For the next month, occupied with my own affairs, I saw no one connected with this lamentable business, and my mind ceased to be occupied with it. But one day, when I was walking along, bent on some errand, I passed Charles Strickland.The sight of him brought back to me all the horror which I was not unwilling to forget, and I felt in me a sudden repulsion for the cause of it.Nodding, for it would have been childish to cut him, I walked on quickly;but in a minute I felt a hand on my shoulder.
“You're in a great hurry,”he said cordially.
It was characteristic of him to display geniality with anyone who showed a disinclination to meet him, and the coolness of my greeting can have left him in little doubt of that.
“I am,”I answered briefy.
“I'll walk along with you,”he said.
“Why?”I asked.
“For the pleasure of your society.”
I did not answer, and he walked by my side silently. We continued thus for perhaps a quarter of a mile.I began to feel a little ridiculous.At last we passed a stationer's, and it occurred to me that I might as well buy some paper.It would be an excuse to be rid of him.
“I'm going in here,”I said.“Good-bye.”
“I'll wait for you.”
I shrugged my shoulders, and went into the shop. I refected that French paper was bad, and that, foiled of my purpose, I need not burden myself with a purchase I did not need.I asked for something I knew could not be provided, and in a minute came out into the street.
“Did you get what you wanted?”he asked.
“No.”
We walked on in silence, and then came to a place where several streets met. I stopped at the kerb.
“Which way do you go?”I inquired.
“Your way,”he smiled.
“I'm going home.”
“I'll come along with you and smoke a pipe.”
“You might wait for an invitation,”I retorted frigidly.
“I would if I thought there was any chance of getting one.”
“Do you see that wall in front of you?”I said, pointing.
“Yes.”
“In that case I should have thought you could see also that I don't want your company.”
“I vaguely suspected it, I confess.”
I could not help a chuckle. It is one of the defects of my character that I cannot altogether dislike anyone who makes me laugh.But I pulled myself together.
“I think you're detestable. You're the most loathsome beast that it's ever been my misfortune to meet.Why do you seek the society of someone who hates and despises you?”
“My dear fellow, what the hell do you suppose I care what you think of me?”
“Damn it all,”I said, more violently because I had an inkling my motive was none too creditable,“I don't want to know you.”
“Are you afraid I shall corrupt you?”
His tone made me feel not a little ridiculous. I knew that he was looking at me sideways, with a sardonic smile.
“I suppose you are hard up,”I remarked insolently.
“I should be a damned fool if I thought I had any chance of borrowing money from you.”
“You've come down in the world if you can bring yourself to fatter.”
He grinned.
“You'll never really dislike me so long as I give you the opportunity to get off a good thing now and then.”
I had to bite my lip to prevent myself from laughing. What he said had a hateful truth in it, and another defect of my character is that I enjoy the company of those, however depraved, who can give me a Roland for my Oliver.I began to feel that my abhorrence for Strickland could only be sustained by an effort on my part.I recognized my moral weakness, but saw that my disapprobation had in it already something of a pose;and I knew that if I felt it, his own keen instinct had discovered it too.He was certainly laughing at me up his sleeve.I left him the last word, and sought refuge in a shrug of the shoulders and taciturnity.
接下來的一個(gè)月,各種事情把我的時(shí)間都占滿了,我也看不見任何一個(gè)和這件令人悲傷的事件有關(guān)系的人了,我的腦海里不再想著這個(gè)事件。但是有一天,當(dāng)我正走在路上,低頭專注地尋思某件事時(shí),我跟斯特里克蘭竟然打了個(gè)照面??吹剿拿婵?,使我回憶起了所有我希望忘記的可怕的事情,因此內(nèi)心突然涌起了一陣厭惡。但假裝看不見,又未免有點(diǎn)孩子氣,所以我朝他點(diǎn)了點(diǎn)頭,快步繼續(xù)走我的路。然而,沒過一會(huì)兒,我覺得有只手落在了我的肩膀上。
“你真的是行色匆匆呀?!彼麩岢赖卣f道。
這是他典型的為人處世的方式,別人越不想搭理他,他越對(duì)人家客氣友好。從我對(duì)他打招呼的冷漠態(tài)度,他清楚地知道我實(shí)在不愿意理他。
“我是很忙?!蔽液喍痰鼗卮鸬?。
“我和你一路走吧。”他說。
“為什么?”我問道。
“因?yàn)橛心阕髋阄腋吲d呀?!?/p>
我沒有回答,他一聲不吭地走在我旁邊,我們就這樣一直走著,大約走了四分之一英里的路,我開始感到有點(diǎn)滑稽可笑了。最后我們路過一家文具店,我突然想起來也許我該買些紙了,這也正好是擺脫他的一個(gè)借口。
“我得進(jìn)去一下,”我說,“再見。”
“我在這兒等你?!?/p>
我聳了聳肩,便走進(jìn)了文具店。我一來想到法國紙不怎么好用,二來我的盤算也落空了,我沒必要買一些我用不上的東西徒增負(fù)擔(dān),我隨口詢問了幾件東西,明知這家店提供不了。然后,不一會(huì)兒就走出來,回到了街上。
“你買到你要買的東西了嗎?”他問道。
“沒有?!?/p>
我們繼續(xù)沉默地走著,隨后走到了幾條街交叉的地方,我在路口停住了腳步。
“你走哪條路?”我問道。
“你走哪條我就走哪條?!彼χf。
“我要回家了?!?/p>
“我跟你回家,抽上一袋煙?!?/p>
“那你總得等人家邀請(qǐng)你呀?!蔽疑驳仨?shù)馈?/p>
“要是我知道有被邀請(qǐng)的可能,我會(huì)等著的。”
“你看到前面的那堵墻了嗎?”我指著前面的墻說道。
“看到了?!?/p>
“要是你能看到的話,我想你也應(yīng)該看出我不想跟你一道了?!?/p>
“說實(shí)話,我猜到了這一點(diǎn)?!?/p>
我忍不住咯咯笑了起來。這是我性格上的一個(gè)缺點(diǎn),我無法讓自己討厭一個(gè)讓我發(fā)笑的人。但馬上又收住笑,板起了臉。
“我覺得你這人特別可惡,簡直就是最讓人憎惡的野獸,倒了八輩子血霉讓我碰上了你。你為什么愿意找一個(gè)不喜歡你和鄙視你的人做伴呢?”
“我親愛的伙計(jì),你還真以為我他媽那么在乎你是怎么看我的嗎?”
“真是見鬼,”我說道,因?yàn)楦杏X到我的動(dòng)機(jī)站不住腳,我更粗暴了,“我不想認(rèn)識(shí)你?!?/p>
“你怕我會(huì)把你帶壞了嗎?”
他的口氣讓我覺得非?;尚Γ抑浪龔膫?cè)面看著我,帶著一臉諷刺的壞笑。
“我想你手頭又緊了吧?”我傲慢地說道。
“我要是還有運(yùn)氣從你這兒借到錢,我他媽的不是個(gè)傻瓜嗎?”
“如果你不得不讓自己奉承人的話,說明你已經(jīng)落魄到家了?!?/p>
他咧開嘴笑了。
“只要我給你機(jī)會(huì),時(shí)不時(shí)地讓你得到好東西,你就不會(huì)不喜歡我的?!?/p>
我不得不咬緊嘴唇,才讓自己沒笑出聲來。他說的話雖然可恨,但也有一定道理。我性格中另一個(gè)缺點(diǎn),就是我喜歡跟棋逢對(duì)手的人[67]打交道,不管這人道德上多么墮落。我開始覺得我對(duì)斯特里克蘭的厭惡只能夠單靠我這方面的努力才能維持。我意識(shí)到自己道德上的弱點(diǎn)了,但是也看出我對(duì)他的非難有些故作姿態(tài),而且我還知道,如果我自己都感覺到了這一點(diǎn),斯特里克蘭敏銳的天性同樣也會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)它的,他肯定正在偷偷地笑我呢。我沒有接他的話,聳了聳肩,沒有再說什么,讓他在這場斗嘴中占了上風(fēng)。
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