是的，如果方法正確的話，對(duì)你的孩子大喊大叫是可以的

是的，如果方法正確的話，對(duì)你的孩子大喊大叫是可以的

With every generation comes a new flavor of perfectionism, and today's perfect parent is mellow. No matter how hot it gets, she never loses her cool. Her breath remains slow and steady. Her voice, soft as a new moon.

每一代人都有一種新的完美主義傾向，而如今的完美父母是成熟的。不管天氣多熱，她總是很冷靜。她的呼吸仍然緩慢而平穩(wěn)。她的聲音如新月般溫柔。

I've seen many of the books, articles, apps, oils, and bath products, designed to turn all of us into this parent. I try to take deep breaths. I try to remember the good stuff. But the Calm Industrial Complex, mighty and ubiquitous as it is, has yet to change the way I speak to my kids.

我看過(guò)很多書(shū)、文章、應(yīng)用程序、精油和沐浴產(chǎn)品，它們都是為了把我們所有人都變成這樣的父母而設(shè)計(jì)的。我試著深呼吸。我試著記住好的東西。但這個(gè)平靜的工業(yè)聯(lián)合體，強(qiáng)大而無(wú)處不在，還沒(méi)有改變我對(duì)孩子們說(shuō)話的方式。

I yell. I'm from a family of yellers, from a culture of yellers. I consider the occasional raised voice well within the range of healthy human expression.

我吼道。我來(lái)自一個(gè)愛(ài)說(shuō)人的家庭，來(lái)自一個(gè)愛(ài)說(shuō)人的文化。我認(rèn)為偶爾大點(diǎn)兒聲完全在健康的人類表達(dá)范圍內(nèi)。

Also, I like yelling. Not raging, or even screaming, which I unscientifically distinguish from yelling as being angrier and more sustained. What I'm talking about is a quick cranking up the volume in order to transmit a message that failed to reach the intended recipient in my regular speaking voice.

而且，我喜歡大喊大叫。不是憤怒，甚至不是尖叫，我從科學(xué)的角度把它與吼叫區(qū)分開(kāi)來(lái)，因?yàn)楹笳呤歉鼞嵟志玫摹Ｎ艺f(shuō)的是把音量迅速調(diào)高，以便用我平常說(shuō)話的聲音把沒(méi)能傳達(dá)給收件人的信息傳遞出去。

Yelling is an instinctual, and universal, way to express unrest. Categorically denying parents this mode of expressing our unrest strikes me as severe, and unfair. So, I keep yelling.

叫喊是一種本能的、普遍的表達(dá)不安的方式。斷然否認(rèn)父母這種表達(dá)我們不安的方式給我的印象是嚴(yán)重和不公平的。所以，我一直在喊。

According to experts, this doesn't make me a monster.

根據(jù)專家的說(shuō)法，這并不會(huì)使我成為一個(gè)怪物。

Yes, yelling can be used as a weapon, and a dangerous one at that. Research shows that verbal abuse can, in extreme situations, be as psychologically damaging as physical abuse. But yelling can also be used as a tool, one that lets parents release a little steam and, sometimes, gets kids to listen.

是的，大喊大叫可以作為一種武器，而且是一種危險(xiǎn)的武器。研究表明，在極端情況下，言語(yǔ)虐待對(duì)心理的傷害與身體虐待一樣大。但是大喊大叫也可以作為一種工具，一種讓父母釋放一些壓力的工具，有時(shí)，還可以讓孩子傾聽(tīng)。

How to yell

如何叫喊

The first rule of yelling is to refrain from critique while doing it, said Elizabeth Gershoff, a professor of human development and family sciences at the University of Texas at Austin and researcher on parental discipline.

德克薩斯大學(xué)奧斯汀分校人類發(fā)展與家庭科學(xué)教授、父母管教研究人員伊麗莎白·格肖夫說(shuō)，叫喊的第一條規(guī)則是在這樣做的時(shí)候避免批評(píng)。

"Get your shoes on!" is, in many circumstances, a perfectly fine thing to yell. "Don't run in the street!," is definitely OK if a kid appears bound for the road.

在很多情況下，“穿上你的鞋子!”是一個(gè)完美的叫喊。“不要在街上跑!”，“如果孩子出現(xiàn)在馬路上，這絕對(duì)沒(méi)問(wèn)題。”

This can be OK, Gershoff said, as long as parents "make it clear that we are frustrated with the behavior and not the child itself."

格肖夫說(shuō)，只要父母“明確表示，我們對(duì)孩子的行為感到失望，而不是對(duì)孩子本身感到失望”，這是可以接受的。

The second rule of yelling is to consider one's audience. Toddlers are unlikely to understand the substance of the yell, and will only absorb the frustration, or fury, Gershoff explained. Yelling at this age group isn't likely to get them to do something quicker, or stop doing something foolish.

叫喊的第二條規(guī)則是考慮聽(tīng)眾。格肖夫解釋說(shuō)，蹣跚學(xué)步的孩子不太可能理解叫喊的實(shí)質(zhì)內(nèi)容，他們只會(huì)吸收其中的沮喪或憤怒。對(duì)這個(gè)年齡段的孩子大喊大叫不太可能讓他們更快地完成一些事情，或者停止做一些愚蠢的事情。

Also, pay attention to how a child responds to yelling. We are all born with different temperaments, with some of us being far more conflict-averse than others. To some children, a yell is just a parent being loud; to others, it's a personal indictment and it stings.

同時(shí)，注意孩子對(duì)叫喊的反應(yīng)。我們生來(lái)就有不同的性格，有些人比其他人更厭惡沖突。對(duì)一些孩子來(lái)說(shuō)，大喊大叫只是父母太大聲了;對(duì)另一些人來(lái)說(shuō)，這是一種個(gè)人控訴，令人感到刺痛。

Lastly, take into consideration the frequency with which you yell, Gershoff said. A kid who grows up in a yelling-prone family is less likely to take a single instance of yelling personally than a kid who grows up in a quieter family.

最后，考慮一下你喊叫的頻率，格肖夫說(shuō)。在一個(gè)愛(ài)大喊大叫的家庭中長(zhǎng)大的孩子比在一個(gè)安靜的家庭中長(zhǎng)大的孩子更不太可能親自大喊大叫。