雙語·面紗 第五十二章

52

Kitty had a queer feeling that she was growing. The constant occupation distracted her mind and the glimpses she had of other lives and other outlooks awakened her imagination. She began to regain her spirits; she felt better and stronger. It had seemed to her that she could do nothing now but weep; but to her surprise, and not a little to her confusion, she caught herself laughing at this and that. It began to seem quite natural to live in the midst of a terrible epidemic. She knew that people were dying to the right and left of her, but she ceased very much to think of it. The Mother Superior had forbidden her to go into the infirmaries and the closed doors excited her curiosity. She would have liked to peep in, but could not do so without being seen, and she did not know what punishment the Mother Superior would inflict upon her. It would be dreadful to be sent away. She was devoted to the children now and they would miss her if she went; in fact she did not know what they would do without her.

And one day it occurred to her that she had neither thought of Charles Townsend nor dreamt of him for a week. Her heart gave a sudden thud against her ribs: she was cured. She could think of him now with indifference. She loved him no longer. Oh, the relief and the sense of liberation! It was strange to look back and remember how passionately she had yearned for him; she thought she would die when he failed her; she thought life thenceforward had nothing to offer but misery. And now already she was laughing. A worthless creature. What a fool she had made of herself! And now, considering him calmly, she wondered what on earth she had seen in him. It was lucky that Waddington knew nothing, she could never have endured his malicious eyeing and his ironical innuendoes. She was free, free at last, free! She could hardly prevent herself from laughing aloud.

The children were playing some romping game and it was her habit to look on with an indulgent smile, restraining them when they made too much noise and taking care that in their boisterousness none was hurt; but now in her high spirits, feeling as young as any of them, she joined in the game. The little girls received her with delight. They chased up and down the room, shouting at the top of their shrill voices, with fantastic and almost barbarous glee. They grew so excited that they leaped into the air with joy. The noise was terrific.

Suddenly the door opened and the Mother Superior stood on the threshold. Kitty, abashed, extricated herself from the clutches of a dozen little girls who with wild shrieks had seized her.

“Is this how you keep these children good and quiet?” asked the Mother Superior, a smile on her lips.

“We were having a game, Mother. They got excited. It is my fault, I led them on.”

The Mother Superior came forward and as usual the children clustered about her. She put her hands round their narrow shoulders and playfully pulled their little yellow ears. She looked at Kitty with a long, soft look. Kitty was flushed and she was breathing quickly. Her liquid eyes were shining and her lovely hair, disarranged in all the struggling and the laughter, was in adorable confusion.

“Que vous êtes belle, ma chère enfant,” said the Mother Superior. “It does the heart good to look at you. No wonder these children adore you.”

Kitty blushed deeply and, she knew not why, tears suddenly filled her eyes. She covered her face with her hands.

“Oh, Mother, you make me ashamed.”

“Come, do not be silly. Beauty is also a gift of God, one of the most rare and precious, and we should be thankful if we are happy enough to possess it and thankful, if we are not, that others possess it for our pleasure.”

She smiled again and as though Kitty were a child too gently patted her soft cheek.

第五十二章

凱蒂有一種奇妙的感覺，她正在成長。每天的忙忙碌碌分散了她的注意力，讓她有機會觀察別人的生活，對未來的展望喚醒了她的想象。她開始精神煥發(fā)了，覺得生活越來越好，自己變得越來越堅強。過去的她似乎什么也干不了，只會哭泣，而現(xiàn)在出乎她的意料，一切不再困惑，她自己可以開懷大笑了，即使生活在可怕的瘟疫中心，也開始覺得自然平常。她明知在自己的周圍，每天都有很多人死去，但她能夠坦然面對。院長嬤嬤禁止她踏足醫(yī)院，而醫(yī)院緊閉的大門往往能激起她的好奇心，她真想扒在門縫上往里看看，可擔心被別人發(fā)現(xiàn)又不能這樣做，如果被人看見，她不知道院長嬤嬤會對她進行怎樣的懲罰，要是被送回家可就太糟糕了。她現(xiàn)在把全部的心思都放在了孩子們身上，如果她離開了，她們會舍不得的。實際上她也不知道，如果她不在的話，這些孩子該怎么辦。

有一天，她忽然意識到，已經有一周她既沒有想到過查理，也沒有夢到他了。她的心突然快速地跳了一下，她已經走出了這個沼澤，現(xiàn)在可以很平靜地看待他，她已經不再愛他了。哦，這種解脫和自由的感覺多美好！回想過去，她還記得當初她是那么狂熱地愛著他，這真是匪夷所思的事情。她甚至還想過，如果他不愛她了，她就會痛苦而死，以后的生活會變得了無生趣，只有無盡的傷痛。而現(xiàn)在她已經可以放聲大笑了。自己真是沒用呀，當初怎么就那么傻呢！而現(xiàn)在，冷靜地考慮一下他的情況，她奇怪自己究竟看上了他哪一點。威廷頓幸好對這事一無所知，否則的話，她會無法忍受他嘲弄的眼神和含沙射影的諷刺。她自由了，終于自由了，多么寶貴的自由！她幾乎無法控制住自己大聲笑了起來。

孩子們正在玩鬧和嬉戲，她已經習慣看著她們游戲，在一旁露出寵愛的微笑，如果她們鬧得聲音太大，她會限制一下，如果玩耍的動作太大，她也會喝止住她們，免得有人受傷。如今她的情緒高漲，感覺就像這些孩子一樣，她加入她們的游戲。小姑娘們開心地接納她的加入，她們在房間里追逐打鬧，興奮得高聲喊叫，可以說是極其歡樂的、幾乎是瘋狂的大合唱。她們越來越開心，屋里洋溢著快樂的氣氛，歡鬧聲快把屋頂都掀翻了。

突然，門開了，院長嬤嬤站在了屋門口。凱蒂有些窘迫地掙脫了一大堆高聲尖叫的小姑娘的拉扯。

“你就是這樣讓這些孩子乖乖地保持安靜的嗎？”院長嬤嬤問道，嘴角掛著微笑。

“我們正在做游戲，嬤嬤。她們太興奮了，是我的錯，我領她們玩的游戲。”

院長嬤嬤走進了屋子，跟往常一樣，孩子們呼啦一下圍住了她。嬤嬤用雙手摟住了孩子們瘦弱的肩膀，開玩笑般地揪了揪她們的小耳朵。她用一種長時間的、柔和的目光看著凱蒂，凱蒂的臉一下子紅了，呼吸也急促起來，她水汪汪的眼睛閃亮著，漂亮的小鬈發(fā)由于剛才的打鬧和大笑有點兒亂了，樣子有些手足無措，但卻很可愛。

“你多漂亮呀，我親愛的孩子?！痹洪L嬤嬤說道，“看著你的模樣都賞心悅目，難怪這些孩子那么喜歡你。”

凱蒂的臉變得愈發(fā)紅了，不知道為什么，淚水突然涌出了眼眶，她用雙手蒙住了臉。

“哦，嬤嬤，您讓我不好意思了?！?/p>

“不用不好意思，別犯傻了，美是上帝賜予的禮物，也是最稀少和珍貴的東西，如果我們能夠幸福地擁有它，我們應該感恩；如果我們沒有，而別人擁有，能讓我們一飽眼福，我們同樣也應該感恩?！?/p>

好像凱蒂是個孩子，嬤嬤微笑著，用手輕輕地拍了拍她柔軟的臉龐。