《為什么我們睡不著》記錄了X一代女性所面臨的獨(dú)特壓力

《為什么我們睡不著》記錄了X一代女性所面臨的獨(dú)特壓力

The writer Ada Calhoun has talked to a lot of Generation X women about the angst they might be feeling as they hit midlife.

作家艾達(dá)·卡爾霍恩曾與許多X一代女性談?wù)撨^(guò)她們步入中年時(shí)可能感受到的焦慮。

"Being middle-aged in America right now as a middle-class American woman is different than it was for our mothers and grandmothers," she says, "and for a lot of women — not for all of them, but for a lot of them — it is incredibly hard."

她說(shuō)：“在美國(guó)，作為一個(gè)中產(chǎn)階級(jí)女性，現(xiàn)在的中年生活與我們的母親和祖母不同，對(duì)很多女性來(lái)說(shuō)--不是對(duì)她們所有人，而是對(duì)她們中的很多人--來(lái)說(shuō)，這是非常困難的。”她說(shuō)，“對(duì)于我們的母親和祖母來(lái)說(shuō)，現(xiàn)在的中年生活是不同的，對(duì)很多女性來(lái)說(shuō)，這是非常困難的。”

She's not talking about poor women or rich women, but middle-class women. And in her new book, Why We Can't Sleep, Calhoun lays out what makes the burdens heavier on Gen X than other generations.

她說(shuō)的不是窮女人或富女人，而是中產(chǎn)階級(jí)的女人。在她的新書《為什么我們睡不著》中，卡爾霍恩列出了X一代比其他幾代人負(fù)擔(dān)更重的原因。

"What I tried to do is isolate women who grew up with a reasonable expectation of success," she says. "They were raised thinking that they could have it all and do it all. The world was their oyster. And then they kind of got to middle age and they found that it was actually quite difficult to have, you know, even some of it. Middle-class women, they often experience shame and disappointment at middle age that, you know, they had all these opportunities and they should have done better."

“我試圖做的是孤立那些在成功的合理預(yù)期中長(zhǎng)大的女性，”她說(shuō)。“在他們成長(zhǎng)的過(guò)程中，他們一直認(rèn)為自己可以擁有一切，可以做到一切。整個(gè)世界都在他們的掌控之中。然后他們到了中年，他們發(fā)現(xiàn)其實(shí)很難擁有，你知道，即使是其中的一些。中產(chǎn)階級(jí)女性在中年時(shí)經(jīng)常感到羞恥和失望，你知道，她們有那么多機(jī)會(huì)，她們本應(yīng)該做得更好。”

Interview Highlights

采訪重點(diǎn)

On how these pressures are particular to these women

這些壓力對(duì)這些女性來(lái)說(shuō)是多么的特殊

I think we were raised with these expectations for ourselves that were different than women in the past. So I think I'm not the only one who heard, like, you can be anything — even president. And women I interviewed told me that, like, they would want to be a nurse and their mothers would say, "No, you should be a doctor." There was this real emphasis on achievement. But it wasn't really coupled with a lot of support.

我認(rèn)為我們?cè)诔砷L(zhǎng)過(guò)程中對(duì)自己的期望與過(guò)去的女性有所不同。所以我想我不是唯一一個(gè)聽到“你可以做任何事——甚至總統(tǒng)”的人。我采訪過(guò)的女性告訴我，她們想成為一名護(hù)士，她們的母親會(huì)說(shuō)，“不，你應(yīng)該成為一名醫(yī)生。”這是對(duì)成就的真正強(qiáng)調(diào)。但它并沒有得到很多支持。

I think for our generation, it was a real mandate. So, you know, one boomer woman who'd been very successful who I talked to, she told me that she felt like our generation really invented stress. Like, when she got to the corner office and achieved all these things, everyone was surprised and proud of her. And she said her daughters are doing at least as well as she did. And they feel like, why haven't they done more?

我認(rèn)為對(duì)我們這一代人來(lái)說(shuō)，這是一個(gè)真正的使命。所以，你知道，一個(gè)嬰兒潮時(shí)期的成功女性，我和她談過(guò)，她告訴我，她覺得我們這一代人真的是在制造壓力。比如，當(dāng)她進(jìn)入辦公室，取得了所有這些成就時(shí)，每個(gè)人都為她感到驚訝和自豪。她說(shuō)，她的女兒至少和她做得一樣好。他們會(huì)想，為什么他們沒有做得更多呢?

On the structural barriers to "having it all"

論“擁有一切”的結(jié)構(gòu)性障礙

Well, I think we were taught that the American dream was real and that that was something that, if we worked hard enough, we could achieve. And I think Generation X women in particular have been really good at working incredibly hard. And yet the statistic that I heard from the Equality of Opportunity Project at Harvard said that only one in four Gen X women will outearn her father.

嗯，我認(rèn)為我們被教導(dǎo)美國(guó)夢(mèng)是真實(shí)的，這是一些事情，如果我們足夠努力，我們可以實(shí)現(xiàn)。我認(rèn)為X一代女性特別擅長(zhǎng)努力工作。然而，我從哈佛大學(xué)機(jī)會(huì)平等項(xiàng)目了解到的數(shù)據(jù)顯示，X世代女性中只有四分之一的人收入會(huì)超過(guò)她的父親。

Housing prices are going up; health care costs are going up. The cost of being middle class in America is much higher than it was. And our mothers and grandmothers could afford often to stay home. That's not an option for most of the middle-class Gen X women.

房?jī)r(jià)在上漲;醫(yī)療費(fèi)用正在上漲。在美國(guó)，成為中產(chǎn)階級(jí)的成本比過(guò)去要高得多。我們的母親和祖母可以經(jīng)常呆在家里。對(duì)于X世代的大多數(shù)中產(chǎn)階級(jí)女性來(lái)說(shuō)，這不是一個(gè)選擇。

On how to deal with the pressures of middle age

如何應(yīng)對(duì)中年的壓力

The main thing was reframing it, reframing what I'd been through in my life, and what it meant, and what I had to look forward to. And I just found it really helpful to know that this is a set period of time, that these years — middle age — have been rough, especially for women, for many, many generations. And that it's hard for us, but it's going to be over at some point. And also, just the expectations that we had were not, maybe, reasonable. Maybe we should have different expectations for ourselves.

最主要的事情是重新定義它，重新定義我在生活中經(jīng)歷了什么，它意味著什么，以及我必須期待什么。我發(fā)現(xiàn)這真的很有幫助，知道這是一段固定的時(shí)間，中年是艱難的，尤其是對(duì)女性來(lái)說(shuō)，對(duì)很多很多代人來(lái)說(shuō)。這對(duì)我們來(lái)說(shuō)很難，但在某一時(shí)刻會(huì)結(jié)束的。而且，只是我們的期望可能是不合理的。也許我們應(yīng)該對(duì)自己有不同的期望。

One thing that a sociologist who studies the generations told me is that our generation tends to judge ourselves based on everything. How nice is your home, or how good are you at your job? Are you a good parent? Are you good at work? Are you in shape? Are you recycling? It's every single factor in life you have to excel at. And I think that level of pressure is unsustainable.

一位研究幾代人的社會(huì)學(xué)家告訴我，我們這一代人傾向于根據(jù)一切來(lái)判斷自己。你的家有多好?你的工作有多好?你是個(gè)好家長(zhǎng)嗎?你工作做得好嗎?你身體好嗎?你回收物品嗎?這是生活中你必須擅長(zhǎng)的每一個(gè)因素。我認(rèn)為這種壓力是不可持續(xù)的。