掌握說話藝術(shù)的關(guān)鍵:三思而后行

你是否曾因?yàn)樵捥喽X得自己很白癡?

After graduating from a Hong Kong university recently, Anita Chow had one of those moments.

剛剛從某香港大學(xué)畢業(yè)的周安妮(音譯)就曾經(jīng)歷過這樣尷尬的時(shí)刻。

A few weeks ago, the 22-year-old applied for an internship with a Public Relations (PR) company. Chow said she is usually quiet and reserved, but during the interview she tried hard to act against her nature.

幾周前，22歲的周安妮申請了一家公關(guān)公司的實(shí)習(xí)生職位。周安妮說，她平時(shí)沉默寡言，但是在面試過程中，她努力表現(xiàn)得十分“健談”。

She smiled a lot and talked in a lively manner. When asked why she wanted to work in PR, she said the job would enable her to meet a lot of interesting people. Then she added jokingly: “Who knows? I might even meet my future husband.”

她嘴角上翹，談笑風(fēng)生。當(dāng)被問及為何選擇公關(guān)行業(yè)時(shí)，她說因?yàn)檫@份工作可以令她接觸到很多有趣的人。緊接著她調(diào)侃道：“誰知道呢?我也許能遇到我的未婚夫呢。”

Chow wanted to punch herself the moment she stepped out of the interview room. “It came out so wrong,” she says. “Now the interviewers will think of me as one of those women who don’t have any career ambition and just want to get married and settle down.”

當(dāng)她踏出面試房間的那一刻，周安妮真想打自己一拳。“如此離譜地說錯(cuò)話，”她說。“現(xiàn)在，面試官一定認(rèn)為我是那種沒有職業(yè)抱負(fù)、一心恨嫁求安穩(wěn)的女孩。

Saying too much or oversharing happens to every one of us. In the era of social media, sharing every detail of your life, no matter how personal or mundane, is almost expected and encouraged.

我們每個(gè)人都有說話太多或是“過度分享”的經(jīng)歷。在社交媒體時(shí)代，人們大都期待看到并鼓勵(lì)這種關(guān)于生活細(xì)節(jié)的分享行為——無論多么私人或平淡無奇都不例外。

But it isn’t all social media’s fault. “Experts say oversharing often happens when we are trying subconsciously to control our anxiety,” according to a Wall Street Journal column.

但這不全是社交媒體的錯(cuò)?！度A爾街日報(bào)》的一篇專欄文章指出：“有關(guān)專家表示，當(dāng)我們下意識(shí)地去控制焦慮情緒時(shí)，常常就會(huì)過度分享。”

Chow’s is a typical case of “self-regulation” aimed at fighting her own anxiety. It happens like this: When having a conversation, we want to sound witty and interesting. So we use a lot of mental energy trying to manage the other person’s impression of us. The effort required doing this leaves less brainpower to filter what we say and to whom, says The Wall Street Journal.

周安妮是一個(gè)通過“自我調(diào)節(jié)”來緩解緊張情緒的典型例子?！度A爾街日報(bào)》發(fā)表文章稱，事情是這樣發(fā)生的：在交談中，我們想讓自己的話聽上去詼諧有趣。因此，我們費(fèi)勁心思給別人留下深刻印象。如此一來，我們很少會(huì)去花心思過濾我們的談話內(nèi)容和對象。

This explains why we sometimes blurt out embarrassing things to people we want to impress most, whether it’s a first date, the boss or our future in-laws. It leads to awkward situations and is the perfect material for comedy movies.

這就解釋了為何我們在初次約會(huì)，面對老板或未來親家時(shí)，會(huì)為打動(dòng)對方而不時(shí)地“禍從口出”了。這將會(huì)置你于尷尬境地，更像是拍攝喜劇電影的絕佳素材。

Hal Shorey, a psychologist from the Institute for Graduate Clinical Psychology at Widener University in the US, told The Wall Street Journal that anxious people are often blabbers. They are overly sensitive to social cues and worry too much about what others think of them.

美國威得恩大學(xué)臨床心理研究生院的心理學(xué)家哈爾•肖里在接受《華爾街日報(bào)》采訪時(shí)說，內(nèi)心焦慮的人通常會(huì)喋喋不休。他們對社交暗示過于敏感，過于在乎別人的眼光。

Even people who are not of the anxious type lose control when under emotional stress and feel the need to talk. But this seldom makes things better, says Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, a US-based family therapist. It may feel good to unburden ourselves to our parents about the problems we have at work or with our partners, but sharing our problems will only make them worry.

甚至那些非焦慮型人群在精神緊張時(shí)也會(huì)失控，而產(chǎn)生傾訴的欲望。而來自美國的家庭問題心理咨詢師莎倫•吉爾克里斯特•奧尼爾(音譯)則表示，這往往只會(huì)讓事情變得更糟。向父母吐露自己工作上的難題或者和朋友之間的煩心事，也許會(huì)讓我們感覺良好，但殊不知，這樣只會(huì)令他們擔(dān)憂。

So how do you stop yourself from blabbing too much? Simple: stop and think before you open your mouth. “Go through the process in your mind where you walk through the ultimate effects of sharing,” O’Neill told The Wall Street Journal.

那么，怎樣才能管住自己的嘴呢?辦法很簡單：三思而后行。“在腦海中迅速過一遍，預(yù)先想好你的這番話將導(dǎo)致怎樣的后果。”奧尼爾在接受《華爾街日報(bào)》采訪時(shí)表示。