。我愛我們的貓咪們。”

It didn’t make any sense, the rescue woman said. Nina had lived with cats with her last foster family here, and with another foster family down south. She loved cats and kids. The woman agreed to send a trainer, and pay for it, to get to the bottom of Nina’s strange behavior.

這說不通，救援組織的這位女士說。妮娜在上一個(gè)寄養(yǎng)家庭以及南邊的另一個(gè)寄養(yǎng)家庭都跟貓生活過。它喜歡貓和小孩。她同意出錢請一名培訓(xùn)師，研究妮娜的奇怪舉動。

The trainer had seen “these dogs” before, she said — dogs trucked up the East Coast, traumatized by the journey and moved from shelter to shelter. We were told to throw Cesar Millan’s advice out the window: no “calm-assertive” discipline allowed. We had, she said, inadvertently brought out Nina’s aggressiveness. From now on, it would be gentle time-outs, and treats when anyone came to the door.

這名培訓(xùn)師說，她見到過“這種狗”，它們被用卡車送到東海岸，在長途跋涉中遭受了心理創(chuàng)傷，從一個(gè)地方轉(zhuǎn)移到另一個(gè)地方。她讓我們把西澤·米蘭的建議拋到一邊：不能采用“冷靜自信式”的訓(xùn)練。她說，我們渾然不覺地激發(fā)出了妮娜的進(jìn)攻性。從現(xiàn)在開始，當(dāng)有人來到家門口時(shí)，我們會溫柔對待它，還給它好吃的。

Even as we followed these instructions, we questioned them. We cringed when we saw pet parents and human parents alike coddling their little monsters despite their bad behavior. Then again, who were we to argue with experts? After decades of cats, we’d only ever had two dogs, both gentle and well behaved. Perhaps we’d just never had a “real” dog before, one who chewed everything in sight, right in front of you, as you said “No!” Maybe most dogs needed constant discipline, and couldn’t be left alone for two seconds.

我們遵循這些指示的同時(shí)，對這些方法也有所懷疑。當(dāng)我們看到，無論寵物或小孩做了什么壞事，主人和父母都溺愛著這些小怪物時(shí)，我們真的無法接受。但轉(zhuǎn)念一想，我們有什么資格質(zhì)疑專家?在養(yǎng)了幾十年的貓之后，我們只養(yǎng)過兩條狗，都很溫順聽話。也許，我們只是從未養(yǎng)過一只“真正”的狗，而真正的狗會在你沖著它喊“不行!”的時(shí)候，仍然見什么咬什么?；蛟S，多數(shù)的狗狗都需要不斷地訓(xùn)練，哪怕讓它們獨(dú)處兩秒也不行。

Maybe if we were better dog parents, the trainer implied, Nina would be a wonderful and consistent family dog. As for her lunging at Addie, the trainer said there was probably a food issue between them that I was unaware of, and feeding Nina separately would solve it.

培訓(xùn)師暗示說，或許如果我們是更好的主人，妮娜會成為一只很棒的、行為穩(wěn)定的家犬。至于它為何撲向阿迪，培訓(xùn)師說，可能是因?yàn)樗鼈冊谑澄锷习l(fā)生了我不知道的矛盾，單獨(dú)喂食妮娜就能解決這個(gè)問題。

In the months that followed Nina made strides; she was affectionate and playful. But at times, out of nowhere it seemed, she would snap at me or Alex and, once, at our son. She would suddenly cower and growl. It was like a switch flipped, yet we couldn’t figure out what had done it.

在接下來幾個(gè)月里，妮娜進(jìn)步很大。它溫柔可親，而且很活潑。但有時(shí)，它似乎會毫無緣由地突然咬我或亞歷克斯，有一次還要咬我兒子。它會突然蜷縮起來咆哮。像是有人按了一個(gè)開關(guān)，但我們沒想到究竟是何原因。

One day, Addie ran away. We looked everywhere for her, and after three weeks, she appeared in the meadow behind our house. I put food out and called to her, and she’d call back to me in her sad, yodeling cry, then run back into the thicket. It was February, and she was cold and hungry, but she refused to come home. Finally, as if relenting reluctantly, she came inside. But why had she even left?

一天，阿迪跑走了。我們到處都找了，但卻沒找到。三周后，它出現(xiàn)在了我們屋后的草地上。我拿出食物，喚它過來。它用它那約德爾唱腔式的凄慘叫聲回應(yīng)我，然后又跑回樹叢中去了。當(dāng)時(shí)是2月，它又冷又餓，卻不愿回家。最后，它似乎勉強(qiáng)著自己進(jìn)了屋。但它之前為什么要離開家?

Three months later, I took the kids to New York City to visit friends. That night, I couldn’t reach Alex on the phone and felt something was wrong.

三個(gè)月后，我?guī)е⒆尤ゼ~約市看望朋友。那天晚上，因?yàn)闆]能通過電話聯(lián)系到亞歷克斯，我感覺出事了。

It was. Alex had come home from work to find Addie dangling from Nina’s mouth, dead.

事實(shí)的確如此。亞歷克斯下班回家后發(fā)現(xiàn)阿迪被妮娜叼在嘴里，已經(jīng)死了。

Alex described the awful scene to me when he finally called back that night: Nina laid the cat down and looked at him as if to say, “Look what I did.” Gemma sat trembling, up on a chair, the other cats alive but hiding. The kitchen and living room were like a crime scene, the whole house imbued with violence and death.

那天夜里，當(dāng)亞歷克斯終于回我電話時(shí)，他向我描述了那可怕的一幕：妮娜把貓放下后看著他，似乎在說，“看看我做了什么。”杰瑪臥在一張椅子上，不停地哆嗦。其他貓還活著，但都藏了起來。廚房和起居室像犯罪現(xiàn)場一樣，整棟房子都充滿了暴力和死亡的氣息。

A friend agreed to take Nina temporarily, and Alex arrived in the city, where we told the children that our beloved cat was dead, and that they would never see their puppy again. Grateful to be surrounded by friends, we tried to focus on the visit. But we knew we had to go home to an emptier house, having lost two once-loved family members, a scene of gruesome devastation.

一個(gè)朋友同意暫時(shí)帶走妮娜后，亞歷克斯也來到了紐約市。在那里，我們告訴孩子們，心愛的貓咪死了，并且他們再也見不到小狗了。幸虧周圍有朋友陪伴，我們努力把精力集中在拜訪朋友這件事上。但我們知道，我們不得不回家，面對一棟比以前更空曠的房子。因?yàn)槭チ嗽?jīng)喜愛的兩個(gè)家庭成員，那里滿目瘡痍，有些陰森。

The hole left by Addie’s death was palpable. On my phone’s home screen, her face peered out at me, her light green eyes wide and questioning. Photos of Nina, too — her soulful expression and floppy ears — were on every device we used.

阿迪的死給我們的生活留下了一個(gè)很大的空洞。在我的手機(jī)主屏幕上，它還湊著小臉凝視著我，它綠色明亮的大眼睛里充滿了好奇。妮娜的照片——她熱忱的表情和耷拉的耳朵——也都呈現(xiàn)在我們的每一部設(shè)備上。

As each blanket Nina had damaged was pulled from the shelf, my heart jolted with grief. The corner of my pillow had a jagged hole, feathers leaking from it as though it were a mangled bird. At dinner, a napkin unfolded held the very image of Nina’s jaws, a reminder of our missing dog and — in the same instant — of our sweet cat, Nina’s teeth around her throat.

當(dāng)把妮娜弄壞了的所有毯子從架子上撤下來時(shí)，我的心里充滿了悲傷。我枕頭的一個(gè)角上被弄出了個(gè)鋸齒狀的洞，羽絨從里面往外鉆，就像一只狼狽不堪的鳥。晚飯時(shí)，一張攤開的餐巾上留下了妮娜的牙印，提醒著我們，我們的狗狗走了，同時(shí)也失去了我們可愛的貓咪，而妮娜曾咬住它的喉嚨。

I felt enraged at the rescue woman, foster mother and trainer. Two family members had been taken from us in one horrifying act, one that would never have happened had we not kept Nina. But we had kept her. We took pity on her, and let ourselves believe that beneath her quirky, strange behavior resided a good dog. A friend who fosters animals for a local shelter, who has dogs and cats of her own, said to me, “Some dogs are just too damaged, or not right to begin with, and they’re just not adoptable.”

我對救援機(jī)構(gòu)的那個(gè)女士、寄養(yǎng)媽媽和培訓(xùn)師都感到怒不可遏。我們在一場可怕的事件中失去了兩個(gè)家庭成員，而如果我們沒有收養(yǎng)妮娜，這件事就不可能發(fā)生。但是我們那時(shí)終究收養(yǎng)了它。我們可憐它，并說服自己，盡管它的行為古怪乖戾，本質(zhì)還是一條好狗。我的一個(gè)朋友家里寄養(yǎng)了當(dāng)?shù)匾患沂杖菟膭游铮约阂拆B(yǎng)了狗和貓。她對我說，“有些狗狗創(chuàng)傷太深，或者從一開始就不適合做寵物，它們不適合被收養(yǎng)。”

What she said helps, and I believe she’s right. On the outside, I appear detached, not wanting to discuss Nina, or what will happen to her (she is with another foster family, with little chance for adoption). But I have to admit that I feel terrible guilt and sadness about her.

她的話對我有所幫助，我相信她是對的。表面上看，我似乎很淡然，不想談?wù)撃菽?，也不想知道它未來會怎?它現(xiàn)在住在另一個(gè)寄養(yǎng)家庭，基本上沒有被領(lǐng)養(yǎng)的機(jī)會)。但我必須承認(rèn)，我有很深的負(fù)罪感，我為它感到極其難過。