科學(xué)解釋“單身厭煩癥”

"You're so great -- why don't you have a boyfriend?"

“你這么好，怎么會沒有男朋友?”

This misguided compliment, often doled out to young successful women, has given birth to a new thought experiment: If a woman is great and no romantic partner is there to appreciate her, can she still lead a happy and fulfilling life?

人們常常在輿論的誤導(dǎo)作用下，將這種恭維話“施舍”給單身成功女性，由此我們提出了一個新的思維實驗課題：如果一位女性品貌甚佳，卻沒有情人來欣賞，她是否仍能生活的快樂而充實呢?

Women often feel bad about being single, despite how satisfying their lives are otherwise。

無論一位女性對生活的其他方面如何滿意，單身的感情狀況總是會讓她感到郁悶。

Turns out, there are a few reasons you might feel that romantic ennui:

實際上，你的“單身厭煩癥”可能是出于以下幾點原因。

you may not be prioritizing what you really want。

你沒有首先考慮自己想要的是什么。

Allowing what other people want for you to cloud your judgement can send you down that dark, "I'm dying alone" spiral. Global surveys have found that cultural norms and expectations are what determine our self-esteem, even if we claim we're above the pressure. The truth is that marriage won't make everyone happier。

服從他人對你的期望，使自己的判斷力受到遮蔽，這會使你越來越覺得“我會孤獨終老”，在這種想法的泥潭里越陷越深。全球范圍內(nèi)的研究結(jié)果顯示，我們的自尊心是由文化規(guī)范和社會期待所決定的，即使我們聲稱自己不受這兩者影響。事實上，結(jié)婚成家并不一定會使人更幸福。

And those fear-inducing headlines aren't helping。

那些令人恐懼的新聞宣傳也在幫倒忙。

"It's amazing how year after year after year, people are making this claim that if you get married, you'll get happier," author of Singled Out, DePaulo said。

《單身更快樂》一書的作者德保羅說，“年復(fù)一年，人們一直在宣揚這樣的觀念，即結(jié)婚成家會使人更加幸福，這真不可思議。”

She explained that many of those academic studies that make for splashy, fear-inducing headlines aren't procedurally sound. The main problem is that conditions in clinical studies have to be randomly assigned -- which isn't possible when you're researching single vs. married people。

她解釋道，許多虛張聲勢、聳人聽聞的輿論宣傳及其背后的學(xué)術(shù)研究在研究程序上并不嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)。主要的問題在于，臨床研究應(yīng)該隨即分配身份不同的研究對象——當(dāng)你的研究對象是未婚/已婚人群時，這根本是不可能的。

Another "methodologically shameful" tactic in these studies, she explained, is that many only compare those who are currently married to single people and completely ignore those who got married, hated it and got divorced。

她認(rèn)為，此類學(xué)術(shù)研究中是另一種“令研究者蒙羞的方法論”伎倆，即許多研究都只是將婚姻幸福的人群與單身人群進(jìn)行對比，而完全忽略了那些結(jié)過婚，然后厭倦婚姻、離婚的人群。

Moral of the story?

這篇文章的寓意何在?

Yes, you're still "great" and more than capable of living a happy, fulfilling life, whether or not you're involved with someone romantically. But also know that feeling waves of self-doubt and insecurity are totally normal. You may never want to get married-- or you may be open to the possibility of meeting someone without actively looking for a relationship。

是的，無論你是否有一個戀人，你都很優(yōu)秀，完全能夠過上幸福，充實的生活。但是也要記住，自我懷疑和不安全感等情緒上的波動是完全正常的。也許你一輩子也不會想結(jié)婚——亦或你會懷著一種開放的心態(tài)，不對戀愛抱有期待，而是靜待著遇到某人。

All of this awareness, however, won't always assuage all of your fears and insecurities, and that's OK. If you feel sad sometimes, it's not because you're single -- it's because you're alive。

即使了解了上述一切，也不能保證祛除你所有的恐懼和不安，但這沒有關(guān)系。如果你偶爾會感到心情沮喪，那并不是因為你單身，而是因為你活著。