MANYA'S school was an odd place and she learned odd things: how, for instance, to do what one is forbidden to do; how to hide one's disobedience quickly; how to seem to be doing what one isn't; how to diddle government inspectors; and because Manya was cleverer than most children, she was soon doing all these things better than the others. But the queerest thing of all in that school was that her form mistress and the headmistress found her a great help and not, as you might have thought, a great nuisance.
One day her class of twenty-five were having a delicious history lesson—a much more delicious history lesson than English children have ever had because it was a forbidden lesson. All the twenty-five and their mistress knew it was forbidden.
There they sat, the twelve year olds. Manya, aged only ten, was in the third row, near the high window looking out on to the snowy lawn. All the twenty-five were in navy blue with steel buttons and white collars, their hair tightly plaited and tied behind their ears with a neat tight bow. Their ears were all stretched, left ear listening hard for every word of history, right ear quick to catch the first tinkle of a certain door bell—conspirators all! Mistress and pupils were waiting, working, waiting to be caught!
Manya was in the middle of answering a question… Her mistress liked her to answer as she was always top in history, top too in arithmetic, literature, German and French. On this occasion she was telling what she had learned of the Polish king, Stanislas Auguste.
“He was elected King of Poland,” said she, “in 1764. He was a clever, highly educated king, a friend of poets and artists. He understood the causes of Poland's weakness and tried to make her strong, but alas, he had no courage...” Even Manya knew that a king should have courage and her voice was full of fierce regret, the fierce regret of a ten year old, who understood quite a lot. Tang—, tang—, ting, ting. Everybody shivered once. Everybody moved quickly, absolutely silently. Tupcia, as they called their mistress, piled her Polish books, every child piled her exercise books and her Polish history. The five whose duty it was, gathered all the books into their aprons and carried them with all speed to the boarders' bedrooms. The rest got out their needlework and were making exquisite buttonholes in cotton squares as if they had never done anything else.
The Russian inspector came in, accompanied by the unhappy headmistress, who had not been able to prevent his walking fast, and was in a panic lest the warning bell, with its two long rings and two short, had not given the children time to hide their disobedience. But there was no sign of anything but needlework, except that perhaps five little girls looked rather hot and breathless. But a man would not notice that.
Monsieur Hornberg, the inspector, sat down heavily. He was a fine looking man in spite of his fat and his shaved head. His uniform helped him with its yellow trousers and blue jacket fastened with well-polished silver buttons. In silence, he looked piercingly at the children through his gold-rimmed glasses and glanced swiftly at the book Tupcia had laid open on the desk with a bored air.
“You were reading aloud while they worked?” he questioned. “What is the book?”
“Krylov's Fairy Tales. We have just begun it to-day.”
M. Hornberg knew that Russian book well and sincerely approved of it. He opened one of the desks and found it tidily empty. The button-holing had stopped and the children were politely waiting for his words of wisdom. It was not he who would have the eyes to see in their motionless faces the fear, the cleverness, the hatred that was there behind their solemn eyes.
“Mademoiselle, call up one of those young people, please.”
Tupcia was relieved; she couId choose one who would not make a hash of things. The one, however, was praying not to be called up. “Don't let it be me, God, please God…” She did not hear God say: “Marya Sklodovska, the world is waiting for you to learn to do disagreeable things greatly.” She did hear Tupcia call Marya Sklodovska!
She got up, turned hot, turned cold; shame clutched at her young throat.
“Say the Lord's Prayer,” ordered Hornberg.
Manya obeyed, saying it in Russian as the foreign ruler bade, not in Latin, according to the custom of her own religion.
“Mention the Czars of Holy Russia since Catherine II.”
“Catherine II, Paul I, Alexander I, Nicolas I, Alexander II,” recited Manya in perfect Russian as if she had been born in St. Petersburg.
“And the names and titles of the Czar's family.”
“Her Majesty, the Empress, His Imperial Highness, the Czarevitch Alexander, His Imperial Highness, the Grand Duke...”
“Good! Who governs us?”
Manya hesitated.
“Who governs us?” repeated the inspector, irritated.
“His Majesty, Alexander II, Czar of all the Russias,” stammered Manya, turning pale.
The inspection was over and the inspector gone, very well satisfied with what he had seen and heard and feeling that he was making a real success of his department. But Manya broke down and cried as if her heart would break.
At the end of school, outside in the street, the excited children had a tale to tell their aunts and mothers and nurses who had come to fetch them; but in whispers they told it, for they knew only too well that any passer-by, any lounger, might be a spy, who would repeat to the government what even a child said.
Hela and Manya took their Aunt Lucia by each arm. “The inspector questioned Manya,” whispered Hela. “She answered like a brick, but cried like a baby afterwards. Anyway, the inspector hadn't any fault to find with anybody.”
Manya held her tongue. She hated it all—hated being afraid, hated being made to feel that she belonged to an enslaved nation, hated having to lie, to lie all the time. As she clung to her aunt's arm, she remembered all the things she hated: the Ogre who had managed to turn her father out of his professorship. That had made them so that they were obliged to have students lodging in their house, which was horrid and often made them uncomfortable and unhappy. But that happiness was as nothing in comparison with not having Zosia any more, Zosia to tell her tales, Zosia to listen to all she had to say. Zosia had caught typhus from one of the students and had gone away for ever.
Across the sunny, snowy park the three made their way to the old town of Warsaw with its narrow streets and high, sloping-roofed houses ringed with snow. From unexpected comers, odd little sculptures looked out, Virgins' faces or strange stone animals.
Suddenly, the old church bells clanged out above their heads, clear and noisy in the frosty air. There were quite a crowd of churches just there and Aunt Lucia drew the children in through the dark door of one where they used to go to mass years before. How could Manya go in now, without Zosia? But she went in, because there was a colder fear than any other in her heart now and she wanted to persuade God to let her mother get better. “Let mother get better,” she prayed. “Let me die instead of mother, please, God.”
Out in the crisp winter air again Aunt Lucia had a treat to propose: they were to go down to the Vistula to buy the household apples from the market boats. Forgetting their sorrows, the children ran down the long steps that led to the river. The great Vistula rolled its yellowish, sombre vastness around low sandy islands, great empty barges slowly heaved against one another, sometimes thudding with a low sound into the floating baths and wash-houses at the bank. Only around the two long apple barges was there life in that winter season, for they had come from far up the river to bring red, rosy joy to children in Warsaw. The master, cosy in his sheepskin coat, swaying as he moved about the craft, lifted the straw here and there to show the purchasers how red and polished and free from frost his merchandise was in spite of its many days' journeying down the Vistula.
Hela first, then Manya threw down muff and satchel and began excitedly choosing their own apples, piling them in the great wicker basket that was to carry them home, throwing any bad ones they had the luck to find far far out into the river, seeing who could throw the furthest.
Then Aunt Lucia engaged a boy to carry home the basket and marched her charges off the boat, each munching the reddest of all the apples.
At home at five o'clock, there was a meal of something more substantial than apples and then homework round the big desk. Soon a loud murmur rose from those aggravating people who do lessons aloud, a trying custom in other lands besides Poland. Those children had to learn their lessons in Russian. Mathematics in Russian for Polish children were even harder than usual. French and German grammar was all in Russian and words they did not know had to be looked up in Russian dictionaries. They might, of course, explain their difficulties to themselves in Polish, but when the next morning came they had to say the lesson in Russian and to go through a geometrical problem in a foreign language. They had to write their essays in a tongue not their own and to read French directly into Russian. Learning was a hard matter.
But Manya was a witch. She knew things by magic without learning them; she had to read her Russian verses only twice to know them without a mistake, lucky scrap! But she was also a kind-hearted scrap, for when her homework was done under time, she would help other people through their maze of difficulty. Not always, though. If she got a chance, she would put a book between her elbows on the table, her hands over her ears to keep out Hela's recitation, and… read! When Manya read, there was no waking her from her absorption; she heard nothing. A whole household might plan to tease and make a noise like all the zoos let loose with tin cans to play with and yet Manya wouldn't hear till her book was done. That was concentration and it was a joyful gift to have seized from the lucky-bag of life.
Once the others built a scaffolding of chairs round her as she read, a chair on each side, a chair behind and on top, three more chairs and so on over her head. She didn't hear or see a shadow of a chair or builder. She didn't hear delighted whispering or stifled laughter. When she had finished, she raised her head and down came the whole edifice amid shouts of laughter from the others. That didn't please Manya. She rubbed a bruised shoulder and went into another room, flashing at her elders as she passed just: “That's silly!”
When bedtime came, the Sklodovski girls slept on skins in the dining-room because the bedrooms had to be given to the students who paid. In the night the skins used to slip off and leave them cold. In the morning they had to get up in the dark because the dining-room had to be ready for the students' breakfast.
But such things as that were of no importance to Manya. Her mother was growing more and more ill, even she could see that. She prayed to God always, but He seemed not to listen to ten year old Manya. And in the spring, in May, before she was eleven, her mother slipped away, whispering to her little girl: “I love you.”
Manya was learning very much; was learning that life asks for courage from nations and men and children, not only from kings. She had thoughts of her own about it all. It seemed to her unjust and cruel and not at all to be understood. She was headstrong and angry and not at all submissive.
瑪妮雅上的學(xué)校可真是個(gè)怪地方,她在那里學(xué)些不尋常的事。比如,如何打破禁條,做不允許做的事;如何快速掩飾自己不守紀(jì)律的小動作;如何假裝在做自己并沒做的事;如何蒙騙政府巡查員。因?yàn)楝斈菅疟纫话阈『⒍悸斆?,所以她很快就比別人做得都好。但學(xué)校里最奇怪的就是,無論班主任還是女校長都覺得瑪妮雅是個(gè)溫順乖巧的好孩子,而不是個(gè)問題學(xué)生。
一天,班里二十五名學(xué)生都在如饑似渴地聽著歷史課——?dú)v史課比英語課生動多了,因?yàn)檫@是一堂禁課。班里的二十五名學(xué)生和老師都知道這是違反紀(jì)律的。
孩子們端坐在教室,年齡大多十二歲左右?,斈菅胖挥惺畾q,坐在第三排靠近窗戶的位置,透過高高的窗戶她能看到外面白雪皚皚的草地。班里所有孩子都身穿海軍藍(lán)的校服、系著鋼扣、翻著白領(lǐng)子,頭發(fā)編成整齊的辮子別在耳后,挺著筆直的腰桿。她們?nèi)钾Q著耳朵,左耳朵費(fèi)力地聽著歷史課上的每一個(gè)字,右耳朵警惕地準(zhǔn)備捕捉隨時(shí)可能響起的門鈴叮當(dāng)聲——她們?nèi)慷紖⑴c了違禁活動!老師和學(xué)生們隨時(shí)都可能被抓??!
瑪妮雅正在回答問題——老師很喜歡叫她回答問題,因?yàn)樗龤v史成績總是名列前茅,在算術(shù)、文學(xué)、德語和法語課上也是數(shù)一數(shù)二。這會兒,她正在復(fù)述她學(xué)到的關(guān)于波蘭國王斯坦尼斯拉斯·奧古斯特的相關(guān)內(nèi)容。
她說:“1764年,奧古斯特當(dāng)選為波蘭國王。他是一位睿智聰穎、文化造詣極高的國王,與詩人和藝術(shù)家為友。他深知波蘭弱小的原因,努力讓國家走向富強(qiáng),但遺憾的是他缺乏勇氣……”即便是瑪妮雅這樣的小姑娘也知道國王必須勇敢有魄力,因而她的語氣滿是惋惜,這是一個(gè)早諳世事的十歲孩子發(fā)出的沉重嘆惜。當(dāng)——當(dāng)——丁,丁。所有人立馬嚇得一個(gè)激靈。大家快速行動,并且絕對安靜。女教師杜佩莎收起波蘭課本,所有的學(xué)生也都摞好他們的練習(xí)冊和波蘭歷史書。五名值日生用圍裙收好所有人的書,一個(gè)箭步?jīng)_到住校生的宿舍里放好。其余人拿出針線包,在棉布上縫著精美的紐扣,就好像從未做過其他事。
俄國巡查員走進(jìn)來,旁邊跟著女校長,她因?yàn)闆]能擋住巡查員快速的腳步而面色沉郁,并且有些驚慌失措,擔(dān)心那兩聲長兩聲短的警鈴沒能給孩子們足夠的時(shí)間來掩飾違禁行為。但事實(shí)上,孩子們并沒露出任何馬腳,好似一直在專心做針線活,別的什么也沒有,唯一可疑的一點(diǎn)就是那五名值日生小姑娘熱得兩頰紅撲撲的,氣喘吁吁。不過男巡查員根本察覺不到這一點(diǎn)。
巡查員霍恩貝格先生一屁股重重地坐在椅子上。他腦袋胖乎乎的,且剃了光頭,但長得還算順眼。他身上的制服也為他平添了幾分帥氣,他身穿黃色褲子,合身的藍(lán)色皮夾克上扣著锃亮的銀色金屬扣。在一片寂靜中,他透過金絲邊眼鏡眼神凌厲地掃視著每一名學(xué)生,并且快速瞥了一眼杜佩莎老師攤開在桌上的書。
“學(xué)生們做手工的時(shí)候你還大聲讀書嗎?”他審問道,“是什么書?”
“《克雷洛夫的寓言》。我們今天剛開始學(xué)。”
霍恩貝格先生熟知這本俄語書,并且打心眼里認(rèn)可。他隨意打開一張課桌,發(fā)現(xiàn)里面凈無一物。孩子們停下手中的活兒,禮貌性地等著巡查員訓(xùn)話。而他卻一點(diǎn)兒也看不出孩子們那一張張平靜的笑臉背后隱藏的恐懼和機(jī)靈,以及莊重嚴(yán)肅的眼神背后透露出的憤恨。
“女士,請點(diǎn)一名學(xué)生起立?!?/p>
杜佩莎如釋重負(fù),她肯定會挑一名絕不會惹出麻煩的學(xué)生。然而,這名學(xué)生也在默默祈禱千萬不要被點(diǎn)到,“老天爺,求求你,千萬別是我……”她卻沒聽到上天說,“瑪妮雅·斯克沃多夫斯卡,全世界都在等著你學(xué)會去做那些令人不悅的事?!彼_實(shí)聽到杜佩莎老師叫到了瑪妮雅·斯克沃多夫斯卡!
她站起來,臉上紅一陣、白一陣,羞愧感如鯁在喉。
“背誦主禱文?!被舳髫惛衩畹?。
瑪妮雅聽從吩咐,按照這個(gè)俄國巡查員的命令,用俄語而不是按照自己的民族習(xí)慣采用拉丁語,開始背誦。
“說出繼葉卡捷琳娜二世之后,偉大俄國沙皇的名字?!?/p>
“葉卡捷琳娜二世,保羅一世,亞歷山大一世,尼古拉一世,亞歷山大二世。”瑪妮雅用標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的俄語背誦道,就好像自己是土生土長的圣彼得堡人。
“還有沙皇家族成員的名字和頭銜?!?/p>
“皇后陛下,皇太子亞歷山大殿下,大公殿下……”
“很好!誰統(tǒng)治我們?”
瑪妮雅猶豫了。
“誰統(tǒng)治我們?”巡查員重復(fù)道,有些惱怒。
“俄國沙皇陛下亞歷山大二世?!爆斈菅磐掏掏峦碌溃樕n白。
訊問結(jié)束,巡查員走了,對他所見所聞甚是滿意,感覺對自己的部門領(lǐng)導(dǎo)得十分成功。但瑪妮雅卻因此崩潰大哭,痛苦得仿若心碎。
放學(xué)了,走在外面的大街上,孩子們興奮地向前來接她們的媽媽和保姆阿姨們講述一天發(fā)生的事情;但一定都是低聲耳語,因?yàn)樗麄兦宄刂?,任何一個(gè)路人、閑逛的人都可能是間諜,甚至?xí)⒁粋€(gè)孩童說的話向政府報(bào)告。
海拉和瑪妮雅一邊一個(gè)牽著露西婭阿姨的手?!把膊閱T考問瑪妮雅了,”海拉悄悄說道,“她對答如流,但事后又哭得像個(gè)孩子。不管怎樣,巡查員什么刺兒也沒挑到?!?/p>
瑪妮雅絕口不提。她厭惡這一切——厭惡自己的恐懼,厭惡自己屬于一個(gè)被奴役的國家,厭惡自己不得不撒謊,一直在撒謊。她緊抓著阿姨的胳膊,記起了自己厭惡的一切,首先是想盡辦法讓爸爸不能再教書的奧格爾。這件事迫使他們不得不接受學(xué)生借宿在自己家里。學(xué)生們調(diào)皮、令人討厭,常常讓家里人覺得不自在。但比起沒有若莎陪伴,沒有若莎給她講故事,聽她傾訴衷腸,這點(diǎn)不愉快根本不算什么。若莎不幸被家里借宿的一個(gè)學(xué)生傳染上了傷寒癥,永遠(yuǎn)離開了人世。
陽光和煦,三個(gè)人穿過白雪覆蓋的公園向華沙老城走去。老城里街道狹窄,兩邊建筑物高斜的屋頂上環(huán)繞著一圈白雪。不時(shí)地探出奇形怪狀的小雕塑,是圣女的臉龐或奇特的石獸。
突然,頭頂上方傳來古老教堂的鐘聲,在這冷凍結(jié)霜的空氣中顯得清脆而洪亮。這附近有很多類似的教堂,露西婭阿姨引著孩子們穿過其中一座黑漆漆的大門,多年前他們常來這里做禮拜。沒有了若莎,瑪妮雅現(xiàn)在怎么走進(jìn)去?但她還是進(jìn)去了,因?yàn)樗F(xiàn)在心里比任何時(shí)候都感到冰冷和害怕,也想祈求上帝能讓母親身體漸好?!白寢寢尯闷饋戆?,”她祈禱道,“就讓我替母親去死吧,求求你,上帝?!?/p>
在冬季凜冽的寒風(fēng)中,露西婭阿姨提出:她們要去維斯瓦河,從運(yùn)輸船上買些蘋果。忘掉了憂傷,孩子們蹦蹦跳跳地走下長長的石階,朝河邊走去。偉大的維斯瓦河翻滾著沉郁的黃色巨流,繞過低平的沙洲,長長的、空蕩蕩的駁船緩緩地??吭谝黄?,有時(shí)因?yàn)樽驳礁〔酆桶哆叺南匆路慷l(fā)出沉重的砰砰聲。只有在兩只長長的、載滿蘋果的駁船邊才顯露出這冬季里的一絲生氣,它們從河上游的遠(yuǎn)方而來,為華沙城的孩子們帶來了紅潤明媚的歡樂。船主愜意地裹著羊皮襖,來回?cái)[弄著貨物,抱起貨物上蓋著的稻草,向客人們展示:盡管駁船在維斯瓦河上一行數(shù)日,但船上的蘋果還是紅彤彤有光澤,絲毫沒有被霜凍壞。
先是海拉,而后是瑪妮雅,她們脫掉了暖手筒,放下書包,興奮地挑揀起蘋果,整齊地碼在大柳條筐里,將好不容易找到的壞蘋果扔進(jìn)河里,比比誰投得遠(yuǎn)。
露西婭阿姨找了個(gè)男孩將籃子提回家,并從船上把兩個(gè)孩子趕下岸,那會兒她們倆還在大口大口地啃著紅潤的蘋果。
她們五點(diǎn)鐘才到家,用過家里的可口晚餐后就坐在大桌子旁開始寫作業(yè)。很快在這些憤怒的小孩子中間便爆發(fā)出了喧雜的讀書聲,他們聲音很大,這在波蘭以外的國家肯定是種不禮貌的行為。孩子們要用俄語學(xué)習(xí)。而用俄語學(xué)數(shù)學(xué)對波蘭孩子們來說更是難上加難。學(xué)法語和德語語法也是用俄語,有不認(rèn)識的單詞就查俄語字典。當(dāng)然他們可以用波蘭語描述難點(diǎn),但第二天一上學(xué)就要用俄語,而且還要用俄語復(fù)習(xí)幾何課。他們要用外語寫作,并且直接用俄語來學(xué)習(xí)法文。學(xué)習(xí)真是件困難的事。
但瑪妮雅可是個(gè)小小魔術(shù)師。她好像有魔力似的,不用刻意去學(xué),就能知道很多事;俄語詩只要讀兩遍,就能毫無差錯(cuò)地完全掌握,小幸運(yùn)星!她也是個(gè)好心腸的幸運(yùn)兒,有時(shí)提前做完作業(yè),她就會幫別人解決難題。當(dāng)然這只是偶爾。如果有機(jī)會,她就會兩肘支在桌上,中間放上一本書,雙手捂著耳朵不去聽海拉的背誦,只是專心閱讀?,斈菅抛x書的時(shí)候全神貫注,什么都無法打攪;她什么也聽不見。全家人有時(shí)可能特意開玩笑,敲打著罐子,制造出像在動物園里一樣的聲響,而瑪妮雅如果是在看書就什么都聽不見。這就是聚精會神,上天賜予她的美妙禮物。
有一次瑪妮雅看書時(shí),其他人在她周圍用椅子搭起了一個(gè)架子,左右各放一把椅子,后面一把,上面一把,頭頂上方又搭了三把。她不僅聽不到搭椅子的聲音,連椅子或者搭建者的影子也看不到,更聽不到別人興奮的竊竊私語或捂嘴發(fā)出的咯咯笑聲?,斈菅趴赐陼痤^,“椅子大廈”轟然倒塌,躲在一旁的人群立即爆發(fā)出洪亮的笑聲。這讓瑪妮雅有些不悅。她揉了揉青腫的肩膀,走進(jìn)另一間房,順便瞥了一眼哥哥姐姐們,說道:“真幼稚!”
晚上睡覺前,斯克沃多夫斯基家的女孩們在餐廳里打地鋪,臥室讓給了付費(fèi)借宿的學(xué)生。睡到半夜,皮毯經(jīng)?;?,把人凍得瑟瑟發(fā)抖。而且他們早晨天不亮就要起床,把餐廳騰出來,再為學(xué)生們準(zhǔn)備早餐。
但這些對于瑪妮雅來說都不重要。她媽媽病得越來越重,就連她也看得出來。她經(jīng)常向上帝禱告,但上帝好像并沒有聽到這個(gè)十歲小女孩的聲音。春天,將近五月份時(shí),瑪妮雅還不滿十一歲,媽媽就去世了,并在臨終前對女兒說道:“媽媽愛你。”
瑪妮雅自此學(xué)會了很多;認(rèn)識到面對生活,不僅僅是一個(gè)國家的君王需要勇氣,整個(gè)國家、成年人和孩子們都需要充滿勇氣。她對這一切也有了自己獨(dú)到的看法。生活對她來說既殘忍又不公平,更是無法完全理解的。她固執(zhí)、憤怒,且絕不順服。
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