書蟲5級《純真年代》7. 紐蘭在波士頓

7. NEWLAND IN BOSTON

The next day Newland told May he was going to see about buying a new horse for her carriage, and drove north to Portsmouth. He found the Blenkers' house, but Ellen was not there. The Blenkers told him she had received a telegram the day before, and gone to Boston, where she would be staying at the Parker House Hotel.

When he returned to Newport, he told May he had urgent business in Boston. He was ashamed of the way he was able to lie so easily, but it had to be done. He travelled all night, by boat and train, and arrived in a hot and dirty midsummer Boston.

After having breakfast at a hotel, he sent a messenger to the Parker House Hotel with a note for Countess Olenska. The man returned after ten minutes. 'The lady was out, sir,' he said.

It must be a mistake!' thought Newland. 'How could she be out so early? How stupid of me not to send a note earlier!'

He went out, and as he started to walk across the park towards Ellen's hotel, he saw her, sitting on a bench under a tree. Her head was bent low, and she looked quite miserable. He came a step nearer, and she turned and saw him.

Oh!' she said, her face breaking into a slow smile of wonder and happiness, and she made room for him on the bench.

I'm here on business – just got here,' Newland explained. 'But what on earth are you doing here?' He had really no idea what he was saying; he seemed to be shouting to her across endless distances; he thought she might disappear again before he could reach her.

I'm here on business too,' she answered.

You do your hair differently now,' he said, his heart beating wildly as he looked at her.

Differently? No, it's the best I can do without my servant.'

You didn't bring her? You're staying alone at the hotel?'

She looked at him, with a little challenging smile in her eyes. 'Does that seem so dangerous to you?'

No, not dangerous, but—'

But unusual? I see, I suppose it is. I hadn't thought of it, because I've just done something so much more unusual.' Her eyes still watched him with a little challenge. 'I've just refused to take back some money – which belonged to me.'

Newland jumped up and moved a step or two away. Then he came back and stood in front of her.

Someone – has come here to meet you – with this offer?'

Yes.'

And you refused, because of the conditions?'

I refused,' she said after a moment.

He sat down by her again. 'What were the conditions?'

Oh, they were not demanding. Just to sit at the head of his dinner table now and then.'

There was another silence. Newland was searching for the right words. 'He wants you back – at any price.'

A considerable price. At least, it's considerable for me.'

You came to Boston in order to meet him?'

She stared, and then laughed. 'Meet him – my husband? Here? He spends his summers in more fashionable places.'

He sent someone to you, with a letter?'

Not a letter, just a message. He hardly ever writes to me.'

Newland blushed, thinking of the accusation in the only letter he knew the Count had written to her. 'Why is that?'

Why should he write? What are secretaries for?'

The young man's blush deepened, and he was about to ask, 'Did he send his secretary, the one you ran away with?' But he stopped, in order to spare Ellen the embarrassment of replying.

The messenger has insisted on waiting until this evening,' added Madame Olenska, smiling, 'in case I change my mind.'

And you came out here to think things over?'

I came out for a breath of air. The hotel's too hot. I'm taking the afternoon train back to Portsmouth.'

They sat silent, not looking at each other. Finally she turned her eyes again to his face and said, 'You've not changed.'

He felt like saying, 'I had, until I saw you again,' but instead he stood up suddenly and looked round at the untidy park.

This is horrible. Why don't we go out in a boat? It will be cooler on the water. We could take the boat to Point Arley and back.' She looked up at him hesitatingly and he went on, 'There won't be many people on the boat. My train for New York doesn't leave until the evening. Why shouldn't we?' Suddenly he broke out, 'Haven't we done all we can?'

Oh!' she whispered. 'You mustn't say things like that to me.'

I'll say anything you like; or nothing. What harm can it do to anybody? All I want is to listen to you.'

She took a little gold watch from her pocket.

Oh, don't think about time!' he cried. 'Give me the day! Come now, at once! It's a hundred years since we last met – it may be another hundred before we meet again.'

Her anxious eyes were on his face. 'Why didn't you come down to the beach to fetch me, the day I was at Grandmother's?'

Because you didn't look round. I wanted you to look round.' He laughed at the childishness of his behaviour.

But I deliberately didn't look round. I knew it was you. I recognized your carriage when you drove up to the house. So I went down to the beach.'

To get away from me as far as you could?'

She repeated softly, 'To get away from you as far as I could.'

He laughed again. 'Well, you see it's no use. I may as well tell you that I came here to find you. And I have found you. But look here, we must start or we'll miss our boat.'

They went back to the hotel, so that Madame Olenska could leave a note for the messenger. While Newland waited for her, he watched the stream of people passing in and out of the hotel. 'They all look so like each other,' he thought. And then suddenly came a face which was different from the rest – the face of a young man, pale with heat, or worry, or both. 'Probably a foreign businessman,' thought Newland, and then forgot about him.

When she came out, they took a taxi to the harbour, and were soon on a boat moving smoothly out into the open sea. As they left the city behind them, it seemed to Newland they were leaving their old familiar world behind as well. Were they starting on some voyage from which they might never return? He was afraid to ask Madame Olenska if she felt the same – she trusted him to remain calm and not speak of his feelings. There had been days and nights when the memory of their kiss had burned on his lips, and the thought of her had run through him like fire. But now that she was beside him, they seemed to have reached the kind of deeper nearness that a touch or a word might destroy.

When they arrived at Point Arley, the hotel dining room was full of a noisy party of school-teachers on holiday, so Newland asked for a private room, with a view over the sea. There he and Madame Olenska sat down to their lunch, like two old friends who had so much to say to each other...

They talked of all that had happened in the year and a half since they had met. They talked of ideas and social changes, the narrow minds of New Yorkers, and the reasons why she had decided to move to Washington.

There are more varieties of people and of opinion there,' she said. 'Our New York friends seem to follow blindly the old ideas from England. But it seems stupid to have discovered America only to make it into a copy of another country.'

Ah, it's what I've always told you,' said Newland sadly. 'You don't like us. We're dull. We've no character, no colour. I wonder,' he broke out, 'why you don't go back to him?'

Her eyes darkened, and he expected an angry reply. But she sat in silent thought, and he grew frightened that she might answer that she wondered too.

At last she said, 'I believe it's because of you.'

I believe it's because of you,' said Ellen Olenska.

Newland reddened, but dared not move or speak.

At least,' she continued, 'it was you who made me understand that under the dullness there are things so fine and sensitive that even those I most cared for in my other life look cheap by comparison. For a long time I've hoped this chance would come – so that I could tell you how you've helped me, what you've made of me...'

Newland broke in with a laugh. 'And what do you think you've made of me? I'm the man who married one woman because another woman told him to.'

I thought – you promised – not to say such things!'

Ah – how like a woman! None of you will accept a bad situation, or do anything about it!'

Is it a bad situation – for May?' she asked in a low voice. 'Because that's what we've always got to think of, isn't it? That's what you've shown me.'

I've shown you?' he echoed, looking blindly out at the sea.

If it's not worthwhile,' she said painfully, 'to have given up our wishes, to save other people from misery, then everything I came home for, everything you've taught me, everything that makes my other life look so poor because no one there bothers about it – all these things are a pretence or a dream...'

And if it's not worthwhile,' he finished for her, 'there's no reason on earth why you shouldn't go back?'

Her eyes stared desperately into his. 'Oh, is there no reason?'

Not if you were hoping for the success of my marriage,' he said fiercely. 'My marriage is certainly not worth staying for. Well, what do you expect? You let me see a real life, just for a moment, and at the same time asked me to go on with a false one. It's more than any human being can bear – that's all.'

Oh, don't say that – when I'm bearing it!' she burst out, her eyes filling with tears.

Newland sat dumbly, staring at her. 'You too – oh, all this time, you too?' She did not answer, but let the tears run down her face. He was thinking, with a strange sort of happiness, 'Now I shall never again feel completely alone.'

But after a moment he was in despair again. There they were, close together, yet so tied to their separate lives that they might as well be half a world apart.

What's the use – when you will go back?' he cried out.

She sat without moving. 'Oh, I won't go yet!'

Not yet? Some time, then? Some time in the future?'

At that she gave him her clearest look. 'I promise you, not as long as you can bear it. Not as long as we can look straight at each other like this.'

He turned to look out at the sea again. What her answer really said was, 'If you lift a finger, you'll drive me back to all the horrors you know of, and all the temptations you half guess.' The thought kept him to his side of the table, safely away from her.

What a life for you!' he cried.

Oh, it's bearable – as long as it's a part of yours.'

And as long as mine's a part of yours?'

Yes.'

And that's to be all – for either of us?'

Well, it is all, isn't it?'

At that he jumped up, forgetting everything but the sweetness of her face. She stood up too, and their hands met. They stood in that way for a long time, looking deep into each other's eyes, reading each other's hearts.

Don't – don't be unhappy,' she said, with a break in her voice, as she drew her hands away.

And he answered, 'You won't go back – you won't go back?'

I won't go back,' she said.

In silence they took the boat back to Boston harbour, and Newland left Madame Olenska at the Parker House Hotel.

The next morning he arrived back in New York, to start work again, as he had told May he would do. Although he had not even managed to kiss Madame Olenska's hand or persuade her to meet him again, he felt surprisingly calm. He realized he must not tempt her to come closer to him, or she would simply return to her husband. He was determined to wait, and trust her to decide when they could meet again.

On the way to his office he recognized the young man that he had seen coming out of the Parker House Hotel. The man recognized him at the same moment, and came over to shake his hand.

Surely, Monsieur, we met at the Carfrys'?' said the foreigner.

Ah, yes! Monsieur Rivière!' said Newland. 'What are you doing in New York? Come and have lunch with me.'

The young Frenchman thanked him, but asked if he could instead call on Newland at his office that afternoon. They agreed a time, and Newland gave him directions.

When Monsieur Rivière arrived, he looked pale and serious. He explained that he had been sent to Boston with a message from his employer for the Countess Olenska.

The blood rushed to Newland's face. 'In other words, you are Count Olenski's messenger?'

That is true, but this is my own message I am bringing you. You may not know, Monsieur, that Madame Olenska's family are trying to persuade her to return to her husband.'

Good God!' cried Newland. He sat in silent shock, realizing he had been cut out of the family's discussions. Somehow, they must know he was no longer on their side. He remembered May saying recently that Ellen might be happier with her husband, and his angry reply. May had not spoken Ellen's name since then.

He stared at the Frenchman. 'I didn't know,' he said.

Exactly, Monsieur. And I beg you... I beg you – Don't let her go back!' The Frenchman spoke with desperate sincerity.

May I ask if you advised the Countess not to go back?'

The Frenchman reddened. 'No, Monsieur, I gave her the Count's message as I had been ordered to do. But after talking to her, I realized that she has changed. Monsieur, her life with him now would be unbearable. I worked for the Count for many years, and returned to his employment only recently – but I promise you, I shall never work for him again!'

Thank you,' said Newland simply. Both men were very moved. They shook hands, and Monsieur Rivière left the office.