不管你的年齡多大，友誼的質(zhì)量比數(shù)量更重要

不管你的年齡多大，友誼的質(zhì)量比數(shù)量更重要

Researchers have determined that our social relationships at any age are important for both mental and physical health. And that's especially true for older people. But this idea, which is widely accepted among doctors, social scientists and psychologists, isn't yet fully understood. Currently, the links between health and friend and family relationships are self-reported, so we only know that people who say they have good friends and supportive family have better health than those without. But what each person considers a "good" relationship, and how they feel about it can vary depending on personality and other factors.

研究人員已經(jīng)確定，我們?cè)谌魏文挲g的社會(huì)關(guān)系對(duì)身心健康都很重要。對(duì)于老年人來(lái)說(shuō)尤其如此。但是這個(gè)被醫(yī)生、社會(huì)科學(xué)家和心理學(xué)家廣泛接受的觀點(diǎn)還沒有被完全理解。目前，健康與朋友和家庭關(guān)系之間的聯(lián)系是自我報(bào)告的，所以我們只知道那些說(shuō)自己有好朋友和支持自己的家人的人比那些沒有朋友的人更健康。但是，每個(gè)人對(duì)一段“好”關(guān)系的看法，以及他們對(duì)這段關(guān)系的感受，都取決于性格和其他因素。

That's why a number of researchers are delving into the details of social relationships. Beyond one's perception of friendships, what are the feelings and interactions that really matter? Is there an ideal number of friends or time spent with them? Is more time spent with friends — or a greater number of friends — better? Or is the quality of relationships most important?

這就是為什么許多研究人員正在深入研究社會(huì)關(guān)系的細(xì)節(jié)。除了對(duì)友誼的理解，真正重要的情感和互動(dòng)是什么?是否有理想數(shù)量的朋友或與他們相處的時(shí)間?花更多的時(shí)間和朋友在一起——或者更多的朋友——更好嗎?還是關(guān)系的質(zhì)量最重要?

Having just a couple good friends who know you and really care for you can be a healthy balance for many. (Photo: Rawpixel/Shutterstock)

Quality vs. quantity

質(zhì)量與數(shù)量

They found that "Older participants reported smaller social networks, largely because of reporting fewer peripheral others. Yet older age was associated with better well-being." Those fewer, but higher-quality relationships made all the difference. It's important to note that this kind of research is based on how people say they feel — it's almost impossible to objectively measure feelings of loneliness, or happiness or any other emotion.

他們發(fā)現(xiàn)，“年齡較大的參與者報(bào)告的社交網(wǎng)絡(luò)較小，主要是因?yàn)樗麄儓?bào)告的外圍其他人較少。”然而，年齡越大，幸福感越強(qiáng)。”那些更少但質(zhì)量更高的關(guān)系帶來(lái)了所有的不同。值得注意的是，這類研究是基于人們?nèi)绾伪磉_(dá)他們的感受——幾乎不可能客觀地衡量孤獨(dú)感、幸福感或其他任何情緒。

But it's significant that over a sample of almost 300 people, quality trumped quantity. "Well-being was more strongly related to social satisfaction than to the reported number of close friends — suggesting that it is the perception of relationship quality rather than the perception of relationship quantity that is relevant to reporting better well-being," according to the researchers.

但重要的是，在近300人的樣本中，質(zhì)量壓倒了數(shù)量。研究人員稱:“幸福感與社會(huì)滿意度的關(guān)系比與親密朋友數(shù)量的關(guān)系更密切，這表明與幸福感的提高相關(guān)的是對(duì)關(guān)系質(zhì)量的感知，而不是對(duì)關(guān)系數(shù)量的感知。”

This echoes research on younger people: When it comes to teenagers, being popular isn't as important as having a few good friends.

這與針對(duì)年輕人的研究相呼應(yīng):對(duì)于青少年來(lái)說(shuō)，受歡迎并不像擁有幾個(gè)好朋友那么重要。

Introvert vs. extrovert

內(nèi)向與外向

People who get energy from social contact are understood by psychologists to be extroverts, and those who are drained by it are introverts. That doesn't mean that introverts don't need or want friends, but just that less contact and contact with a smaller number of people works best for them.

心理學(xué)家認(rèn)為，從社交接觸中獲得能量的人是性格外向的人，而被社交接觸耗盡能量的人是性格內(nèi)向的人。這并不是說(shuō)內(nèi)向的人不需要或不想要朋友，而是說(shuō)少接觸、少接觸對(duì)他們最有利。

Looking from the outside in, it can seem like some elderly people's lives are quite lonely. And they might be — but it's important to have a conversation with the person to know that. After all, if they don't feel lonely, they won't suffer the ill effects of lack of social contact. And it could be that a person often surrounded by friends and family still doesn't feel like they're getting enough meaningful socializing, which could lead to some of the negative health outcomes associated with lack of connection, including depression, higher incidences of heart disease and premature mortality.

從外面往里看，似乎有些老人的生活是相當(dāng)孤獨(dú)的。他們可能是——但重要的是要和這個(gè)人交談，了解這一點(diǎn)。畢竟，如果他們不感到孤獨(dú)，他們就不會(huì)遭受缺乏社會(huì)接觸的不良影響。可能是一個(gè)經(jīng)常被朋友和家人包圍的人仍然覺得自己沒有得到足夠有意義的社交，這可能會(huì)導(dǎo)致一些與缺乏聯(lián)系相關(guān)的負(fù)面健康結(jié)果，包括抑郁、更高的心臟病發(fā)病率和過早死亡。

As in most of life, it's important not to make assumptions about someone's life. So have a conversation with someone if you're worried about their loneliness — maybe over a meal where you can talk about this and other subjects of mutual interest. Ask them how they're feeling. Their twice-a-week walk with friends and time with animals, books, gardening, or creative activities might be totally fulfilling — or they might want a lot more contact with others than that, but need help finding it.

在生活中，重要的是不要對(duì)別人的生活做任何假設(shè)。所以，如果你擔(dān)心某人的孤獨(dú)，那就和他聊聊——也許在吃飯的時(shí)候，你們可以聊聊這個(gè)或者其他共同感興趣的話題。問他們感覺如何。他們每周與朋友散步兩次，與動(dòng)物、書籍、園藝或創(chuàng)造性活動(dòng)共處一段時(shí)間，這可能完全令人滿足——或者他們可能希望與他人有更多的接觸，但需要?jiǎng)e人的幫助。

Just ask how someone is feeling — and listen to what they say.

問問別人的感受，聽聽他們?cè)趺凑f(shuō)。