“Good-morning,” Mr. Button said nervously, to the clerk in the Chesapeake Dry Goods Company. “I want to buy some clothes for my child.”
“How old is your child, sir?”
“About six hours,” answered Mr. Button, without due consideration.
“Babies' supply department in the rear.”
“Why, I don't think—I'm not sure that's what I want. It's—he's an unusually large-size child. Exceptionally—ah—large.”
“They have the largest child's sizes.”
“Where is the boys' department?” inquired Mr. Button, shifting his ground desperately. He felt that the clerk must surely scent his shameful secret.
“Right here.”
“Well—”He hesitated. The notion of dressing his son in men's clothes was repugnant to him. If, say, he could only find a very large boy's suit, he might cut off that long and awful beard, dye the white hair brown, and thus manage to conceal the worst, and to retain something of his own self-respect—not to mention his position in Baltimore society.
But a frantic inspection of the boys' department revealed no suits to fit the new-born Button. He blamed the store, of course—in such cases it is the thing to blame the store.
“How old did you say that boy of yours was?” demanded the clerk curiously.
“He's—sixteen.”
“Oh, I beg your pardon. I thought you said six hours. You'll find the youths' department in the next aisle.”
Mr. Button turned miserably away. Then he stopped, brightened, and pointed his finger toward a dressed dummy in the window display. “There!” he exclaimed. “I'll take that suit, out there on the dummy.”
The clerk stared. “Why,” he protested, “that's not a child's suit. At least it is, but it's for fancy dress. You could wear it yourself!”
“Wrap it up,” insisted his customer nervously. “That's what I want.”
The astonished clerk obeyed.
Back at the hospital Mr. Button entered the nursery and almost threw the package at his son. “Here's your clothes,” he snapped out.
The old man untied the package and viewed the contents with a quizzical eye.
“They look sort of funny to me,” he complained, “I don't want to be made a monkey of—”
“You've made a monkey of me!” retorted Mr. Button fiercely. “Never you mind how funny you look. Put them on—or I'll—or I'll spank you.” He swallowed uneasily at the penultimate word, feeling nevertheless that it was the proper thing to say.
“All right, father”—this with a grotesque simulation of filial respect—“you've lived longer; you know best. Just as you say.”
As before, the sound of the word“father”caused Mr. Button to start violently.
“And hurry.”
“I'm hurrying, father.”
When his son was dressed Mr. Button regarded him with depression. The costume consisted of dotted socks, pink pants, and a belted blouse with a wide white collar. Over the latter waved the long whitish beard, drooping almost to the waist. The effect was not good.
“Wait!”
Mr. Button seized a hospital shears and with three quick snaps amputated a large section of the beard. But even with this improvement the ensemble fell far short of perfection. The remaining brush of scraggly hair, the watery eyes, the ancient teeth, seemed oddly out of tone with the gaiety of the costume. Mr. Button, however, was obdurate—he held out his hand. “Come along!” he said sternly.
His son took the hand trustingly. “What are you going to call me, dad?” he quavered as they walked from the nursery—“Just ‘baby’ for a while? Till you think of a better name?”
Mr. Button grunted. “I don't know,” he answered harshly. “I think we'll call you Methuselah.”
“上午好,”巴頓先生緊張地對(duì)切薩皮克紡織品公司的售貨員說,“我想給我的孩子買幾件衣服?!?/p>
“你孩子多大了,先生?”
“大約出生六個(gè)小時(shí)。”巴頓先生脫口而出。
“嬰兒用品部在后面。”
“呃,我不認(rèn)為——我不確定那是不是我想要的。它是——他是個(gè)體形特別大的孩子。格外——呃——大?!?/p>
“他們有最大號(hào)的嬰兒服?!?/p>
“男童服裝部在哪兒?”巴頓先生問道,他突然改變了主意。他覺得售貨員肯定識(shí)破了他那丟人的秘密。
“就在這兒?!?/p>
“哦——”他猶豫起來。一想到要為兒子穿上大人的衣服他就感到厭惡。哎,要是能找到一套特大號(hào)的男童服裝就好了,他也許可以把他那又長又丑的胡子剪掉,把他的白頭發(fā)染成褐色,這樣興許能夠把最不堪的局面遮掩過去,興許能為自己留幾分臉面——更不用說保住他在巴爾的摩的社會(huì)地位了。
但是他在男童服裝部發(fā)瘋似的尋覓,也沒有為新生兒巴頓找到合適的衣服。他責(zé)怪這家服裝店,當(dāng)然——在這種情況下,的確是應(yīng)該責(zé)怪服裝店的。
“你說你的孩子多大了?”售貨員好奇地問。
“他——十六歲了。”
“哦,請(qǐng)?jiān)彙N以詾槟阏f的是六個(gè)小時(shí)。下一個(gè)走道那兒就是青年服裝部。”
巴頓先生苦不堪言地走開了。然后他停下腳步,眼前一亮,指著櫥窗里套著衣服的人體模型,大聲說:“瞧!我要買那套衣服,人體模型穿的那套。”
售貨員看了看?!芭叮彼硎痉磳?duì),“那不是兒童服裝。也許沾點(diǎn)邊,只不過那是參加化裝舞會(huì)時(shí)穿的。你自己倒是能穿!”
“包起來,”顧客緊張地堅(jiān)持己見,“我就要那套?!?/p>
吃驚的售貨員照做了。
回到醫(yī)院,巴頓先生走進(jìn)育嬰室,把包里的衣服可以說是扔給了兒子?!敖o你買的衣服。”他沒好氣地說。
老人拆開包裝,詫異地看看里面的衣服。
“我覺得這套衣服有點(diǎn)滑稽,”他幽怨地說,“我可不想弄得像耍猴子似的?!?/p>
“你是在耍我!”巴頓先生兇神惡煞似的駁斥兒子,“管它看上去滑不滑稽,穿上吧——否則,我就——否則,我就揍你?!钡箶?shù)第二個(gè)字聽起很別扭,他咽了口唾沫,但是依然覺得就該這么說。
“好吧,父親——”他努力表現(xiàn)得孝敬,讓人覺得怪怪的,“你經(jīng)多見廣,就聽你的吧?!?/p>
和以前一樣,聽到“父親”這個(gè)詞,巴頓先生心驚肉跳。
“那么就趕緊穿?!?/p>
“我在趕緊穿呢,父親?!?/p>
兒子穿好衣服,巴頓先生失望地看著他。這套衣服包括帶有圓點(diǎn)圖案的襪子、粉紅色的褲子和一件配有腰帶的白色大領(lǐng)外套。長長的白胡子差不多垂到腰間,在外套上晃蕩著。難看死了。
“等等!”
巴頓先生拿起醫(yī)院里的剪刀,“咔、咔、咔”三下子,瞬間把兒子的胡子剪掉一大截。但是,即使做了這樣的改善,整體效果依然不盡如人意。凌亂的頭發(fā),眼淚汪汪的眼睛,搖搖欲墜的牙齒,看上去很怪異,與這身花里胡哨的衣服格格不入。然而,巴頓先生已經(jīng)鐵了心——他伸出手。“走吧!”他厲聲說道。
兒子信任地拉住他的手?!澳銣?zhǔn)備怎么稱呼我,爸爸?”他們從育嬰室出來時(shí),他用顫抖的聲音問,“暫時(shí)叫我‘寶貝’,然后再起個(gè)更合適的名字,是不是?”
巴頓先生咕噥了一聲?!拔也恢?,”他板著臉說,“我想我們就叫你瑪士撒拉(1)吧?!?/p>
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