What a misfortune, Wilhelm! My active spirits have degenerated into contented indolence. I cannot be idle, and yet I am unable to set to work. I cannot think: I have no longer any feeling for the beauties of nature, and books are distasteful to me. Once we give ourselves up, we are totally lost. Many a time and oft I wish I were a common labourer; that, awakening in the morning, I might have but one prospect, one pursuit, one hope, for the day which has dawned. I often envy Albert when I see him buried in a heap of papers and parchments, and I fancy I should be happy were I in his place. Often impressed with this feeling I have been on the point of writing to you and to the minister, for the appointment at the embassy, which you think I might obtain. I believe I might procure it. The minister has long shown a regard for me, and has frequently urged me to seek employment. It is the business of an hour only. Now and then the fable of the horse recurs to me. Weary of liberty, he suffered himself to be saddled and bridled, and was ridden to death for his pains. I know not what to determine upon. For is not this anxiety for change the consequence of that restless spirit which would pursue me equally in every situation of life?
多不幸啊,威廉,我渾身充滿活力,卻偏偏無所事事,閑得心煩,既不能什么不干,又什么都不能干。我不再有想象力,不再有對自然界的敏感,書籍也令我生厭。一當(dāng)我們失去了自主,便失去了一切。我向你發(fā)誓,我有時(shí)甚至希望當(dāng)個(gè)短工,以便清晨一覺醒來,對未來的一天有個(gè)目標(biāo),有個(gè)追求,有個(gè)希望。我常常羨慕阿爾伯特,看見他成天埋頭在公文堆中,心里就想,要是我能像他有多好啊!有幾次我已動(dòng)了念頭,想給你和部長寫信,請他把公使館的差事留給我。如你所說,他是不會(huì)拒絕我的,我也這么相信。部長多年來就喜歡我,總是勸我找個(gè)事情做做;有一陣子我也認(rèn)真準(zhǔn)備這么辦。可是事后再一考慮,我便想起了那則馬的寓言,說的是它自由自在得不耐煩了,便請人給它裝好鞍子,套上韁繩,結(jié)果讓人騎得累得半死。這一想,我又不知如何是好了?!门笥?,我這要求改變現(xiàn)狀的熱望,莫不就是到處追逼著我的內(nèi)心的煩躁不安吧?
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