關(guān)于幸福的8個(gè)傳說 你都信嗎？

Decades of research on the science of happiness shows that there’s a big—and potentially life-altering—difference between what you think will make you happy and the things that actually do, argues University of California, Riverside psychology professor Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD, in her fascinating new book The Myths of Happiness.

加利福利亞大學(xué)教授 Sonja Lyubomirsky在她的新書《幸福的傳說》中指出，根據(jù)長(zhǎng)期關(guān)于幸福的科學(xué)研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，在你覺得可以讓你幸福和實(shí)際讓你幸福的事物之間有著巨大差異，這樣的差異有可能改變你的生活。

Myth: The right marriage will provide endless happiness.

傳說：正確的婚姻會(huì)帶來無(wú)盡的幸福

Science says: The average person picks up a sizeable boost in happiness when he or she gets married, but this only lasts about two years. After that, the former newlywed reverts back to his or her happiness level before the engagement.

科學(xué)表明：一般人在結(jié)婚時(shí)的幸福感會(huì)爆棚，但這只會(huì)持續(xù)2年左右。只會(huì)，新婚夫婦的幸福水準(zhǔn)就會(huì)將回到結(jié)婚之前的水平。

Boost your bliss: Delight in your partner’s good news. According to Lyubomirsky, “the closest, most intimate, and most trusting relationships appear to be distinguished not by how partners respond to each other’s disappointments, but how they react to the good news.” When your husband shares that he’s getting promoted, reacting with joy and asking enthusiastic questions signals that you care. Being silently supportive or pointing out downsides (“Oh, you’ll have to work on weekends?”) undermines happiness.

提升幸福度：為伴侶的好消息感到高興。Lyubomirsky說“最親密最緊密和信任度最高的關(guān)系，絕對(duì)不是靠伴侶間對(duì)對(duì)方失落時(shí)的回應(yīng)體現(xiàn)出來的，而是他們對(duì)對(duì)方好消息時(shí)的態(tài)度。” 如果你丈夫說他升職了，不妨表現(xiàn)出你的喜悅，多問一下熱情的問題表現(xiàn)出你的關(guān)心吧。沉默的回應(yīng)或是指出不好的那一面(啊，那你豈不是周末要加班)只會(huì)降低幸福感。

Myth: Your “dream job” will make you happier at work than you currently are.

傳說：你夢(mèng)想的工作會(huì)讓你在工作時(shí)比現(xiàn)在更開心

Science says: You adapt to all new experiences, and so any joy from a new work environment will likely fade with time. If you've gained responsibility, your expectations and aspirations will increase too, which can detract from happiness. One classic study tracked job satisfaction before and after a voluntary job change among high-level managers whose average salary was $135,000. Researchers found that managers experienced a burst of happiness right after the new job, but within a year, satisfaction plummeted to their pre-move levels.

科學(xué)表明：你已經(jīng)適應(yīng)了新環(huán)境，所以很多新環(huán)境帶來的快樂也逐漸隨著時(shí)間消失。如果你有足夠的責(zé)任心，你的期望和雄心也會(huì)增加，這會(huì)減少幸福感。曾有一個(gè)經(jīng)典研究，對(duì)平均薪資達(dá)到13萬(wàn)五千美金的高層經(jīng)理人在換到心儀工作前后的滿意度做過調(diào)查，結(jié)果發(fā)現(xiàn)剛換工作時(shí)他們的幸福感會(huì)爆棚，一年之后，就會(huì)降低到跳槽前的水平了。

Boost your bliss: To avoid taking a new job for granted, Lyubomirsky advises “re-experiencing” what it was you didn’t like about your previous work. If you used to make a lot less money, spend one week a month living on your old salary. If you worked nights, periodically make yourself stay at work late. Mentally transporting yourself to where you didn't want to be will help you find more happiness in your current role.

提高幸福度：不要把新工作當(dāng)做理所當(dāng)然，Lyubomirsky建議“不妨重新體驗(yàn)”你對(duì)之前工作不滿的地方。如果你以前賺的比較少，那么就花一周時(shí)間花光原來的月薪。如果你總是加班很晚，那就定期讓自己加會(huì)班。這種有意識(shí)的強(qiáng)迫自己做自己不想做的事情，可以幫助你在現(xiàn)任工作中找到更多的幸福。

Myth: A bigger salary makes you happier.

傳說：薪資越高越幸福

Science says: What your friends, family members, and colleagues make relative to your salary seems to affect your happiness more than what you make, no matter how much it is. For example. Lyubomirsky describes one study that found people prefer to live in a world where they make $50,000 and others earn $25,000 than in one where their annual salary is $100,000, but others make $200,000.

科學(xué)表明：你的朋友，家庭成員以及同事的薪資似乎比你自己的薪資更加影響你的幸福度哦，這與金錢多少無(wú)關(guān)。比如Lyubomirsky描述了一個(gè)研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，人們都喜歡活在一個(gè)自己賺5萬(wàn)其他人賺2萬(wàn)5，而不是自己賺1萬(wàn)其他人賺2萬(wàn)的世界里。

Boost your bliss: One way to “buy” happiness is to use money to buy another limited resource: time. Paying people to do time-consuming chores (paint the house, fix the plumbing) allows you to spend your time doing other things that make you happy, such as spending time with your family, volunteering, and enjoying a show.

提升幸福度：“買”來幸福的一個(gè)方法就是拿錢去買無(wú)價(jià)之寶：時(shí)間?；ㄥX請(qǐng)人來做一些費(fèi)時(shí)間的瑣事(粉刷屋子，修理水管)，你就大可利用這些時(shí)間做別的事情來讓自己開心起來，比如和家人在一起，做一些志愿者工作或是欣賞一次演出。

Myth: A bigger house will boost your happiness.

傳說：大房子能提升幸福感

Science says: If that mega-square foot home means you have to take out a barely affordable mortgage, it may not give as much pleasure as you’d hope. Research shows that eliminating negative experiences (like, worry associated with debt) makes you three to five times more happy than creating a positive experience (like, splurging on something). According to Lyubomirsky, “pleasure from the house can’t come close to matching the pain and worry of eking out monthly mortgage payments.”

科學(xué)表明：如果那種大的房子意味著你需要貸款，也許就不能給你所希望的那么多幸福感了。然而，研究發(fā)現(xiàn)消除消極(比如擔(dān)心還貸)會(huì)讓你比亂花錢這樣的事情多出三到五倍的幸福感哦。Lyubomirsky說：“房子所帶來的滿足感無(wú)法彌補(bǔ)每月超支消費(fèi)的痛苦和擔(dān)心。”

Boost your bliss: Research increasingly shows that experiences, not things, make us happy. And “it appears that the happiest people are those who are most skilled at wringing experiences out of everything in which they invest their money, whether it’s a guitar, a plane ticket, a camera, cake decorating lessons, or running shoes.” You’ll be happier with your material possessions when you make fun memories out of them—a road trip in a new car, a family party on your new deck.

提升幸福感：多數(shù)研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，是經(jīng)歷而非事件真正讓我們開心。“似乎最開心的那些人就是最擅長(zhǎng)把花錢干了什么都寫出來的人，無(wú)論是買了把吉他，機(jī)票，相機(jī)，蛋糕課程還是跑步鞋。”一旦這些給你帶來了快樂的回憶，那就能讓你無(wú)比幸福了-比如開著新車旅行，或是在新的游艇上家庭聚會(huì)。

Myth: You’re happier after you reach a big goal.

傳說：完成大目標(biāo)之后會(huì)更加開心

Science says: Many studies show that people who are striving toward a goal are actually happier than when they accomplish it. This, Lyubomirsky writes, “contradicts one of the primary myths of happiness, which tells us to wait for happiness until we realize our dreams.” Pursuing goals gives us pleasure by creating structure, deadlines, and opportunities to learn new skills.

科學(xué)表明：很多調(diào)查發(fā)現(xiàn)很多人在奔著目標(biāo)前進(jìn)的過程，似乎比達(dá)到目標(biāo)之后更加開心。Lyubomirsky寫到：“有關(guān)幸福最原始的傳說莫過于告訴我們要在實(shí)現(xiàn)夢(mèng)想之后才會(huì)等來幸福，當(dāng)然不是這樣。”追求目標(biāo)的過程也能給我們帶來快樂，比如計(jì)劃，最后期限以及尋找機(jī)會(huì)來學(xué)習(xí)新技能。

Boost your bliss: Savor every “subgoal” (performing well at an audition) you accomplish on the path to your bigger goal (becoming a Broadway actress). “Instead of focusing too much on the finish line in the first place, we should focus on—and enjoy as much as possible—carrying out the multiple steps necessary to make progress,” Lyubormirsky says.

提升幸福度：在通往大目標(biāo)(成為百老匯女明星)的路上來享受每個(gè)“小目標(biāo)”(試演表現(xiàn)出色)。“與其一開始就把注意力過多的放在終點(diǎn)——倒不如盡可能的去享受——把每一小步都看成是通往前方的必經(jīng)之路吧。”Lyubormirsky說道。

Myth: Every day with your kids should be filled with happiness.

傳說：和孩子們?cè)谝黄鸬拿恳惶於际切腋５?/p>

Science says: “In the last two decades, the family has undergone seismic cultural shifts, and one such shift is the push to spend more time, and more quality time, with our children,” says Lyubomirsky. But this has led to chronic levels of anxiety, can’t-keep-up perfectionism, and burnout. Research actually shows that there’s a difference between daily levels of happiness and the 10,000-foot view of the joy of having a family. While a number of studies that compare happiness and satisfaction levels of parents and nonparents find that parents are less happy, Lyubomirsky writes that when people are asked about their biggest regrets in life, not having children (or, more children) is bigger than having had them.

科學(xué)表明：Lyubomirsky說“在過去的四十年里，家庭有著巨大的文化轉(zhuǎn)移，其中一個(gè)轉(zhuǎn)變就是需要多花時(shí)間，更多寶貴的時(shí)間和孩子們?cè)谝黄稹?rdquo; 但這也會(huì)帶來周期性的焦慮、缺失感以及筋疲力盡。實(shí)際上研究發(fā)現(xiàn)擁有家庭的幸福和日程生活中的小幸福有著本質(zhì)的差別。一系列的研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，在有孩子和沒孩子的夫妻之間的幸福滿足感中，有孩子的好像不那么幸福。 Lyubomirsky 說如果問人們生活中最后悔的事情是什么，沒有要孩子(或者更多的孩子)似乎比要孩子更容易讓人后悔。

Boost your bliss: See the big picture. Adults who looked back on their relationships with their children, suggest you ask yourself: “What are you doing to create lasting, loving relationships with your children when they are 5? 10? or 15?” They advise you see your children providing continuity, meaning, attachment, and greater purpose in life. You should also try to get away from your kids as you can; loving your children isn’t the same as loving parenting, especially when your kids are young.

提升幸福感：目光長(zhǎng)遠(yuǎn)一些，大人們正透過孩子觀察著自己的情感關(guān)系，你不妨也問問自己，“在孩子5歲，10歲和15歲的時(shí)候，你準(zhǔn)備做什么來保持和孩子間持久的愛?” 他們會(huì)建議你需要給孩子持久有意義的關(guān)懷，以及人生中的目標(biāo)。你也需要時(shí)不時(shí)遠(yuǎn)離孩子，愛孩子和愛父母不一樣，尤其在孩子還小的時(shí)候。

Myth: A major crisis drains happiness more so than everyday annoyances.

傳說：大危機(jī)似乎比日程瑣事更容易減少幸福

Science says: Although most of us believe that significant events, such as a car accident or a job layoff, can affect your happiness more than daily hassles, it turns out that the mundane has a bigger impact. Researchers say this is because we’re extremely motivated to reach out to our community when we are coping with crises, but we don’t seek social support for little things, like a kid’s temper tantrum or a terrible commute.

科學(xué)發(fā)現(xiàn)：我們大部分人都認(rèn)為大事情，比如車禍或是失業(yè)會(huì)比日常瑣事更容易影響你的幸福感，但實(shí)際上瑣事影響才更大。研究者發(fā)現(xiàn)在處理危機(jī)時(shí)，我們總是積極尋求身邊人的幫助，但一些瑣事，比如小孩突然發(fā)脾氣或是糟糕的交通則往往不需要?jiǎng)佑梦覀兊纳鐣?huì)支持。

Boost your bliss: Address these seemingly small issues, counsels Lyubomirsky, by talking with friends, reframing events in a more positive light, or finding time to recharge and regenerate.

提升幸福感：Lyubomirsky說，不妨把這些瑣事都說出來，告訴朋友，或是在更積極的情況下看待這件事，或是找時(shí)間來調(diào)整修復(fù)一下吧。

Myth: Once you hit a certain age, your best years are behind you.

傳說：一旦到了某個(gè)年紀(jì)，最好的年歲就沒有了。

Science says: Although most people believe that happiness declines with age, Lyubomirsky says that this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Three recent studies showed that the peak of positive emotional experience occurred at age 64, 65, and 79. “When we begin to recognize that our years are limited, we change our perspective about life,” she writes. “The shorter time horizon motivates us to become more present-oriented and to invest our time and effort into the things in life that really matter.”

科學(xué)發(fā)現(xiàn)：盡管很多人認(rèn)為幸福隨著年齡的增長(zhǎng)逐漸減少，Lyubomirsky說這絕對(duì)不是真的。近期三個(gè)研究發(fā)現(xiàn)人生最幸福的三個(gè)年齡點(diǎn)分別為64,65和79歲。“當(dāng)我們意識(shí)到時(shí)間有限，我們就會(huì)改變對(duì)生命的看法。”“剩下來的時(shí)間越少就越會(huì)激勵(lì)我們更加看重現(xiàn)在，然后去花時(shí)間和經(jīng)歷在真正重要的地方。”

Boost your bliss: Use your memories to boost—not detract from—your happiness. Research shows that people are happier when they relish and luxuriate in the positive memories of happy past events, but don’t try to dissect the details too much. On the other hand, deliberately analyzing painful memories (a bad breakup, a job layoff) to make sense of them and get past them increases happiness.

提升幸福度：用回憶來增加而不是減少幸福。研究發(fā)現(xiàn)在人們回想過去快樂積極的時(shí)光時(shí)會(huì)更加幸福，但也不要過多的去回想那些細(xì)節(jié)。另一方面，仔細(xì)分析痛苦的回憶(一次糟糕的分手，失業(yè))來從中學(xué)習(xí)，好讓自己迅速翻篇增加幸福感。