After three-quarters of an hour of standing around, he became suddenly involved in a human contact. It was just the sort of thing that was likely to happen to him when he was in the mood of not wanting to see any one. So rigidly did he sometimes guard his exposed self-consciousness that frequently he defeated his own purposes; as an actor who underplays a part sets up a craning forward, a stimulated emotional attention in an audience, and seems to create in others an ability to bridge the gap he has left open. Similarly we are seldom sorry for those who need and crave our pity—we reserve this for those who, by other means, make us exercise the abstract function of pity.
So Dick might, himself, have analyzed the incident that ensued. As he paced the rue des Saints Anges he was spoken to by a thin-faced American, perhaps thirty, with an air of being scarred and a slight but sinister smile. As Dick gave him the light he requested, he placed him as one of a type of which he had been conscious since early youth—a type that loafed about tobacco stores with one elbow on the counter and watched, through heaven knew what small chink of the mind, the people who came in and out. Intimate to garages, where he had vague business conducted in undertones, to barber shops, to the lobbies of theatres—in such places, at any rate, Dick placed him. Sometimes the face bobbed up in one of Tad’s more savage cartoons—in boyhood Dick had often thrown an uneasy glance at the dim borderland of crime on which he stood.
“How do you like Paris, Buddy?”
Not waiting for an answer the man tried to fit in his footsteps with Dick’s:“Where you from?” he asked encouragingly.
“From Buffalo.”
“I’m from San Antone—but I been over here since the war.”
“You in the army?”
“I’ll say I was. Eighty-fourth Division—ever heard of that outfit?”
The man walked a little ahead of him and fixed him with eyes that were practically menacing.
“Staying in Paris awhile, Buddy? Or just passing through?”
“Passing through.”
“What hotel you staying at?”
Dick had begun laughing to himself—the party had the intention of rifling his room that night. His thoughts were read apparently without self-consciousness.
“With a build like yours you oughtn’t to be afraid of me, Buddy. There’s a lot of bums around just laying for American tourists, but you needn’t be afraid of me.”
Becoming bored, Dick stopped walking:“I just wonder why you’ve got so much time to waste.”
“I’m in business here in Paris.”
“In what line?”
“Selling papers.”
The contrast between the formidable manner and the mild profession was absurd—but the man amended it with:
“Don’t worry; I made plenty money last year—ten or twenty francs for a Sunny Times that cost six.”
He produced a newspaper clipping from a rusty wallet and passed it over to one who had become a fellow stroller—the cartoon showed a stream of Americans pouring from the gangplank of a liner freighted with gold.
“Two hundred thousand—spending ten million a summer.”
“What you doing out here in Passy?”
His companion looked around cautiously. “Movies,” he said darkly.“They got an American studio over there. And they need guys can speak English. I’m waiting for a break.”
Dick shook him off quickly and firmly.
It had become apparent that Rosemary either had escaped on one of his early circuits of the block or else had left before he came into the neighborhood; he went into the bistro on the corner, bought a lead disk and, squeezed in an alcove between the kitchen and the foul toilet, he called the Roi George. He recognized Cheyne-Stokes tendencies in his respiration—but like everything the symptom served only to turn him in toward his emotion. He gave the number of the hotel; then stood holding the phone and staring into the café; after a long while a strange little voice said hello.
“This is Dick—I had to call you.”
A pause from her—then bravely, and in key with his emotion:“I’m glad you did.”
“I came to meet you at your studio—I’m out in Passy across the way from it. I thought maybe we’d ride around through the Bois.”
“Oh, I only stayed there a minute! I’m so sorry.” A silence.
“Rosemary.”
“Yes, Dick.”
“Look, I’m in an extraordinary condition about you. When a child can disturb a middle-aged gent—things get difficult.”
“You’re not middle-aged, Dick—you’re the youngest person in the world.”
“Rosemary?” Silence while he stared at a shelf that held the humbler poisons of France—bottles of Otard, Rhum St. James, Marie Brizzard, Punch Orangeade, Fernet Branca, Cherry Rocher, and Armagnac.
“Are you alone?”
—Do you mind if I pull down the curtain?
“Who do you think I’d be with?”
“That’s the state I’m in. I’d like to be with you now.”
Silence, then a sigh and an answer. “I wish you were with me now.”
There was the hotel room where she lay behind a telephone number, and little gusts of music wailed around her—
And two—for tea.
And me for you,
And you for me
Alow-own.
There was the remembered dust of powder over her tan—when he kissed her face it was damp around the corners of her hair; there was the flash of a white face under his own, the arc of a shoulder.
“It’s impossible,” he said to himself. In a minute he was out in the street marching along toward the Muette, or away from it, his small brief-case still in his hand, his gold-headed stick held at a sword-like angle.
Rosemary returned to her desk and finished a letter to her mother.
“—I only saw him for a little while but I thought he was wonderful looking. I fell in love with him (Of course I Do Love Dick Best but you know what I mean). He really is going to direct the picture and is leaving immediately for Hollywood, and I think we ought to leave, too. Collis Clay has been here. I like him all right but have not seen much of him because of the Divers, who really are divine, about the Nicest People I ever Knew. I am feeling not very well to-day and am taking the Medicine, though see No need for it. I’m not even Going to Try to tell you All that’s Happened until I see You!!! So when you get this letter wire, wire, wire! Are you coming north or shall I come south with the Divers?”
At six Dick called Nicole.
“Have you any special plans?” he asked. “Would you like to do something quiet—dinner at the hotel and then a play?”
“Would you? I’ll do whatever you want. I phoned Rosemary a while ago and she’s having dinner in her room. I think this upset all of us, don’t you?”
“It didn’t upset me,” he objected. “Darling, unless you’re physically tired let’s do something. Otherwise we’ll get south and spend a week wondering why we didn’t see Boucher. It’s better than brooding—”
This was a blunder and Nicole took him up sharply.
“Brooding about what?”
“About Maria Wallis.”
She agreed to go to a play. It was a tradition between them that they should never be too tired for anything, and they found it made the days better on the whole and put the evenings more in order. When, inevitably, their spirits flagged they shifted the blame to the weariness and fatigue of others. Before they went out, as fine-looking a couple as could be found in Paris, they knocked softly at Rosemary’s door. There was no answer; judging that she was asleep they walked into a warm strident Paris night, snatching a vermouth and bitters in the shadow by Fouquet’s bar.
他在那兒逗留了三刻鐘之后,突然碰到了一個(gè)人。事情就是這樣,就在他情緒不佳、不愿見(jiàn)人的時(shí)候,偏偏就有人過(guò)來(lái)了。有的時(shí)候,他千小心萬(wàn)小心,不愿暴露自己的內(nèi)心世界,可結(jié)果還是使這種意圖歸于失敗——這就像一個(gè)演員,想淡化自己的角色,結(jié)果適得其反,反而會(huì)引起觀眾濃厚的興趣,抻長(zhǎng)脖子要看個(gè)究竟(觀眾似乎有一種能力,善于窺探他到底要隱瞞什么)。同樣,對(duì)于那些需要乞求我們同情的人,我們則很少同情,卻將同情心留給那些以別的方式打動(dòng)我們、值得同情的人。
對(duì)于以下的遭遇,迪克恐怕就是這么分析的。當(dāng)他在圣天使街來(lái)回踱步時(shí),有個(gè)瘦臉的美國(guó)人走過(guò)來(lái)跟他搭話。那人約莫三十歲,像是心靈受過(guò)什么創(chuàng)傷,臉上掛著一絲詭異的微笑。他向迪克借火,迪克給了他。迪克把他歸于自己在少年時(shí)就熟悉的那類人——這種人喜歡在煙草店鬼混,一只胳膊肘支在柜臺(tái)上,天知道抱著什么樣的心思打量著進(jìn)進(jìn)出出的人們;這種人是汽車修理廠的???,鬼鬼祟祟不知在那里干什么勾當(dāng);這種人還經(jīng)常出沒(méi)于理發(fā)店、戲院門廳這類地方。反正,迪克認(rèn)定他就是這種人。有時(shí),這樣的面孔會(huì)出現(xiàn)在泰德那充滿了暴力的卡通畫上——孩童時(shí)代,迪克在卡通畫上看到這樣的面孔,總覺(jué)得它象征著某種陰暗的罪惡,常常會(huì)感到不安。
“你喜歡巴黎嗎,伙計(jì)?”
不等迪克回答,這位男子就跟了上來(lái),緊接著又追問(wèn)了一句:“你從哪兒來(lái)?”
“布法羅。”
“我來(lái)自圣安東尼,戰(zhàn)后一直住在這里。”
“服過(guò)兵役嗎?”
“服過(guò)。在第八十四師……你聽(tīng)說(shuō)過(guò)那支部隊(duì)嗎?”
這人趨前幾步,然后回過(guò)頭望著迪克,目光有點(diǎn)兇狠。
“準(zhǔn)備在巴黎待一陣子,或僅僅是路過(guò),伙計(jì)?”
“路過(guò)?!?/p>
“你住在哪家旅館?”
迪克不禁暗暗發(fā)笑,心想:“難道你還想夜里到我的房間偷東西不成?”不知怎的,他的心思竟然被對(duì)方看了出來(lái)。只聽(tīng)這家伙說(shuō)道:“以你這樣的身體,不應(yīng)該害怕我,伙計(jì)。這一帶倒是有許多混混,專門襲擊美國(guó)游客,但你不用怕我?!?/p>
迪克覺(jué)得他很討厭,于是停下來(lái)說(shuō):“真不知你怎么有這么多的時(shí)間閑逛?!?/p>
“我在巴黎做生意?!?/p>
“什么生意?”
“賣報(bào)?!?/p>
此人一副兇神惡煞的模樣,卻干賣報(bào)這樣的營(yíng)生,其中的反差令人覺(jué)得好笑。緊接著,他又補(bǔ)充了一句:“別擔(dān)心,去年我賺了不少錢——每份售價(jià)六法郎的《太陽(yáng)時(shí)報(bào)》,我賣到了十到二十法郎?!?/p>
他從一個(gè)褪了色的皮夾子里取出一份剪報(bào),遞給似乎已成了他散步同伴的迪克——那是一幅漫畫,畫上有大批美國(guó)游客從滿載著黃金的輪船通過(guò)踏板擁上岸。
“一個(gè)夏天就來(lái)了二十萬(wàn)人,花掉了一千萬(wàn)?!?/p>
“你跑到帕西來(lái)干什么?”
這家伙小心翼翼地四下看了看,鬼鬼祟祟地說(shuō):“拍電影。這里有一個(gè)美國(guó)的片場(chǎng),需要會(huì)說(shuō)英語(yǔ)的人。我在等待機(jī)會(huì)?!?/p>
后來(lái),迪克總算堅(jiān)決、果斷地將他甩掉了。
很明顯,就在他繞著街區(qū)轉(zhuǎn)圈圈的時(shí)候,羅斯瑪麗走掉了,要不然就是他來(lái)這兒之前就走了,反正他沒(méi)有遇上她。他走進(jìn)街角的一家酒館,換了枚鉛幣,然后擠進(jìn)位于廚房和臭烘烘的廁所之間的一個(gè)小亭子里,給喬治王旅館撥了個(gè)電話。他覺(jué)得自己的呼吸有點(diǎn)像“潮式呼吸”——不過(guò),這只是他內(nèi)心情緒的一種反映而已。他把喬治王旅館的電話號(hào)碼告訴了接線員,然后就手拿話筒站在那兒等待,眼睛望著酒吧間里的情況。過(guò)了很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間,話筒里才傳來(lái)了一個(gè)低低的聲音,聽(tīng)上去有些陌生。
“我是迪克。恕我冒昧打電話給你?!?/p>
羅斯瑪麗沉吟片刻,然后振作起來(lái),用跟他的感情相吻合的語(yǔ)氣說(shuō):“我很高興你打電話來(lái)?!?/p>
“我來(lái)電影廠找你了……我現(xiàn)在就在帕西,在電影廠的對(duì)面呢。我原想和你一起乘車去森林公園里兜兜風(fēng)。”
“哦,我在電影廠只待了一會(huì)兒就走了。”羅斯瑪麗說(shuō)完就住了聲。
“羅斯瑪麗!”
“你說(shuō),迪克。”
“不瞞你說(shuō),我現(xiàn)在無(wú)時(shí)無(wú)刻不在想你。要是一個(gè)女孩子攪得一個(gè)中年男子心神不寧,情況可就復(fù)雜了?!?/p>
“你不是中年人,迪克。你是世界上最年輕的人!”
“羅斯瑪麗?”他說(shuō)完就不作聲了,眼睛盯著一個(gè)酒架,上邊擺著一些劣質(zhì)的法國(guó)酒,其中有金像奧達(dá)酒、圣詹姆斯朗姆酒、瑪麗·布里沙酒、橘味潘趣酒、費(fèi)納·布朗卡酒、羅歇櫻桃酒及阿瑪納克燒酒。
“你一個(gè)人嗎?”
迪克問(wèn)話時(shí),耳畔仿佛又響起了那對(duì)年輕人的對(duì)話:“我放下窗簾,你不介意吧?”
“你認(rèn)為我會(huì)跟誰(shuí)在一起呢?”
“我現(xiàn)在也是一個(gè)人,真希望能和你在一起?!?/p>
羅斯瑪麗沉吟了一下,嘆了口氣,然后說(shuō)道:“你現(xiàn)在在我身邊就好了?!?/p>
此刻的她正躺在旅館的房間里,身邊放著一部電話,周圍回蕩著裊裊的音樂(lè):
兩個(gè)人喝茶,
我陪伴著你,
你陪伴著我,
只有你和我。
迪克心猿意馬,仿佛能聞到她那被太陽(yáng)曬得發(fā)黑的身上所撲的香粉味——他吻她的面頰,看見(jiàn)她的鬢角汗津津的,還看得見(jiàn)她那白凈的臉和渾圓的肩膀。
“這是不可能的?!彼哉Z(yǔ)道。一轉(zhuǎn)眼,他便來(lái)到了大街上,大踏步向米埃特走去(或者說(shuō)在離開(kāi)米埃特),一手依然拎著他的小公文包,一手緊握金柄手杖,就像握著一把寶劍。
而羅斯瑪麗則回到寫字臺(tái)前,繼續(xù)給母親寫信:“……我匆匆只看了他一眼,但我覺(jué)得他英俊極了,讓我一見(jiàn)鐘情(當(dāng)然,我最愛(ài)的還是迪克,但你知道我心里的感受)。其實(shí),這部片子即將由他執(zhí)導(dǎo),而且他馬上就要到好萊塢去,我想咱們也應(yīng)該去??评埂た巳R也在巴黎。我倒是很喜歡他,但因?yàn)榇鞲シ驄D的緣故,不常跟他見(jiàn)面——戴弗夫婦簡(jiǎn)直太好了,是我見(jiàn)過(guò)的最好的人。我今天覺(jué)得不大舒服,雖然不一定非得吃藥,但我還是吃了。此處我就不多說(shuō)了,詳情見(jiàn)面時(shí)細(xì)談。見(jiàn)此信后,請(qǐng)速發(fā)電報(bào)來(lái)!千萬(wàn)!千萬(wàn)!你是愿意到北方來(lái),還是讓我和戴弗夫婦一道去南方看你?”
下午六點(diǎn)鐘,迪克給尼科爾打了個(gè)電話。
“你有什么特別的安排嗎?”他問(wèn),“想不想干點(diǎn)修身養(yǎng)性的事——在旅館共進(jìn)晚餐,然后一起去看戲?”
“你愿意這樣?我隨你,怎么都行。剛才我給羅斯瑪麗打電話,她在自己的房間里吃飯。那件事情弄得大家的心情都不好了,你說(shuō)呢?”尼科爾說(shuō)。
“對(duì)我沒(méi)什么影響?!钡峡朔瘩g說(shuō),“親愛(ài)的,除非你累了,否則咱們就出去高興高興。不然,等咱們到了南方,一個(gè)星期都得在想,當(dāng)時(shí)怎么沒(méi)去看布歇的畫展。這點(diǎn)比苦思冥想強(qiáng)……”
他不注意說(shuō)漏了嘴,而尼科爾不等他說(shuō)完就不客氣地問(wèn):“苦思冥想什么?”
“就是想瑪麗亞·沃利斯開(kāi)槍打人的那件事唄。”
末了,尼科爾同意去看戲。他們之間形成了一個(gè)慣例——絕不應(yīng)該過(guò)于勞累,以至于影響生活的品質(zhì)。于是,他們?cè)诎滋炜炜旎罨睿黹g則有條不紊。有的時(shí)候,他們不可避免地會(huì)覺(jué)得精神不濟(jì),這時(shí)他們就歸咎于別人——由于別人的緣故,他們才疲倦不堪。出門時(shí),這對(duì)夫妻精神抖擻、風(fēng)姿綽約(如此漂亮的佳偶在巴黎比較少見(jiàn))。他們先敲了敲羅斯瑪麗房間的門,沒(méi)有反應(yīng),估計(jì)她睡覺(jué)了,于是二人就相攜步入溫馨的、熙熙攘攘的巴黎之夜,走到富凱酒吧,在幽暗的燈光下喝了杯摻了苦酒原汁的味美思酒。
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