英文笑話十則

學(xué)習(xí)了那么久是不是覺得有點(diǎn)枯燥乏味，今天就讓我們一起放松一下，跟著聽力課堂小編來看看笑話吧!

1.Goldfish

Stan: I won 92 goldfish. Fred: Where are you going to keep them? Stan: In the bathroom 。 Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath? Stan: Blindfold(蒙眼睛) them!

金魚

斯丹：我贏了 92 條金魚。

弗雷德：你想在哪兒養(yǎng)它們?

斯丹：浴室。

弗雷德：但是你想洗澡時(shí)怎么辦?

斯丹：蒙住它們的眼睛!

2. The Revenge

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"

欺騙的代價(jià)

老農(nóng)約翰遜就要死了。他的家人都站在床邊。他聲音低沉地對(duì)妻子說：“我死后，我想你嫁給農(nóng)夫瓊斯。” 妻子說：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁給任何人。” 約翰遜：“但我希望你這么做。” 妻子：“為什么?” 約翰遜：“因?yàn)榄偹乖谝还P販馬的交易中欺騙了我。”

3. I think that I'm a chicken

Psychiatrist: What's your problem?

Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

我想我是一只雞

精神病醫(yī)師：你哪里不舒服?

病人：我認(rèn)為我是一只雞。

精神病醫(yī)師：這種情況從什么時(shí)候開始的?

病人：從我還是一只蛋的時(shí)候開始。

4. How do I get the gum out

Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?"

我怎么把口香糖取出來

當(dāng)空中小姐給乘客們發(fā)口香糖的時(shí)候，她解釋說口香糖有助于他們防止耳鳴。飛機(jī)著陸后，一位乘客跑到這位空中小姐面前，說道：“ 我馬上就要見到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖從耳朵里面取出來呢?”

5. Where Am I

An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw a farmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmer looked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir."

我在哪兒

一個(gè)英國人在鄉(xiāng)下開車時(shí)迷了路，他看見一個(gè)農(nóng)民正在附近的地里干活。于是他就把車開過去問那位農(nóng)民：“勞駕，您能告訴我我現(xiàn)在這是在哪兒嗎?” “可以。”農(nóng)夫奇怪地看了看他，然后說道：“你現(xiàn)在在你的車子里，先生。”

6. The Same Action Yields the Same Result

A couple of hunters chartered a small plane to fly them to a forest, and made an appointment with the pilot to come back and fetch them in about two weeks. At the end of the two weeks, they had shot a lot of animals that they wanted to load onto the plane. But the pilot said, "This plane won't be able to take more than one wild buffalo. You'll have to leave the others behind." Then the hunters protested, saying, "But last year, another pilot with the same airplane let us take two buffalos and some other animals in the plane as well." So the new pilot thought about it. He was a little bit skeptical, but finally he said, "OK, since you did it last year, I guess this year we can do it again." Then he loaded the two buffalos and a few other animals in, and the plane took off. Five minutes later, it crashed in a neighboring area. The three men climbed out and looked around, and one hunter said to the other, "Where do you think we are now?" The second one surveyed the area and said, "I think we're about one mile to the left of the place we crashed last year."

相同的投資相同的結(jié)果

有兩個(gè)獵人包機(jī)前往一座森林，到了以后，他們和飛行員約定好兩周后來接。兩周后，他們射了許多動(dòng)物，而且打算把這些動(dòng)物全部搬上那架小飛機(jī)，可是飛行員說：“這架飛機(jī)除了 一頭野牛外，沒辦法再多載了。你們必須把其他的獵物都留下。” 獵人說：“但是去年另一個(gè)飛行員開一樣的飛機(jī)，就讓我們帶兩只水牛，還有一些其他的動(dòng)物上機(jī)!” 因?yàn)樗麄冞@樣抗議，所以那個(gè)新飛行員想了一想后，盡管還是有點(diǎn)存疑，最后還是妥協(xié)說：“好吧!如果去年可以做到，今年應(yīng)該也可以。”所以他裝了兩頭水牛和一些其他的動(dòng)物。結(jié)果飛機(jī)起飛五分鐘后，就墜落在鄰近的地方。這3個(gè)人從飛機(jī)爬出來看了看四周，其中一個(gè)獵人對(duì)另一個(gè)說：“你認(rèn)為我們現(xiàn)在在哪兒?” 那個(gè)人瞧了一下，說：“我想大概距離去年墜機(jī)的地方西邊一英哩遠(yuǎn)!”

7. Chief is at the wedding 長官在婚禮上

A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street. "But officer," the man said, "I can explain." "Just be quiet," snapped the officer."I'm going to put you in jail until the chief gets back." "But ,officer, I …." "I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!" A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm the groom."

大街上的一個(gè)超速駕駛者被警察攔住了。“但是警官”這個(gè)人說道，“我可以解釋的”。 “保持安靜”，警察突然說道。“我將把你送往監(jiān)獄，直到長官回來。“但是，警察，我，，，”。 “我說過了保持安靜，你要到監(jiān)獄了。”幾小時(shí)后，警察向監(jiān)獄里看了看說道“算你運(yùn)氣好，因?yàn)槲覀兊拈L官正在他女兒的婚禮上。他將帶著一個(gè)愉快的心情回來的。” “你確定”在牢房里的這個(gè)人說道。“我就是新郎呀”。

8. Who Is the Laziest

Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class? Tom: I don't know, father. Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work? Tom: Our teacher, father.

誰最懶

父親：哎，湯姆，今天我跟你們老師談過，現(xiàn)在我想問你個(gè)問題。你們班上誰最懶?

湯姆：我不知道，爸爸。

父親：啊，不對(duì)，你知道!想想看，當(dāng)別的孩子們都在做作業(yè)、寫字時(shí)，誰在課堂上坐著，只是看人家做功課?

湯姆：我們老師，爸爸。

9. Two Birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

兩只鳥

老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎?

學(xué)生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老師：請(qǐng)說說看。

學(xué)生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。

10. These Are My Jeans

After going on a diet，a woman felt really good about herself----especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she had outgrown long ago. “Look，look.” she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband.“I can wear my old jeans again.” Her husband looked at her for a long time，when said，“Honey，I love you，but these are my jeans.”

那是我的褲子

一個(gè)婦女在減肥一段時(shí)間后自我感覺特別好——特別是當(dāng)她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔褲時(shí)。她跑下樓沖她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的褲子了。”她丈夫看了她好一會(huì)兒，然后說：“親愛的，我愛你。但那是我的褲子。”‍‍

學(xué)習(xí)之余換個(gè)方式來放松一下吧，又好玩還掌握了知識(shí)，何樂而不為呢?