The season was drawing to its dusty end, and everyone I knew was arranging to go away. Mrs.Strickland was taking her family to the coast of Norfolk, so that the children might have the sea and her husband golf.We said good-bye to one another, and arranged to meet in the autumn.But on my last day in town, coming out of the Stores, I met her with her son and daughter;like myself, she had been making her fnal purchases before leaving London, and we were both hot and tired.I proposed that we should all go and eat ices in the park.
I think Mrs. Strickland was glad to show me her children, and she accepted my invitation with alacrity.They were even more attractive than their photographs had suggested, and she was right to be proud of them.I was young enough for them not to feel shy, and they chattered merrily about one thing and another.They were extraordinarily nice, healthy young children.It was very agreeable under the trees.
When in an hour they crowded into a cab to go home, I strolled idly to my club. I was perhaps a little lonely, and it was with a touch of envy that I thought of the pleasant family life of which I had had a glimpse.They seemed devoted to one another.They had little private jokes of their own which, unintelligible to the outsider, amused them enormously.Perhaps Charles Strickland was dull judged by a standard that demanded above all things verbal scintillation;but his intelligence was adequate to his surroundings, and that is a passport, not only to reasonable success, but still more to happiness.Mrs.Strickland was a charming woman, and she loved him.I pictured their lives, troubled by no untoward adventure, honest, decent, and, by reason of those two upstanding, pleasant children, so obviously destined to carry on the normal traditions of their race and station, not without significance.They would grow old insensibly;they would see their son and daughter come to years of reason, marry in due course-the one a pretty girl, future mother of healthy children;the other a handsome, manly fellow, obviously a soldier;and at last, prosperous in their dignifed retirement, beloved by their descendants, after a happy, not unuseful life, in the fullness of their age they would sink into the grave.
That must be the story of innumerable couples, and the pattern of life it offers has a homely grace. It reminds you of a placid rivulet, meandering smoothly through green pastures and shaded by pleasant trees, till at last it falls into the vasty sea;but the sea is so calm, so silent, so indifferent, that you are troubled suddenly by a vague uneasiness.Perhaps it is only by a kink in my nature, strong in me even in those days, that I felt in such an existence, the share of the great majority, something amiss.I recognized its social values, I saw its ordered happiness, but a fever in my blood asked for a wilder course.There seemed to me something alarming in such easy delights.In my heart was a desire to live more dangerously.I was not unprepared for jagged rocks and treacherous shoals if I could only have change-change and the excitement of the unforeseen.
社交季節(jié)接近它枯燥無(wú)味的尾聲,我認(rèn)識(shí)的每個(gè)人都在安排離開(kāi)倫敦去度假。斯特里克蘭太太正打算帶著她的家人到諾??撕I度假,以便孩子們?cè)诤V墟覒?,她的丈夫能打打高爾夫。我們彼此道別,安排在秋季再見(jiàn)??僧?dāng)我在城里的最后一天,從商店里出來(lái)時(shí),碰上了她和她的兩個(gè)孩子。跟我一樣,在離開(kāi)倫敦之前,再最后買(mǎi)些東西。我們幾個(gè)人又熱又累,我提議我們一塊兒走,到公園里吃點(diǎn)冷飲。
我覺(jué)得斯特里克蘭太太很高興讓我看看她的孩子們,于是她欣然接受了邀請(qǐng)。這兩個(gè)孩子比起照片里樣子更引人注目,她有理由以他們?yōu)榘粒业哪昙o(jì)也很輕,不會(huì)讓他們感到和我在一起不好意思,他們開(kāi)心地聊了一件事又聊起另一件事。兩個(gè)孩子都特別可愛(ài),健康活潑。我們?cè)跇?shù)蔭下小憩,感到十分愜意。
一個(gè)小時(shí)之后,他們擠上一輛馬車(chē)回家去了,我悠閑地踱步走向俱樂(lè)部,我也許感到了點(diǎn)孤獨(dú),我想正是我無(wú)意瞥見(jiàn)的這種溫馨的家庭生活讓我有點(diǎn)妒忌。他們似乎彼此真心相愛(ài),他們講些只有自己人才能聽(tīng)得懂的笑話(huà),能夠讓他們開(kāi)懷大笑,而外人卻莫名其妙。也許查爾斯·斯特里克蘭按照能說(shuō)會(huì)道的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)來(lái)看,確實(shí)是個(gè)沉悶的男人,但他的智力應(yīng)付起周?chē)囊磺羞€是綽綽有余,就像是某種護(hù)照,不僅能保證在成功的道路上通行無(wú)阻,也能保證在幸福的門(mén)檻上不被攔住。斯特里克蘭太太是個(gè)迷人的女人,而且還很愛(ài)他。我想象得出他們的生活不會(huì)受到外部風(fēng)險(xiǎn)的困擾,誠(chéng)實(shí)、體面。而且,因?yàn)閮蓚€(gè)上進(jìn)、招人喜歡的孩子,顯而易見(jiàn)他們注定能繼承和發(fā)揚(yáng)這家人的地位和傳統(tǒng)。斯特里克蘭夫婦會(huì)不知不覺(jué)變老,他們會(huì)看到他們的一雙兒女到了一定年齡,按照生命的進(jìn)程結(jié)婚生子——這個(gè)漂亮的女兒,未來(lái)會(huì)是健康孩子們的母親;這個(gè)兒子,會(huì)成為一個(gè)英俊的男子漢,顯然還可能成為一名軍人。最后,這對(duì)夫婦會(huì)過(guò)上有尊嚴(yán)的、富裕的退休生活,受到子孫后代的愛(ài)戴,過(guò)完這段幸福的、能發(fā)揮余熱的生活之后,他們年事已高,會(huì)安然離世。
這無(wú)疑是無(wú)數(shù)夫妻生活故事的翻版,這種生活模式給人一種家庭的溫馨。它會(huì)提醒你,生活就像一條平靜的小溪,在郁郁的樹(shù)蔭下,舒緩而蜿蜒地流過(guò)綠油油的草原,最后奔向浩瀚的大海。但是,大海是那么的安靜,那么的沉寂,那么的漠然,你會(huì)突然被某種模糊不清的不安所困擾,也許這只是我天性中的某種怪念頭,甚至在那些日子里也很強(qiáng)烈。我覺(jué)得這種生活,絕大多數(shù)人所共有的這種生活,一定缺失了某種東西。我承認(rèn)這種生活的社會(huì)價(jià)值,我也看到了它井然有序的幸福,但是在我的血液中有某種狂熱,渴望一種更加狂野的生命歷程。于我而言,在如此安詳?shù)目鞓?lè)中,似乎有某種警示。在我內(nèi)心深處渴望過(guò)一種更加冒險(xiǎn)的生活,只要我的生活能有所變化——變遷和無(wú)法預(yù)見(jiàn)的刺激,我已做好充分準(zhǔn)備去面對(duì)崎嶇的巖石和布滿(mǎn)暗礁的海灘。
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