贊美說“不”

Today I did not get up at 6:30am to flog over to a breakfast meeting in Knightsbridge. Tomorrow I am not going to have a sandwich lunch to discuss a project I am only vaguely involved in.

今天我沒在早上6點半起床去騎士橋(Knightsbridge)參加一場早餐會。明天，我不會去參加一場三明治午餐會，討論一個跟我只沾一點點邊的項目。

On Thursday I am not going to a summer networking party. Neither am I writing an article for a website that neglects to pay contributors, nor am I giving an interview to an Australian radio station. I might have been doing all of these things, but I have said no to them.

周四，我不會去參加一場夏季交流派對。我既不會給一家“忘記”給撰稿人支付稿酬的網(wǎng)站寫文章，也不會接受澳大利亞一家廣播電臺的采訪。我本來也許會做所有這些事，但我都拒絕了。

As well as making me considerably happier, this naysaying makes me bang on trend. No is the new yes. It is the most fashionable answer for successful people.

說不，不但讓我感覺更快樂得多，而且使我跟上了潮流。“不”是新的“是”。這是對成功人士而言最時髦的回答。

Ten years ago it was the other way around. There was a uniformly positive selection of books on Amazon that were all rabidly pro-yes. Now they have been pushed aside by The Life-changing Power of No! and How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty. There is even a How to Say No colouring book for adults, as well as books of more niche interest, like Say No to Arthritis.

10年前，情況正好相反。亞馬遜(Amazon)上匯集了清一色全部熱烈支持回答“是”的圖書。如今，這些書都被排擠了，取而代之的是《說不：改變?nèi)松牧α?》(The Life-changing Power of No!)和《如何毫無愧疚感地說不》(How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty)。現(xiàn)在甚至有了針對成年人的填色書《如何說不》(How to Say No)，以及一些照顧小眾興趣的圖書，比如《對關(guān)節(jié)炎說不》(Say No to Arthritis)。

Yet last week “no” reached cult status. In a blog post for the Harvard Business Review, a management coach suggested that it is not enough simply to say no, we must start celebrating whenever we do so.

然而，“不”最近達到了受人崇拜的地位。在《哈佛商業(yè)評論》(HBR)上的一篇博客文章中，一位管理教練提出，僅僅說不是不夠的，我們必須開始在自己每次這么做的時候贊美自己。

No is thus granted the same giddy status as failure, which everyone has been doggedly celebrating for a decade at least. The Museum of Failure was opened last week in Sweden; give it a year or two and the Museum of No is bound to follow.

“不”因此被授予跟“失敗”一樣令人眩暈的地位，起碼過去10年來，所有人都在堅持不懈地贊美失敗。最近，瑞典開了一家失敗博物館(Museum of Failure);再過一兩年，“說不博物館”一定會出現(xiàn)。

Yet to celebrate no is not so silly. Since reading the blog, I have taken to starting each day lying in bed giving silent thanks for the things I have successfully refused to do. I do not have to write that article today (hooray), nor have coffee with that person (phew), nor go to that lunch.

不過，贊美說不并不太傻。自讀過那篇博客文章以來，我習慣了在每天開始時躺在床上，默默地感謝那些被我成功地拒絕掉的事情。我今天不必寫那篇文章(萬歲)，也不用跟那個人喝咖啡(松口氣)，還不用去那個午餐會。

With each thing I mentally tick off, the better the day seems. I skip out of bed eager to do the things that slipped through my net of negativity.

我在心里每列出一件事，就感覺這一天似乎更加美好。我從床上下來，去做那些從我的否定網(wǎng)漏掉的事情。

You could say this is all very selfish. Every time we say no we disappoint the person asking. And every job we turn down creates something for some other poor sucker to have to do instead.

你可能會說，這也太自私了。每次我們說不時，我們都讓提請求的人失望。我們拒絕的每一項工作，都會給某個可憐的倒霉鬼生出一些他必須做的事情。

Yet there is another way of looking at it — fans of no are rebranding it as the altruistic choice.

不過，還有另一種方式看待此事——說不的粉絲正在把它重新標榜成一種無私的選擇。

On the Entrepreneur website is a blog post that argues saying no is good, as it creates space for junior people to step up. And declining things at work allows you to spend more time at home tending to your family.

創(chuàng)業(yè)家(Entrepreneur)網(wǎng)站上有一篇博客文章主張，說不是好事，因為這會給資歷不足的人創(chuàng)造出挑重擔的空間。而且，拒絕工作中的事情，讓你把更多時間放在家里，關(guān)懷家人。

I can think of something even better about it. If enough people were to say no to pointless things often enough it would lead to a more efficient allocation of resources. If we all refused boring meetings and events, eventually the penny would drop and people would stop arranging them.

關(guān)于說不，我可以想出甚至更好的事情。如果足夠的人對無意義的事情說不的次數(shù)足夠多，那么資源的分配將變得更加高效率。如果我們都拒絕枯燥的會議和活動，最終人們會明白過來，就不會再安排這些了。

Despite being a great fan of no at work, even I admit that sometimes it is the wrong answer. The great challenge is therefore to spot when to stop saying no and start saying yes.

盡管我特別擁護在工作中說不，但即使我也承認，有時“不”是一個錯誤的回答。所以艱巨的挑戰(zhàn)在于何時停止說不，開始說是。

The HBR recommends ranking all opportunities from one to 10, but my system is simpler. I say yes to things I a) have to do; b) want to do or c) ought to do. Though sometimes I ignore c) if I can talk myself out of whatever it is without feeling a total heel.

《哈佛商業(yè)評論》建議用1至10的分數(shù)給各種機會打分，但我的方法更簡單。我只對三類事情說是，一是必須做的，二是想做的，三是應(yīng)當做的。不過，有時我會忽略第三類——如果我能在不感覺自己完全是個渾蛋的情況下，說服自己不做那件事。

The trouble with this system is that often it is not clear whether you really have to do something — or even if you want to do it. But in that case there is a rule: if in doubt, say no. At the margin, less work is always better than more.

這個方法的麻煩在于，對于你是否真的必須做某事，你自己經(jīng)常拿不準——甚至連你是否想做也不確定。但那種情況下的規(guī)則是：如果心存疑問，那就說不。在某種程度上，工作更少總比工作更多好。

The main difference between yes and no is that one is easy and the other hard.

說是和說不的主要區(qū)別在于，一個容易說出來，另一個難于說出口。

Yes can be said by any old fool, while no requires character, commitment and courage. Saying no gets easier as you get older: I have gone from being rubbish at it to being a master, and am still improving.

任何一個老傻瓜都可以說出是，而說不則需要性格、承諾和勇氣。隨著年齡的增長，說不變得更容易：我已從對此毫無經(jīng)驗變得非常精通，而且還在進步。

I have learnt the importance of saying no quickly. If you procrastinate you are already on the back foot and may be tricked into saying yes by mistake.

我明白了迅速說不的重要性。如果你拖延，那么你就已經(jīng)陷于被動，也許會被誘導著錯誤地說是。

I have also learnt never to give reasons, as they can be challenged, resulting in capitulation. In writing this I have learnt a third thing: never say you cannot do something because you are too busy.

我也明白了絕不要給出理由，因為你的理由可能受到挑戰(zhàn)，導致你繳械投降。在寫本文時，我明白了第三件事：不要說自己無法做某件事是因為太忙了。

No one will be impressed: being too busy simply proves you are not good enough at saying no.

這不會給誰留下深刻印象：太忙只能證明你不太善于說不。