與愛人吵架時(shí)不該說的話

 

Don't say: "You always" or "You never" or "You're a [slob, jerk]" or "You're wrong."
Why: Speaking in absolutes like "you always" and "you're wrong" is playing the blame game, and resorting to name calling makes your partner feel helpless, which puts him on the defensive and makes a bad fight worse.
Instead say: "I'm upset that you left the dishes in the sink again. What can we do so that this stops happening?" Starting with the pronoun I puts the focus on how you feel, not why he's in the doghouse, and it will make him more receptive to fixing the problem.

不要說"You always"（你總是）、"You never"（你從不）、"You're a [slob, jerk]"（你是個(gè)笨蛋）或者"You're wrong."（你錯(cuò)了）。用"you always"、"you're wrong"這樣絕對的說話方式無疑是在玩指責(zé)游戲，而謾罵中傷更會讓你的伴侶感到無力，這只會迫使他為自己進(jìn)行辯護(hù)，讓爭吵向更壞的情勢發(fā)展。我們可以說"I'm upset that you left the dishes in the sink again. What can we do so that this stops happening?"（你又把盤碟留在水槽里讓我感到心煩，我們可以做些什么來杜絕這事嗎？）用“我”來開頭以強(qiáng)調(diào)你的感受，而不是為什么他要被罵得很慘，這樣會讓他更容易接受，進(jìn)而去解決問題。

* to be in the doghouse字面上看就是把一個(gè)人放進(jìn)狗窩，而實(shí)際的意思就是失寵或遭受困難。老外是很愛狗的，通常把狗養(yǎng)在家里與孩子一起，當(dāng)做家庭一分子。如果父母對狗不好，就把狗趕到外面的犬舍（doghouse）里，不準(zhǔn)再進(jìn)家里。所以這個(gè)習(xí)語后來有一種處分或冷落的意味。

Don't say: "If you really loved me, you would..."
Why: The more you treat your partner as if he'll never satisfy you, the less satisfied you'll be. Controlling your partner by imploring him to do something isn't a good way to build intimacy.
Instead say: "I feel taken for granted when you don't help around the house. I would feel better if we could…" The best way to keep a productive fight from becoming a dirty one is to be clear about why you're upset and then offer a solution.

不要說"If you really loved me, you would..."（如果你真的愛我，你應(yīng)該……）你越是用那種好像他從來無法滿足你的態(tài)度對待伴侶，你越是不會感到滿意。通過懇求他做某事來控制伴侶不是建立親密關(guān)系的好方法。我們可以說"I feel taken for granted when you don't help around the house. I would feel better if we could…"（當(dāng)你不幫忙做家務(wù)時(shí)，我有種事情就該我做的感覺，如果我們能……我會感覺好受些）要避免一場能產(chǎn)生效果的爭吵朝一場滿口臟話的爭吵發(fā)展，最好辦法就是說清楚你為何不滿，然后提出解決方案。