Next day we moved Strickland. It needed a good deal of frmness and still more patience to induce him to come, but he was really too ill to offer any effective resistance to Stroeve's entreaties and to my determination.We dressed him, while he feebly cursed us, got him downstairs, into a cab, and eventually to Stroeve's studio.He was so exhausted by the time we arrived that he allowed us to put him to bed without a word.He was ill for six weeks.At one time it looked as though he could not live more than a few hours, and I am convinced that it was only through the Dutchman's doggedness that he pulled through.I have never known a more diffcult patient.It was not that he was exacting and querulous;on the contrary, he never complained, he asked for nothing, he was perfectly silent;but he seemed to resent the care that was taken of him;he received all inquiries about his feelings or his needs with a jibe, a sneer, or an oath.I found him detestable, and as soon as he was out of danger I had no hesitation in telling him so.
“Go to hell,”he answered briefy.
Dirk Stroeve, giving up his work entirely, nursed Strickland with tenderness and sympathy. He was dexterous to make him comfortable, and he exercised a cunning of which I should never have thought him capable to induce him to take the medicines prescribed by the doctor.Nothing was too much trouble for him.Though his means were adequate to the needs of himself and his wife, he certainly had no money to waste;but now he was wantonly extravagant in the purchase of delicacies, out of season and dear, which might tempt Strickland's capricious appetite.I shall never forget the tactful patience with which he persuaded him to take nourishment.He was never put out by Strickland's rudeness;if it was merely sullen, he appeared not to notice it;if it was aggressive, he only chuckled.When Strickland, recovering somewhat, was in a good humour and amused himself by laughing at him, he deliberately did absurd things to excite his ridicule.Then he would give me little happy glances, so that I might notice in how much better form the patient was.Stroeve was sublime.
But it was Blanche who most surprised me. She proved herself not only a capable, but a devoted nurse.There was nothing in her to remind you that she had so vehemently struggled against her husband's wish to bring Strickland to the studio.She insisted on doing her share of the offces needful to the sick.She arranged his bed so that it was possible to change the sheet without disturbing him.She washed him.When I remarked on her competence, she told me with that pleasant little smile of hers that for a while she had worked in a hospital.She gave no sign that she hated Strickland so desperately.She did not speak to him much, but she was quick to forestall his wants.For a fortnight it was necessary that someone should stay with him all night, and she took turns at watching with her husband.I wondered what she thought during the long darkness as she sat by the bedside.Strickland was a weird fgure as he lay there, thinner than ever, with his ragged red beard and his eyes staring feverishly into vacancy;his illness seemed to have made them larger, and they had an unnatural brightness.
“Does he ever talk to you in the night?”I asked her once.
“Never.”
“Do you dislike him as much as you did?”
“More, if anything.”
She looked at me with her calm gray eyes. Her expression was so placid, it was hard to believe that she was capable of the violent emotion I had witnessed.
“Has he ever thanked you for what you do for him?”
“No,”she smiled.
“He's inhuman.”
“He's abominable.”
Stroeve was, of course, delighted with her. He could not do enough to show his gratitude for the whole-hearted devotion with which she had accepted the burden he laid on her.But he was a little puzzled by the behaviour of Blanche and Strickland towards one another.
“Do you know, I've seen them sit there for hours together without saying a word?”
On one occasion, when Strickland was so much better that in a day or two he was to get up, I sat with them in the studio. Dirk and I were talking.Mrs.Stroeve sewed, and I thought I recognised the shirt she was mending as Strickland's.He lay on his back;he did not speak.Once I saw that his eyes were fxed on Blanche Stroeve, and there was in them a curious irony.Feeling their gaze, she raised her own, and for a moment they stared at one another.I could not quite understand her expression.Her eyes had in them a strange perplexity, and perhaps-but why?-alarm.In a moment Strickland looked away and idly surveyed the ceiling, but she continued to stare at him, and now her look was quite inexplicable.
In a few days Strickland began to get up. He was nothing but skin and bone.His clothes hung upon him like rags on a scarecrow.With his untidy beard and long hair, his features, always a little larger than life, now emphasised by illness, he had an extraordinary aspect;but it was so odd that it was not quite ugly.There was something monumental in his ungainliness.I do not know how to express precisely the impression he made upon me.It was not exactly spirituality that was obvious, though the screen of the flesh seemed almost transparent, because there was in his face an outrageous sensuality;but, though it sounds nonsense, it seemed as though his sensuality were curiously spiritual.There was in him something primitive.He seemed to partake of those obscure forces of nature which the Greeks personifed in shapes part human and part beast, the satyr and the faun.I thought of Marsyas, whom the god fayed because he had dared to rival him in song.Strickland seemed to bear in his heart strange harmonies and unadventured patterns, and I foresaw for him an end of torture and despair.I had again the feeling that he was possessed of a devil;but you could not say that it was a devil of evil, for it was a primitive force that existed before good and ill.
He was still too weak to paint, and he sat in the studio, silent, occupied with God knows what dreams, or reading. The books he liked were queer;sometimes I would find him poring over the poems of Mallarmé,and he read them as a child reads, forming the words with his lips, and I wondered what strange emotion he got from those subtle cadences and obscure phrases;and again I found him absorbed in the detective novels of Gaboriau.I amused myself by thinking that in his choice of books he showed pleasantly the irreconcilable sides of his fantastic nature.It was singular to notice that even in the weak state of his body he had no thought for its comfort.Stroeve liked his ease, and in his studio were a couple of heavily upholstered arm-chairs and a large divan.Strickland would not go near them, not from any affectation of stoicism, for I found him seated on a three-legged stool when I went into the studio one day and he was alone, but because he did not like them.For choice he sat on a kitchen chair without arms.It often exasperated me to see him.I never knew a man so entirely indifferent to his surroundings.
第二天,我們就去給斯特里克蘭搬家,要勸說他跟我們來需要足夠的堅持和更多的耐心,可他真的病得太厲害了,無法對斯特羅伊夫的懇求和我的決心做出有效的抵抗。我們給他穿好衣服,在此期間,盡管他很虛弱,也還不住嘴地咒罵著,我們給他弄下樓,扶進馬車,終于到了斯特羅伊夫的畫室。當我們到達的時候,斯特里克蘭也快筋疲力盡了,一言不發(fā)地允許我們把他抬到了床上。他已經(jīng)病了六周,一度看上去好像活不過幾個小時了,但我堅信正是有了荷蘭人的頑強堅持,他才在鬼門關(guān)邊上走了一圈。我以前還未見過誰病得如此之重,他沒有讓人覺得難伺候,也沒有動不動就發(fā)脾氣,正相反,他從不抱怨,從不提什么要求,絕對的安靜。然而,他好像對別人對他的照料心生怨恨;當別人問他感覺怎么樣或需要點什么的時候,他總是報以嘲弄、冷笑或者咒罵。我覺得他實在是可惡,等他剛剛脫離危險,我就毫不猶豫地告訴了他我的想法。
“你去下地獄吧。”他回答得倒也干脆。
迪爾柯·斯特羅伊夫完全放棄了他所有的工作,充滿憐憫而又無微不至地護理著斯特里克蘭。他照顧病人時,動作敏捷靈巧,讓他盡量舒服。而且他還能耍手腕成功地誘使斯特里克蘭服下醫(yī)生所開的藥物,這是我所沒有想到的。無論怎樣的麻煩對于斯特羅伊夫來說都算不了什么。雖然他的收入對于維持他們夫婦兩人的生活來說不至于捉襟見肘,但肯定日子也不能大手大腳地過??墒乾F(xiàn)在他購買起各種美味,無論是不合時令的還是價格奇高的,可以說是毫無節(jié)制地鋪張,為的就是勾起斯特里克蘭反復無常的胃口。我一輩子也不會忘記,為了勸說斯特里克蘭多增加營養(yǎng),他千方百計、不厭其煩地做工作的耐心。他從不計較斯特里克蘭對他的粗暴,如果對方僅僅在生悶氣,他就裝作沒看見;如果對方咄咄逼人,他只咯咯地笑兩聲。當斯特里克蘭身體恢復一些了,在興致高的時候,會拿嘲笑他取樂,他甚至故意做些荒唐的事情激起斯特里克蘭對他的諷刺挖苦。然后,他會向我投來開心的一瞥,讓我能夠注意到病人的狀況已經(jīng)好多了。斯特羅伊夫?qū)嵲谑翘绺吡恕?/p>
但最讓我吃驚的還是布蘭奇。她證明了她不僅是一個有能力,而且是一個全身心奉獻的護士。在她身上一點也看不出她曾經(jīng)那么強烈地反對她丈夫想把斯特里克蘭接到畫室的愿望。病人需要照料的地方很多,她堅持盡自己的一份力量。她整理病人的床鋪時,會在不打擾病人的情況下,盡可能麻利地更換床單。她幫他梳洗。當我贊揚她的能干時,她帶著令人愉快的淺笑對我說,她曾經(jīng)在醫(yī)院工作過一段時間。她沒有表現(xiàn)出絲毫曾深惡痛絕地恨過斯特里克蘭的跡象,她跟他的話不多,但她很快就能提前知道他想要什么。有兩周的時間需要有人整夜地陪護他,她和她丈夫兩人輪班護理他。我很想知道,在漫漫長夜中,她坐在他的床邊究竟在想什么。斯特里克蘭是個很奇怪的家伙,當他躺在床上的時候,他比以往任何時候都要瘦,紅胡須亂蓬蓬的,眼睛狂熱地凝視空中,他的這場病使得眼睛更大了,而且閃爍著不自然的光芒。
“在晚上,他和你說過話嗎?”有一次我問她。
“從來沒說過?!?/p>
“你還像過去那樣不喜歡他嗎?”
“比以前更不喜歡了?!?/p>
她用安靜的、灰色的眼睛看著我。她的表情是那么的安詳,難以置信我曾目睹過她狂風暴雨般的感情宣泄。
“對你為他所做的一切,他曾經(jīng)表示過感謝嗎?”
“沒有。”她笑著說。
“他這人真沒人情味?!?/p>
“他可惡至極。”
當然,斯特羅伊夫?qū)λ軡M意,她接受了他撂給她的負擔,而且全身心地奉獻,他無論怎么做都無法表示出對她的感激之情。但是,他對于布蘭奇和斯特里克蘭之間相互對待對方的行為感到有點疑惑。
“你知道嗎,我曾經(jīng)看見他們一起坐在那兒,好幾個小時沒說一句話?!?/p>
有那么一次,斯特里克蘭身體已經(jīng)好多了,再有一兩天他就可以起床了,我和他們坐在畫室里。迪爾柯和我在聊天,斯特羅伊夫太太在縫補衣服,我想我認出來了,她正縫補的襯衣是斯特里克蘭的。斯特里克蘭仰面朝天躺著,沒有說話。我看見他的目光一度牢牢地固定在布蘭奇·斯特羅伊夫身上,但里面包含著好奇的嘲弄。好像感覺到了有目光的凝視,布蘭奇抬起了頭,有一段時間,他們彼此凝視對方。我不是很理解她臉上的表情,她的眼睛里有一種奇怪的困惑,也許是——但是為什么呢?——警覺。過了一會兒,斯特里克蘭把目光移開,悠閑地掃視著天花板,但是她還在繼續(xù)凝視著他,這時她的表情就更加無法解釋了。
幾天以后,斯特里克蘭開始下地,他現(xiàn)在只剩下皮包骨頭,他的衣服看上去晃里晃蕩,就像稻草人身上的破麻袋片。沒修剪過的胡須和頭發(fā)很長,五官本來看上去也總比常人的更大些,現(xiàn)在由于這場病好像更突出,讓他顯得更不同凡響。他的模樣看上去怪怪的,但并不是很丑陋,他別別扭扭的體形給人一種威嚴偉岸的感覺。我不知道如何準確地描述他給我的印象,很明顯,說是精神上的東西也不很確切,雖然屏蔽他精神的肉體好像幾乎是透明的,因為在他的臉上有一種粗野的肉欲,而且,盡管這話聽上去有些荒誕不經(jīng),好像他那種肉欲是精神上的,讓人感到好奇。他身上有某種原始的東西,似乎有著大自然不可名狀的力量,像是希臘神話中擬人化的,用半人半獸的形狀體現(xiàn)出來的東西,諸如半人半獸的森林之神,半人半羊的農(nóng)牧之神。我還想到了馬爾塞亞斯[52],他被天神活剝了皮,因為他竟敢和天神比賽唱歌。斯特里克蘭似乎在心里有著奇怪的和弦,以及尚未試過的曲調(diào),我也能預見到他受盡折磨和深感絕望的結(jié)局。我再次感到他被魔鬼附身了,但你又不能說這是邪惡的魔鬼,因為它只是一種原始的力量,在善與惡出現(xiàn)之前就已經(jīng)存在了。
他依然很虛弱,還不能畫畫,他就在畫室里安靜地坐著,時間被閱讀或者夢想所占據(jù),但只有上帝才知道他所做的是什么夢。他喜歡看的書也很奇怪,有時我發(fā)現(xiàn)他正在細讀馬拉美[53]的詩歌,閱讀的方法像個孩童,一字一句地誦讀出聲來,我很好奇從那些微妙的韻律和晦澀的詩行中,能喚起他什么樣的奇怪情感。有時我發(fā)現(xiàn)他沉浸在加博里奧[54]的偵探小說當中,當我想到他對書籍的選擇時,我自己都覺得好笑,這種選擇充分體現(xiàn)了他稀奇古怪性格中不可調(diào)和的方方面面。你能很奇怪地注意到,甚至在他身體還很虛弱的時候,他也沒有想到過讓自己舒服一點兒。斯特羅伊夫懂得享受,在他的畫室里擺放著一對沉重的、裝有彈簧墊的扶手椅和一張很大的沙發(fā)床。斯特里克蘭根本不靠近它們,他可不是故作姿態(tài),好像嚴格奉行禁欲主義,他就是不喜歡它們。因為有一天我走進畫室,就他一個人在,看見他坐在三條腿的凳子上,要不然他也會選擇坐在廚房那種沒有扶手的椅子上??匆娝@樣,經(jīng)常讓我很惱火,我從來沒見過有人對他周遭的環(huán)境如此地漠不關(guān)心。