雙語《小約翰》 十二

XII
十二

He had sunk into deep sleep—that sleep which is too deep for dreams．
他落在一個深的睡眠里，直到那么深，在那里沒有夢。

When he came out of the darkness—very slowly—into the cool grey light of dawn，he passed through varied and peaceful dreams of an early time．He woke up，and they glided off his soul，like dew-drops off a flower．
當他又從這幽暗中起來——慢慢地——到了清晨的蒼茫涼爽的光中，他拂去了斑斕的、溫柔的舊夢。他醒了，有如露珠之從一朵花似的，夢從他的靈魂上滑掉了。

The look in his eyes was calm and sweet as they still gazed on the crowd of lovely images．
還在可愛的景象的錯雜中，半做著夢的他的眼睛的表情，是平靜而且和藹。

But he closed them again quickly as though the glare were painful，to shut out the pale daylight．He saw just what he had seen the morning before．It seemed to him far away and a long time ago．Still，hour by hour，he remembered it all，from the dreary day-break to the terrible night．He could not believe that all these horrors had come upon him in a single day．The beginning of his wretchedness seemed so remote，lost in grey mist．
但因了當著黯淡的白晝之前的苦痛，他如一個羞明者，將眼睛合上了。凡有在過去的早晨所曾見的，他都看見。這似乎已經(jīng)很久，很遠了。然而還是時時刻刻重到他的靈魂之前，從哀愁的早晨起，直到寒栗的夜里。他不能相信，那一切恐怖，是會在一日之中出現(xiàn)的。他的窘迫的開初，仿佛已經(jīng)是這樣遠，像失卻在蒼茫的霧里一般。

The sweet dreams vanished，and left no trace on his spirit；Pluizer shook him，and the dreadful day began，gloomy and colourless；the first of many，many more．
柔和的夢，無影無蹤地從他的靈魂上滑去了——穿鑿搖撼他——而沉郁的時光于是開始，懶散而且無色，是許多許多別的一切的前驅。

But all he had seen last night in that terrible walk dwelt in his mind．Had it been no more than a fearful vision？
但是凡有在前夜的可怕的游行中所見的，卻停留在他那里。這單是一個駭人的夢象么？

When he asked Pluizer doubtfully，he looked at him with mockery and amazement．
當他躊躕著將這去問穿鑿的時候，那一個卻嘲笑而詫異地看著他。

“What do you mean？”he said．
“你想什么？”他問。

But Johannes did not see the sarcasm in his eyes，and asked whether all this，which he still saw so plainly and clearly，had not indeed been true．
然而約翰卻看不出他眼里的嘲笑，還問，他看得如此清楚而且分明，如在面前的一切，是否真是這樣地出現(xiàn)了？

“Why，Johannes，how silly you are！Such a thing could never happen at all．”
“不，約翰，你卻怎樣地胡涂呵！這樣的事情是決不能發(fā)生的。”

And Johannes did not know what to think．
約翰不知道他須想什么了。

“We must set you to work at once，and then you will ask no more such foolish questions．”
“我們就要給你工作了。那么，你便不再這樣癡呆地問了。”

So they went to Doctor Cypher，who was to help Johannes to find what he sought．
他們便到那要幫助約翰，來覓得他所尋覓的號碼博士那里去。

But as they went along the crowded street，Pluizer suddenly stood still，and pointed out a man in the throng．
在活潑的街道上，穿鑿忽然沉靜地站住了，并且從大眾中指出一個人來給約翰看。

“Do you remember him？”asked Pluizer，and he laughed aloud when Johannes turned pale and stared at the man in terror．
“你還認識他么？”他問，當約翰大驚失色，凝視著那人的時候，他便在街上發(fā)出一聲響亮的嘩笑來。

He had seen him last night，deep under ground．
約翰在昨夜見過他，深深地在地下。

The doctor received them kindly and imparted his learning to Johannes，who listened to him for hours that day—and for many days after．
博士親切地接待他們，并且將他的智慧頒給約翰。他聽至數(shù)小時之久，在這一天，而且在以后的許多天。

The doctor had not found what they sought；but was very near it，he said．He would lead Johannes as far as he himself had gone， and then，together，they would be sure to achieve to it．
約翰所尋覓的，博士也還未曾覓得，他卻幾乎了。他說，他要使約翰上達，有如他自己一般。于是他們倆就要達了目的。

Johannes learned and listened，diligently and patiently—day after day，and month after month．He had very little hope，but he understood that he must go on now，as far as possible．He thought it strange that the longer he sought the light the darker it grew around him．The beginning of everything，he learned，was the best part of it，but the deeper he got the duller and more obscure it became．He began with the study of plants and animals，of everything about him，and when he had studied these a long time they all turned to numbers．Everything resolved itself into numbers—pages of figures．This Doctor Cypher thought quite splendid；he said that light would come to them as the numbers came，but to Johannes it was darkness．
約翰傾聽著，學習著，勤勉而且忍耐——許多日之久——許多月之久。他僅懷著些少的希望，然而他懂得，他現(xiàn)在應該進行——進行到他所做得到。他覺得很奇特。他尋覓光明，越長久，而他的周圍卻越昏暗。凡他所學的一切的開端，是很好的——只是他鉆研得越深，那一切也就越凄涼，越黯淡。他用動物和植物，以及周圍的一切來開手，如果觀察得一長久，那便成為號碼了。一切分散為號碼，紙張充滿著號碼。博士以為號碼是出色的，他并且說，號碼一到，于他是光明——但在約翰卻是昏暗。

Pluizer never left him，and drove and urged him on when he was disheartened or weary．His presence marred every moment of enjoyment and admiration．
穿鑿伴住他，倘或他厭倦和疲乏了，便刺戟他。享用或嘆賞的每一瞬間，他便埋怨他。

Johannes was amazed and delighted when he learnt and saw how exquisitely flowers were constructed，how the fruit was formed， and how insects unconsciously helped in the process．
約翰每當學到，以及看見花朵怎樣微妙地湊合，果實怎樣地結成，昆蟲怎樣不自覺地助了它們的天職的時候，是驚奇而且高興。

“That is beautiful！”he exclaimed．“How exactly it is all arranged，and how delicately and accurately contrived！”
“這卻是出色?！彼f，“這一切是算得多么詳盡，而且造得多么精妙和合式呵！”

“Yes，amazingly contrived，”said Pluizer．“The pity is that the greater part of this ingenuity and accuracy comes to nothing．How many flowers produce fruit，and how many seeds become trees？”
“是的，格外合式，”穿鑿說，“可惜，那合式和精妙的大部分是沒有用處的。有多少花結果，有多少種子成樹呢？”

“But still，it seems to be all wrought by some grand plan，”said Johannes．“Look，the bees seek honey for their own ends and do not know that they are serving the flowers，and the flowers attract the bees by their colours．That is a scheme，and they both work it out without knowing it．”
“然而那一切仿佛是照著一個宏大的規(guī)劃而作的，”約翰回答，“看罷！蜜蜂們自尋它們的蜜而不知道幫助了花，而花的招致蜜蜂是用了它們的顏色。這是一個規(guī)劃，兩者都在這上面工作，不識不知地。”

“That all looks very pretty，but it fails in many ways．When the bees have a chance，they bite a hole through the flower and make the whole internal structure useless．He is a clever Contriver indeed who can be laughed to scorn by a bee！”
“這見得真好，但欠缺的也還多。假使那蜜蜂覺得可能，它們便在花下咬進一個洞去，損壞了那十分復雜的安排。伶俐的工師，被一個蜜蜂當作呆子！”

And when he came to study the organism of men and beasts，matters were even worse．Whenever Johannes thought anything beautiful or well adapted，Pluizer would demonstrate its imperfections and inefficiency．He expatiated on the host of ills and woes to which every living creature is liable，selecting by preference the most disgusting and terrible．
在人類和動物之間的神奇的湊合，那就顯得更壞了。他從約翰以為美的和藝術的一切之中，指出不完備和缺點。他指示他能夠侵略人和動物的、苦惱和憂愁的全軍，他還偏喜歡選取那最可厭的和最可惡的。

“The Contriver，Johannes，was very shrewd，but in everything he made he forgot something，and men have as much as they can do to patch up these defects as best they may．You have only to look about you．An umbrella，a pair of spectacles—for shelter and better sight—these are specimens of man's patching．They are no part of the original plan．But the Contriver never considered that men would have colds，and read books，and do a thousand other things for which his plan was inadequate．He gave his children clothes without reflecting that they would outgrow them．Almost all men have by this time long outgrown their natural outfit．Now they do everything for themselves，and never trouble themselves at all about the Contriver and his schemes．What he failed to give them，they simply take by brute force；and when the obvious result is that they must die，they evade death，sometimes for a long period，by a variety of devices．”
“這工師，約翰，對于他所做的一切，確是狡獪的，然而他忘卻了一點東西。人們做得不歇手，只我要彌補一切損失。但看你的周圍罷！一柄雨傘，一個眼鏡，還有衣服和住所，都是人類的補工。這和那大規(guī)劃毫無關系。那工師卻毫不盤算，人們會受寒，要讀書，為了這些事，他的規(guī)劃是全不中用的。他將衣服交給他的孩子們，并沒有盤算他們的生長。于是一切人們，便幾乎都從他們的天然衣服里長大了。他們便自己拿一切到手里去，全不再管那工師和他的規(guī)劃。沒有交給他們的，他們也無恥地放肆地拿來——還有分明擺著的，是使他們死，于是他們便往往借了各種的詭計，在許多時光中，來回避這死?！?/span>

“But it is men's own fault，”said Johannes．“Why do they wilfully deviate from the laws of nature？”
“然而這是人們之罪，”約翰大聲說，“他們?yōu)槭裁慈涡赃h離那天然的呢？”

“Oh，silly Johannes！If a nursemaid lets an innocent child play with fire and it is burned，whose fault is it？ The child's，who knew nothing about fire；or the nurse's，who knew that it would burn itself？ And who is to blame if men pine in misery and disobedience to nature—they or the all-wise Contriver，compared with whom we are ignorant children？”
“呵，你這胡涂的約翰！倘或一個保姆使一個單純的孩子玩?；?，并且燒起來了，誰擔負這罪呢？那不識得火的孩子，還是知道那要焚燒的保姆呢？如果人們在困苦中或不自然中走錯了，誰有罪，他們自己呢，還是他們和他相比，就如無知無識的孩子們一般的，無所不知的工師呢？”

“But they are not ignorant，they know—”
“他們卻并非不知，他們曾經(jīng)知道……”

“Johannes，if you say to a child：Do not touch that fire，it will hurt you—and if the child touches it all the same because it does not know what pain is，can you then plead your own innocence and say：The child was not ignorant？ Did you not know that it would not heed your advice？ Men are as foolish as children．Glass is brittle and clay is soft．And He who made men and did not take their folly into account，is like a man who should make weapons of glass and not expect them to break，or arrows of clay and not expect them to bend．”
“約翰，假如你告訴一個孩子，‘不要弄那火，那是會痛的！’假使那孩子仍然弄，因為他不知道什么叫作痛，你就能給你脫去罪名，并且說：‘看呀！這孩子是并非不知道的么？’你深知道，那是不來聽你的話的。人們就如孩子一般耳聾和昏憒。但玻璃是脆的，粘土是軟的。誰造了人類而不計算他們的昏憒，便如那等人一樣，他用玻璃造兵器而不顧及它會破碎，用粘土做箭而不顧及它一定要彎曲?！?/span>

His words fell like drops of liquid fire on Johannes's soul，and his heart swelled with a great grief to which his former woes were as nothing，and which often made him weep in the silent，sleepless hours of the night．
這些話像是紛飛的火滴一般，落在約翰的靈魂上。他的胸中萌生了大悲痛，將他那先前的、在夜間寂靜和無眠的時候常常因此而哭的苦痛驅除了。

Oh，for sleep！sleep！There came a time after long days，when nothing was so dear to him as sleep．Then he neither thought nor suffered；in his dreams he was always carried back to his old life．It seemed to him beautiful as he dreamed of it，but day by day he could never remember exactly how things had then been．He only knew that the vexations and cravings of that former time were better than the vacant，stagnant feeling of the present．He once had longed bitterly for Windekind；he once had waited hour after hour on Robinetta．How delightful that had been！
唉！睡覺呵！睡覺呵！——曾有一時——多日之后——睡覺在他是最好的時候了。其中沒有思想，也沒有悲痛，他的夢還是永永引導他重到他的先前的生活去。當他夢著的時候，他仿佛覺得很華美，但在白晝，卻不再能夠想象那是怎樣了。他僅知道他的神往和苦痛，較勝于他現(xiàn)今所知道的空虛和僵死的感覺。有一回，他曾苦痛地神往于旋兒；有一回，他曾時時等候著榮兒。那是多么華美呵！

Robinetta！Did he still long for her？ The more he learnt the feebler that craving became．For that too was dissected，and Pluizer showed him what love really was．Then he felt ashamed，and Doctor Cypher said that he could not as yet express it in numbers，but that he should soon accomplish this．Then things grew darker and darker round little Johannes．
榮兒！——他還在神往么？——他學得越多，他的神往便越消失。因為這也散成片段了，而且穿鑿又使他了然，什么是愛。他于是自愧，號碼博士說，他還不能從中做出號碼來，然而快要出現(xiàn)了。小約翰的周圍，是這樣的黑暗而又黑暗。

He had an obscure feeling of thankfulness that he had not seen Robinetta in the course of that fearful expedition with Pluizer．
他微微覺得感謝，是在他和穿鑿的可怕的游行里沒有看見榮兒。

When he spoke of it to Pluizer he made no reply but a sly laugh；but Johannes understood that this was from no desire to spare him．
當他和穿鑿提及時，那人不說，卻只狡獪地微笑。然而約翰懂得，這是并不憐恤他。

Those hours which Johannes did not spend in study or work Pluizer took advantage of to show him the life of men．He managed to take him everywhere—into the hospitals where sick people lay in great numbers—long ranks of pale，haggard faces with a dull， suffering expression—and where unearthly silence reigned，broken only by coughing and groaning．And Pluizer showed him how many of them could never leave the place．And when at a fixed hour streams of men and women came pouring into the place to visit their sick relations，Pluizer said：“You see，they all know that they too must some day find their way into this house and these gloomy rooms，only to be carried out in a black chest．”
約翰一有并不學習和工作的時間，穿鑿便利用著領他到人間去。他知道帶他到各處，到病院中，病人們躺在大廳里，蒼白消瘦的臉帶著衰弱或苦痛的表情的一長列——那地方是憂郁的沉靜，僅被喘息和叫喚打斷了。穿鑿還指示他，其中的幾個將永不能出這大廳去。倘在一定的時間，人們的奔流進向這廳，來訪問他患病的親戚的時候，穿鑿便說：“看哪，大家都知道，便是他們也將進這屋子和昏暗的大廳里面來，為的是畢竟在一個黑箱子里抬出來。”

“Then how can they ever be so light-hearted？”thought Johannes．
“他們怎么能這樣高興呢？”約翰想。

And Pluizer took him up to a little attic-room where a dismal twilight reigned，and where the distant tinkle of a piano in a neighbouring house made an incessant dreamy noise．Here they found，among others，one man who lay staring helplessly before him at a narrow sunbeam which slowly crept up the wall．
穿鑿領他到樓上的一間小廳中，其中充滿著傷情的半暗，從鄰室里，有風琴的遙響不住地夢幻地傳來。于是穿鑿從眾中指一個病人給他看，是頑鈍地向前凝視著沿了墻懶懶地爬來的一線日光的。

“He has lain there for seven years，”said Pluizer．“He was a sailor，and has seen the palms of India，the blue seas of Japan，the forests of Brazil；and now，for seven long years，he has amused himself all day and every day with the sunbeams and the sound of the piano．He will never leave this room again；but it cannot last much longer now．”
“他在這里躺了七年了，”穿鑿說，“他是一個海員，他曾見印度的椰樹，日本的藍海，巴西的森林?，F(xiàn)在他在七個長年的那些長日子，消受著一線日光和風琴游戲。他不再能走出這里了，然而還可以經(jīng)過這樣的一倍之久。”

After this day Johannes had his worst dream；he fancied himself in that little room，listening to the feeble music，in the melancholy half-light，with nothing to look at but the rising and waning sun-beams—never more till the end．
從這一日起，約翰是極可怕的夢，他忽然醒來了，在小廳中，在如夢的聲響中的傷情的半暗里，至于直到他的結末，只看見將起將滅的黃昏。

Pluizer took him，too，to the great churches to listen to what was said there．He took him to festivals and grand ceremonies，and made him intimate in many houses．
穿鑿也領他到大教堂，使他聽在那里說什么。他引他到宴會，到盛大的典禮，到幾家的閨房。

Johannes learnt to study men，and it sometimes happened that he could not help thinking of his past life，of the tales Windekind had told him and of his own disappointments．There were men who reminded him of the glow-worm，who fancied that the stars were his departed friends；or of the cockchafer who was one day older than his comrade，and who had said so much about a vocation；and he heard tales which made him think of Kribbelgauw，the Spider-Hero，and of the eel who did nothing，but was fed because it was a grand thing to have a fat king．Himself，he could only compare to the younger cockchafer，who did not know what a vocation was， and flew to the light．He felt that he in the same way was creeping， helpless and crippled，over the carpet with a string round his body，a cruel string which Pluizer tugged and twitched．
約翰學著和人們認識，而且他屢次覺得，他應該想想他先前的生活、旋兒講給他的童話和他自己的經(jīng)歷，有一些人，是使他記起那想在星星中看見它亡故的伙伴的火螢的——或者那金蟲，那比別個老一天，而且談論了許多生活本分的——他聽到故事，則使他記起涂鴉潑剌，那十字蜘蛛中的英雄，或者記起鰻魚，那只是躺著吃，因為一個肥胖的年青的王，就顯得特別體面的。對于自己，他卻比為不懂得什么叫作生活本分，而飛向光中去的那幼小的金蟲。他似乎無助地殘廢地在地毯上各處爬，用一條線系著身子，一條鋒利的線，而穿鑿則牽著、掣著它。

Ah！he should never see the garden again！When would the heavy foot come and crush him to death？
唉，他將永不能再覓得那園子了，沉重的腳何時到來，并且將他踏碎呢？

Pluizer laughed at him if he ever spoke of Windekind；and by degrees he began to think that Windekind had never existed．
他說起旋兒，穿鑿便嘲弄他。而且他漸漸相信起來了，旋兒是從來沒有的。

“But，Pluizer，then the little key does not exist—nothing is real！”
“然而，穿鑿，那么，匙兒也就不成立了，那就全沒有什么成立了。”

“Nothing，nothing．Men and numbers—those are real and exist， endless numbers！”
“全無！全無！只有人們和號碼，這都是真的，存在的，無窮之多的號碼。”

“Then you deceived me，Pluizer．Let me go away—let me seek no more—leave me alone．”
“然而，穿鑿，那么，你就騙了我了。使我停止，使我不再尋覓罷，使我獨自一個罷！”

“Have you forgotten what Death told you？ That you are to become a man，a complete man？”
“死怎么對你說，你不知道了么？你須成一個人，一個完全的人?！?/span>

“I will not！it is horrible！”
“我不愿意。這太可怕！”

“You must．You wished it once．Look at Doctor Cypher，does he think it horrible？ Become like him—”
“你必須——你曾經(jīng)愿意了的。看看號碼博士罷，他以為這太可怕么？你要同他一樣?！?/span>

It was very true．Doctor Cypher seemed always content and happy．Unwearied and imperturbable，he pursued his way，studying and teaching，satisfied and equable．
這是真實。號碼博士仿佛長是平靜而且幸福。他不倦地不搖地走他的路，學著而且教著，知足而且和平。

“Look at him，”Pluizer went on，“he sees everything，and yet sees nothing．He looks on men as though he himself were a being apart，having nothing to do with their sufferings．He moves among griefs and wretchedness as though he were invulnerable，and meets Death face to face as though he were immortal．All he aims at is to understand what he sees，and everything is good in his eyes that comes in the way of knowledge．He is satisfied with everything so long as he understands it．That is what you must be．”
“看他罷，”穿鑿說，“他看見一切，而仍然一無所見。他觀察人類，似乎他自己是別的東西，和他們全不一樣。他闖過疾病和困苦之間，似乎不會受傷，而且他還與死往還，如不死者。他只希望懂得他之所見，而凡有于他顯然的，在他是一樣地正當。只要一懂得，他便立即滿足了。你也須這樣?！?/span>

“But that I can never be．”
“我卻永不能?！?/span>

“Well，I cannot help that．”
“好，那我就不能幫助你了。”

This was the hopeless conclusion of all their discussions．Johannes grew dull and indifferent，and searched and searched， knowing no longer why，or for what．He had become like the multitudes of whom Wistik had spoken．
這永是他們的交談的無希望的結束。約翰是疲乏而且隨便了，尋覓又尋覓，是什么和為什么，他不復知道了。他已如旋兒所說的許多人們一般。

It was now winter，but he scarcely observed it．
冬天來了，他幾乎不知道。

One chill and misty morning，when the snow lay wet and dirty on the roads，and fell from the trees and roofs，he went with Pluizer for his daily walk．
當一個天寒霧重的早晨，潮濕的污穢的雪躺在街道上，并且從樹木和屋頂上點滴著的時候，他和穿鑿走著他平日的路。

In a public garden he met a party of young girls，in a row， and carrying school-books．They pelted each other with snow，and laughed and gambolled；their voices rang out clearly over the snowy plain．There was no sound of feet or wheels to be heard；nothing but the tinkling bells of the horses，or the latch of a shop door．Their merry laughter sounded distinctly through the silence．
在一處，他遇見一列年青的姑娘，手上拿著教科書。她們用雪互擲著，笑著，而且彼此捉弄著，她們的聲音在雪地上清徹地發(fā)響。聽不到腳步和車輪的聲響，只有馬的，或者一所店門的關閉，像似一個鈴鐺的聲音。高興的笑聲，清徹地穿過這寂靜。

Johannes noted that one of these damsels looked at him and stared back after him．She wore a coloured cloak and a black hat．He knew her face very well，but he could not think who she was．She nodded to him once and again．
約翰看見，一個姑娘怎樣地看他而且向他凝望著，她穿一件小皮衣，戴著黑色的帽子。他熟識她的外貌，卻仍不知道她是誰。她點頭，而且又點一回頭。

“Who is that？ I know her．”
“這是誰呢？我認識她?！?/span>

“Yes，very likely．Her name is Maria，some persons call her Robinetta．”
“是的，這是可能的。她叫馬理，有幾個人稱她榮兒?！?/span>

“No，that cannot be．She is not like Windekind．She is a girl like any other．”
“不，這不能是。她不像旋兒。她是一個平常的姑娘?！?/span>

“Ha，ha，hah！She cannot be like Nobody．But she is what she is．You have longed to see her so much；now I will take you to see her！”
“哈！哈！哈！她不能像一個并不存在的或人的。然而她是，她是的。你曾經(jīng)這樣地很仰慕她，我現(xiàn)在要將你弄到她那里去了?！?/span>

“No，I do not want to see her．I would rather see her dead like the others．”
“不，我不愿意見她。我寧可見她死，像別人一樣。”

And Johannes would not look round again，but hurried on， murmuring：
約翰不再向各處觀看了，卻是忙忙地前奔，并且喃喃著：

“This is the last！There is nothing—nothing！”
“這是結局。全不成立！全無！”